The pain of betrayal is sudden and everlasting. It can destroy a man like nothing else–throw you from the mountain of euphoric bliss to the valley of soul-sucking despair in a moment.
This pain is inevitable if your girlfriend has developed feelings for another guy. However, the longer this betrayal passes by unrealized, the more excruciating the pain and the more difficult it is to climb out of that valley.
Recognizing the tell-tale signs of your girlfriend’s interest in this other guy before things have a chance to develop and more severe issues take root can save you years of suffering and regret.
Refusing to believe the obvious or choosing to give their girlfriend the benefit of the doubt, too many men realize too late and find themselves alone before they know what’s happening.
If your girlfriend likes another guy or is cheating, you want to know so you can get out fast and with as little damage as possible. You’re a high-value man and deserve a woman of the same caliber–a woman who respects your heart enough to make you aware of any internal conflict in herself or anything that would come between you.
Throughout my ten-plus years as a men’s coach, I’ve seen too many honorable men floored by the foreseeable actions of a disloyal partner.
Don’t let that be you. Get out before things get worse or find a way to sort everything out. Here are ten common indications that your girl is interested in another guy.
As you read through these, keep two things in mind. No one of these ten is a one-hundred percent guarantee that she is emotionally cheating. Usually, if your girlfriend likes another guy, you’ll see several of these signs working in unison.
And two, each of these signs may be indicative of something else. If your girlfriend doesn’t feel present, don’t assume she’s not interested in you anymore. It’s perfectly natural for there to be some reasonable explanation that you are unaware of.
Her lack of investment may be due to other life circumstances–a loss in the family, difficulty at work, inner crisis, etc.
Jumping to conclusions without viable evidence is dangerous in romantic relationships.
1. She doesn’t feel present
Your relationship has been going smoothly–date nights have been frequent, arguments have been minimal, and physical intimacy has been consistent.
Then, something changes. Nothing changes about what the two of you are doing or how you spend your time. Rather, there is a different feel to it all.
Your girlfriend doesn’t feel there.
An atmosphere of vague disinterest accompanies her on your nights out–her smiles feel vacant, her kisses token, and sex is unenthusiastic.
Her thoughts are elsewhere, and you wonder if her feelings are too. These signs of obvious lack of presence may mean that your girlfriend would rather spend time with some other guy.
A healthy romantic relationship requires intentional investment from both parties. If your girlfriend feels distant, there’s a good chance she’s starting to harbor feelings for another.
Paying attention to changes in her emotional behavior will help you sniff out this potential relational block before this new guy becomes more of an issue.
2. She turns a cold shoulder
The sudden turning of a cold shoulder is a sure sign that your girlfriend has had some internal emotional shift. Likely, this is a way to control you. To overcome this cold treatment, you have to know how to handle a controlling partner.
While even healthy romantic relationships experience the occasional low point and periods of intense conflict, the sudden and prolonged turning of a cold shoulder indicates resentment. Resentment often means that someone else is in the picture–or about to be in the picture.
This treatment of you may not be intentional. It may just mean that she is no longer interested, and she can’t hide it anymore.
While this sudden disinterest or lack of investment should be easy to spot, here are the most common ways to tell:
- Lack of physical intimacy: A sudden change in intimacy or willingness to share any physical contact indicates something is up. If it isn’t due to some recent conflict, it’s likely your girlfriend likes another guy.
- Altered interaction: How she treats you suddenly changes. She doesn’t answer your questions directly. She’s suddenly not interested in how your day went. Her body language when speaking is more reserved and a bit cold. She feels like a different person.
- She doesn’t spend time with you: If your girlfriend suddenly stops spending as much time with you, she’s likely spending that time with someone else.
- She’s rude and tries to anger you: In an attempt to validate her poor treatment of you, she will try to get you to treat her poorly. Once you are angry, she will feel completely justified in her continued rudeness or even in breaking up with you.
3. She shows you excessive affection
To tell if your girlfriend likes another man, you need to know how to tell if she is playing mind games.
Showing excessive affection is misleading and dangerous–often one of the cunning methods of the deceit of a clever player of mind games.
She’s trying to keep you unaware of what is happening behind the mirage of her gentle kisses and tender, over-sweet words.
If you fear your girlfriend likes another guy, you should look for sudden, unexplainable, uncharacteristic changes in her behavior.
This sudden or excessive affection is likely a sign that the person she’s kissing and loving isn’t the same person on her mind.
4. She answers your questions in a vague manner
“Where have you been, sweetheart?”
“How was your night out?”
“How are your friends?”
“What’d you get up to last night?”
These are all very normal questions for your girlfriend if you are an engaged, caring partner.
How she responds to these questions will give you insight into whether you are the only man on her mind.
If she answers these questions and others with mumbled, no-eye-contact responses like…
- “I’m good.”
- “It was fun.”
- “All my friends are good.”
- “Not much. Just out and about.”
…it’s likely that she’s cheating (emotionally or otherwise).
5. She suddenly changes her phone habits
The potential for online connection in the modern age has made it easier for people to communicate constantly without anyone else knowing.
