Why Nice Guys Finish Last: 10 Ways to Build Confidence and Avoid Being a Pushover

There’s a reason the phrase “nice guys finish last” caught on: it’s true. 

And if you’re reading this, I’m going to guess you’re tired of being that guy. You’re sick of being the one who caters to everyone else’s wishes while neglecting your own. 

And even though you are consciously aware that you’re being walked all over, do you feel powerless to make a change? If so, you’ve in the right place.

As a men’s coach, I’ve encountered countless clients who struggle with asserting themselves and maintaining healthy boundaries in their personal and professional lives. These men are perceived as weak or lacking conviction, and it’s challenging to command the respect they deserve. 

While these issues can stem from several factors, including low self-esteem, poor communication skills, or deeply ingrained beliefs of unworthiness, they are more common than you may realize

First, let me tell you that if that sounds like something you’re suffering from, you are not alone. More importantly, it is not—and never is—too late to turn things around. 

Building confidence and learning to stand strong in the face of adversity is essential for any man who wants to live a fulfilling and successful life. And just because you haven’t been able to achieve that in the past, it doesn’t mean that you never will. 

Once you can recognize your self-worth, become comfortable asserting your needs, and put faith in your convictions, you will find it very easy to build confidence and stand up for yourself. 

By implementing the right strategies and strategically shifting your mindset, you can gradually break free from the pushover mentality and reclaim your masculine power. And today, I’ll be exploring ten actionable ways you can start working toward that goal. 

Before I dive into these strategies, it’s first important to understand that becoming more confident and assertive is a process that requires time and patience. But even more than that, it requires constant effort, and if you’re not prepared to give it your undevoted energy, do us both a favor and come back when you are. 

That being said, with determination and the right approach, you can achieve a lasting change that greatly unlocks your inner alpha and helps you remain grounded in any situation. 

Before doing anything, step number one is recognizing your limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs are any thought patterns—conscious or unconscious—that have held you back in life thus far. 

For example, if you were raised in a household where your parents constantly told you to obey or that you were unworthy of having the things you want, you may harbor those feelings into adulthood. 

Even though you didn’t realize it at the time, you were taught to be submissive and to prioritize the needs of others over yourself. And now, as an adult, you perpetuate those behaviors. 

Similarly, you may have experienced bullying or other mistreatment that left you feeling powerless. And even though you are no longer subjected to bullying as an adult, you have deeply ingrained systems of behavior that prohibit you from standing up for yourself. 

Regardless of the root cause, it’s crucial first to acknowledge these negative beliefs so you can confront them head-on. It’s up to you to dismantle this faulty thinking that has undermined confidence throughout your life. 

Once you do that, you can replace these thoughts with a more empowering and self-affirming mindset. Because, as they say, confidence is the key. 

And let me be clear; the process will be long and arduous and sometimes make you uncomfortable. In fact, it’s probably going to be extremely uncomfortable, but it is a necessary step to reclaiming your masculine power and learning to stand strong. 

Ultimately, your journey to confidence and assertiveness will be a deeply personal. Because of that, your experience will be completely different than any other man’s. That’s why it’s essential to approach the process with a high degree of patience and self-compassion. 

But I am here to guide you, and together we can help you unlock your full potential and reclaim your masculine power. If you want to become the confident, assertive man you always knew you were meant to be, keep reading—I will talk you through the process. 

1. Want to be unstoppable? Create an unshakable foundation. 

Would you consider yourself a well-grounded man? Do you have a solid foundation?

Understanding and embracing your core values is the first step toward building your self-confidence. Your values guide your decisions, actions, and behaviors; when you align with those values, you’ll naturally exude self-confidence. 

The problem is that many men do not know their core values and constantly question their beliefs and convictions as they walk through life second-guessing themselves. They follow others because they are unsure of who they really are. 

If you find yourself in this category, you need to take the time to reflect on what truly matters to you—whether it’s honesty, loyalty, or ambition—and make a conscious decision to uphold those values in your daily life. 

For example, if you consider yourself an honest person, you must stop being so tolerant of people who lie to you. It makes no difference whether the dishonesty comes from your boss, friends, or partner. When you allow it to happen without putting your foot down, you are not holding true to your core values. 

When you solidify your beliefs with a solid foundation—and stick to those beliefs no matter what—you will be much stronger because of it. 

In other words, the first step in learning how to stand up for yourself is learning what you stand for. 

2. Fortify your personal fortress and become a bulletproof man

When it comes to boundaries, many men I encounter simply have none. Whatever they’re told to do, they do it. Whatever they’re told to think, they think it. They’ve been so conditioned to follow others that they do so automatically without even thinking about it. 

