male masturbation techniques

[Definitive Guide] How to Last Longer in Bed and Beat Premature Ejaculation for Good

If you’re anything like most men, you never received a real “sex education.”

Sure…

Your high school health teacher probably scared you into believing that one kiss would result in Herpes or AIDS…

…And you probably discovered plenty of positions and fantasies from frequent porn use as a young man.

But chances are, you never really learned about sex. You never learned how to be a passionate and satisfying lover…how to overcome performance anxiety and premature ejaculation…how to improve your sexual stamina…or how to last longer in bed.

And as a result of the average man’s ignorance, our society is facing unprecedented (and largely unexpected) challenges in between the sheets.

According to a study conducted by the Department of Psychiatry and Neurosexology, Leyenburg HagaHospita, the average man lasts for roughly 5 minutes and 30-seconds with more than 25% of men lasting only 2 minutes (a).

And in response to the disappointing sexual performance offered by most men, women have started turning to “alternative means” of getting their needs met…with the sex toy industry growing by nearly 50% (from $20 billion to $30 billion) in the last five years and the frequency with which the average woman watches porn rapidly increasing–more than 30% of women admitting to watching porn at least once a week (b).

All of these studies point to a single inconvenient truth.

In the bedroom, men are failing to show up as the lovers our partners desire.

Men struggle today, more than ever before to satisfy their partners and create a passionate and vibrant sex life…and we can do better.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

If you’re struggling to last longer in bed…if you’re plagued by frequent premature ejaculation…it’s not your fault.

You were never taught how to be a conscientious and effective lover and have been an unwitting victim in a systematic (although largely unintentional) effort to physically and emotionally castrate the modern man.

So in this article, I’m going to teach you what you should have been taught a long time ago.

I’m going to teach you step-by-step how to last longer, beat performance anxiety and premature ejaculation and become a remarkable lover who makes their partners squeal with pleasure.

We’re going to take a deep dive into the specific mindsets, physical exercises, and specific sexual “protocols” to help you last longer in bed and improve your skills in the sheets.

By the time you’re done, you’ll have more sexual confidence (and stamina) than ever before and I promise…your partner(s) will thank you.

(Note: This is a long guide, so be sure to bookmark this page and come back for future reference. And speaking of references, all of the studies and sources for the different statistics I cite can be found at the bottom of this page).

So without any further ado, let’s dive in…

I. How to Last Longer in Bed by Getting Your Mind Right

The first and most important way to become a better lover and last longer in bed is to fix your mindset and identify the “invisible scripts” that are sabotaging your performance and preventing you from showing up as the man you want to be.

More often than not, premature ejaculation and a lackluster sexual performance is a byproduct of psychology not physiology. And by taking action on the following five steps, you will experience a radical shift in the way you show up to your sexual encounters and unlock a level of confidence and performance you’ve never experienced before.

1. Understand What Women REALLY Want in a Lover (And Why Your Response to How Long You Last is Everything)

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In my experience, most cases of premature ejaculation and lackluster sexual performance are rooted not in physical problems (barring obesity and low testosterone which we’ll address later), but anxiety and a fundamental misunderstanding of female sexuality.

To last longer in bed and become the type of lover (wet) dreams are made of, you must start by resolving the internal barriers to peak sexual performance and stamina.

And the most important barrier is your erroneous beliefs about what women actually want.

Over the past decade, I’ve interviewed dozens of sexual health experts and highly grounded women. And during the course of our discussion, I asked each of them about what they really want in a lover.

The answer was unequivocal:

“Women want a man who is confident, generous, and present in the bedroom.”

Most women don’t want to get fucked like a pornstar for hours on end every single time.

They want tension, connection, great foreplay, and at least one great orgasm.

For most women, 15-20 minutes of actual penetration is more than enough (and for some women, it’s too much…prolonged sex can be painful for many women).

And when you accept this fact and realize that the true arbiter of your sexual performance is how you show up not how long you last in bed, you can release the internal pressure to be some mysterious “sex god” who can make women orgasm with his eyes alone and learn to enjoy the entire sexual experience on a deeper level.

You don’t need to be a master of tantra or last for hours to please a woman. You need to show up to the experience with presence, dominance, and generosity.

2. Eliminate the #1 Sexual Performance Killer from Your Life to Last Longer in Bed

In the past 20 years, psychologists and physicians have noticed a startling phenomenon.

Today, more than ever before in human history, young men (18-35) are reporting higher and higher incidences of erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation (c).

Men who should be in their sexual prime.

Although many pundits credit this bizarre shift to lowered testosterone levels (which can play a role), emerging studies paint a very different picture.

The real problem is the proliferation and rampant abuse of pornography.

Because of the increased access to porn—and the increasingly intense and novel nature of today’s porn films—men are experiencing a virtual castration of their sex lives.

Porn is something psychologists refer to as “supernormal stimuli”. A fancy way of saying that porn is so stimulating, it rewires the neural pathways in your brain to make “normal” stimuli (like sex with a real woman) seem boring and banal.

With the click of a button, you have immediate access to millions of hours of porn designed to fulfill any fantasy you’ve ever had.

And the results have been catastrophic.

Numerous studies have correlated frequent porn use with depression, anxiety, sexual dysfunction, and lowered life satisfaction (d).

