The plight of the ‘shy guy’ is rough.
It doesn’t matter how good-looking, successful, or intelligent you are. If you have difficulty talking to women, your romantic life will be nonexistent. Shy guys lack the self-confidence even to strike up that first conversation.
You might find yourself standing in the middle of a busy bar on a Saturday night. Everywhere you look, an attractive woman is wandering around. What’s your move here? Do you even have one? Or — like many guys — are you too scared to make one?
As a leading coach, I’ve seen many guys shoot their shots and miss.
If you find women intimidating, they will smell it on you. There’s nothing like the scent of social anxiety to turn a woman off. If you want to give yourself a competitive edge, I run an exclusive program that helps successful men regain their masculine power. Stop hesitating out of fear. It’s never too late to take the first steps toward creating the epic life that you deserve.
The cost of being shy around gorgeous women
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” — Wayne Gretzky
When you feel shy, it’s like a virus. If you’re infected with it, it will hold you back.
Picture a typically charismatic guy. He’s an alpha male — the type of guy who has no problem speaking to women. He will walk into any social situation (whether it’s a party, a bar, or a dinner…) and strike up a conversation with the hottest woman there. He doesn’t care that she might be out of his league. He could care less. He knows what he wants.
Now, whether he strikes out or gets her number, it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t care. This guy is playing a numbers game, and he will confidently chat his way into a woman’s bed.
And then… there’s you. Chances are, you don’t even get as far as speaking to the woman you’ve got your eye on. Instead, you spend the entire night working up the courage to head over to her and say something. You don’t act — you think. You overthink.
Before you know it, three hours have passed, and you haven’t made your move. The fear paralyzes you that she will reject you. The confident man in the corner has already gotten her number, and you can bet he will hit her up later tonight. She laughed at his bad jokes and smiled at his stories. All the time, you’ve done sweet nothing.
The outcome: You go home alone again. You spend the night thinking about what could have been. You torture yourself and beat yourself up, knowing that you should have made your move. The fact of the matter is that you are your own worst enemy. You know it’s true.
You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to work it out. If you feel shy and you’re not talking to women, you will have zero luck with them.
Confident men get all of the best women because they take the time to approach them. Any dating coach will tell you the same thing: overcoming shyness is the most effective way of changing how hot women see you.
Luckily, I’ve got you covered. In this guide, I’m going to share some of my tried and tested approaches when it comes to overcoming shyness. You need to put in the groundwork.
1: Adopt confident body language even if you don’t feel confident in yourself
What is your body language telling women? More than 50% of all communication is nonverbal. You say more to a woman by the way that you hold your body.
Here’s a quick and easy mental trick: If you are using confident body language, you will start to feel more secure in yourself. The taller you stand, the more likely you feel like you have command of the situation. You are in control.
Of course, there are simple ways that you can improve your body language. Before you head over to speak to a hot girl, you can change how you stand. This won’t eliminate your self-doubt immediately, but it will help you out. Here’s how to do it:
- Stand tall. Put your shoulders as far back as possible, straighten your back, and lift your chin. Adopting this stance makes you look more like the confident man you deserve. You will stand higher than other guys — and it shows.
- Turn toward her. One of the biggest giveaways, when you’re shy, is that you turn slightly away from a woman. You might be turning your head to look over her shoulder. Whatever you are doing, she will notice. Most women know how to pick up on these nuances. Show her that you feel confident and turn toward her.
- Make eye contact. The #1 piece of advice I can give you if you want to improve your body language is to start making eye contact. Now, this has to look natural. When people are self-conscious, they often overcompensate and make too much eye contact. Don’t do that. Keep it flowing and intermittent instead.
- Relax your stance. No woman wants to be with a stress ball. Most women will be turned off if you’re holding loads of tension in your muscles. You must appear cool, calm, and collected (even if you don’t feel it!). Before approaching that woman you’ve got your eye on, take a deep breath and relax.
Adopting confident body language is an art form. The more you practice it, the easier it will become. Changing this straightforward part of your overall vibe will make a huge difference to how women react to you. Approaching women will become easier.
