You see the most attractive woman walking just ten feet in front of you, you want to go talk to her, but anxiety strikes and get caught in your head trying to think of the perfect thing to say.
Out of sheer hesitation, you stumble and look at your phone trying to gather your thoughts, but seconds later when you look up, she’s gone.
It’s a common tale that happens to single men everyday and I’m sick and tired of hearing this story guys! You’ve literally let the woman of your dreams walk past you countless times.
Today, I’m going to share the definitive guide to pick up lines so you always have something to use when you see an attractive woman. Even if it’s a cheesy or corny pick up line I don’t care, but what does matter is that you go and engage with the women you’re attracted to on a consistent basis until you’re dating the one woman you want.
But unlike most guides on the internet, this isn’t a list of canned routines and b.s. lines that have never been tested.
It’s a structured pick up lines guide that will help you fearlessly approach the women you’re interested in, enter into playful conversations and get more phone numbers.
I’m going to teach you what no other guides are teaching…
…Pick up lines that actually work and, more importantly, exactly how you can make them work for you and use them in an authentic and fun way.
By the time you are done reading this, not only will you have a list of proven and effective lines to add to your repertoire, but you will understand exactly how to use them to get a positive response and escalate the interaction from there.
This is a long article so be sure to bookmark this page and come back for future reference and share it with your fellow wing men.
Let’s dive in.
The “Shocking” Secret to Making Any Pick Up Line Work
I’m about to share something insane.
You ready for it?
The lines you use don’t matter nearly as much as how the line is delivered.
It’s about the energy and intention behind the interaction, not the specific words or phrases you use.
Too many self proclaimed “experts” and blogs (that don’t understand dating and male to female dynamics) pretend that a single line or phrase will make women swoon over you and immediately want to come back to your place.
But that’s not how it works in the real world.
You won’t make a woman fall in love with you because of a single sentence. And even the best line doesn’t guarantee a positive reaction. The goal of a pick up line (or opener as it’s referred to in PUA lingo) is to get a woman’s attention in a playful way.
Guess what? Women know when you’re using a line. But if you deliver it correctly, with confidence, aliveness and a playful smile, it will serve as a bridge to start a conversation with a woman you’re attracted to.
The hardest part of any man to woman interaction is to actually get out into the real world and take action. To plant your feet in front of an attractive woman, spark a conversation, and see where the interaction unravels.
To deliver a pick up line correctly, you must first make sure that your mind is in the right place. When you enter into an interaction from a powerful, confident, and grounded frame, it doesn’t matter what you say…
…The way you say it will grab her attention and spark attraction.
The 3 Critical Mindsets Required to Make any Pick Up Line Work…Guaranteed
To make a pick up line work, mindset matters more than the words you say.
Two men can go out on the same night to the same venues and use the exact same lines…
…Yet one man will end the night with multiple attractive women around his shoulder.
And the other will go home rejected, alone, and confused. The 3 most important mindsets you need to have to make pickup lines work are:
1. This is FUN!
If you aren’t having fun, you’ve already lost.
When you go up to an attractive woman and try to initiate a conversation, she can feel your energy before you even open your mouth.
If you’re feeling shy, anxious or validation seeking she’ll feel that.
If you are treating the approach like a war, and you’re trying to take value (e.g. if you don’t get a good reaction from her, then the interaction was a “failure”), she’ll feel that.
However, if you are having an absolute BLAST, enjoying every moment, and simply trying to invite interesting people along for a fun adventure, she’ll feel that and be drawn to it like a magnet.
Gentlemen, this is supposed to be fun. And if you aren’t having fun in your interactions, then no pick up line will save you.
2. Offer Value and Share Positive Vibes
In your interactions, you have one goal. To share positive vibes and offer value. That’s it.
Your goal is not to get a phone number, schedule a date, or have a one night stand.
You haven’t even spoken to this woman yet! How the hell do you know whether you like her enough to want to see her again let alone share an intimate experience? Have some standards men!
No. When approaching women, offer more value than you receive in the form of positive emotions and lifting her spirits up.
And the primary way you do this is by adopting the third critical mindset.
3. People’s Lives are so BORING (and I’m adding value to others with a fun pick up line)
Most people live boring and mundane lives aside from the occasional party or holiday event.
They wake up at the same time every day. Eat the same breakfast, drive the same way to work to a mind numbing job where they do the same work for 8 hours.
This is an undeniable problem. And I’ve addressed it in dozens of other articles on this site. But this problem actually works out in your favor because you can be the source of vibrancy and positive energy in people’s lives.