  • 25 studies link porn use/sex addiction to sexual problems and lower arousal to sexual stimuli. The first 5 studies in the list demonstrate causation, as participants eliminated porn use and healed chronic sexual dysfunctions.
  • Almost 60 studies link porn use to less sexual and relationship satisfaction.
  • Over 20 studies reporting findings consistent with escalation of porn use (tolerance), habituation to porn, and even withdrawal symptoms
  • 50 studies link porn use to poorer mental-emotional health & poorer cognitive outcome

Not only does porn put you in the position of a beta male (you’re getting off to another man’s pleasure instead of your own), but it actually conditions your brain and body to orgasm faster.

When most men watch porn, they quickly fire through a few videos, skipping to the most arousing scenes, and then finish in fewer than 10 minutes, if that. This trains your body to jump from arousal to orgasm in a matter of minutes instead of helping you control your arousal response, connect intimately with a lover and focus on presence.

And, if you’re serious about lasting longer and improving your sexual stamina, you need to cut porn’s toxic influence from your life.

For the next 30 days, I challenge you go on a porn fast. This is not a moralistic or ethical experiment—personally I don’t believe there’s anything inherently wrong with porn when used appropriately—but purely physiological. It’s designed to reveal the often unknown and unaddressed effects of prolonged porn use.

Unfollow all the scantily clad models who fill your Instagram feed. Install a website blocker on your devices and give the password to someone you trust. Get accountable to a friend and commit to spending 30 days without consuming pornography in any form.

Although you can and should try out a “nofap” experiment (30 days without porn or masturbation), I encourage you to slowly and focus on the bigger problem.

You can masturbate as often as you want but you cannot watch or fantasize about porn while doing it.

At the end of the 30 days, I promise, you’ll be amazed by how rapidly your sexual performance improves and how significantly your entire life changes when you aren’t spending 30-60 minutes a day shamefully watching other people do the dirty.

When it’s all said and done, porn serves no purpose in the life of a grounded man. It doesn’t improve your life, it doesn’t make you stronger, and it doesn’t make you happier. When used moderately with a partner to explore possible sexual desires, it can be a healthy. But let’s be honest, this is a rare exception to the rule and very few men are watching porn with their partner.

Significantly reduce porn use or cut it out of your life entirely and you’ll not only last longer, but be a better man for it.

3. Overcome Premature Ejaculation by OWNING it

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I’m going to let tell you something you might not believe…

Women can actually get turned on when they make a man cum quickly.

If you’re a grounded man who knows how to handle the situation, they’ll see your “premature ejaculation” as a signal of their own beauty and performance and feel more confident about themselves because they made you lose control (women struggle with sexual anxiety too and like to know they’re highly desired and good lovers).

However, the key to working with PE lies in your response.

When most men orgasm quickly, they get embarrassed. They turn it into a big deal and allow their ego to ruin the interaction.

They’ll say things like:

Ah! This NEVER happens” (a lie that every woman can see right through)

Or

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me…I’m so sorry”

They allow something that every man faces to turn them into weak, placating, beta males instead of using it as an opportunity to express their level of arousal for her in the moment.

If/when you know you’re going to cum before you’re ready, don’t hide it…own it.

You can either take control and tell her to stop, saying something like,

“Damn! You are so hot I’m not ready to cum but if we don’t stop for a second you’re going to make me lose control!”

And then go back to foreplay, kissing down her body, going down on her, or manually getting her off until you’ve calmed down and can go again.

Or, if you’re past the point of no return, say,

“Damn! You are so hot, you’re going to make me cum…I’ll make sure you finish too…more than once”

When you cum, immediately dispose of the condom (you are using protection right?), laugh, and then pick her up…throw her down on the bed and say, “I’m not through with you yet” and resume foreplay until she cums.

Take a break, hang out for a few minutes, and go again.

I promise, she won’t be upset or disappointed and will respect you more because of the way you handled a seemingly embarrassing situation.

On a side note, when you own your “lackluster” performance in this way, it makes her more receptive to having sex again later in the night, and it’s always easier to last longer in bed after you’ve already had sex.

If you get embarrassed, apologize or make it a big deal, she may feel weird about the situation and either leave or reject any later advances.

As always, staying grounded is your key to success.

4. Zen and the Art of Exceptional Sexual Performance and Lasting Longer in Bed

Sexual anxiety (and its byproduct of premature ejaculation) can only happen when you’re in your head.

When you’re focused on your performance, when you’re worrying if you’re big enough, lasting long enough, or fucking her the right way…failure, in the form of losing your erection or cumming too quickly, is inevitable.

Its a lot like martial arts.

When I first started training Brazilian jiu-jitsu in my early 20s I was horrible. I would regularly get tapped out by guys half my size often not because they were more technically skilled than me…but because I was caught in my head.

I was constantly thinking about the right move or the specific hold I needed to do and, as a result, would get choked out within seconds.

One day, my instructor pulled me aside and said “Andrew, if you’re in your head, you’re dead. You know what to do, so trust yourself.”

Or, as Obiwan put it, “Don’t think, feel”.

When I stopped focusing on my performance when I got out of my head and into the present moment…when I focused on the “present state” of the grapple and my opponent’s movements…my performance drastically improved (and I actually went on to win numerous competitions and medals).