Setting clear boundaries is vital to maintaining self-respect and avoiding being a pushover. Boundaries help you communicate your limits and expectations to others, which helps ensure that your needs are met, and your personal space is respected. 

Whether you can openly admit it or not, you probably know the areas of your life where you feel taken advantage of or disrespected. To fix the problem, identify those areas and determine what changes need to be made to stop them from happening. 

You have to embrace the fact that it is okay to say “no” when something goes against your values or personal beliefs. 

You have to embrace the fact that it’s okay to piss people off sometimes. 

If you solidify yourself as an impenetrable fortress, you will have taken another step toward becoming the confident, grounded man you need to be. When you know you are doing the right thing, no one will be able to push you toward doubting yourself. 

3. Build an ironclad mindset that can conquer any challenge

Look, it’s just a fact of life: people will constantly challenge you. It doesn’t matter if it happens at the office or in your own kitchen; people are always going to try and make you second guess yourself, and mental weakness is guaranteed to turn you into a pushover. 

Having a sound mindset doesn’t mean you need to be stubborn or hardheaded. After all, we are all human, we all make mistakes, and we need to admit those mistakes when they happen. 

The key is not to let those mistakes destroy you. For the weak-minded man, a mistake can lead to self-destruction. Because he lacks mental resilience and emotional stability, he cannot recover when he makes an error. He beats himself up over it, so much so that he becomes overly submissive to those around him. 

Oppositely, the strong, grounded man is able to embrace his mistakes and grow stronger because of them. He has an ironclad mindset that can absorb the uncomfortable situations that life throws at him. 

Again, developing this mindset will not be easy, and you may very well need to undo years of conditioning to get there. The good news is that professional help in the form of a coach or support group can help get you there. 

4. Master your craft to achieve ultimate success

What are you good at? Do you take the time to invest in yourself and nurture your skills and talents in a way that boosts your confidence and self-worth? 

Whether it’s something that has to do with your career or just a personal hobby, being a master at all things you do can go a long way toward sustaining personal growth and boosting self-esteem. 

Set achievable goals and take constant action to improve yourself and your skill sets. 

And I don’t care if you’re at the gym or at the office—be the best you can be at all things. Trust me that is the key to unlocking your innate power. 

Why do you think professional athletes spend hours at the gym performing monotonous drills focusing on a relatively minor part of their game? Because they are committed to being the best, and they will do whatever is necessary to get there. 

Ask yourself what that looks like in the context of your own life. What would you need to practice in order to build your self-confidence? 

Only you can answer that question, but as you progress and achieve success, you’ll find that your confidence will naturally grow and make it easier to stand in the face of adversity in all walks of life. 

5. Forge your fellowship or champions and dominate life

I think all of us are at least somewhat enthralled with the idea of the lone wolf—the type of man who can achieve all his goals on his own without the support of anyone. 

Well, let me explain something to you: human beings aren’t wolves. We’re social creatures who need to support of those around us. And the idea of the lone wolf is a thing of fiction. 

If you lack a robust support system, you put yourself at an extreme disadvantage when it comes to achieving your aspirations. 

Surrounding yourself with supportive and strong individuals can significantly impact your confidence and self-esteem. We all need encouragement, guidance, and reassurance from time to time. Hell, you wouldn’t be here, reading this, if you didn’t. 

You must devote time and energy to developing meaningful relationships with like-minded individuals who share your values and inspire you to be your best self. 

So many men I encounter struggle with this notion. They tell me they don’t have the time or the energy to build these connections and think they can do it all on their own. 

The truth is, with a network of people who believe in you and have your back, it is that much easier to stand your ground and avoid being a pushover. No one can exist in this world alone—even if you think you can—and the sooner you accept and embrace the fact, the stronger you will become. 

6. Fail with grace and turn every setback into a win

No one is immune to failure, and how you handle setbacks can significantly impact your levels of confidence and resilience. 

When it comes to failure, you have two options. You can either view it as a personal flaw and a reason to give up or embrace it as a valuable lesson that can propel you forward. 

Of course, this is easier said than done, and if you want a perfect example of how failures can be crippling, just look at the world of sports. Time after time, you see players who are undeniably talented at their game but who simply cannot perform under pressure. 

Why do you think this is? It’s because, at some point in their career, they failed when the game was on the line. They missed the free throw or walked the batter with the bases loaded. And now, whenever a similar situation presents itself, they secretly fear they will mess up again. 

And what happens? Their fear of failure causes them to fail; it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

Are you afraid to fail? Do you never take risks? If so, you’re going to be doomed to stagnation for the rest of your life. 

But if you adopt a growth mindset and focus on continuous self-improvement, you’ll be better equipped to handle challenges and bounce back from setbacks. This will help you strengthen your resolve and drastically boost your confidence. 

