Dating can be challenging. When you’re new to the game, you will screw it up.
Few men are born with natural levels of confidence to attract women. It’s a neat idea — but it’s not how real-life works. No, the guys who have mastered dating have worked hard to get where they are today. They have analyzed the tactics that work (and don’t).
If you need dating advice, you might ask your friends. Don’t believe everything you hear. What they say can destroy your chances of success with women forever.
There’s a whole lot of BS out there when it comes to dating advice for men. Guys will tell you they know one ‘secret tip’ to getting the woman of your dreams. They might not have any clue. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to dating and making women fall in love with you.
Worse still, if you follow your friends’ advice blindly, you might ruin your chances with women before you even start. It’s not worth taking that chance. Staying well away from the pointless — and often outdated — ‘tips’ is the only way forward for you.
Are you having trouble getting it on? You’re not alone. 63% of single people say that dating has gotten even more complex during the pandemic, according to a report from Pew Research Center.
I’ve seen all too many guys crash and burn. You only get one shot with most women. So when you shoot it, you must ensure your aim is on point.
Here are some of the least helpful dating advice for men you should avoid and why it will never win her over.
1. Wait three days before calling or texting her
“Never close your lips to those whom you have already opened your heart.” ― Charles Dickens
If you’re into her, you need to let her know.
An urban legend says you must wait three days before calling a woman you’re seeing. That means three days after you have met, been on a date, or even slept together. The idea is that she will be waiting on your call.
Here’s the problem: That advice is a throwback to our grandads’ era when the world moved slowly. Thanks to snail mail and unreliable phone connections, you might take three days to get back to anybody back then. But times have changed.
The modern world moves at lightning speed, and if you don’t strike while things are hot, you will regret it. The three-day rule overlooks the most basic fact about women: They love communicating. A sure-fire way to show that you’re interested in her is by being interested.
That means communicating with her like you would anybody else. Think about it: There’s no one in your life that you would intentionally ignore for a considerable period.
You wouldn’t ghost your best friend, boss, or anyone who matters to you. This is because transparent, open, and honest communication is a sign of respect.
There’s a flip-side to this. You don’t want to be clingy. Neediness is the least attractive quality a man can have.
When guys show women that they are too emotionally invested in them, that’s a red flag. It’s a major turn-off.
For that reason, avoid overcompensating when you’re speaking to her. She doesn’t need bombarding with messages 24/7. Keep it chill.
2. Treat ‘em mean and keep ‘em keen
You can’t game her into loving you. The whole “treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen” mantra is flawed. It doesn’t work. If you are cruel to a woman you’re dating, she will quickly label you as a dreaded ‘toxic man’. You’re going to get hit with all kinds of nasty accusations here.
We’re talking about everything from you being a ‘gas lighter’ to full-on emotional abuse. You don’t want that kind of label attached to you. It’s one that you won’t be able to shake.
She expects more than a man who plays juvenile games with her. She expects you to be up-front, protective, calm, and confident. None of the above includes treating her like she lacks value — she doesn’t. When you learn to show women the respect they deserve, you will find it easier to grab and then hold onto their attention.
Show her that she is important to you by making her a priority. Make time for her (and be on time!), ask her opinion on things, and factor her into your life.
That doesn’t mean you have to bend backward to accommodate her. Instead, you must be clear about whether you have the space for her in your everyday routine.
3. Just ‘be yourself’ when you’re dating
This one depends on what version of ‘yourself’ you’re bringing to the table. If you haven’t worked on yourself — your physique, career, and outlook — you will fail.
Guys are not born alphas. Anyone who tells you otherwise is conning you. To become the best version of yourself, you need to be willing to put in the time and energy it takes.
Only an elite few will have what it takes to become high-achieving and high-value men. The sorry truth is that all too many men fail when it comes to this feat.
Focussing on yourself and leveling up to become the highest version of yourself will help you naturally attract women. It’s no secret that women are into guys who have their sh*t together. If you can get that right, everything else will start to fall into place.
In short — yes, being yourself is key when you’re dating. You need to ensure that the ‘self’ you are being is what women want.
Working on yourself first will make dating a whole load easier. Guys overlook this simple fact time and time again.