It’s the same in the bedroom.

When you’re present…when you’re fully focused and engaged with your lover…the smell of her hair…the feeling of her skin pressed against yours…her moans and breaths as you penetrate her…your anxiety will dissipate and you can flow through the experience.

The next time you find yourself in your head…relax and breathe. Look at the woman you’re with, feel her pressed against you, get into your body and engage with the experience.

If you’re in your head, you’re dead. So get out of your head and into the moment.

(Note: if this is something you really struggle with I encourage you to pick up meditation or hypnotherapy to help you combat your anxiety. Sexual anxiety is a habit and if you’ve struggled with it for a long time, like any other bad habit, it will take time and effort to overcome it).

5. Tap into the Power of the Best “Sex Toy” for Mind-Blowing Sex (No…not like that).

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The single most underrated skill a man can develop to become a mind blowing lover who women crave and can’t wait to experience again is something that seems obvious but is often overlooked.

Communication.

Since the time you were a little boy, you’ve been inundated with toxic social memes about what it means to be a good lover.

You’ve likely bought into the lie that you should always know what to do and exactly how to touch, lick, or penetrate a woman to give her toe curling orgasms.

But real sex doesn’t work like this.

Women are complicated. And their sexual preferences and appetites are as unique and multifaceted as they are.

Instead of acting like you “know it all” and assuming that what worked with previous lovers will work with your current partner.

Use your mouth.

Communicate. Cut through the bullshit and ask her exactly what she wants.

Simple things like:

“Does this feel good?”

“How do you want me to penetrate you?”

“Where do you want me to touch/lick you?”

Or my favorite…

“I’m not leaving this bed until I’ve made your body tremble with pleasure…what makes you cum uncontrollably?”

This will set you apart from the other men she’s experienced and help you know that you’re giving her exactly what she wants.

When you communicate with your partner and discover the exact positions, motions, and idiosyncrasies that get them off (e.g. some women want to be dominated, choked, and fucked hard while others prefer to be in control and enjoy a more sensual experience) you won’t have to sit in your head wondering if she’s having a good time.

It’s important to point out that communication isn’t a “one and done” thing either. What a woman wants will vary from day to day and even hour to hour.

I’ve known women who, in the heat of a sexual encounter would ask me to talk dirty to them about orgies, BDSM or even bringing another man into the bedroom. Then, seconds after the experience was over they’d laugh and say, “It’s funny, I don’t really want to do that…it just seemed so hot in the moment”.

The more you communicate with your partner the more effectively you can be the lover she wants and the more you can “train” her to become the lover you want.

Remember: the tongue is mightier than the “sword”.

II. How to Last Longer By Optimizing Your Health and Unleashing the Sexual Animal to Last Longer in Bed

Although your mindset and attitude toward sex is important, it is only one piece of the puzzle. To show up as the best lover possible and beat premature ejaculation for good, you must address the underlying physical causes of your problems and identify the ways in which our modern diet and lifestyle have undermined your sexual performance and satisfaction.

More often than not, premature ejaculation is only one of many symptoms indicative of a systematic problem with your overall health.

By taking action on the following recommendations (strap in, because we are diving deep), you’ll not only start lasting longer, but show up to life and your relationships with more energy, vitality, and strength than ever before.

1. You Can’t Be a Beast In the Sheets if You Aren’t…a Beast

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I’m going to be blunt here.

Peak sexual performance…lasting for hours…maintaining strong erections…having the energy and stamina to please your lover…is not possible without peak physical performance.

If you’re lugging around an extra 30 lbs of body fat, get winded walking up the stairs, and have the view of your penis blocked by your beer gut it’s all but impossible to show up as the man and lover you want to be in the bedroom.

And I know this might not be politically correct to say, but it’s the truth.

If you aren’t in great shape physically, you will never reach the zenith of your sexual performance.

Just consider that studies have shown (e):

  • Obesity can lower the frequency, strength, and duration of your erections.
  • Obesity leads to lowered stamina and cardiovascular health, making it difficult to last longer in bed.
  • Obesity can lower men’s self-image and lead to reduced confidence in the bedroom.
  • Obesity can cause low testosterone (which leads to a lowered libido and lower quality of life)

Inversely, studies have also shown (f):

  • Individuals who exercise regularly have been shown to experience a delay in age-related sexual decline
  • Physically active people report greater levels of sexual arousal, activity, and satisfaction.
  • Regular exercise improves heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing, allowing you to last longer and have improved sexual performance.

The solution, although elegantly simple, is not easy.

First, you must commit to moving your body and working up a sweat every single day. You don’t need to do a brutal CrossFit workout or hit the iron like Arnold seven days a week…but you should get outside and move for at least 20-minutes every day.

Personally, I recommend that you lift heavy weights three times a week (focusing primarily on the bench press, deadlift, squat, and overhead press), go for a brisk 30-minute walk or jog twice a week, and attend a 60-minute yoga class once a week.

Resistance training increases testosterone, improves blood flow, increases HGH, and will improve your overall health and drive as a man.

Regular cardio had been shown to confer similar benefits and will help you maintain peak cardiovascular health which is essential for lasting longer (e.g. you won’t get winded as quickly).

