If the first image that pops into your head when you hear the phrase, “Relationship Coaching,” is Will Smith’s character in Hitch, you’re not alone.
Not only is the industry generally unfamiliar to men–who are hesitant to seek help for something as private as their intimate relationships–it’s rife with frauds and imposters.
“Red pill” pick-up artists to thrice-divorced marriage counselors have turned the men’s relationship coaching industry into a minefield.
But the hustlers and pretenders notwithstanding, the right relationship coach has the power to not only help you improve your relationships but every area of your life.
According to a Harvard study conducted for almost a century, we know that the quality of one’s relationships are the single most important factor for happiness and longevity.
When you add to that studies showing that happily married men earn more and are promoted more frequently than their single peers and it becomes apparent just how important this work can be.
There isn’t a single area of your life that doesn’t improve when you get your relationships right.
You’re more motivated to care for your health, to create a career where you’re not only paid well, but given the freedom to spend time with your partner, and to create a vibrant social life you share together.
Inversely, few things will have a more damaging effect on your quality of life than being in the wrong relationship (or worse yet, meeting the woman of your dreams but being the wrong man for her).
When your relationship isn’t working, it drains energy from every other facet of your life.
The stress and anxiety bleed into your work, health, and social life. Holding you back and sabotaging your efforts, no matter how hard you try to fix any of these other domains.
And when you consider just how unequipped the modern man is to navigate the challenges of love and intimacy, the importance of having the right relationship coach becomes apparent.
So today, I’m going to share exactly what a relationship coach is, what they do, why you might want to consider working with one, and how to find the coach that’s right for you.
Let’s dive in.
What Does a Relationship Coach Do?
The general principles and practices of a (good) relationship coach share a few key similarities.
1. Inspiring a Bigger and Bolder Future Together
Unlike therapy–which is heavily focused on your childhood and past–relationship coaching is present and future-oriented.
A therapist will help you unearth the traumas and pain you experienced earlier in life–and how they shaped you into the person you are today.
A coach will help you reshape who you are and build the habits and mindsets necessary to create the future you desire.
The self-sabotaging mindsets and barriers that originate from childhood are still identified. But the core focus of the work is to help you show up as a stronger more attractive man today in your life and relationships.
Just as importantly, where a therapist is focused on removing the present pain from your love life, a relationship coach will help you move into the pleasure of a fully alive and vibrant romantic life.
Whether you crave a deeper and more exciting sex life, more enjoyable connection, or a real sense of partnership–where you’re striving toward big goals together–the right coach will show you how to do it.
It’s kind of like the difference between a financial advisor who helps someone get out of debt and understand how their parents’ money patterns brought them to the verge of bankruptcy…
… And the advisor who helps clients create real wealth so they’re able to live the life of their dreams.
2. Identifying Blind Spots and Noticing the Details
The second key principle of effective relationship coaching is that it helps you identify your blind spots and address the unseen behaviors holding you back.
As the legendary basketball coach John Wooden said:
“It’s the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen.”
In most cases, a man who seeks out relationship coaching isn’t failing at the big things. They aren’t abusive, cheating, narcissists who fly off the handle at the smallest issue (those types of men would never even find a page like this one).
And chances are, most of you reading this love your partner, stay faithful, work hard to provide them with a high quality of life, and generally do the best you can do.
But you’re missing the little things that make all the difference in a relationship. Not because you’re a bad person.
Because you’re so close to the relationship that you can’t see the subtle shifts you need to make in the relationship.
In sports, the difference between hall-of-fame success rarely comes down to the “big” things.
It’s the subtle 2-3% difference–the small tweaks in an athlete’s diet or form or training regimen–that give them the advantage they need to win.
And in love, sometimes, the only difference between a thriving marriage that lasts “till death do us part” and a painful divorce are a few “percentage points” in the way you communicate and relate with your partner–or even the way you’re showing up for yourself as a stronger more grounded man.
And with the right coach, you’ll be able to make the course corrections you need before they cost you the game.
3. Understanding the “Paradox of Partnership”
Finally, and almost paradoxically, the right coach will focus less on the relationship and more on the individuals inside of it.