Think of how easy it would have been to catch someone making suspicious plans in the fifties when your house only had one phone, and it sat right in the middle of the house.
Nowadays, you can say whatever you want to whoever you want with just a few clicks of silent buttons.
If your girlfriend suddenly alters her phone habits, likely, something’s up, and she’s talking to a new guy.
Here are some of the most telling phone habits of a girl who’s talking to someone she shouldn’t:
- She has long phone calls in private (especially with someone you don’t know)
- She changes her passcode
- She hides her phone screen when texting and won’t say who she’s texting when asked
- She spends way more time on her phone than she used to
- She gets nervous or excited whenever she receives a text but never responds when you’re there
6. She is suddenly “too busy”
Healthy couples spend more time together because they enjoy one another’s company and know it makes them closer.
Healthy couples also understand that having time apart is critical to their mental health and maintaining a bearable, enjoyable relationship.
However, if your girlfriend insists on an unusual amount of time apart and is vague in describing what exactly she is doing (always calling herself “too busy” or “just on a tight schedule”), you should begin to suspect that something is up.
Afraid of being the intrusive, helicopter boyfriend, many guys fail to identify obvious clues that their girlfriend like other guys. They mind their own business while they are betrayed by the very person they love.
7. Unusual interest in another relationship
When someone is content with their relationship and their own life, they don’t usually show much interest in the romantic lives of others (besides close friends whom they have always cared about, obviously).
If your girlfriend shows too much interest in what is going on in some “random” person’s romantic life, she is likely harboring an interest in them.
If she’s happy with you, she shouldn’t care about the guy she works with and his marriage struggles. Other guys shouldn’t be of any concern to her.
People speak about what is on their mind, so if your girlfriend likes to talk about your neighbor’s relationship or she’s suddenly stalking someone on Instagram to find out if they did break up with their girlfriend, you’re being duped.
Your girlfriend spending time investing in the romantic lives of the opposite sex for no apparent reason is a good sign that there’s a strong possibility that your current relationship may soon come to an end.
8. She feels nervous or insecure
Does your girlfriend feel nervous or jittery around you? Is she always avoiding eye contact or showing other signs of nerves?
If this is the case, she has likely grown nervous around you. While this could be for many reasons, something about your presence likely makes her uneasy.
No matter how good of a liar or remorseless a person she is, she will feel guilty and nervous around you if she’s texting someone else. The truth is: very few people can escape guilt.
Cheating destroys self-esteem. A cheater will often feel not only guilty but insecure. They’ll give off the impression that they aren’t happy with themselves.
9. She dresses differently
You quickly become acquainted with your partner’s habits when you enter a new relationship. You get used to when your girlfriend likes to wake up, what she likes to eat, and what she wears daily.
If she’s suddenly changing any of these things, you will notice.
If she already shows some of the other signs above, pay attention to how your girlfriend dresses when she goes to work or out.
If she suddenly alters her appearance, she’s likely trying to catch someone’s eye. Remember that this doesn’t only mean dressing in a revealing manner; sometimes, it’s dressing more professionally or athletically.
Any large and unexplainable change partnered with other signs is a good reason for some suspicion.
If they were just friends, she wouldn’t need a full face of makeup and a low top every time she saw him.
10. You’ve caught her lying
Relationships are built on trust. To have a productive and fulfilling relationship, both sides must trust each other completely in every aspect of their lives.
Lying (especially repeated lying) is the ultimate red flag. The knowledge of one lie will always open up the possibility for others.
No matter how sorry she seems and how much she begs for forgiveness, lying cannot be tolerated in a relationship. While this doesn’t mean you should be a cold, unforgiving man, it does mean that a single lie shouldn’t be taken lightly.
If you take one lie lightly, the next will come quickly.
Don’t let your wish for peace or your fear of being alone cause you to overlook clear relational rifts.
Is she interested in other guys? Is your girlfriend cheating? Is the guy she’s texting just a friend, as she insists? Or is your partner lying?
Distrust kills relationships faster than anything, so if your partner is giving you any reason to doubt her words or the veracity of her feelings, you must talk about it.
How can you tell, though? What if something else is going on in her life that is causing her to act suspiciously?
Usually, large, unexplained changes in habits or behavior are the clearest signs your girlfriend has other interests.
If she feels distant, disinterested in your life, unenthusiastic in her affection, or has been caught lying, likely, you aren’t the only man on her mind.
Pay attention to the little things in her life. If enough uncharacteristic behaviors stack up, it’s time to confront her.
It will be an intense and emotionally draining time, but confronting her is the only way to save yourself unnecessary pain.
If you feel alone during this time or are looking for relational guidance, we have what you’re looking for here at Knowledge for Men. Over years of thorough analysis, reflection, and studying of all things “relationship,” we have put together a team of a dozen of the world’s best men’s coaches.
These are men with proven track records of honesty, excellence, and results who are eager to help you in your journey to a rich and fulfilling life as a man on this earth.
If you’re tired of facing the world alone and want the guidance of someone who’s been there and done that, we have just what you’re looking for.
Keep in mind: this is your journey. We can’t change your life for you. The first step will always be your own.