And a regular yoga practice will not only stretch and strengthen your pelvic floor (a topic on which we’ll do a deep dive later) but train you to be in control of your breath during intense exercise…an essential component of lasting longer.

If you want specific programs or regiments to follow, I recommend checking out, Bigger, Leaner, Stronger, Starting Strength, and Becoming a Supple Leopard.

In addition to frequent and intense exercise, you must also prioritize proper rest and recovery.

Studies have shown that chronic sleep deprivation can lead to a slew of symptoms and problems that wreak havoc on your sexual health including (g):

  • Depression
  • Low sex drive
  • High blood pressure
  • Stroke
  • Diabetes

To help you get the most out of your sleep and recovery here are a few quick tips that have been proven to improve sleep quality:

  • Set your thermostat to 65-67F
  • Black out your room completely (if you can see your hand in front of your face, it’s too bright)
  • Wake up at the same time everyday (your bedtime can vary your wake up time should not)
  • Stop consuming caffeine after 1pm noon
  • Stop eating 3 hours before bed
  • Turn off all electronics 60 minutes before bed to avoid the melatonin suppressing effects of blue light
  • Avoid alcohol and cannabis close to bedtime. These substances help you fall asleep faster but inhibit the most important sleep stages (deep and REM)

I’ll touch on dietary recommendations to help you last longer in just a minute but here are some extra tactics to help you improve your sexual stamina.

  • Sit in the sauna for 20-minutes a day to sweat out toxins. There are countless benefits to acute heat exposure and this simple habit will improve your performance in every area of life.
  • Avoid stimulants (like Adderall, nicotine, and caffeine): they’ve been shown to cause premature ejaculation and lowered sexual stamina
  • Cut back on alcohol. It might be a social lubricant but it’s been shown to decrease the quality of your erections and increase the incidences of sexual dysfunction (h)
  • Get at least 30-minutes of direct sun exposure each day especially in the morning.
  • Practice “earthing” (standing in the grass or dirt barefoot) for 15-minutes a day. As woo woo as it sounds, numerous studies have found direct contact with the earth to confer dozens of health benefits (i).

2. Simple Tips to Overcome Dietary and Deficiency Driven Emasculation

One of the most common causes of sexual dysfunction and premature ejaculation is something I’ve dubbed “Dietary Emasculation”.

Simply put…the food industry is killing and castrating men by the millions and our nutritionally bankrupt diets have quietly and systematically rendered most modern men all but impotent.

According to recent studies (l) the average man in his 20s has lower testosterone levels than middle-aged men did only 50 years ago.

And the implications of this pandemic should be obvious.

Furthermore, many studies have linked sexual dysfunction with low levels of serotonin, high blood pressure, thyroid issues, and diabetes…all of which are correlated (if not completely caused) by improper diet and nutrition).

Not to mention the host of potential problems caused by obesity (a problem facing nearly 60% of all American men).

Luckily, you don’t need to go paleo or eat a ketogenic diet to fix any underlying issues you might be facing and shred the unwanted body fat.

Although you can and should invest in high-quality hormone panels, blood tests, and gut biome analysis to uncover the exact diet and supplements you need to perform at optimal levels, there are five simple tips you can use to jumpstart your physical transformation and perform physically and sexually at the highest levels.

1. Eat a Predominantly Whole Foods Diet and Hit Your Damn “Macros”

The first step to beating dietary emasculation, boosting your testosterone, improving your physical health, and lasting longer in bed is to cut 90% of the crap from your diet and consume predominantly whole foods with an intentional macronutrient balance.

After a few weeks of eating foods that had a heartbeat or grew in the ground for 80% of your calories, you’ll experience and immediate and marked improvement in your sexual performance.

Regarding macronutrients, most studies have shown that, to achieve optimal testosterone levels, most men should consume a diet that consists of

  • 40-50% carbs
  • 20% fat (shoot for 100 grams of healthy fats from things like coconut oil and avocados)
  • And 30% protein.

I encourage you to use an app like MyFitnessPal to create a simple meal plan that works for you and your lifestyle and then cook the same meals 5-6 days a week.

If you’re overweight or obese (read: above 15% body fat), be sure to set your macros at a deficit of 15% (any more than this and you’ll likely fall prey to the “yo-yo” dieting—starving yourself for months only to gain back all the fat you lost and then some).

Use a calorie calculator like this one to determine the exact number of calories and macronutrients you need to shed the fat as quickly as possible.

Give yourself one cheat day where you can eat your favorite foods guilt-free but stick to whole foods the rest of the time.

If you do nothing else from this section…do this.

In my experience, nothing will improve your health and mental clarity faster than fixing your diet.

2. Add these Sexual Superchargers to Your Diet

ways to last longer in bed

While eating a whole food diet with the right macros is a good start, if you’re serious about improving your sexual performance, lasting longer, and becoming the “best she’s ever had”, you’ll want to add in a few “sexual superchargers” to boost your testosterone, libido, and blood flow even more.

Specifically, I encourage you to consume (j)

  • Wild oysters in olive oil
  • Garlic
  • Pomegranate juice
  • Blueberries
  • Raw Dark Chocolate
  • Beets

None of these foods, in and of themselves, will transform your sexual performance or physical health. But when coupled with the other prescriptions found in this guide, they’ll give you an extra boost.