We’ve been conditioned to believe that our partner “completes” us. That we’re somehow half of a human until someone comes along to make us whole.
In truth, the relationships that stand the test of time aren’t between two broken people trying to complete one another, but two already whole people sharing in the journey of life together.
The right coach will understand this difference and help you focus first on addressing the parts of yourself that are causing issues inside of your relationship.
Because once you are whole, happy, and confident in yourself, the quality of your relationship will soon follow.
What To Look for In a Relationship Coach
Every relationship coach brings a different set of experiences, tools and tactics to the table.
But typically, a good relationship coach will share a few key similarities.
First, they have a long and proven track record of success. Our coaches here at Knowledge for Men are all required to have completed 1,000+ coaching sessions before they can be considered to join our elite team.
When it comes to your love life and marriage, you don’t want to be the guinea pig.
And even though there are plenty of up-and-coming relationship coaches who do have valuable insights to share, it’s always better to work with an individual or team who understands your experience at the deepest level and have a proven track record of results.
You want a coach who’s helped thousands of men in your shoes and has proven systems to help you get results as fast as possible.
Second, they have proven results in their own life.
You wouldn’t ask an overweight friend for diet or exercise advice or your bankrupt uncle for tips on investing your extra cash. So why would you trust a coach, counselor, or therapist who doesn’t have the type of relationship you want to be in? Are they living the message or just sharing the message.
Find someone who doesn’t just talk a good game, but has lived and played inside of that game for years or decades.
And finally, you need a coach that you can personally relate to and whom you respect.
They can give you the best tools and strategies in the world. But if you don’t mesh with their personality or respect their expertise, it won’t matter. Because you won’t actually implement it.
You will build a relationship with your relationship coach. And if the relationship isn’t built on mutual respect and genuine connection, it’s doomed from the start.
Conventional Relationship Coaches vs. Men’s Relationship Coaches
Before we dive into the reasons to work with a relationship coach or the benefits of this style of coaching, I want to make an important distinction between conventional relationship coaches and men’s relationship coaches.
A conventional relationship coach will work with you and your partner to address the relationship itself.
They’ll help you work through how you’re communicating, the gaps between your love languages, and other interpersonal challenges that arise when you’re sharing life with another person.
A men’s relationship coach can still help you navigate these dynamics, but their primary focus is on your growth and development as a man–and how your way of being is impacting the relationship.
After working with thousands of men looking to improve their love life, we’ve found that the disproportionate returns on the quality of a man’s relationship rarely stem from the relationship itself.
Rather they come from doing the deep personal work required to show up to the relationship as a stronger, happier, and more grounded man.
- You can learn all of the communication tools you want, but if you don’t develop the trait of assertiveness so that you actually feel empowered to use those tools and communicate your needs, nothing will change.
- You can try every conflict resolution technique in the book. But if you’re miserable in your career and wake up hating your life, that anger and resentment will end up transferring to your partner
- You can spice up your sex life with tantra and toys all you want, but if you lack the raw masculine confidence your partner craves, these exercises will feel like little more than mutual masturbation.
Remember, successful relationships are about two whole, happy, and fulfilled individuals sharing in the journey of life together.
The right men’s coach will first help you build a strong foundation of wholeness and fulfillment in yourself–ensuring that the relationship tools you learn later actually work.
If you’re interested in learning more about our unique style of men’s relationship coaching, I’ve put together a free training where you’ll learn how to reclaim your masculine power, create a high-quality romantic life, and become the strongest version of yourself.
Five Surefire Signs You’re Ready for a Men’s Relationship Coach
It doesn’t matter if you’re single, on the verge of divorce, or in a blissful new relationship you never believed possible.
I’m a firm believer that every man needs a coach.
And I don’t believe this because I run a coaching company. I run a coaching company because I believe this.
It’s good to work with a coach when things are going well to continue the momentum, not just when challenges arise which could have been prevented by being proactive about issues that are bound to happen in any relationship.
Almost every breakthrough or success I’ve experienced can be traced back to an insight or question from one of the many coaches I worked with in my own journey.
And my goal with Knowledge for Men is to share the same transformations I experienced on my journey in the most effective and precise way possible.