Most men are too scared (and boring) to risk rejection by talking to an attractive woman. And, unfortunately, most women are just as stuck in the “boring status quo” as everyone else.
By breaking the normal pattern and having the courage to spark up a conversation, you are actually doing women a favor.
You’re giving them an opportunity to have a lively experience with an interesting man.
And if they aren’t into it? Who cares, you’ve lost nothing.
You simply realized that one human out of 7.6 billion was not a good fit for your life. Move on!
No matter how cheesy or silly your pick up line is, you can still get results as long as you’re having fun, offering value, and doing your best to spice up people’s boring lives.
Energy is everything.
“Gamifying” Pick Up Lines for the Most Memorable Experiences of Your Life
I’m about to give you a step-by-step blueprint to break out of your comfort zone, crush anxiety, and actually use the pickup lines I’ll share later to have high quality interactions with equally high quality women.
But before we get to that, you need to remember one important point.
This is only practice.
You aren’t looking for a wife or serious girlfriend (yet). Your goal is simply to be free, have fun, and focus on being bold and interacting with attractive women from a confident frame.
Treat this experience like a game and find a friend who will go through the different “levels” with you so that you can share the successes (and rejections) together.
I recommend that you use the following blueprint a few times a month (you can go through all of these levels in a single night/weekend) and turn it into a challenge with one of your buddies to see who can grow and overcome their fears the fastest and have the most fun!
If you’re serious about taking your social skills to the next level, then exchange $100 in cash with your friend and take turns doing these pick up lines will be a blast.
Every time you do a pick up line with a woman, you get $5 back.
But you don’t get the money back until you actually do all of the approaches to get all of your money back. If you or your friend chickens out, the other person keeps the money.
This way, every time you go out with a friend, you’ll have to finish 20 approaches or lose your cash. I recommend that you test out four pick up lines from each of the below “levels” the first time you do this challenge.
Then, after reviewing what worked and what didn’t, you can play the game again pick the best pick up lines for your personality and focus on those.
This will light a fire under your butt to go out, overcome your fears, and have more fun.
Play this game at least five times (which means 100 total approaches) to develop your social muscles, desensitize yourself to rejection (because it WILL happen) and inject more fun and adventure into your life every day.
Seriously, Netflix can wait…
If you’re ready to go the extra mile and go all in on developing yourself as a Grounded man capable of dating the women he desires, I encourage you to check out The Dating Playbook for Men, the BEST book on the subject of meeting, attracting, and keeping high quality women in your life.
Now here are the exact steps you’re going to follow to make your pick up lines work and get the girl.
Level 1: Let Go of Your Social Anxiety
The first level of the game is simple. In fact, it’s so simple that you aren’t even going to talk to women or use a single pick up line.
For the first few minutes of the game, the ONLY thing you’re going to do is walk around with a friend making eye contact with attractive women for a few seconds longer than normal.
Don’t be weird and stare at her like some sort of stalker. Simply hold eye contact and smile. That’s it. She may smile back or not, who cares. The point is you’re out, and your engaging with women.
Do this 5x then progress to level two.
Level 2: Get the Ball Rolling
Once you’ve become comfortable making eye contact, you’re going to amp things up a bit.
Now, you’re going to ask five different women for basic directions to a good place to eat or grab a drink. You aren’t going to try and escalate the interaction, carry on a conversation, or get her phone number.
You are literally just going to ask for directions. If you’re worried about stuttering through your words, just use this line:
“Excuse me. My phone just died and I’m trying to get to [insert destination]. Do you have any idea which way I should go?”
That’s it. Do this at least 5x and you’ll be ready to start using the pick up lines I’m about to share with you.
Level 3: The Funny Guy
For this part of the challenge, you’re going to use five of the “funny pick up lines” below on five different women.
Don’t worry about what you do after the line, for now. If she engages further with you on her own continue the interaction, if not then, just laugh and keep walking.
Do this at least 3x.
Level 4: The Flirty Dairy Farmer
At this level, you’re going to veer off the easy path and use one of the “cheesy pick up lines” on at least five women.
These are a bit more risky because they are obvious pick up lines…but they’ll get a few laughs and possibly spark a positive reaction from her. The point is to embrace the tension and do it anyway.
You’re exercising that social muscle and getting used to social pressure which is important for every man to be able to handle in interactions with women.
Do this at least 3x.
Level 5: The Risk Taker
Now that you’re comfortable approaching and talking to attractive women, you’re going to take things to the next level by using one of the bold pick up lines I share below.