3. Take These Supplements to Unleash the Primal Beast and Address Underlying Deficiencies

Obligatory disclaimer: I’m not a doctor. Do not take any of the following substances without medical supervision or guidance and do not exceed the recommended doses…you’ll never be a kickass lover if you destroy your health with haphazard supplementation!

I’m going to be blunt.

At this time, there are no compelling studies showing the efficacy of any one vitamin or mineral to improve staying power and help you last longer during sex.

However…

It’s important to remember that your body is not a tightly compartmentalized system.

If you have any underlying micronutrient deficiencies or acute health problems, they will trickle down and affect every area of your life, even if they aren’t directly correlated.

(For example, 90% of your serotonin—the “happy hormone”—is produced in the gut, and doctors have discovered that dietary modifications can be more effective in combating depression than traditional SSRIS, despite the seeming lack of correlation).

Just because a specific supplement may not directly improve your staying power or help you last longer in bed doesn’t mean it cannot help improve your sexual performance.

With this in mind, here are a few of the most important supplements you should be taking to optimize physical and sexual performance (k)

  • Magnesium
  • Zinc
  • Vitamin d3
  • Omega 3s
  • B vitamins
  • Greens mix

Every man, regardless of his age or goals should include these supplements in their arsenal.

To get an extra “kick” you can also use:

  • Forskolin
  • Mucuna pruriens
  • Pine pollen powder
  • Ginkgo Bilbao

Again, none of these supplements are a “magic bullet”. They are simply one part of a comprehensive and detailed strategy.

Your sleep, diet, and exercise are the most important factor for improving your sexual performance and lasting longer. But once those are taken care of, these supplements can and will help you get an extra edge.

4. Practice the “Caveman Eating Schedule” to Improve Your Health and Start Lasting Longer 

Intermittent fasting, once considered to be a passing fad, has proven to be one of the most important dietary discoveries of the 21st century.

In practice, it’s elegantly simple.

For 16-18 hours a day (or 24 hours once a week), you fast. Then, during the remaining 6-8 hours, consume all of your calories.

Studies have shown that intermittent fasting can (m)

  • Increased energy
  • Improved cellular health
  • Lowered (bad) cholesterol
  • Improves memory and brain function
  • Reduces insulin resistance
  • Aids in weight loss

It’s a simple but powerful way to boost your health and combat sexual dysfunction.

My recommendation is that you skip breakfast and eat from 12pm to 8 pm only.

5. Lean Towards a Plant-Based Diet

I’ve never been a 100% vegetarian or vegan and, personally, I don’t plan to switch to a “no meat diet” any time in the foreseeable future.

However, it’s worth noting that recent studies (n) have found a surprising correlation between plant-based diets and sexual performance.

Specifically, a study conducted by Dr. Aaron Spitz showed that college athletes, when tested on both an omnivorous and herbivorous diet, experienced a statistically significant improvement between 150 and 500% in the strength and duration of their erections in a plant based diet.

Now, there are two sides to every coin and it’s worth noting that plant based diets, despite their popularity, have been correlated with low testosterone levels and decreased physical performance among many men.

So don’t take this as a prescription but rather a possible experiment.

If you’re struggling with your sexual performance and suffer from erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, a plant based diet is worth considering.

As always, test it for yourself (ideally under the supervision of a knowledgeable doctor who can run regular blood tests to give you objective feedback) and see what works.

3. Use These Male Masturbation Techniques to Last Longer in Bed (And Have a Great Time)

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There’s an old saying in Latin American:

“Como bailas como follas”.

Or, “How you dance is how you f*ck.”

And while there might be a kernel of truth to this saying, for our purposes a more appropriate phrase is:

“How you masturbate is how you f*ck”.

As mentioned earlier, the way you masturbate conditions how your body response to arousal and sexual stimulus.

If you “take care of yourself” in 5 minutes or less, you shouldn’t be surprised when you struggle to last for 20-30 minutes with a woman.

However, the inverse is also true. When you are conscious of the way you masturbate…when you train your body to orgasm more slowly…when you take your time and explore your own body and master your arousal response…you will condition yourself to last longer and be a more effective lover.

As such, I encourage you to take up a practice of conscious masturbation—without porn—and make time for the most biblical form of self love every week.

When you masturbate, do so slowly. Likely slower than you’ve ever done it in your life.

Set aside 30-60 minutes when you won’t be interrupted and enjoy the process.

Treat these sessions the same way you would sex with an actual lover. Clean up your room, dim the lights, put on some music and relax.

Arouse yourself slowly and keep the practice rhythmic and consistent instead of aggressively trying to get off.

To get the most out of the practice, I encourage you to use what relationship coach and men’s sexual performance expert Jordan Grey calls the “9-5 rule”.

Imagine your arousal on a scale of 1-10 where 10 means you’re cumming and 1 means you’re so turned off you’d turn down oral sex from Victoria’s Secret model.

Slowly work yourself up to a 9, right until you’re on the brink of orgasm, and then stop. Take a deep breath and refrain from touching yourself again until you’re at a level 5.