But there are some situations in which coaching is more critical than others. And if you resonate with any of the experiences I’m about to share, I encourage you to take the journey of relationship coaching seriously.
1. You’re Trying Your Best (But Still Feel Like You’re Coming Up Short)
One of the most common struggles we hear from our clients is:
“I’m doing the best that I can do… but no matter how much I give or what I try, I always feel like I’m coming up short as a husband or boyfriend.”
If you can resonate with this, know that you’re not alone.
Most men were never taught what women really want in a relationship. And when things don’t feel like they’re working, we often default into doing more of what isn’t working.
We work harder to provide her with a better quality of life.
We shower her with more compliments and gifts to show our love.
We take her on more date nights and vacations, hoping to smooth things over.
But like I mentioned earlier, most men are ignorant of the nuance of relationships.
They don’t know what they don’t know. And–other than divorced family members and friends settling for lackluster relationships–they don’t have anyone they trust to help them identify the small shifts that will make all the difference.
We’ve all heard the saying that “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
And this is just as true in your relationships as it is anywhere else.
If what you’ve been doing up until this point isn’t working, what makes you think they’ll start working in a week or month or year? The relationship is declining and until changes are made it will will continue to decline.
What got you here won’t get you where you want to go. And if you’ve exhausted every option you can think of, you need someone else who has walked the path ahead of you to be your guide.
2. You’re Stuck in Self-Defeating Patterns
On the other hand, maybe you are aware of the changes that need to be made inside of your relationship but fall back into the same self-defeating behaviors time and time again.
Your wife complains that you’re never present when you spend time together and you know you should stop checking email or scrolling through Instagram when you get home from work–but you don’t.
You know that porn is damaging your sex life and decreasing the intimacy between you and your partner. But it’s easier to escape into fantasy and avoid the discomfort inside of your relationship, so you continue with your daily habit.
You know that your wife would rather have more quality time with you than another ‘0’ in the bank. But you derive so much of your self-worth from the financial status that you struggle to take your foot off the brake at work–even though it’s costing you your relationship.
In these situations, the problem is apparent. But the underlying source of the problem is not.
A men’s relationship coach can help you identify the cause of your self-defeating behaviors and resolve them from the inside out..
Instead of gritting your teeth and trying to “will” your way through the problems, you’ll discover how to change your habits effortlessly by solving the problem at the root cause.
3. You Have No Idea How to Navigate Your Sexual Desires
Another common problem that coaching can help solve is the challenge of navigating your sexual desires.
Maybe you struggle to own what you really want in the bedroom and so you settle into a twice a month “Missionary Routine” that’s dull and devoid of the passion, excitement and connection you crave.
Maybe you lack confidence in your sexuality and abilities in the bedroom, leaving you stuck in your head and causing your partner to feel a disconnect every time you’re sexual together.
Or maybe you feel trapped in a sexless relationship where you’ve simply given up. Your partner is a roommate, nothing more. And you feel like the spark you once had is gone for good.
Just like most challenges inside of a relationship stem from challenges each individual is facing outside of the relationship, most challenges in the bedroom can’t be solved in the bedroom.
They’re solved by working on yourself and how you relate to your own worth, power, and desires as a sexual being.
4. You Don’t Know How to Meet Her Needs
Gender politics aside, most people accept that men and women are wired differently.
And as a result of our unique wiring, navigating heterosexual relationships requires us to learn the language of the feminine.
When she says she wants more communication, or connection time, or to feel more desired, you may ‘hear’ one thing when she’s saying something completely different.
The end result of this disconnect is frustration and resentment, where you feel like you’re doing exactly what she asks you, but it never seems to resolve the issue.
The problem isn’t that you’re a bad match or a crappy partner. But rather than you aren’t understanding what’s truly being said when she makes these types of requests.
If this lack of emotional depth and communication persists then you will become more disconnected to your partner over time causing a loss of attraction. When you have a loss of attraction you have less motivation to work on the issues within the relationship and instead check out emotionally.
Thankfully, a men’s relationship coach can act as your “translator,” offering insight and guidance as to the true significance of the conversations you’re having and the things she’s really asking for.
