A Modern Man’s Guide on How to Get a Girlfriend and Build a Healthy Relationship

Being a single man is straight-up tough.

If you have a wedding to go to, flying solo can leave you feeling awkward, out of place, and even a little envious of the couples around you… 

If your friends are in committed relationships, seeing them with their partners may be difficult. Sure, they may offer to double date, but if you don’t have a date, that leaves you as the third wheel… 

And when holidays or other special occasions come around, these feelings of loneliness can become even more intense, leaving you with a deep longing for someone special to share these moments with…

If any of this sounds familiar to you, don’t worry because getting a girlfriend is actually not as complicated as you probably think it is. 

The biggest problem many of my clients face is not so much that they lack the willpower to find a girlfriend — they lack direction. Simply put, most men don’t know what the hell they’re doing. 

If you’re one of the thousands of men out there who desperately want a girlfriend and can’t figure out what they’re doing wrong, pull up a chair and get comfortable because I’m going to talk you through it. If you’re willing to put in a little effort to better yourself as a man and master the techniques I’m going to share with you today, it won’t be long until women start chasing after you. 

In fact, many of the men who join my coaching program enter it having the same exact problem you’re having now… 

And what happens by the time they leave? They have the opposite problem. They can’t get women to leave them alone. 

Sounds like a good problem to have, doesn’t it? So, here are 12 of my best strategies to get a girlfriend.

Let’s get started….

1. Understand The Root Cause Of The Problem: You

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” —Albert Einstein

The first thing you need to understand is that you — and you alone — created the problem you’re currently experiencing. If you’re single (and it’s not by choice), it’s because you’re doing something wrong. 

But that’s okay because everyone was a beginner at some point. And just because you’ve failed with women in the past, that doesn’t mean you need to let those failures dictate your future. 

The biggest fallacy I hear with dating is, “Well, women just don’t like me.”

Bullshit. Pure bullshit. 

There are almost 4 billion women on planet Earth. It is statistically impossible that “women just don’t like you.” 

The real problem is that you somehow convinced yourself that this is true. And as a result, that belief has given you a complex. And that complex is pushing women away. 

You’re putting a subconscious barrier between you and the women you’d like to date. You’re so convinced they won’t like you that you act differently as a defense mechanism. 

And that energy you’re giving off makes you difficult to be around.

This entire article will explain how to change that energy, but it is crucial for you to first understand and acknowledge your own role in all this. 

2. Four Billion Women, One You: Embrace The Abundance Mindset

Society has this nasty habit of convincing us that things are scarce…  

For example, most people operate under the assumption that money is hard to come by. But at the same time, the world’s governments print new bills daily. 

Do you know how much money the US government prints per day? 541 million dollars. And when you think of it that way, does getting a million bucks for yourself seem that difficult?

And while money isn’t the topic here, the point is that you need to challenge your preconceived notions of scarcity. 

Society places these artificial constraints on us to keep us from realizing our full potential. As odd as it may seem, the fear of not having enough causes people not to have enough. 

Somehow, you became convinced that getting a girlfriend is difficult. That is why you’re here, right now, reading this article. 

But there are tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of women willing to date you right now. 

It’s up to you to embrace this fact and find them. 

Finding a woman to date isn’t hard — you’re just not looking in the right place. 

3. Make Yourself The Type Of Man That Will Have Women Chasing After You 

When it comes to self-improvement, there are two roads you can take. 

The first is the temporary fix, which is the one that most men choose. 

They buy a couple of nice outfits, start going to the gym, eat right for a few months, and do whatever they can to make themselves more desirable to the opposite sex. 

They may land a date or two or even start a serious relationship if their plan works. If their plan fails, they often give up and return to the same unhealthy shit they did before. 

However, a select few choose the second path — the one of permanent change. 

There’s no looking back when these fiercely determined men decide to better themselves. These guys are committed to becoming the best versions of themselves, and they’ll stop at nothing to achieve that. 

These are the types of men who win in all aspects of life — health, wealth, and relationships. 

Because when you make a conscious effort to change forever, you become a completely different creature. You become the type of man that women will chase after. 

First and foremost, this is something you need to do for yourself. Success with women is great, but it’s just a side effect of the journey. 

So, my advice to you is this: choose the road less traveled and do what most men out there aren’t willing to do. 

Put in the work. Become the quintessential alpha. When you do that, your dating value will rise exponentially. 

4. Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself, Get Out There, And Meet New Women 

Most guys who work in sales do reasonably well with women. Why? Because they understand that life is one big numbers game. 

And make no mistake about it: dating is a numbers game. 

Whenever I encounter a man defeated by a lack of success with women, it’s often because he doesn’t understand how the numbers game works. 

To him, he’s working hard, but he’s really working backward. He’s spending too much time courting one woman, tiring himself out in the process. 

This is where guys who work in (and do well with) sales tend to excel. 

They understand that the amount of effort they put in — the amount of contacts they make, the amount of follow-up messages they send, the amount of rejections they overcome — directly influences their levels of success. 

Dating is no different. It’s not about chasing after one woman to the point that she files a restraining order; it’s about casting a wider net. 

When you give yourself options and learn from your past experiences, you will succeed. Persistence, patience, and resilience are the keys. 

If a car salesman has a shitty day, he isn’t going to sulk in his misery and resolve to take a break for a while. He will get right back out there tomorrow and make the sale. 

Why? Because if he doesn’t, he won’t have a roof over his head. 

Bring that same level of dedication and commitment to the world of dating. 

If going to clubs to meet women isn’t working for you, go to a coffee shop or coworking space. If dating outgoing type of women isn’t working, try dating introverted or intellectual ones.

Try different things. Mix it up. Keep going until you get what you want. Stay determined. 

5. Feel The Fear — Fight The Fear

Anxiety can be crippling when it comes to dating. I’ve seen men who had everything going for them, but their fear and shyness around women was crippling them. 

And this is another area where I have serious problems with how society conditions men to behave. 

We live in a world where many men believe it’s okay to live in a bubble — where it’s okay to avoid anything that makes them even remotely uncomfortable… 

Well, I’m here to tell you, it’s not okay. 

Your responsibility as a man is to confront the things that make you uncomfortable.

Confronting what makes us uncomfortable allows humans to evolve as a species. 

Do you think the first guys who set out to explore the open ocean weren’t scared shitless of what was out there? Of course they were. 

Do you think Neil Armstrong wasn’t frightened when he stepped out of Apollo 11? Of course, he was. 

Didn’t matter. They did it anyway. 

See, it’s okay to feel fear and anxiety in certain situations. Feeling fear doesn’t make you less of a man; not confronting your fears does. 

So, if being around women causes severe anxiety, you must confront the problem head-on. 

At Knowledge for Men, we can teach you tried and true tactics that will help you overcome your anxiety around women and take complete control of your life. 

6. Change Your Perspective On Rejection 

Listen up, because if there’s one item on this list that can drastically change your success in dating and life in general, this is it. 

Rejection should never be taken personally. I don’t care if it’s rejection for a job interview or getting rejected after a promising first date. 

Rejection only hurts when you lose your objective perspective on the situation. 

It’s natural to instinctively feel like we’ve done something wrong whenever we’re rejected, but this usually isn’t the case. 

And it’s why you should always seek validation from yourself before you seek it from others. If you stay true to yourself and know who you are, rejection won’t affect you as much. 

If you go on a couple of dates, and then she tells you she’s no longer interested without giving you a reason, that’s not a reflection on you. It’s just not a good match, and that’s all there is to it. 

Learn from the experience, then return and do it again. 

Because really, who knows why she wasn’t into you. There are so many variables at play you can drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out. So, should you even worry about it? 

Just think of some of your buddies and their girlfriends. Haven’t you ever looked at the two of them together and thought, “I could never date her”? 

These things happen. People prefer different things in a partner; it’s as simple as that. So stop taking rejection personally. 

7. Do Whatever Is Necessary To Embrace Your Alpha Male Confidence  

So, you’ve kicked your anxiety aside and developed a new outlook on rejection. Great. 

Your overall mindset on dating has shifted drastically, and now it’s a matter of fine-tuning and optimizing yourself to raise your dating value. 

This is where confidence comes into play. And while building the foundation of confidence looks different for everyone, confidence is crucial for the dating game. 

I know guys who need to be absolutely jacked to feel confident about themselves. For them, the bigger their biceps are, the more at ease they feel around women. 

At the same time, I know guys who develop a certain energy based on what they’re wearing. Three-piece suits, polished leather shoes, and tailored shirts transform these guys into the epitome of sophisticated confidence. 

Then, other men are in love with their intellect. The more knowledge they have bouncing around their head, the better they feel about themselves and the easier it is for them to talk to women.  