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4. Breaking up via text is always a no-go
You’re done — it’s over. But have you told her that? When you’re sure she’s not the one, it’s wise to leave things on good terms.
People talk. Women talk. The last thing that you need is terrible reviews out there. It only takes one story of how you’re a player to turn a whole community of women against you. You owe it to yourself to do better than that.
So, how do you break the news to her? The time-old rule says that breaking up with her via text is a faux pas.
Sure, if you’ve been with her for three years and you’re living together, it’s not cool to say sayonara in a message. However, if you’ve only been on a few dates, it makes sense to be honest about things in a quick message.
If you will let her down in a text message, make sure that it’s polite and direct. You don’t need to make excuses here.
You don’t owe anybody a relationship. However, you do owe a level of respect. That means not beating around the bush. Tell her that you don’t see the relationship going anywhere but that you have enjoyed getting to know her.
5. Negging will make her obsessed with you
Have you heard of negging? Pick-up artists claim this is a fool-proof way to get a woman’s attention. Unfortunately, they are full of it.
Negging is when you put someone down — much like a backhanded compliment. For example, you might say, ‘You look pretty for a plus-sized woman’ or ‘You’re hot for a redhead.’ These so-called compliments are insults in disguise.
You’re telling her that she’s not worth your time in one fell swoop. You’re saying that you would perhaps consider dating her… but you’d be doing her a huge favor.
The underlying theory is simple: She will scramble to make you realize she’s worth a second look.
While the basis of this checks out, women are wise to this trick. Negging has become so popular in an everyday culture that you might find that she calls you out on it. Try to get away with this in the modern world, and you will become enemy #1. That’s not what you need.
The entire point of negging is to make her want you more. I can tell you that there are plenty of ways to do that without tearing her down.
Instead of making her feel like trash when you speak to her, try elevating yourself. When you show that you are a high-quality man women want, they will start to respect you and lust after you.
One approach I’ve seen work is surrounding yourself with women — female friends, co-workers, and the like. This is ‘social proof’ that you’re worth women’s time.
When she sees you’re cool with women, she wants to get closer to you. Her competitive nature will come out, and she will want to ‘steal’ you away from the rest of the pack.
6. If they turn you down, ask and then ask again
Persistence is romantic, right? Wrong. We live in a #MeToo society — keep up.
Rom-coms tell a unique story. Boy meets girl. Boy wants girl. Girl says no. The boy continues to try to ‘win’ her over until — at the climax — she gives in and says yes.
That’s not how real-life works. Not by a long shot. When a woman says no, you have to take her word.
If you continue to ask a woman out or chase her when she has said no, that makes you a predator.
No cat and mouse game is happening here. It’s black and white. Women don’t want to be pursued intensely. It’s not the way that things should go down. In an ideal scenario, you want to get her to start chasing you… not the other way around.
Since the #MeToo movement started, women have become more vocal about the harassment they receive from men. It’s been an eye-opener and we can all do better.
While we have been socialized to believe that we should chase women, that is not the case. Proving your worth to her — without making her feel pressured — is the only way.
7. Nice guys always finish last (with women)
Nice guys are weak, lame, and always lose. At least, that’s the story we’ve been told.
It’s time to change the narrative on what a ‘nice’ guy is. It’s not about being a pushover or letting women walk all over you.
It’s about having a basic level of respect for all women. When you show a woman that you respect her, she is more likely to be attracted to you.
Subverting the nice guy trope makes all the difference to how you project yourself. You should have no problem supporting her, making her feel safe, and giving her attention.
Those are stereotypically ‘nice’ traits… but none of them make you less of a man.
The Takeaway
The dating world is changing — and you need to keep up. When you start to reclaim your masculine power and become the greatest version of yourself, your success with women will improve.
I work with some of the most elite men to help them realize their long-term goals. My exclusive training program is not for everyone. Only a few will excel. Only the select few have what it takes to become the high-achieving men they want to be.
Forget the bad dating advice you’ve heard in the past. You need to move forward and try something new if you want to create high-quality relationships. Stop falling back into old habits that you know don’t work. You know that’s a mistake. Start making positive changes that will impact the rest of your life. When you make the decision to transform yourself, there’s nothing holding you back from greatness.