5. You’re Afraid You’ll Lose Her
She’s losing interest and attraction for you and you know it. Despite your best efforts, you can feel her slipping away and every time she calls you, you wonder to yourself, “Is this it? Is this when she finally ends it?”
When the problems outlined above go on for too long, this is the inevitable outcome for any relationship regardless of how well you provide for her.
You either settle into a stagnant and loveless relationship that you’re both too scared to leave. Or she decides that she can’t take it anymore, leaving you to pick up the pieces and try to move on with your life.
While there are no guarantees, dozens of our clients have come to us on the verge of a breakup or divorce and been given the tools they needed to reclaim their personal power, get back to their ex-girlfriend and reignite the passion in their relationship.
Once the problems in a relationship have escalated to the point where she’s thinking about leaving, the work is never easy. It’s urgent, painful, and uncertain. But if you want to not only save the relationship but take it to the next level, it’s work that must be done.
Why You Should Consider Hiring a Knowledge for Men Relationship Coach
At this point, you probably know whether or not a relationship coach is right for you.
The next question on your mind is… who do I hire to help me?
1. We Teach You How to Become a Multi-Dimensional Grounded Man
Most men are one-dimensional.
They’re good at making money or they dominate in the gym or they have a rap sheet filled with amazing adventures or they’re an amazing communicator or they’re great in bed.
But they settle for a superficial existence. Believing the lie that it’s “impossible” to be a multi-dimensional man who has it all.
Even though they might win one battle inside of their life, they’re losing the war for their soul.
To be a truly grounded man, the type of man women crave, settling isn’t an option.
You must not only believe that it’s possible to have an abundant career, vibrant health, deep intimacy, clear purpose, and a life filled with awe-inspiring experiences…
… You must demand that you do what it takes to achieve it.
With a men’s coach in your corner, you won’t be able to hide or play small.
To settle for another year–or decade–of “the same damn thing.” Clocking in, clocking out, crashing on the couch and then wondering why your partner isn’t attracted to you anymore .
They will call you out on your b.s. Behavior and challenge you to dream bigger and act boldly to achieve the life and relationships you really want.
Just ask yourself…
If you were a woman, would you be enthusiastic and excited about dating and sharing a life with you?
Would you get butterflies in your stomach just thinking about the experiences you’d share, the journeys you’d go on, and the life you would co-create together?
If the answer is anything other than a “hell yes!” It’s time to answer the call to adventure and begin your journey to becoming a grounded man.
2. You’re Given an Objective Third Party to Help You Navigate Your Struggles
As much as you love them, chances are that your friends and family are clueless about relationships–and likely even more clueless about creating a truly joyful life that a woman would want to share in.
But more importantly, any advice they offer is based on preconception.
They know you, they know your partner, and they’re burdened with years–maybe even decades–of outdated beliefs about who you are and what you should do.
A men’s coach is objective.
They don’t have years of shared history. Instead, they’re simply guiding you to the end zone based on where you are right now and where you want to go.
The right men’s coach has already walked the walk. He’s been in your shoes and knows how to help you achieve your goals.
His advice isn’t from “theory” or a series of “nice ideas” he read online. It’s based on in-the-trenches experience and hard won results.
And you can trust that whatever challenge you’re experiencing, he’ll give you objective no-nonsense advice that’s been proven to work with thousands of men before you (even and especially if it’s difficult to accept).
3. We Provide a Safe Space to Process Your Emotions
Most men don’t have a safe place where they can work through their emotions and discover the truth about what they’re feeling or experiencing.
They’re worried about appearing “weak” in front of their friends and they can’t share how they truly feel with their partner because they’re afraid of how she might feel if she knew the truth.
So what do they do?
Like Bill Burr (loosely) said, “Stuff that sh*t down into a box and keep the lid on tight until it explodes in your mid 50s and takes you out with a heart attack.”
Instead of dealing with and processing their emotions, most men simply shove them down and ignore them or mask them with vices. Thinking that they’ll go away if they just work harder or earn more.
They start to resent their partner and lash out at her because they lack a healthy outlet to understand themselves and what’s going on within them. If you hide your emotions you are incapable of connecting with your partner at a deeper level and are living on the surface. The surface cannot withstand challenges and the next big argument you have might be the last.