These take confidence and a grounded frame to pull off, but it can quickly lead to a polarizing interaction where it’s very clear that you like her and if she accepts, she likes you.
Again, don’t feel any pressure to continue the interaction if it ends prematurely.
Deliver the line, see what happens, and carry on if it goes nowhere. The amount of growth you’ll experience by delivering these lines make approaching women in the future a piece of cake.
Do this at least 3x.
Level 6: The Good Guy
Now, you’re going to graduate from sharing pick up lines to actually using them to start a real conversation that can go somewhere
Use the “good pick up lines” on five different women and introduce yourself after the line.
Do this at least 5x, and you’ll be ready for the final level of this game…
Level 7: The Grounded Man
Use whatever pick up line you want on at least five women a day…
…But now, you’re going to extend the conversation as long as you can after the first line.
If you like the woman and find her interesting, then ask for her phone number and try to setup a date from there following what I’ll share at the end of the article.
Your social confidence will soar, you’ll have dozens of phone numbers from attractive women, and a growing sense of confidence that you are enough to date the women you really want.
Now that you understand the framework of using these lines, let’s dive into the best pick up lines you can use to start conversations with the women you want to meet.
I’m not going to blast you with hundreds of crappy lines that have never been tested.
These pick up lines are my personal favorites and I’ve either used them before in my interactions with women or would use them in the future.
Let the games begin!
Funny Pickup Lines That Make Women Want to Meet You
1. (If she’s wearing a very ‘girly’ outfit like a dress or skirt) “Oh my god! I was going to wear that same outfit tonight!”
2. (If she’s standing a bar) “So…can I buy you a drink? Or would you just like the money?”
3. (If she’s fit and wearing workout clothes) “Excuse me…You look so ridiculously badass! You know you could totally be in the UFC and be the next Rhonda Rhousey, right? I’ll even be your manager!”
4. (If she’s on her phone) “Get off FaceTune my dear, you already look great!”
5. “Excuse me. I know this is kind of weird and I’m super shy…but I was just wondering…what pick up lines work best with you?”
6. “Oh my god! Kendra? You haven’t changed a bit since our divorce!”
7. “I don’t normally do this, but you look really upset standing over here on your phone and I thought I’d offer some support…did your stocks just crash or something?”
8. (If there are multiple women in a group). “Hey! You guys look like total players. How many guys have you picked up tonight? Whose got the most numbers?”
9. (If you’re at a bar) “Can you watch my drink? I’m afraid I might get roofied here.”
10. “You look cute, but I want to see your game…What’s your best pickup line? Try and pick up that guy over there and I’ll be your wingman. “
Why These Work:
These funny pickup lines start the interaction from a frame of fun and play. When delivered with positive energy, they don’t even feel like pick up lines…they’re simply a fun way to start a conversation with another person.
How to Succeed with These:
The key to making these pick up lines work is simple–energy.
The more positive, outgoing, and gregarious your body language, vocal tonality, and energy are, the easier these will be to pull off.
Why You Might Fail:
If the key to success with these lines is energy, so too is the key to failure.
If you try to use one of these lines when you’re feeling low or you deliver them without energy, enthusiasm, and playfulness, women will get confused. It’s just like stand up comedy.
Two comedians can deliver the exact same jokes using the exact same words…but one gets crickets and the other gets applause.
The difference? Their energy and delivery.
Cheesy Pick Up Lines that Get Her Attention Every Time
1. “My buddies bet me that I wouldn’t be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the bar. Wanna buy some drinks with their money?”
2. “How is your fever? [What fever?] Oh… you just look hot to me.”
3. “Well I am here. What are your other two wishes?”
4. “You know…if your other boyfriend doesn’t show, I’ll be sitting over there looking all tall, dark, and handsome.”
5. “Hey! Tie your shoes…I don’t want you falling for anyone else.”
6. “Excuse me…I’m a bit lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?”
7. “You know…if stealing men’s hearts was a crime, you’d be sentenced to life.”
Why These Work:
These corny pick up lines make two things very clear from the onset.
- You are attracted to her (establishing a man to woman vibe vs. a friendly vibe)
- You’re a fun guy who doesn’t take himself too seriously.
Yes, these are super cheesy pick up lines. And yes, every woman you say them to will know it’s a line. But most guys lack the confidence and playful attitude to make these lines work.
How to Make These Lines Work:
You should have the vibe that you know these are corny pick up lines, but you don’t care, it’s funny to you and you’re going to say them anyways.
And if the key to making funny pick up lines work is high energy, the key to making these corny pick up lines work is suave confidence.
