Love alone is not enough, and relationships don’t always last. The United States is currently seeing record divorce rates and, chances are, breakups are following suit.
If a breakup is on the cards, you will spot the signs before it happens. Rocky times come and go — but can you pull the relationship back to where it once was? Or are you too late, and will you be dealing with the lonely fallout of a breakup before you know it?
You’ve noticed a difference in the relationship but can’t quite put your finger on it. You’re scared that she’s slipping through your fingers and don’t know what to do.
If that sounds familiar, you need to take action. Sitting and hoping for it to get better is a genuine mistake.
While you’re at home worrying about what to do next, she is likely making her mind up and deciding that this relationship is over. Could you do something before it’s too late?
The only way that you can get the relationship back on track is to get up and do something about it. Rough patches happen, but they can ruin even the most solid relationships if you don’t address them.
I’ve seen men lose high-value women, wives and girlfriends because they wrongly presumed that the situation would sort itself out.
Now that you know the problem, stop burying your head in the sand. It won’t do you or your relationship any good. In this playbook, I want to share how you can quickly spot a connection that is going sour, what the signs are, what you need to do about it and how to get through a rough patch in relationship if it happens to you.
PSA: Rough Patches in Relationships are Normal
You might not think about it now, but when things get worse, you start to feel that you are the only person to whom this has ever happened.
The reality is the opposite. Everyone experiences difficult times in their relationships. Whether it’s cheating, lying, or just growing apart from each other, we have all been there. Not everyone’s relationship is smooth sailing.
When it happens, maybe you keep asking yourself what went wrong. The answer may be nothing. You were living your life, happy in your relationship, and then, all of a sudden, something changed.
She stopped kissing you before you went out to work. You stopped eating meals together. She stopped calling you to let you know she was going out. The signs were there, whether you were looking for them or otherwise. Over time, things started to change for the worse.
The first thing you need to accept is that rough patches in relationships are normal. It’s not your fault. It’s not her fault. Relationships change over time, and you need to keep working on them.
Stop wallowing in regret and make some positive changes. If you retreat into your cave now, you will lose everything. I’ve seen it happen to too many guys before now. They are unwilling to put in the work, and — before they know it — it’s too late to do anything.
What Causes Rough Patches in Long-Term Relationships?
How have things gotten so bad? Before I share how you can overcome this rough patch, you need to know the cause. It would help if you pinpointed what went wrong in the relationship.
Figuring out what happened won’t be the secret to getting the relationship on track. However, it will be hard to move forward if you don’t look at the root cause. I won’t beat around the bush — you probably already know what it is. Stop lying to yourself now.
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1. One (or both of you!) is bored with the relationship
Boredom is the number one cause of rough patches. There’s no point sugar-coating it: Long-term relationships can get boring faster than expected.
Meeting someone new is exciting. There’s a science to back it up. When you find a new romantic partner, your oxytocin levels spike. That is the hormone associated with ‘love.’ It gives you that positive feeling when you’re around the person. It makes you attached to them and happier when you’re near them. You might say it’s like being addicted to a drug.
But then it stops. No feeling lasts forever; before you know it, that person is a regular human being. You no longer see her as the answer to all your problems. She is just another person who is in your life. It’s at this point that you start to get bored with things.
You’re not alone. She is likely to get bored too. Her hormones work the same as yours, and you might find that the two of you are less interested in each other now.
2. You’re not getting your sexual needs met anymore
Sex is a huge part of any romantic relationship. If you’re not having satisfying sex with your partner, you might find that you’re going through a rocky pact.
Sure, you can’t keep your hands off each other at the start of a relationship. You end up ripping off each other’s clothes whenever you’re alone together. It’s electric. But — once again — that feeling does not last. It disappears over time.
As men, we’re wired to chase newness. We need to spread our genetics as far and wide as possible. That means going after multiple women. But how does that fit into modern relationships? It doesn’t.
As soon as your sex life declines, you need a change.
3. You have started living separate lives over time
I’m not saying that couples should do everything together. Far from it. However, if you lead entirely separate lives, you may wonder what the point of the relationship is anyway.
Let’s say you always have plans at the weekend with the guys. Let’s say that she sees her mother most nights of the week.