A men’s coach puts an end to this dark cycle for good. Giving men a safe place where they can process and work through their emotions–and where nothing is off the table.
But unlike a therapist, they won’t simply listen and say “Tell me more or how does that make you feel?”
They’ll give you the space you need to get whatever you’re feeling off your chest and then get to work helping you not only understand your emotions but rewrite the stories causing those emotions.
Because when you change the stories you tell yourself, you empower yourself to step into a new way of thinking and acting–therefore, achieving new results you never knew were possible.
4. We Deliver Kick-in-the-Pants Raw Masculine Accountability that Drives Action
Think about the last time you told someone you deeply admire and respect that you were going to do something. What happened?
You did it!
To be a man, you must be a man of your word. Without your word, you have nothing. You lose all respect, credibility, and esteem with the people who actually matter.
And a men’s relationship coach will use this facet of your evolutionary hardwiring to help you achieve the life you want.
When a man is held accountable by someone he admires and deeply doesn’t want to disappoint, action becomes inevitable. If you give your word to someone you respect, your word becomes law.
You only have two options: to take the action you said you were going to take or to make excuses and prove that you aren’t a high-value man.
Given the choice between those two options, most men will take option number one every day of the week.
When you work with a men’s relationship coach, you’re held accountable for actually doing the things you need to do to improve your life.
You can’t simply hide or play small, ignoring the parts of your life or relationships that aren’t working and making hollow promises to yourself or your partner that you’ll solve them “someday.”
You’re forced to take action, right now. Today.
Once you give your word, there’s no going back.
And inside of the agreements you make with your coach and yourself, you will find true liberation.
5. We’ll Teach You How to Reclaim Your Masculine Power
From the time we were little, we were taught to be afraid of our masculinity. To cower in fear at our own inner darkness. And to suppress the very things that make us who we are.
We’re told to settle for more. To “just be grateful” and avoid rocking the boat. To sit down, shut up, and play nice with others–or else.
We live in a generation of castration. Men who have been stripped of their power and sacrificed it on the altar of politeness, niceness and social etiquette.
Now, I’m not suggesting that we revert back to the 50s era machismo.
Your masculine power is not something to be feared but embraced.
When a man learns how to harness all parts of himself, even the parts that society deems “inappropriate” or ugly (like anger, sexual desire, and ambition), he steps into a new way of being as a man.
A men’s relationship coach specializes in helping men integrate an authentic version of masculinity into their lives where they’re no longer scared, spineless, and placating little boys. But strong, powerful, and grounded men.
… Men who know how to assert themselves in the world and get their needs met–while being compassionate and empathetic to the needs of others.
… Men who women respect, desire, and fantasize about.
But most importantly, men who respect and value themselves and who don’t apologize for having dreams and desires or try to hide from the parts of themselves that are uncomfortable to deal with…
… Men who, even when all hell breaks loose and in the midst of chaos, stay grounded in who they are and what they want.
What It’s Like to Work with a Knowledge for Men Relationship Coach
The first and most important question you need to answer for yourself before you take your next step is:
“Am I ready for relationship coaching and willing to put in the work to make it work?”
- Highly coachable, willing to admit when you’re wrong, and ready to challenge your long held beliefs
- Serious about your relationship and willing to invest time, money, and energy to solve the problems you’re facing
- Ready to take ACTION on what your coach shares (even when it scares you or feels uncomfortable)
- Committed to the long game and understand that change takes time
… Then you’re ready to take the leap.
However, if you’re…
- Stubborn and set in your ways and unwilling to be challenged on your behaviors and patterns
- Looking for a “free or easy” solution to the biggest problems in your life
- Prefer theory to action and would rather spend time talking about improving your relationship than actually doing the real work
- Searching for a “quick fix” and expect years, potentially even decades of challenges to be fixed in a few days
… These are not the droids you’re looking for.
Remember, any coach, no matter what their area of expertise, can only help you as much as you’re willing to be helped.
What Does Knowledge for Men Relationship Coaching Entail?
Our program, Project Grounded Man relies on three key tools to help you achieve your goals inside of your relationships and life:
1. World-Class Training
First and most importantly, is the training component of the Project Grounded Man experience.