These aren’t lines to be delivered like a stand up comedian. You want to say them with a quiet confidence, a small smirk, and a slow tone.
Think Hank Moody from Californication. Slow, calm, confident, and self amused.
How to Screw These Lines Up:
There are two main ways that guys screw up these lines.
Listen, these cheesy pick up lines are meant to be exactly that…cheesy. If you are actually dead serious about these cheesy pick up lines then it makes you look absolutely clueless with women.
The second way is, ironically, is to be too energetic and enthusiastic with these lines.
These types of lines work best when delivered with a quiet playful energy instead of a hyper-enthusiastic outgoing tone. Stay calm, cool, and these can start some outrageous interactions with women.
Cute Pick Up Lines That Make Her Heart Race
1. “Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears.”
2. “Hi, I’m [insert name]. I’m your assigned date for the night, compliments of the management.”
3. “Do I know you from somewhere? And wow…you’re even more adorable up close.”
4. “Hey, I know this is a bit weird, but I wanted to tell you that what you’re wearing tonight looks stunning [point out specific part of outfit]”
5. [If you notice she’s alone] “Excuse me, I find it hard to believe that someone as beautiful as you doesn’t have a date tonight.”
6. [If you’re at a bar or club] “Excuse me, my dear, may I have the last dance with you?”
7. “Can you pinch me? [Why] Because I can’t believe you’re real…I thought I was dreaming.”
Why These Lines Work:
Much like the corny pick up lines I shared above, these lines work because they are establishing a man to woman vibe from the first word and they require even more confidence to pull off.
Women are used to having men ogle them, make snarky comments about their asses, and cat call them down the streets like objects.
By being the man who is both respectful enough to start a conversation and bold enough to make his intentions clear that you like her, you stand out from the sea of men who are neither bold or clear in what they want from her.
How to Make These Work:
The key to making these lines work is a subtle combination of suave confidence and sincerity.
Women can smell when a man is being disingenuous. And if you’re able to deliver these lines from a place of authenticity–e.g. You really are fascinated and deeply attracted to her and want to learn more–she’ll feel like one of the most beautiful women in the room.
How to Screw Up:
With these lines, confidence is important, but less so than the cheesy or funny lines.
With these lines, it’s natural to feel a little anxious and be honest about it with her.
However, what you don’t want to do is make it seem like you’re only interested in her physically. Again, women are used to men objectifying them and trying to get in their pants through any means possible.
If you aren’t making eye contact, seeming genuinely interested in her (not just her body), and making it clear that there was something about her (specifically her energy, demeanor, dress) that made you feel compelled to talk to her, these lines won’t be cute…just awkward.
Good Pick Up Lines that Get Consistent Results
1. “You girls look cool, so I thought I’d come over and say hi.”
2. “Hey I’ve seen you a few times, don’t you think it’s time we met. My name is X and yours?”
3. “Hi, may I join you? How are you?”
4. “Hi, let’s not be strangers. My name is…”
5. “Hi, excuse me, you looked cute from over there so I wanted to chat for a minute?”
6. “So why do you have that great big smile on your face, what happened?!”
7. “This place is pretty dead…let’s liven it up (extend hand to dance)”
8. “I hope I’m not being too forward, but I saw you from across the room and wanted to introduce myself.”
9. “You know… Your smile has been lighting up the room all night and I just had to come say hello.”
10. “Hi, I saw you walking by, and I had to come to say hello. I just love your style, I’m [name]”
Why These Work:
Unlike any of the other lines up until this point, these smooth pick up lines are very straightforward and to the point. Most of them don’t feel like lines so much as an authentic openers to a conversation.
You’re being clear in your intention and noticing something about her other than her body. And this goes a long way in making women feel comfortable and willing to continue a genuine conversation.
How to Make These Work:
Simple. Be authentic and curious about her.
These are good pick up lines. And, if you deliver them with sincerity and genuine curiosity about the women in front of you, they work like a charm.
How to Screw Them Up:
With these lines, confidence and energy are everything.
Most of these lines aren’t particularly funny or corny, and they require you to clearly showcase a positive energy and vibe from the onset.
If you walk up to a woman and say “you look cool, I thought I’d come over and say hey”, with a drab tone and rigid body language, you’re making her night more boring instead of exciting (not the vibe you’re going for).
Be confident and remember, to just be real and honest.
A Bold Risky Pick Up Line That Might Actually Work
This is one of my personal favorites and, if delivered correctly with confidence, charm, and a small smile, works great.
“Hey, I know this might be a little weird, but would like to come share a drink with me for a bit? You look interesting and I’d love to share a fun conversation with an adorable woman like yourself… And excuse me if I’m being too forward.”