2. Think about what makes an interesting conversation and go from there
Loads of things can cause shyness. However, I’ve heard in the past that men don’t know what to say to women. That is a common problem.
Let’s face it — small talk can be boring. Asking a woman how she is doesn’t quite cut it. Chances are, she will start zoning out while you’re speaking. She might even get up and walk away.
With that in mind, you need a game plan before approaching women. Having some interesting conversation topics in your back pocket helps.
Think about what chats keep you engaged. You might enjoy speaking about the news, politics, or even new movies. What is it that keeps your interest? To make sure that she is engaged, ask her opinions.
3. Shine the spotlight on her — and deflect attention from yourself for a while
Scared of her judging you? Turn the spotlight onto her. I’m going to let you in on a secret. People love nothing more than speaking about themselves.
When you talk to a hot girl, ask her all about herself. You might want to ask her where she went to college, what she does in her spare time, and how she likes her work.
It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you are actively showing an interest in her. While she’s talking about herself, you won’t get self-conscious that she’s tearing you apart in her head.
4. Forget you’re speaking to a gorgeous girl and treat her as you would a friend
Here’s a quick question I like to ask my clients: When you’re speaking to new friends, do you get nervous? If the new person is male — or you are otherwise unattracted to them — you might not feel self-conscious. It’s the attraction that makes you scared of speaking up.
Take that away, and your fear of approaching women will disappear too. Whenever you feel nervous about speaking to a woman, think of her like you would a friend.
How would you speak to any other new person? What questions would you be asking them?
It doesn’t matter if you’re in a coffee shop or a busy bar, I can promise you that this approach works. Sure, you know that she is an attractive woman — you can see that. But you need to stop focusing your energy on it. Treat her just like anybody else you meet.
5. Don’t go pinning all of your romantic hopes on this one woman
Like Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother, you need to change your ways. Pinning your life goals on one woman will make you feel nervous. Everything is shattered if she rejects you — and she might reject you.
It’s not about one girl. You can’t make a woman fall in love with you. That’s not how life works. Some women will be attracted to you. Some women won’t. That’s normal.
You need to play a numbers game if you want to find a high-quality woman who ticks all of your boxes. The more women you speak to, the more likely you will find one who fits the bill.
Let’s think back to that confident man that I described before now. What does he do that you don’t? The main answer is that he speaks to every new girl that walks into the room.
Stop wasting your time lusting after just one woman. That will get you nowhere fast… and make your social anxiety go through the roof.
6. Practice approaching strangers and starting a conversation with them
Practice makes perfect — or, at least, that’s how the saying goes.
When trying to meet attractive women and gain their affection, you need to do some groundwork first. One of the strategies you can use is speaking to a whole load of other people first.
Start with people who you don’t find attractive. I’m talking about the ones that you have zero interest in dating. These strangers are an excellent testing ground.
You can screw up when you’re speaking to them, and it doesn’t matter. Try out some conversation starters.
7. Work on your confidence levels and regain your masculine power
The main way you can overcome your shyness is by increasing your confidence. If you’re feeling downtrodden and lacking the self-esteem you deserve, it’s time to change the narrative. Do something about it now.
The sooner you spring into action and start changing the way you perceive yourself, the better your chances of meeting women. You owe that to yourself.
Take the time to work on your self-improvement and regain your masculine power.
You might want to see a relationship coach or join an exclusive program like mine. Figure out what works for you and start giving yourself the attention and energy you deserve.
Most guys struggle to overcome shyness when approaching beautiful women. However, you can overcome shyness around women in time. In this playbook, I’ve shared seven tried and tested approaches. I’ve seen even the meekest of men use them and change their fate with women.
You have that power too. Attractive women desire assertive men. She won’t settle for anything less than a strong, alpha male who knows what he wants from her. Building your self-esteem means that you can start talking to beautiful women immediately.
If you want to give yourself a secret, unfair advantage over other guys, you can apply to join my exclusive program. Backed by the support of like-minded men, you can start working toward actionable self-improvement and regain your masculine power. Since launching the selective program, I have helped countless successful men change their luck in speaking to women.
Overcoming shyness is a common problem — you don’t have to feel alone in it. Learn how to feel confident with women today.