“We need to talk. I need some space.”
The words hit you like a ton of bricks. It is a feeling you can’t describe.
You thought things were going well in the relationship, but then she hits you with a complete curveball. She’s standing there before you, asking you to give her space. You didn’t see this one coming.
You’re hurt, and so you want to lash out. You might churlishly say that you need space anyway. You might want to break it off before she does.
Don’t make these errors. She’s not asking to break up — so you don’t need to go nuclear on her. There’s a chance that you can salvage this relationship, but you will need to act like a man to do it.
We’ve all been there when a girlfriend has needed space. But that doesn’t take the sting out of it.
In my relationship coaching program, I work with guys like you to establish the high-quality relationships you deserve. You should have all the power and control in your own life — you never have to settle for second best.
Reclaiming your masculinity and becoming a strong man is the first step toward romantic success. In the following guide, I will share the strategies I tell clients to use when their girlfriend says she needs space.
Space is the key to a healthy relationship
To establish a healthy family relationship, you both need space.
However, 29% of married couples say they do not have enough “privacy or time for themselves.” You can feel suffocated when you put too much pressure on each other. Nobody wants to live in an emotional prison with their partner — you both need to spend time apart.
If you live in each other’s pockets, it will lead to lost attraction. You can’t be around someone 24/7 and still think they are the hottest thing on the planet. You both need time to figure things out and have lives that are separate from one another.
Needing space doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s bored with the relationship. It means she’s not getting enough time to do her stuff. That might be hanging out with her girlfriends, spending time alone, or even taking up a hobby. It doesn’t matter!
Get out of your head! Insecurity will tell you that her needing space spells the end of the relationship. It doesn’t.
At least, it doesn’t have to, so long as you know what to do next.
How she might tell you she needs space
Don’t just listen when she talks. More than 50% of communication is nonverbal.
When she decides she wants space, she will tell you about it. As an elite man, you need to be ready to understand what she is trying to tell you.
In my personal experience, there are two major ways that she will let you know what’s up. Here’s what you can expect from her:
The direct approach: she will tell you how she feels
Let’s say she’s a direct, high-value woman.
She might be the type of girl who sends food back to a restaurant if it isn’t cooked correctly. She’s the woman who speaks up if her manager is out of line. She will tell you that she needs space directly if she’s assertive.
Now, she might sit you down and hit you with the old “We need to talk” line. She might send you a text or even an email.
However, when she decides to break the news, she will be upfront and honest about how she feels.
If you are lucky, she will also explain why she needs space and start setting some healthy relationship boundaries so that you know what that means.
The indirect approach: she will show you how she feels
Not all women are direct!
You might find she’s telling you she needs space without saying the words. Often enough, women use subtle communication techniques to get their point across.
Looking out for the signs means you are one step ahead of the game. Sure, all women are different, but here are some of the signs you might expect:
- She is spending less and less time with you
- She no longer actively makes plans with you
- She stops paying attention when you speak
- She goes on vacations without you
- She doesn’t make eye contact anymore
Going through a rough patch is normal in any relationship. When you notice these signs, chances are she needs some space to figure things out.
That’s a hard pill to swallow, but you must do it. Give her all the space she needs to get the romantic relationship back.
6 things to do when she says she needs space
I can talk from personal experience here. If she says she needs space and you don’t give it to her, she will walk out of the door.
Too many guys make the mistake of gripping tighter when she starts to pull away. Do that, and she will freak out and leave! You never want that to happen!
If she wants it, you have to give your girlfriend space immediately. However, the way that you do it matters.
You have been allowed to revitalize the relationship and get it back on track.
Her needing space doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Use these six strategies when she says she needs space and win her back!
1. Ask her to tell you precisely what she means
Your first reaction might be fear. But you don’t need to panic.
It doesn’t always mean she’s thinking about leaving you when she needs space. However, your relationship status doesn’t have to change. Before you jump to conclusions, ask her what she means.