If she seems hesitant to reciprocate, then ask.
“Well are you adventurous?” (She says “yes).
Extend your arm and direct her over to your table, or to the bar.
This is a very easy line to screw up and requires a great deal of confidence and a playful energy, so it’s something you build up to. It’s one of the most effective and genuine ways to start a bonafide interaction.
Hilarious Pick Up Lines that Make Her Laugh Out Loud
1. “So which one of you is the richest? (Once they answer). Great! You get to be my sugar mamma for the night! (extend your hand and twirl her around). Now…we need someone to cook for us. Who’s the best chef?”
2. “On a scale of 1-10 how much fun are you having? (They say 7 or whatever). [Grab her, twirl her around and exclaim] “Great! Now you’re a 10!”
3. “Hey girls, are you good drivers? Me and Friend, are robbing bank across the street, and guess what (pause). Driver screwed us. All you need to do is picks us up at XX.00am, and drive to the airport. You get 10%… actually scratch that 5%”
4. “Hey, I need your opinion on something…does my friend here look like a drug dealer?” (chicks usually either laugh or look quizzically) “Because we were outside and some dude came up to him and touched him on the shoulder like this… (cheap kino on girl) and asked, ‘Hey man, you got some E?’” Ideally you will use this with a wing who doesn’t look too straight-laced.
5. “Hey girls, let me ask you something.. does size really matter?”
Girls: yes or no
You: “Interesting, because a friend of mine has this huge, huge (nervous pause) truck, and he gets none, while my other friend has this tiny, tiniest (nervous pause) scooter and he gets all of the girls… what’s up with that?”
Why These Work:
These hilarious pick up lines aren’t really “lines” per se, but rather short stories and comedy bits. And I’ll be blunt, they are not easy to pull off for a newbie.
You need to have a strong presence, powerful gesticulation and commanding body language (you know, talking with your hands?), and good tonality to make these work.
However, if you pull them off, you’ll be the most interesting man the women you’re talking to have met all month and it will be very easy to segue into a conversation and more fun activities.
How to Make These Work:
Again, these routines require deep vocal tonality, strong body language, and the ability to pace out your questions and stories to make them work.
Confidence and the ability to tell a good story are key here. If you can keep the women engaged and have fun with the interaction, they’ll be cracking up and excited to spend more time with you.
How to Screw These Up:
These lines are not for the beginner.
If you forget what to say or feel anxious and stutter through your stories, they will not work. Reserve these until you’ve gone through the above lines multiple times as suggested with a friend first and can tap into fun free flowing state on command.
Bad Pick Up Lines that Make Women Cringe
Now that you’ve seen some of the best pick up lines you can use to start great conversations, let’s change gears and briefly address some of the worst pick up lines that almost guarantee a negative response.
That being said, they are funny and I wanted to share a few bad pick up lines you should never use, so you get the idea and feel.
1. “I think I must be dying because I’m looking at heaven.”
2. “Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down. So, just go ahead and say no.”
3. “Want to come see my hard drive? I promise it isn’t 3.5 inches and it ain’t floppy.”
4. “I’m an organ donor, and I have an organ you might need.”
5. “This is your lucky day, because I just happen to be single.”
6. “Did heaven lose a couple of angels? ’Cause I can see them bouncing around in your shirt!”
7. “Your lips look lonely. Would they like to meet mine?”
The Worst Pick Up Lines that Get Drinks Thrown at You
1. “I had a dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?”
2. “Would you believe me if I told you I’m an angel and God sent me down here on a special mission just to give you a kiss?
3. “If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put you between f and ck.”
4. “Nice shoes, do you want to bang?”
5. “Baby, you must be a broom, cuz you just swept me off my feet.”
6. “Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.”
7. “I would like you to attend my party; and then we can also invite your pants to come down.”
Dirty Pick Up Lines to Stay Away From at All Costs
1. “Hi, my name’s (your name). Remember it, you’ll be screaming it later tonight!”
2. “Hey baby are you wearing your space underwear tonight? Because your ass is out of this world!”
3. “I’m like a Rubik’s Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get!”
4. “If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?”
5. “You work at a post office? Cause I saw you checking out my package.”
6. “Do you like soda? Because I’d mount-and-do you. (Mountain Dew)”
7. “I’m no weatherman, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.”
8. “Are you from Iraq? ‘Cause I like the way you Baghdad ass up.”
9. “Hey sexy. How would you like to join me in doing some math? Let’s add you and me, sub- tract our clothes, divide your legs, and then multiply.”