Unlike most coaches who simply show up to a call once a week and go on their way, we’ve created the premier personal development curriculum for men on the planet.
It’s a comprehensive 12-month system designed to help you assess and improve every area of your life.
From your masculine energy to your confidence to your relationships and sex life.
As I’ve mentioned, many relationship problems stem from problems outside the relationship.
When your career, self-worth, social life, and health aren’t in order, your relationships suffer. And often, they suffer the most.
Our curriculum is designed to not only help you identify the blind spots in your relationship (and quickly solve them), but to become the hero of your own life and create a life that any woman would look at and say…
“I want that.”
2) Group Coaching and Accountability
In addition to the core training and lessons, we offer weekly group coaching sessions with one of our elite-level coaches.
Again, you aren’t going to find any run-of-the-mill, I-got-an-online-certificate-and-now-I’m-an-expert coaches here at KFM.
Every coach is required to have 1,000+ hours of actual coaching on the record. And the men you’ll be learning from have worked with high level CEOs, special forces, high school teachers and everyone in between.
During these small group calls, you’ll have the opportunity to ask your questions and get direct feedback and accountability from the coaches.
Just as importantly, you’ll get to learn from your brothers inside of the experience and see how their own journey mirrors yours.
If you’re wondering why the sessions are done in a group setting and not 1-on-1, the answer is simple.
After more than a decade in the industry, we’ve found that group coaching is superior in every way. Imagine doing Navy Seals BUDS bootcamp alone, just you and the instructors, vs doing it with a team of men to your left and right going through the bootcamp together. Which one is likely to have a higher success rate?
Because not only do you still get direct accountability and feedback from the coaches, but you get to learn from other men going through the experience with you.
By seeing their journey and the challenges they experience, you’ll gain a more objective understanding of your own reality (and have the opportunity to share in your new journey so you don’t feel alone in whatever challenge you’re experiencing).
3. Elite Brotherhood and Private Community
Finally and most importantly, you’ll have access to an elite brotherhood of other men going through the same experience.
Including Project Grounded Man alumni who are still showing up to the community and coaching years after graduating.
You’ll get to work through your problems together, being supported and held accountable by other men you admire and respect.
The truth is… growth is painful.
But the pain is easier to bear when it’s shared.
How Much Does Relationship Coaching with Knowledge for Men Cost?
Like anything in life, you get what you pay for.
And relationship coaching is no different.
So I want to be transparent here…
If you’re living paycheck to paycheck and can’t afford to take a vacation without going into debt, this coaching program probably isn’t for you.
While our program is very affordable–especially when compared to a year of therapy or many of the other coaching programs out there–it isn’t cheap.
We believe in the importance of having skin in the game and I can tell you from personal experience… when you pay, you pay attention and get results.
But if you understand the value of relationship coaching and want to learn more about our different payment options, I encourage you to submit an application and schedule a call with one of our coaches.
They’ll answer all of your questions and walk you through all of the details of the program, how it works, what you’ll get, and what the investment is.
How Long Should I Expect Before I See Results?
It depends on your level of commitment.
We’ve had men come into the Project Grounded Man experience and report life-changing results after just a few weeks.
While it’s rare, others struggled to make progress after a few months.
Commitment and persistence.
The men who show up to the calls, watch the training, complete the weekly action steps, and engage in the community all experience life-changing results. There is no way you don’t grow if you do the work. If you sign up and just half ass and disappear then obviously you won’t get results. Don’t be that guy!
If you sit on the sidelines and hide behind excuses and alibis… nothing will change.
But if you play all out and commit fully to this journey, you can expect big changes to happen in your life and relationships.
What Are My Next Steps?
If you’re ready to get started, your next steps are simple.
Simply submit your application for the program and schedule a call with one of our client success specialists.
They’ll walk you through everything you need to know and help you decide whether or not this is the right fit for you.
I want to be clear, this isn’t a high-pressure sales call where we’ll guilt trip you into an investment that isn’t right for you.
It’s a fun, deep dive conversation where we’ll get to know you, your challenges and your goals and then we decide together whether or not it makes sense to become a part of the Project Grounded Man brotherhood.