Be direct. Ask what she means by space and how you can give it to her. That way, you’re showing her that you’re taking her request seriously. You’re not fobbing her off — you’re being honest and giving her the respect she is asking for.
We all have different ideas of space. She might want a few weeks apart. She might want to stay together but have more evenings alone. She might want to move to France for three months and see how she feels afterward.
You don’t know if you don’t ask.
2. Avoid catastrophizing the situation and respect her
Panic floods your body, and you envision losing her. But when your girlfriend asks for space, you don’t need to assume the worst.
Some guys leap to conclusions that aren’t true. You might be thinking one of the following:
- She wants to get back with her ex-boyfriend
- She is thinking of ending the relationship
- She is confused about what she wants next
- She has lost all of her feelings for you
You have no reason to believe that any of the above is true. Look at the facts and stop worrying.
Instead of panicking and catastrophizing, listen to what she is saying. She is not saying it’s over — she is telling you she needs space—nothing more, nothing less.
3. Don’t be afraid to focus on your needs for a while
She’s said she wants some much-needed space. What do you do next?
Some guys would blow up her phone and not give her a second to rest. If you think that’s the right move, you haven’t been paying attention to my advice in this guide.
Focus on your own needs for a while. If she has said she needs space for a few weeks, take that time to do whatever you please.
Make plans with your friends, go on that vacation you’ve been eying up, or even hit the gym every day. You are number one.
The key is to take your mind off the relationship. Spend all day every day thinking about her, and you will be a shell of a man.
Shift your attention to yourself for a while. This works two-fold: it means that you get what you need, plus she sees that it’s not all about her.
4. Give her space and don’t put pressure on her
The number one rule when it comes to relationships is showing respect.
Your girlfriend has asked for some space. You don’t need to give her a hard time. You have no control over how she is feeling at the moment. Yes, you need to walk away and give her room to think now.
You might feel weak. You might be tempted to call her when you’ve had a few beers in the middle of the night. Delete her number — temporarily — if you have to.
No woman wants a needy man who can’t take no for an answer.
When you realize that, your whole perspective on dating will change for the better. Focus on better things right now.
5. Establish some healthy boundaries together
When she says it’s time to talk, take the chance to set some healthy boundaries.
Having some time apart doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It can strengthen your relationship.
If you have had a break from each other and decide to give it another go, be clear about what you need from this romantic relationship. Don’t hold back — you might want to cover:
- Your sex drive and how much intimacy you need
- How much space do you believe is normal to have
- What you expect from her in a relationship
- How often do you each need to see your friends
- Where do you see the future of the relationship going
You have both had time to think.
That means you can come back together and create the relationship you deserve. Think of this as a time when you can reset the rules of your partnership.
What do you both need from it? How can you make things work again?
The clearer you are on what you need from a relationship, the easier this step will be. Don’t forget that you get a platform here, too — she is not the only one in control now.
6. Become a strong man she can’t live without
The final and most important piece of advice I can give you is to level up!
Your girlfriend wants a break, so you have some free time. Use it wisely.
She will pay attention when you become a better version of yourself.
That might mean working out. That might mean going for that promotion (and getting it!). It might mean becoming more social.
There is always room for improvement. Look deep inside and figure out what you want from life. Elite men don’t wait for things to happen — they go out there and get what they want.
Start by making an action plan and sticking to it. When you break down your long-term goals into manageable chunks, you will reach them before you know it.
Most guys ignore the facts: Women are attracted to strong, outgoing men. Work on yourself, improve your masculinity, and be a stronger man she’d never want to spend time away from.
When she needs space, it’s going to be hard to take. However, if you switch up the narrative, you can see this as an opportunity to improve in all areas of your life.
Before you can establish the high-quality relationship you deserve, you need to work to become an elite man from whom she can’t walk away.
Since launching my exclusive coaching program, I have worked with several intelligent men to do just that. Armed with the expert guidance you deserve and the support of a community of like-minded men, you can level up your lifestyle and take mastery of your masculine power.