10. “Hi, let me interrupt you for a moment. The word of the day is “legs.” Let’s go back to my place and spread the word.”
Why Dirty Pickup Lines Don’t Work
Most women have been objectified and overly sexualized since they hit puberty. They’re used to men seeing them as nothing more than a walking vagina and, if you can’t tell by the social attitude of our time, they’re sick and tired of it.
Using dirty pick up lines like these make it clear from the onset that you aren’t interested in her. You’re interested in her body. You want to take value and don’t care about things like her personality or intellect.
Can dirty pick up lines work? Sure. Sometimes. Should you use them if you want to get results and be a man who is respected by women? Absolutely not.
The Best Pick Up Line Revealed…
Now that we’ve looked at the good pick up lines, the bad pick up lines, and the dirty pick up lines, it’s time to talk about the best pick up lines. Or rather the best pick up line.
Which, surprise surprise, isn’t really a line at all.
After more than a decade of active dating and a few brief months in the pick up community, I found that the following “line” is the best way to initiate a conversation and get things moving.
“Hey excuse me, you look interesting/pretty/cute, I wanted to say hi and introduce myself. I’m [your name]. And you are?”
The best pick up line is one that comes from a place of sincerity, authenticity, and letting a woman know that you’re interested in her and want to get to know her better. You’re not chasing her, you’re just interested in learning more about her to decide if you’ll like her more.
The goal here isn’t to make her fall in love with you, simply to get into an engaging conversation as quickly as possible. And this is the best way to do it.
If you’re unsure what to say or you’re not really feeling “it” (e.g. you’ve been working, reading, are in a very logical headspace) just state what you’re feeling.
“I’ve had my nose buried in a book all day and I’m feeling a bit out of it socially. But you look cool and I wanted to say “hi”
The best pick up lines are the ones that come from a place of truth and sincerity. Not from a long form listicle on the internet (even this one).
OMG It Worked, But What Do I Do After the Pick Up Line?
After delivering your pick up line, the game has only just begun.
Now it’s time to escalate into an engaging conversation, light physical escalation, and potentially to a phone number, date, or even one night experience.
In the The Dating Playbook for Men (sold over 60k copies), I walk you through step by step how to become an exceptional conversationalist, escalate interactions physically, and go from dating average women maybe once a year by sheer happenstance to dating the highest quality women in your city on command. If you’re interested in learning more, you can click here to grab your copy.
But for now, let’s talk about how to ensure you continue to have a positive interaction after the first few lines.
How to Stop Screwing Up Your Conversations with Women After the Pick Up Line
Again, the pick up line you use doesn’t really matter. If it’s successful, the interaction has only just begun and now, the responsibility is on you (the man) to escalate the interaction from there and keep her engaged.
Before I dive into the things you should do, here are a few common mistakes I see men making that subtly ruins the interaction and decreases your value as a man in her eyes.
1. Overtly Bragging About Yourself and Your Accomplishments
The key to being an interesting person is to be a person who is interested in others.
Because guess what? She doesn’t care about your what you do for work, new car or luxury apartment yet. At first, she cares about herself (just like you do) and wants someone who is as interested in her as she is.
By avoiding conversations about your accomplishments (unless she asks) and focusing your attention on her, you build an aura of gravitas and magnetism.
And, after you’ve established rapport and she asks you about what you do, what you’ve accomplished, or what you’re working on, she’ll be that much more impressed when you share it with her organically in the conversation, versus leading with it.
2. Correcting or Criticizing
No one likes to feel like an idiot. And no woman is attracted to a man who actively belittles her to prove how smart he is.
There is an important difference between maintaining boundaries (e.g. if she’s rude to a waiter, calling her out on it), and feeling like you’re so superior you have to correct every little mistake (e.g. bitching when she says “who” instead of “whom”).
No one wants to be embarrassed in front of other people. Especially when you don’t have rapport established with the other person. She doesn’t know you well enough for your opinion to even matter.
3. Teasing (too much)
Light teasing is fine. Playfully teasing her and following up with a positive compliment can work great.
But if you’re being a dick and using any chance to ridicule or poke fun at her, you’ll ruin an otherwise positive interaction and reduce your chances of escalating further. It’s just becoming too hard to stay in a conversation with you.
4. Not Being Present
I get it. She’s beautiful. You’re attracted to her. You want to share a sexual experience and take her on a date.
But being stuck in your head and trying to figure out the exact right words to say to make her fall in love with you will never work. You can have a “canned pick up line” but after that you want to be free flowing and more natural.