The point is that you need to find that one thing that propels your confidence to the next level. 

Women are naturally attracted to men who believe in themselves. If your self-esteem sucks, you’re only going to get so far.

Your confidence directly influences your body language, and body language is more important than the words coming out of your mouth. 

If you’re comfortable with who you are, your energy will rub off on the women around you. This will put them at ease and make them comfortable in your presence.  

8. Become A Master Of Subtlety 

Once you have all the previous points under your belt, the next step is mastering the art of subtlety with how you approach and talk to women. 

By this point, your focus on dating should be changing. Now, it’s not a matter of getting a date but getting more. 

If your anxiety is under control, if your confidence levels are high, and if you’ve built up an immunity to rejection, you’re in good shape. 

Now, it’s time to become a true master of the art. And you do that by becoming a master of subtlety. 

There’s a delicate balance between showing interest in a woman and trying too hard to impress her. And the guys who can walk this fine line consistently have the most success with women. 

When you first engage with a woman, how do you do it? For example, do you frequently use one-liners? 

If you’re quick-witted, innately funny, and just have a way with words, you probably have no problem dropping a joke to break the ice. 

But at the same time, many men just aren’t wired this way. If you’re the quiet, mysterious type, don’t force yourself to say things that are unnatural to you; don’t try and be someone you’re not. 

Always be authentic. Always be you. When it comes to flirting, be subtle. 

Women can immediately pick up on the fact that a man is trying too hard. You want a girlfriend, right? Then why start with some bullshit pickup line you stole from someone else? 

Follow your gut. As simple as that may sound, it’s true. 

Something about this woman caught your eye, right? What was it? Use that to break the ice. 

Saw her reading a certain book you like? Tell her that you like it too. 

Think she has a charming smile? Don’t be afraid to give a compliment. 

Have a thing for blue eyes, and she happens to have the bluest eyes you’ve ever seen? Tell her that. 

Because look, here’s the truth: If she doesn’t find you attractive or something about you rubs her the wrong way, she will strike you down no matter what you say. 

If she’s into you, she will respond, and that’s all there is to it. 

So don’t overthink your approach and go in there with a genuine, relaxed confidence that will put her at ease. 

9. Give Yourself Options: Don’t Be Afraid To Date Multiple Women At Once 

If you’re having trouble getting a girlfriend, dating multiple women at once may seem like a far-off fantasy, but it really shouldn’t. 

And I understand it can feel weird for guys just finding their own in the dating scene to date multiple women simultaneously. 

But if you feel this way, let me just say it: Everyone is dating multiple people at once, so warm up to the idea as fast as possible. 

For example, let’s say you’re talking to a girl on a dating app. I can guarantee she is also talking to at least 30-50 other guys while talking to you. 

Don’t believe me? Ask one of your female friends to see her Tinder app. You’ll probably be shocked at just how many messages she receives daily. 

One of the most common problems I encounter is that men will think they’re in a serious relationship when they’re not. On the other hand, the woman was leaving her options open exactly like he should have. 

Don’t let this happen to you. 

First of all, when women know that you’re actively dating other women, it makes you even more attractive. People inherently want what they can’t have, and if she sees that you’re sought after by other women, it increases your desirability. 

Now, that doesn’t mean you should start lying, sneaking around, and pretending you’re not seeing anyone else when you really are. This is just a recipe for trouble. 

But do not for one second delude yourself into believing that any woman you’re casually dating isn’t also seeing other men. Remember, dating is a numbers game. 

10. Recognize ‘The One’ Who Stands Out From The Rest 

At some point, you’ll face a decision…

Many of the men I coach prefer casual dating. After experiencing some success, they don’t want to get into a serious relationship. 

It’s a classic version of realizing you can do something you never thought possible, and now it’s all you want to do. 

At the same time, perhaps you’re still committed to finding that sought-after girlfriend you wanted from the start. 

If so, it may be time to examine things differently. 

The beauty of having multiple options with women is that you have options. The problem is that these options can also drive you up a wall. 

A rookie mistake I often see is that men fail to look at a relationship’s long-term potential. 

If you’re dating around, you’ll inevitably encounter one (or two) women who stand out from the rest of the crowd. 

These women are more attractive, better in bed, and generally more fun to be around. The conversation is more intense and varied; you want to be in their company more than anyone else. 

When you make a list of traits you admire in a girl, these women check off every box on the list. 

