How to Find and Date Intelligent Women

Intelligence is one of the most attractive attributes in a woman that most men look for. An intelligent woman enriches your life with engaging conversation, stimulating new ideas, and the mysterious charm that accompanies anything that we cannot fully understand.

Women have varying degrees of complexity and depth that distinguish the “good” from the “just ok”. I like to think of intelligent women as long, detailed books. No matter how many times you read and reread them, you always seem to find something new and exciting.

But how do you find this long, detailed book in a library that seems so full of Dr. Seuss? And if you do find it, how do you convince it that you are a worthy reader?

I’m here to tell you that it’s not as difficult as most men imagine. Finding and dating intelligent women is not something that is out of the question for most men.

Too many smart guys I’ve coached over my ten-plus years as a men’s relationship coach are so intimidated by the intelligence of a woman, that they don’t even give themselves a chance.

Intelligent women want intelligent men just as much as the other way around. In fact, studies seem to suggest that women value intelligence in men more than men do in women. Once you stop putting them on the pedestal and recognize your own value to them, they’ll stop seeming so untouchable.

The difficult truth of dating intelligent women

Before embarking upon this journey to find and date the intelligent woman of your dreams, you should know one important detail… you can’t fake this one.

You can “fake it until you make it” in so many situations in life, but not concerning intelligence. You don’t want to lie to get into a relationship you want to build for a lifetime. If you are looking for an intellectual woman, you have to become an intellectual man.

There is no three-step guide to acquiring this rare jewel of a woman. If you aren’t intelligent and interesting yourself, she’ll read you like a book and close you and throw you back on the shelf.

Intelligent women know smart men when they see them, so you have to get yourself sorted if you expect to receive mutual respect. What I mean to say is this: the first step in this journey of finding and dating an intelligent woman is making yourself a man who this rare breed of women find attractive.

5 Best Ways to Date Intelligent Women

So, you’ve met her. You think she might be the one and you’re looking to move forward.

Here are five tips and pieces of advice that, over the course of my years coaching and analyzing relationships, have held up as the most significant when dating a smart woman.

1. Be creative but don’t forget your originality

Women of this caliber hold creativity and originality.

While some intelligent women may prefer coffee and a deep conversation, many will jump at something out of the ordinary. Consider your shared interests and what she’s passionate about and find a first date to match. Go to an art show, a debate night, or even a concert of an artist she’s fond of.

If you get a second date, spice it up: if she’s interested in a second date, first off, congratulations, you did something right! Now it’s time to make an even bigger impression.

Intelligent women love variety. Take her somewhere new. Do something completely out of the ordinary. But most importantly, do it with confidence–don’t be embarrassed if it’s very out of the ordinary. Make your dating life fresh and exciting.

Avoid behaviors that put you in the “average” category: checking your phone frequently, yawning, and resorting to the boring conversation will turn smart women off. These behaviors put you in the same category as every other guy she’s turned down.

Make yourself original–something different from the rest.

2. Appeal to her intellect

The typical, “Where are you from? What did you study? Do you like pets?” won’t work when you find intelligent women. These topics or cheesy pickup lines will tire them and they’ll eagerly await the conclusion of the date.

Find overlapping interests and don’t be afraid to dive headlong into deep conversations. More intelligent women respond much better to the intellectual conversation. Discuss what you are reading at the moment. Ask her why she quit her job and if she regrets studying what she studied.

Don’t be afraid to step out and be bold. Smart women love interesting conversations. While a date with other women may not be the time to discuss string theory or 16th-century Spanish architecture, if you find the right woman, this could be just what she desires.

At the same time, don’t go overboard in your effort to stand out from the rest. “I’m not like other guys,” behaviors are revolting and intelligent women can see right through them. If you are an intelligent person, you will be interesting and you won’t need to fake it.

Over-exaggerated responses and too much oohing and ahhing at her every word will turn her off.

3. Listen to her

While putting yourself out there is a critical part of dating, making it obvious that you are trying to prove yourself worthy will turn intelligent women away.

While you should be eager and unabashed when talking about yourself, be sure the date revolves around her, not you.

Humans, especially intelligent ones, love to be listened to and understood. If she’s quiet or shy, ask her questions to draw her out, then sit back and listen. If she’s a talker, let her talk and do not interrupt.

More important than just listening, however, is listening well. Spur the conversation forward with insightful, challenging questions that show your interest, rather than hollow words and nods.

Trust me, she’ll know the difference between a listener and a hearer.

4. Have a meaningful dialogue

In an effort to avoid touchy subjects such as politics and religion early on in a relationship, too many men avoid any meaningful dialogue.

If a conversation naturally drifts into politics and you have a small disagreement, don’t freak out! This could be a brilliant opportunity to dig deeper and get a better understanding of one another.

Speak passionately about what you believe in and why you believe in it and even if she disagrees, she’ll admire you. The truth is, very few men have things they believe and reasons they believe them.

To date intelligent women, you must take some risks.