Instead, relax into the present moment. Trust that the more she gets to know you, the more she will like you. Listen to her. Engage with her. Think about the words she is saying instead of the words you’re going to say as soon as she stops talking.
In our digital age, presence is a rare gift. And if you can give it to the women you meet, you’ll make them feel the way no other man could.
5. Dominating the Entire Conversation
During the first two minutes of the conversation, you’ll be doing most of the talking. You are approaching her and it’s up to you to get her engaged and escalate the conversation to the next level.
However, after the first few minutes, you need to slow down, create space and allow her to do 80% of the talking before switching to a 50/50 split where you’re both talking equally.
Make your thoughts heard, but don’t dominate the conversation after the first few minutes Remember, she is interested (like all humans) in herself. Allow her to express that and you’ll stand out from 99% of men who don’t understand this.
6. Sharing Too Many Personal Details Too Soon
Mystery has a certain allure.
But if you spill all of your deep personal secrets too quickly, it leaves her with nothing to wonder about. Nothing to keep her engaged for what it would be like to see you again.
I’m not saying you can’t share details about your life, but don’t share too much intimate details and reveal all of your cards so that there’s nothing left for her to unravel.
7. Being Negative or Pessimistic
No one likes a Debbie Downer.
I don’t care how terrible your ex was or how awful that politician is or how shitty the traffic in your city might be.
If you don’t have something positive to say, don’t say it. Negativity does nothing but bring the conversation down and ruin your chances of a fun interaction.
8. Having Low Energy
Too many men talk like monotone lifeless robots. If you want to have success with the women you’re approaching, you need to have more uplifting energy, animate yourself and your expression.
Be alive, be happy, be present. Smile. Gesticulate. Move your body. Lightly touch her in a playful way.
Just whatever you do, don’t be boring.
How to Introduce Yourself After the Pick Up Line
With most of the pickup lines, you will have already introduced yourself as part of the line.
However, if you haven’t, it’s important to do it soon as it establishes yourself as a leader vs. a goofy clown (who only knows corny pick up lines). It normalizes the conversation and makes you seem like a gentleman who women can respect. If you stay in pick up line mode the entire interaction then she doesn’t view you as a real man of interest.
Here’s an easy way to quickly introduce yourself and move the conversation forward.
- Confidently smile like you just saw your old best friend
- Look directly into her eyes
- Extend your hand out for a firm handshake
- Say: “Hi, I’m NAME by the way. And you are?”
Now, before we talk about how you can have better conversations, there’s a quick exercise you can do before going out that will make every conversation effortless even if you’re shy, awkward or had a rough day at work.
The “Pre Approach Checklist” for Endless Conversations
Before going out to meet new women, take an inventory of the things that are most important to you.
Think about the things you enjoy talking about, the things that excite you, and any important changes taking place in your life.
Think about your hobbies–like music, art, reading, hiking, mountain biking, upcoming events you’re excited for like concerts, vacations, seminars, or anything else on your calendar.
Think of any outrageous stories that have happened to you over the last few weeks that are worth sharing. Put together a list of your values, goals, and things you could talk about for hours.
The answer to these questions is the bedrock that will allow you to authentically relate with and effortlessly talk with any woman.
Knowing what you want to talk about and what you value before you meet women will not only allow you to have more free flowing conversations, but it will quickly help you identify women who are not a good fit for your life (because the fact that she’s pretty doesn’t mean you need to chase her!)
Now let’s get into it…
How to Transition into a Playful Conversation After a Pick Up Line
Once you’ve successfully began a conversation with a woman after a pick up line, it’s time to transition into a playful conversation.
Here’s how to do it step by step:
1. Notice Something About Her and Comment On It
The easiest way to transition into a conversation is to notice something about her and comment on it out of genuine curiosity.
For example, if she has an accent, you can guess where she’s from: “Your accent is adorable…you must be from the midwest?”
Or, if she’s wearing athletic wear, “It looks like your on your way to a yoga class.”
Or, if you’re at a bar, you can comment on her drink, “Oh, red wine…keeping it classy tonight, I see.”
2. Compliment Something About Her You Honestly Like
Be genuine and find something about her that you find attractive. Notice her eyes, her smile, her dress, what she’s wearing, or what she’s doing.
The more authentic the compliment is, the more at ease she’ll feel and the easier the conversation will unravel.
3. Ask for Her Advice
Take the information that you’ve learned about her so far, and ask for her opinion on something that seems unique to her.
For example, continuing the above examples,
If she’s from the midwest, “I’ve been thinking about visiting the midwest it’s not too often I meet someone from there, anywhere you’d recommend?”