During the first few days or weeks of this practice, you’ll likely end up cumming before you intend to and it’s ok. Remember, you’ve been conditioning bad sexual habits since you were 12 years old (or younger). You won’t break them in one day or even one month.

But with time and practice, you’ll gain complete control over your arousal response and orgasms with or without a partner.

I encourage you to repeat this practice at least 2-3 times a week and actively make time for it in your calendar.

I know this sounds weird and more than a bit “fruity”, but you should feel no shame in pleasuring yourself and consciously training yourself to become a better lover.

I promise you, if you work your way up to 30-45 minute self-pleasure sessions, you’ll be staggered by how markedly your performance improves when you’re with a partner.

4. It’s All in the Breath

Science is starting to catch up to something the Taoists and Hindus have known for thousands of years.

Your sexual performance—specifically your sexual stamina and ability to last longer—is directly controlled by your breath.

And, in the same way, that most men have conditioned themselves to be subpar lovers through years of lackluster masturbation habits, men have also unwittingly conditioned themselves to be subpar lovers through years of shallow and ineffective breathing…exacerbated by our sedentary and desk-bound lifestyles.

Your nervous system, and as a byproduct your arousal response and orgasm control are directly linked to the quality of your breathing.

And unfortunately, most men have no idea how to breathe for peak sexual performance.

Luckily, there are a few simple exercises to help you improve the quality of your breath and last longer.

1. The Daily “Iceman” Exercise for Improved Oxygen Utilization and Breath Control

The first exercise you’re going to do, ideally first thing in the morning coupled with a cold shower, is something called the “Wim Hoff Breath”.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Wim, he’s gained international acclaim for his superhuman feats, including:

  • Hiking to Mt. Everest’s “death zone” in his shorts
  • Setting a world record by spending more than. 2 hours submerged in an ice bucket (which he did “for fun”)
  • Completing the longest under ice single breath swim
  • Running a marathon in the desert without food or water
  • Being infected with an aggressive strain of the E. Coli bacteria under laboratory settings…and killing it with nothing but his breath.

In other words, the man is a legend.

And he shares a simple breathwork practice anyone can use to improve their overall health and vitality and master their breath control.

Here’s a quick video walking you through it.

I encourage you to do 30-40 rounds of this practice every morning for at least a month to improve your overall respiratory health and help you boost your breathwork during intercourse.

2. The 4-7-8 Premature Ejaculation Killer to Last Longer

While the Wim Hoff technique will help you improve the overall quality of your breathing and health, it isn’t designed to be used in the heat of a sexual encounter.

It’s not exactly a “turn on” when you start gasping for air mid thrust like an oddly horny beached whale.

However, there is a breathwork technique, made popular by Dr. Andrew Weil of Harvard university that will give you almost immediate control of your sympathetic nervous system and arousal response.

And it works like this

Breath in through your nose for 4-seconds.
Hold the breath for 7-seconds.
Exhale through your mouth (lips pursed, slow and steady) for 8-seconds.

Repeat this four times when you feel yourself getting close to orgasm and I promise, you’ll be able to last far longer than usual.

Most cases of premature ejaculation are caused by insufficient exhale. You are building up and storing sexual energy on the inhale without ever fully releasing it. This exercise will help you dissipate the rising sexual energy and radically improve performance.

3. Practice Hypoxic Exercise for Further Optimization

Finally, I encourage you to include some form of hypoxia (low oxygen) training during your weekly workouts.

Low oxygen training has been shown to (o):

  • Increase the number of androgen receptors in your brain
  • Improved testosterone production
  • Improved turnover of DHT
  • Promote growth hormong production

The simplest way to practice this tactic is to do “breath-hold sets” while lifting.

Take a deep inhale before beginning your first rep and then hold your breath until the final rep during which you will slowly exhale through your nose.

Alternatively you can do a 15-second breath hold at the top of every minute during a cardio or sauna session.

While it isn’t specifically designed to improve your sexual performance, the benefits proferred from hypoxic training will improve your physical and respiratory health and condition you to be in total control of your breathing during intense physical exertion (regardless of whether it’s in the gym or in the sheets).

Warning: Do NOT do this without supervision. Hypoxia can lead to countless black outs and cardiac arrest. Breathe responsibly.

4. How to Last Longer By Using Kegels (Not Just for Women)

In the 21st century, men are today more than ever before, stagnant.

Not just emotionally and spiritually (although that is certainly true too) but physically.

We wake up, take a shower, sit in the car for 30-minutes while we drive to work and sit for another 8 hours. Then we drive home (sitting), pop open a beer, and sit on the couch for a few more hours before going to sleep.

And one of the unintended and often unaddressed consequences of our sedentary lifestyles is that men have developed weak pelvic floors.

Unfortunately for your sexual performance, your pelvic floor is the primary muscle group responsible your ability to control orgasms (p) .

To strengthen your pelvic floor and increase your ability to consciously control your orgasms, I encourage you to use the following exercises.

1. The Towel exercise for stronger erections and total orgasm control

I’m going to be blunt. This exercise is weird.

But it’s one of the single most effective exercises for improving the strength of your erections and developing greater control of your PC muscles and orgasms.

It works like this…

First, lay down and play with yourself until you have a full erection.

Once you’re at “full mast” lay an article of clothing or a light hand towel over your penis and attempt to “lift” it up by flexing your PC muscle and moving your cock.