At this point, you need to consider the relationship’s long-term potential. Because, as any experienced man can tell you, it’s one thing to casually date a woman; it’s another thing to be in a long-term, committed relationship. 

Be cautious and keep an eye out for deal breakers so you don’t wind up wasting your time in the end. 

Don’t think you’ll be able to change certain things about a woman because you won’t. Unless the want for change comes from within, it will never happen. 

Simply put, make sure you’ve considered the entire package before deciding which woman you want to get into a relationship with. 

11. Understand The Power Play Of Relationships: Let Her Come To You 

At this point, if you’ve decided who you want to ‘settle down’ with, let your actions dictate the tempo. 

Let your actions show her that she’s the one you want to spend more time with and open up to her on an emotionally intimate level. 

If you’re dating, say, four different women, and you know that two of them are going nowhere, cut them out immediately and start filling your calendar with the women you’re interested in. 

And again, remember that these women are also dating multiple men while they see you. And they might have their eyes set on someone other than you. 

Unfortunate, yes, but it happens. Again, be resilient, get over it quickly, and get back out there. 

But if you find that you’re starting to spend more and more time with one particular woman, that’s the relationship you want to focus on. 

If you’re both genuinely interested in each other, the progression will happen naturally. You’ll both know it without saying a word. 

Still, while you might very much want her to become your girlfriend, be patient to broach the subject with her. 

See, an unwritten power dynamic develops in every relationship (romantic or otherwise) between two people, and I want you to be the one who has the upper hand. 

Why? Because it’s unhealthy to be at the mercy of another human being. 

My goal for my clients is to become the most sought-after, high-value men they possibly can. 

And — as I mentioned earlier — I want you to maintain this energy going forward for the rest of your life.

A high-value man doesn’t change who he is when getting into a relationship; he doesn’t change who he is for anyone or anything. 

High-value men know their worth. And if the woman you’re dating recognizes your worth, wait for her to make the move and come to you to make the relationship official. 

12. Keep Communication Open And Make Your Expectations Clear 

In today’s world, the dynamics of relationships have become more complicated than ever before. 

Gone are the days when relationship milestones were straightforward and universally understood. 

Today, there are more relationship types and structures than ever before. For example, being in an “open relationship” can mean five different things to five different people. 

To person A, this might mean occasionally having casual sex with someone else. To person B, it might mean having simultaneous committed relationships at the same time. 

If you want any relationship to succeed, both parties need a high level of self-awareness, and you need to have an open dialogue so that both your expectations are clear. 

Figure out what each of you needs and wants from the relationship, then go from there. 

And do yourself a favor: Revisit the topic from time to time. Just as everyone has different expectations of what constitutes a relationship, they also have different expectations of how a relationship should progress. 

And when you sit down to have this conversation (in person — always talk about things like this in person), be sure to read her body language. 

Is she engaged with what you’re saying? Is she making eye contact? Is being in a serious relationship with you at the top of her priority list? 

Because if you are and she’s not, do yourself a favor and walk away. Cut your losses and find someone who can provide you with your needs. 

Takeaways

While it might seem difficult to imagine now, this is only the first step of your dating journey.

Make no mistake, getting a girlfriend can help fill a void in your life and open up a ton of new opportunities for you. 

But it should never become the be-all and end-all of your life goals.

If you’re unhappy with the man you are today, you will be just as dissatisfied with a girlfriend… 

A little less lonely, yes, but still miserable. 

Validation must always come from within. You must always strive to be the best version of yourself, personally, professionally, and in relationships. 

Stay true to who you are and be unwavering in your commitment to being the very best man you can be. 

Of course, sometimes that’s easier said than done. If you feel lost and need direction in your life, professional coaching can provide the structure you need. 

At Knowledge for Men, my team and I have decades of collective experience to guide you through everything from relationships to personal growth and career advancement. 

If you’re willing to work and become the best version of yourself, this is the place to do it — but you have to want it.  

And to be blunt, I have no time for complainers or those who expect everything to be handed to them on a silver platter. 

This is a program where your results are directly proportional to your effort. 

Like all things in life, the more you give, the more you’ll get. 

And when it comes to what you can achieve, almost nothing is off the table. I’ve witnessed personal transformations that are utterly remarkable.

Men who were insecure, defeated, and uncertain have come to me, only to emerge as confident, empowered, and motivated men who were ready and capable of taking complete control of their lives. 

Would you like to be one of them? If so, begin your journey here and now with us. If you’re ready to reclaim your masculine power, click here to get started.