Women would much rather be with a man who believes things and lives by them than one who holds no beliefs at all or goes along with her beliefs.

These small debates can oftentimes be the best icebreakers and turn a boring date into an invigorating conversation. So don’t be afraid of meaningful conversation.

If things go awry and she gets too upset, it’s probably just a sign that your differences are insurmountable anyway.

5. Approach with confidence and let go of your ego

Confidence is one of the most spoken-about topics when it comes to attracting women. With intelligent women, however, it is even more important.

Intelligent women are generally the most confident women of all. That is because intelligent women are usually successful women and successful women know what they want and are accustomed to getting it.

To men, however, a smart woman who knows what she wants is an intimidating prospect. That is why so many of these women end up alone. Men view their independence as a bit threatening and opt to leave them alone, even if they are completely attracted to them.

If you are interested in dating intelligent women, you’re going to have to get over your ego and confidently approach.

Trust me, she will find this more attractive than anything.

Do note that the approach is just an aspect of the whole endeavor. Approaching confidently is one thing, but maintaining this confidence and assuredness in conversation is another.

Here are a few tips for conversing confidently:

  • Stay away from physical contact too early: Men who dive in early for a hug or even a conversational knee tap often turn women away. If you want a woman to be interested in you, don’t put yourself at her mercy so soon. Instead, let her wonder. Women are accustomed to herds of drooling men trailing after them. Don’t join the mob. Let her wonder why you aren’t interested. Staying away from physical contact early shows her that you don’t need her to validate your existence.
  • Let her discover you: Don’t feel like you have to put all your pieces on the board at once. Women love to discover a man and be surprised. I remember traveling the world in my younger days and studying the conversations of young travelers meeting for the first time. The guy who immediately listed all the countries he’d been to and what he does for work always lost to the guy who said nothing until he was asked or it came up naturally. So you own your own company and make multi-millions? Let her find out over time rather than throwing it out there immediately. This gives the impression that you don’t have much personality besides what you’ve done in life.
  • Don’t be afraid to end the conversation: Sometimes, having something to go do is the most mysterious thing to a woman. They are so used to being idolized that if you have something more important or some errand you have to run, they’ll be confused and see you as different from the rest. Do take this with a grain of salt, however. Ending a conversation that is engaging and flowing could be a huge mistake.

Where to meet intelligent women?

You may be thinking to yourself, okay great, I know how to talk to intelligent women… but how do I meet them?

Thanks to the growing emphasis on higher education and the popularity of freelance work, meeting these women is no longer difficult. While the search may still take a while, be relieved that there are multiple needles in the haystack now and multiple haystacks to choose from.

Here are some of the best places to meet intelligent women:

The Library

Libraries are, without a doubt, one of the best places to meet intelligent women. People really only go to libraries to do two things: read or study.

While they are generally silent places, starting a conversation about a certain book or a subject that interests you can be super easy.

Many men make the mistake of thinking that women found at a library aren’t looking to be bothered. Women just don’t like being bothered by the wrong guys in the wrong ways.

With tact and confidence, starting a conversation at your local library should not be a difficult thing.

Coffee Shops

The freelance job market is growing exponentially, and as a result, coffee shops everywhere are filled with remote workers every day. This makes them the perfect place to meet intelligent women.

Even better, most freelancers are habitual. Searching for some of the constancy provided by a normal job, they will often work at the same shop multiple times a week, if not every day.

While it would be somewhat creepy to frequent the same coffee shop with nothing to do but stare, bringing a book or some work along with you can be a great way to meet women.

Niche Gatherings

Niche interests are some of the most common things to pull people together. Whatever your interests are, attending events with like-minded people will be one of the best ways to meet intelligent women.

If you’re interested in poetry, go to a slam-poetry night. If you’re into biomechanics, go to an expo. You’d be surprised just how many people are just as eager as you to meet someone.


You may be surprised by this one, but hear me out. Concerts can be some of the best places to meet intelligent women if you know where to go and what to look for.

If you are into hip-hop and rap, you probably think you have no hope. While it may be difficult to find the type of woman you are looking for at these concerts, it is doable. Everyone, including intelligent women, has unique music tastes.

If you are interested in classical, jazz, opera, or something less mainstream, you will likely have an easy time meeting intelligent women at these concerts.


Meeting intelligent women can sometimes feel impossible, but trust me, you can meet and date intelligent women with the right approach and knowledge of the right locations.

Knowing where they are and how to say hi won’t get you very far. You need to be interesting and intelligent yourself. With creativity, some excellent conversation skills, and natural confidence, finding an intelligent woman will no longer be an impossible feat.

How do you find them? Libraries, coffee shops, concerts, and anywhere that attracts people with particular intellectual interests.

We are here for you if you are still having difficulty or would like help. Here at Knowledge for Men, we have the best-trained men in the industry ready to help you be the man you’ve always wanted to be and attract the high-quality woman of your dreams. Intelligent women are out there, and they are looking for intelligence just as much as you are.

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