Do this for 15-20 reps. Rest for a few minutes and then repeat.

Like any form of resistance training, your goal is to lift increasingly heavier and heavier weights (maxing out with a wet bath towel) for more and more reps.

And like any other form of resistance training, you need to give your pelvic muscles adequate time to repair and heal and you should do this exercise, at most 3 times a week when you’re first getting started.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll be surprised by how difficult and strenuous this simple exercise is. And even more surprised by how quickly you gain complete control of your orgasms.

2. Daily “Penis Pulses” to Improve your Sexual Stamina

In addition to doing the towel workout a few times a week, I encourage you to take 5 minutes a day to do daily “penis pulses” and flex your Pc muscle.

The exercise, much like it sounds, consists of rapidly flexing, holding, and releasing (pulsing) your PC muscle for 10-20 reps.

You should feel a squeeze between your scrotum and anus and a literal “lift” in your junk if you’re doing this correctly.

Here’s a SFW video showing you how it works.

The best part about this exercise is that it can be done anywhere and at anytime with complete discretion.

You can even download an app like PFEI yo take you through specific training protocols designed to strengthen your PC muscles.

Personally, I recommend that you simply flex and hold for 3-5 seconds, release for 5-seconds and repeat 12-20 times.

Do this once a day—while in the sauna, waiting room, or at your desk—and I promise you’ll notice a marked improvement in your sexual performance.

3. Consider a Tool like “The Private Gym”

Although you don’t need to buy any fancy equipment or performance-enhancing devices to last longer and become a better lover…

…There is one product I recently discovered that has been shown to improve sexual stamina (and approved by the FDA).

It’s called the “private gym “ (why they chose such a banal name over something like The Dick Booster 5000 is beyond me) and it’s actually pretty simple.

It mimics the same style of kegel training as the towel exercise i shared earlier but does so in a much more structured and progressive way.

You receive a weighted cock ring (to be worn during masturbation or intercourse…if your partner is down with it) that’s adjustable for varying degrees of difficulty and a full 8-week program that walks you through the exact exercises and practices you need to use each day.

Although I’ve never used it myself, Ben “The Cock Warlock” Greenfield, wrote a comprehensive review of the product on his site which you can check it out here to see if it’s a good fit for you.

For most of you reading this, the other exercises and prescriptions I’ve made will be more than sufficient to eliminate your problems with premature ejaculation and unlock new heights of sexual performance and stamina.

But if you really want to take yourself (and your little soldier) to the next level…this tool will help you do it.

5. “How to Last Longer By Finishing Fast: Remember the “I Love Lucy Rule”

Finally, we come to perhaps my favorite trick of all…

The “I love Lucy rule”

If you’ve never seen the movie, starring Ben Stiller and Cameron Diaz, there’s a hilarious scene where Ben’s character is instructed to “wax the dolphin” before his big date to get the “baby batter” off the brain.

And, despite the unfortunate manner in which events unfold for him, the advice is incredibly sound.

The first orgasm of any day will likely be your fastest because you are the most aroused before you’ve cum.

So, if you have a big date or know your lady will be coming over later, carve out 30-minutes to masturbate before she cums over (see what I did there) and release the tension.

It’s simple, completely anecdotal, and amazingly effective.

III. How to Last Longer in Bed by ‘Nailing’ the Mechanics

With your mind and body firing on all cylinders, the only thing that’s left to address is the actual mechanics of your sexual performance.

And often, a few simple tweaks to the way you show up in the sack are more than enough to overcome premature ejaculation for good and unleash your inner sex god.

1. Mastering Sexual Tension, Strategic Foreplay, and the “She Comes First Method”

male masturbation techniques

To alleviate any sexual anxiety you might feel, master your arousal, and ensure your partner leaves the encounter as satisfied as you are, you must be intentional in the way you sequence foreplay.

Not only do you want to make her cum before penetration, but you want to build the sexual tension to the point where she is all but begging you for penetration.

Unlike men, women’s primary source of stimulation is emotional, not visual or physical.

Her orgasm is about the way you make her feel and the emotional build-up to penetration…not the act itself.

The actual “mechanics” of sex matter less than the emotional tone and mood you set with your words and actions.

It’s why a woman can have sex with a classic “alpha male” whos hung like a moose and can last for hours…but not have an orgasm.

And then sleep with another man who is less well equipped and only lasts for 20-minutes but understands the mechanics of female psychology…and have the best orgasm of her life.

To accomplish this, you must become a master of building sexual tension. And the easiest way to accomplish this is by extending foreplay and properly sequencing your sexual encounters.

Specifically, you should begin every encounter by kissing for an extended period of time (meaning at least 10-15 minutes…not 60-seconds).

As you’re kissing her, gently run your hands all over her body, caressing her hair, firmly—but gently—grabbing her neck and coming close to touching her erogenous zones (her breasts, genitals, and butt) but pulling away at the last second.

Bite her neck and whisper what you want to do into her ear (e.g. “I can’t wait to take you on the bed and make your body shake with pleasure”) and then stop…

Step back, look her up and down and tell her to take off her clothes slowly. Compliment her body as she starts to strip and make plenty of eye contact throughout.