If she’s going to yoga, “What kind of practice do you follow? I’ve been wanting to get into it for a while but don’t really know where to start.”
People like to share their own opinion and this will give her an opportunity to reveal more about yourself and allow you to lead the conversation rather than desperately trying to search for something to talk about.
4. Acknowledge and Ask an Open Ended Question
Now, take an opportunity to ask questions that will allow her to reveal even more about herself and by acknowledging something she says and going deeper.
Acknowledge: Restate what she said to you “so what you mean is…?”
Ask open ended questions that begin with “how”, “why” “What”
Her: I really love my work as a yoga instructor, it’s amazing to be able to help people get more present and heal their bodies.
You: So you obviously have a passion for helping people heal their minds and bodies through movement…when did you realize that was your calling? Was there something that happened in your life that inspired you to do that?
This is a powerful conversational strategy because it shows that you are listening, present, and engaged with what she’s saying.
And when a woman feels seen and understood, attraction tends to follow.
5. Share What’s on Your Mind and Answer the Questions You Asked Her
Once she’s revealed something about herself, it’s your turn to follow up and share about yourself.
For example, if she says she’s from the midwest, you can now share where you’re from and what you liked about that area, this will allow her to follow up with questions just like you did with her.
You don’t want the conversation to be all about her (this isn’t 20 questions against her) so fill in the gaps by sharing more about yourself and allowing her to experience more of you.
6. Be Clear in Your Intentions
At this point you want her to know you like her and avoid the friend zone. These witty flirtations immediately sets up the man to woman frame and she’s clear that you are attracted to her, it’s riskier than the others, but if she responds positively then it’s game on and you’re doing well. If she doesn’t then revert to establishing more rapport in playful conversation then try again.
“You seem like trouble, I’m trying to stay good this year, you know.”
“You are deadly cute with that smile of yours, please don’t tell me you’re gifted with a fun personality too.”
“Oh my gosh, you remind me of my ex this is just not going to work, let’s break up now.”
How to Go From the Pick Up Line to Asking for Her Phone Number
Once you’ve been building a deeper rapport and she’s reacted positively to your flirtations, use the information she’s shared with you to naturally segway into asking for her number.
If she talked about this cool new restaurant, yoga studio, that she likes to dance, new park or that she loves tacos, these are all valid points to naturally transition into asking for her number…
“You seem really cool, what’s your number, let’s go out to X sometime and try that out.”
If she seems unsure, it has nothing to do with your pick up line, don’t react needy, just calmly say
“It’s just X (whatever you said you wanted to do), it will be fun.”
Depending on how your interaction went I would say roughly 50% of women will give you their number. You should never expect a 100% success rate with women. You can’t expect every woman to be single, ready to go out with a new man or even interested romantically in you.
Stay in conversation for another minute after you receive the phone number then be the first to leave and tell her “it was nice meeting you stay on your best behavior until X” ( the activity you planned). You want to reinforce that she has a reason (the fun activity) to respond to you then end the conversation in a playful way.
This way you’re seeding the date as the main reason you got her number. Too many guys ask for a phone number with no clear intention behind it, which is the leading cause to flakes.
No one is looking for a new texting pen pal. It’s a waste of time.
The Post Pick Up Line Review
At the end of each day or night of going out I encourage you to ask and answer the following questions to refine your game and improve your success during your next interactions. If you skip this you’ll likely just be making mistakes on repeat every time you go out getting little results.
1. Which pick up lines worked well? What were the best pick up lines? Why?
2. Which pick up lines were bad? Were there any good pick up lines that didn’t work? Why?
3. How can I improve and do better next time?
By following this simple exercise, you’ll be able to identify the best pick up lines that you enjoy the most and ensure that you’re constantly improving your tonality, energy, and body language to elicit higher responses. From here, you can start to have more fun with it and use good and bold pick up lines more frequently (and more successfully).
Remember: It doesn’t matter what you’re saying, it matters how you say it and who you’re being as you say it.
Ask any married couple if they remember the first words that came out of their partners mouth.
No girl will sleep with you or not sleep with you because of a good or bad pick up line. Your ability to have amazing interactions, set up dates, and have an active dating life comes down to what you do after the pick up line.
If you’re ready to go beyond the pick up line and uncover what women really want, then I invite you to check out my best-selling book The Dating Playbook for Men.
It reveals everything you need to know to have incredible interactions with high quality women, escalate conversations, setup exciting dates that don’t flake, and develop yourself into a strong grounded man capable of naturally attracting the women you desire most.