When do you have time for each other? One of the main reasons your relationship is failing may be that you don’t have time for one another.
Is there a problem you already know about? Does she make more money than you? Do you hate her friends? Does one of you do all the household chores?
Sure, you might think these problems are small and insignificant, but they can change over time. If you’re not giving her what she needs and she’s not giving you what you need, the relationship is a waste of time.
Sometimes, we think that the easiest way to deal with a problem is to ignore it. But walking away from a relationship isn’t always the right thing to do!
The more time you spend avoiding this awkward subject, the more likely you are to destroy the foundations of your relationship. You have to learn to be a man and deal with it.
Best Ways to Overcome the Rough Patch in Your Relationship
It’s not impossible to get your relationship back on track. When you’re in the middle of a rough patch, you might tell yourself there’s no hope. Luckily, that is not the case.
If you act now, you have a decent chance of saving your relationship. The truth is that this is about showing that you are serious about positive change. When you do that, you will see that she starts to reciprocate. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there.
It’s not easy, but you have to do the work. Over the years, I’ve worked with several men who have been through rough patches in their relationships and helped them save from misery by teaching them to build themselves up, improve their masculinity and build stronger relationships.
1. Admit that you have a problem — and talk about it
First up, you need to admit that you have a problem. If you keep saying everything is ‘fine’ in your relationship, you will never make the changes to save it.
She already knows that things are bad. There’s no way you can be in a rocky relationship and truly believe everything is okay.
Sit her down and speak to her about the issues. Before doing that, make sure you are 100% clear on what to say.
She might have been waiting for you to speak up about this for some time. When you speak to her, tell her this is not an attack. Tell her that you care about her and the life you have built together — and that all you want to do is save that.
The words you use have an enormous amount of power. Let her know that you’re in this.
2. Learn to listen to what she has to say next consciously
You have a communication problem. Conscious listening can help you solve it.
Think about it: Do you really listen to what she has to say when you speak to her? Or, like most of us, are you more concerned about getting your message across?
If the answer is the latter, you must change how you communicate with her. When you’re not truly listening to what she says, there’s no way you can solve your relationship problems. Frankly, you don’t even know what they are!
The next time you speak to her, change tack. Notice when she is talking and don’t speak over her.
Sit back and listen to what she has to say and — importantly — wait until she is finished before you start speaking up. Good communication can make a huge difference to everything in a relationship.
3. Focus on the future and avoid assigning blame to either of you
Your relationship is on the rocks, but that doesn’t mean either of you is to blame. You might be feeling mad, but the last thing you want to do is attack her.
When discussing how you can improve your relationship, don’t blame each other for what went wrong. You need to focus on the future and how you can improve things together. Here are some talking points to cover:
- How your ideal relationship looks
- Exciting things you want to do together
- Long and short-term relationship goals
- What you love about each other
- How to switch things up in the bedroom
By turning the conversation to interesting and exciting things, you avoid this becoming a blame game. Keep both of your attention on how you can move forward.
4. Start dating her again to have some quality time
Let’s go back to basics: When was the last time you went on a date? While heading out for dinner won’t miraculously save your relationship, it’s a starting point.
Dedicating time to each other could make a massive difference in how you feel. If your relationship is dwindling, it might be because you never see each other outside the house. If your only interactions are about chores at your home, that’s a real issue.
Organize dates together. Do something that you have never done before together. Ramp up the excitement levels and associate the time you have together with positive emotions.
Ask her what she wants to do with you, and then do it once in a while to keep your relationship fresh. Try intimacy exercises to reignite passion in your relationship and spice up your love life to keep it strong.
Takeaways
If you’ve already found the right woman for you, don’t let her slip through your fingers. That is a mistake, and you know it.
Rough patches in relationships happen — it’s how you handle them that matters. If you have seen some changes in your relationship and want to get it back on track, you need to get moving as soon as possible. Don’t just hope for the best. Show her you are serious about making this relationship work for the long haul.
In my elite training program, I work with successful men like you to help them reach their full potential. Whether it’s self-doubt, fear, or low self-esteem holding you back, you’re the only person who can change the narrative. Working with a community of men and expert backing is the secret to turning that corner and starting a new phase of your life. Let’s face it; you owe that to yourself.
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