Make it clear that you’re attracted to her and can’t wait to share a sexual experience with her and then motion for her to come over and lay on the bed.

While she’s laying down, slowly rub your hand up and down her legs, coming close to her genitals (again without actually touching them) and continue kissing her until she verbally asks—more accurately begs— you to touch her.

Again…

Take it slow.

Don’t go jamming your fingers inside of her and furiously fingering her like a high school kid. Instead, gently caress her clitoris and vaginal opening until you feel her get wet.

Slide your fingers inside of her and slowly start to make a “come hither” motion about two knuckles inside of her.

While you’re fingering her, be sure to continue caressing her body and kissing her (especially her breasts) to maximize the pleasure she feels.

At this point, you can go down on her…again, gently and slowly and continue touching and licking her until she cums.

If she’s willing to go down on you (which most women are if it’s reciprocal), instruct her to go down on you until you’re hard and at a 7-8 in terms of arousal.

When you feel yourself becoming too aroused, have her stop and then go down on her again.

Not only will you likely give her multiple orgasms (and set yourself apart as a generous lover) but you’ll give yourself time between oral and vaginal stimulation to ensure you can control your arousal.

Finally, after she’s finished and your confidence has increased, you can get on top of her and slowly penetrate her.

And as you do, keep the next point in mind…

2. Watch Your Speed: Road Slippery When Wet

Despite what your favorite porno taught you, most women do not want to be treated like a little sex toy most of the time.

According to almost every woman, I’ve dated, slept with, or interviewed, women want a markedly different experience from what most men imagine.

They want a slower more sensual experience that gradually builds up to that dominant and energetic climax.

Which brings me to the simplest way to last longer…

Slow down!

Instead of screwing like a little jackrabbit, take it slowly, be gentle, and gradually build up the tempo to the ultimate shared release.

As a general rule of thumb, you shouldn’t achieve full penetration for at least a minute after you’re inside of her. Take it slow and “tease” her with your cock until she physically pulls you deeper inside of her (trust me, she will).

After she pulls you in, continue to take it slowly, alternating deep thrusts with 5-10 seconds inside of her, and slightly quicker and more shallow thrusts.

After 10-15 minutes of this, you can increase the speed until you orgasm, and then pat yourself on the back…knowing that you put out a killer performance.

3. Find Your Perfect Position to Help You Last longer

Every man has a certain sexual position that will make him finish 10X faster than any other position.

For most men, doggy style and cowgirl are the most likely culprits but it varies from man to man and partner to partner.

As you experiment with new partners (or your existing monogamous partner), take note of positions that make you cum quickly and those that allow you to last longer.

During the first 10-20 minutes of your sexual encounters, focus on the “slow orgasm” positions and then finish with your favorite/most stimulating positions when you’re ready to cum.

4. Lasting Longer in Bed Is Proportional to Your Ability to Relax and Get Present

how to not cum

Literally…

An orgasm is a very physically intense experience (no shit, I know). Your muscles contract, your breathing speeds up, and your entire body enters into fight or flight mode.

To delay your TTO (time to orgasm), you must enter into the encounter from a physically relaxed state.

While prolonged foreplay should help with this, I also encourage you to spend a few minutes before a sexual experience getting physically relaxed.

If you can, be sure to sneak in a hard workout at some point during the day to burn off any excess energy and blast the tension out of your muscles.

For those of you in a long term relationship (or with high levels of confidence), you can also take a hot bath or swap erotic massages with your partner before going into the bedroom.

And of course, take a few minutes to do deep breathing before you begin. I promise it’ll work wonders.

Conclusion

Whew! Congratulations on making it through this beast of an article and taking your first steps toward learning how to last longer in bed, beat premature ejaculation, and become a sexual powerhouse.

Right now, you’re probably feeling a little overwhelmed and, if so, it’s ok.

Remember…you don’t need to do everything I shared in this article.

Instead, focus on the 2-3 most important tactics for you (e.g. if you’re in good shape, focus on the pelvic floor, breathing, and mindset exercises, if you’re overweight, focus on diet and exercise) and I promise, your sexual performance will improve leaps and bounds.

You’ve got this…

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We have a thriving community of 800+ Grounded Men dominating their path and purpose and I actively engage with the group on a daily basis. I’d love to support you on your journey towards becoming the strongest version of yourself.

References:

a. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16422843
b. https://www.statista.com/statistics/587109/size-of-the-global-sex-toy-market/
c. https://www.nature.com/articles/3901507
d.https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/studies-reported-relationships-between-porn-use-or-porn-addictionsex-addiction-and-sexual
e. https://www.obesityaction.org/community/article-library/men-is-obesity-affecting-your-sex-life/
f. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6388286/
g. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5449130/
h. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2917074/
i. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3265077/
j. https://anabolicmen.com/erection-boosting-foods-to-cure-erectile-dysfunction/
k. https://www.menshealth.com/nutrition/a19539297/the-top-10-supplements-for-men/
l. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/06/120623144944.htm
m. https://www.bulletproof.com/diet/intermittent-fasting/intermittent-fasting-guide/
n. https://www.livekindly.co/science-erections-500-better-vegan-diet/
o. https://anabolicmen.com/dihydrotestosterone/
p. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1324914/

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