7. Nurture a healthy self-image so you can radiate confidence

How you see yourself is directly related to your ability to stand up for yourself. If you’re uncomfortable in your own skin, can’t accept yourself, or are in denial about who you are, your confidence will suffer because of it. 

For example, just look at bald men. I’ve met so many men who told me that losing their hair was one of the most traumatic experiences of their lives. It destroyed their self-confidence and put them in a state where they constantly felt inferior to those around them. 

Then there are some men who care less about being bald. They grab a razor, shave it all off, and turn it into a masculine statement. These are the types of guys who have a healthy self-image. They accept themselves for who they are, own their look, and get on with their lives. 

Do you have a healthy self-image? If not, you need to do something to remedy that. 

This could be trying a different look or changing your mindset, but whatever you do, you simply cannot go through life being uncomfortable in your own skin. 

Again, this is another area where having the support of a group of like-minded individuals can go a long way to help you on your journey. If you surround yourself with confident men who won their self-image, it’s inevitable that you will, as well. 

8. Prioritize your health and become the alpha male you were born to be

Feeling good mentally goes hand-in-hand with feeling good physically. Every man knows exercise is vital for their well-being, but so many neglect it. 

Well, if that’s you, let me make this part easy for you: start exercising today. Stop eating the fast food, stop with the six-pack of beer after work, and stop running on four hours of sleep. 

Get up, get active, and get yourself into the best physical shape you can manage. Your physical well-being not only helps you feel better and more energetic, but it will boost your confidence and self-esteem. 

The mind and the body must be aligned so you can build the strong foundation that is necessary to build confidence. 

9. Harness the power of gratitude and unlock the secret to happiness 

Make it a habit of expressing gratitude on a daily basis. And if you sit here and say you have nothing to be grateful for, then I’ll say you’re just not looking hard enough. 

Look, lots of guys walk through life being miserable at everything. These are the dudes who blame others for their failures and who cannot muster the inner strength to take responsibility for their own shortcomings. 

And even outwardly “successful” men can go through life with a chip on their shoulders…

Don’t be one of those guys. Don’t feign confidence; actually be confident. 

Again, take the time to recognize where your limiting beliefs come from and tackle them head-on. 

Look at a guy like Elon Musk. For better or for worse, the guy gets a lot of hate. But do you ever see him get angry? He just laughs off his critics and gets on with his day. 

Guys like that choose to focus on the positive aspects of their lives and acknowledging their accomplishments. In doing so, their sense of self-worth grows. And when that happens, the easier it becomes to stand up for yourself. 

We often think we have to have these grand accomplishments in order to feel pride, but that’s the furthest thing from the truth. If you worked a 15-hour shift but still mustered up the energy to take your dog to the park for his weekly exercise, that’s something worth being proud of. 

It’s these little moments that help define who we are, and those are the things you should be proud of the most. Focus on your little accomplishments and use them as foundational steps to help you become the man you want to be. 

10. Seek the help of professional coaches to tap into your full potential

Sometimes, in order to build confidence and overcome deeply ingrained patterns of behavior, you’ll require the guidance of a professional. While every item on this list is an actionable tip that you can begin implementing today, reading an article can only go so far.

Therapists, counselors, and coaches can provide you with much-needed support and valuable insight that will help you develop the skills and strategies to assert yourself and maintain healthy boundaries. 

Get over your preconceived notions that it’s wrong to seek help and take action to invest in your personal growth. Doing that is the real testament to inner strength and shows a clear determination that you are committed to becoming the best version of yourself. 

Takeaways

Look, being a “nice guy” may have served you well enough so far, but if you really want to step up and unlock your innate masculine power, you have to learn how to let go of these behaviors. 

There’s nothing wrong with putting yourself first. There’s nothing wrong with actively chasing the things you want. There’s nothing wrong with pissing people off sometimes. 

And let me just be clear: no, it isn’t going to be easy to adopt this mindset, and yes, it’s going to require you to put in a lot of work, but if you’re really committed to becoming the best version of yourself, you couldn’t be in a better place to do that.

If you want to become the strong, grounded, confident, assertive man that you know is lurking deep inside you, all you have to do is join me and my “band of brothers” to make that into a reality. 

Because we get it… 

We know that societal pressures can inhibit a man’s growth… 

We know that you’ve been conditioned to suppress your masculine emotions… 

We know that you’re suffering… 

And we know exactly how to help. 

When you join my high-level coaching program, your world will be opened to possibilities you ` once only dreamed of. But I promise you that anything is possible with proper guidance, and with our help, you can live a life you once only imagined.

If you think you have what it takes to join my elite group and are ready to learn more, click the link below to learn a bit more about the program. I look forward to seeing you on the other side. 

Click here to watch my new client orientation.

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