Most romantic relationships are codependent. You find a partner because you think you need one to be complete. You’re mistaken.
Since we were young, we’ve been spoon-fed the narrative that finding a partner is the end game. Without that missing puzzle piece, we are less than a man. We are loners or losers.
Research suggests more than half of Americans show codependent traits. I’m talking about diminishing yourself for your partner, being needy, and staying with someone because you’re scared of being alone.
These are not conscious relationships.
It’s a hard pill to swallow. And the problem lies with how we select our partners.
Choosing someone based on attraction alone is unlikely to lead to a conscious relationship. Sure, she is hot, but is she ready to grow with you and meet your needs? Sleepwalking into unhealthy relationships after unhealthy relationships will leave you empty.
You can’t carry someone through this life — no matter how attractive she is. You deserve more than a pretty face and long legs. You deserve a quality partner who shares your long-term goals, appreciates your ambition and can keep up with you.
Since launching my relationship coaching program, I’ve witnessed this conundrum time and time again. However, to become a high-achieving alpha male, you need to be selective about your romantic relationships.
In this ultimate guide, I will be sharing how you can do that while delving into the undeniable value of creating a conscious relationship.
What is a conscious relationship?
Unlike codependent relationships where you need each other, these partnerships are based on shared goals, continuous growth, and mutual respect.
Finding a woman of the same caliber as you and willing to commit herself to grow with you is the aim.
Rather than relying on each other for comfort, you are a couple who share a true vision of the future. You both work toward that goal.
Too many men shack up with the first woman who says ‘yes’ and end up in a low-quality relationship that holds them back.
I’ve seen it countless times before now. Breaking free from the shackles of these types of relationships will serve you and your future.
The truth: Falling into an unconscious relationship can ruin your self-esteem and leave you feeling trapped.
“You don’t let go of a bad relationship because you stop caring about them. You let go because you start caring about yourself.” — Charles Orlando
You might have had many unhealthy relationships in the past you thought would work. Maybe it was your high school girlfriend. Perhaps it was that post-college relationship that lasted a little too long. Maybe it was the woman you married and bought your first house with.
It doesn’t matter — what matters is that you recognized that the relationship was a drain.
These relationships are a trap. When you fall into them, you lose your autonomy. You don’t grow as a couple—you become less of yourself to appease your partner.
When you’re in these relationships, you will find it hard to notice there’s a problem. These partnerships are comfortable and easy.
That’s what makes them so hard to walk away from. First things first, you need to be aware of the red flags. If you notice the following, the fact of the matter is that your relationship is tying you down:
- You’ve stopped doing things for yourself. Every decision is based on what she wants and the support you need to give her. Ask yourself: When was the last time you decided for your benefit?
- Your self-esteem is at an all-time low. Staying trapped in an unconscious relationship will destroy your confidence. You spend all of your time giving her what she needs, rather than focusing on becoming the strongest version of yourself.
- You say ‘no’ when you should say ‘yes.’ Imagine you get offered your dream job in California. It’s everything you want for your career, but you need to move. When you tell her about it, she convinces you to stay put. She wants to settle down, have a baby, and stay near her family. So, you cave and do as she says.
- You feel responsible for her happiness. Everyone has agency and is responsible for their happiness. However, you will feel accountable for your partner’s emotions in unconscious relationships. You are not—and never should be.
- You are trapped in the relationship. Worried about how she would react if you left? Do you feel she leans on you for emotional or financial support? These common issues can leave you feeling trapped in the relationship.
- The pair of you are stagnating. Are you moving forward as a couple or staying in one place? Something needs to change if you’ve become complacent in your relationship and your life. If you’re not growing, you’re wasting your time.
Alarm bells are ringing in your head. All of the above sounds familiar, and you don’t know how you let yourself slide into this situation. Becoming the best version of yourself takes time, energy, and resources. However, when you get there, you can start high-quality relationships that align with your future, not just your present life.
The change starts with you. Through my exclusive coaching program, I work directly with like-minded men to transform their mindsets, establish powerful strategies, and create the lives and relationships awaiting them. Dedicating yourself to the mission of self-improvement and continual growth reverberates through the connections you make. Join today!
Don’t beat yourself up for falling into an unconscious, unhealthy relationship. It happens to the best of us. You can’t change the past but you can take steps to change your future.
The defining factors of a conscious romantic relationship
“As a couple you mutually create your own guidelines and agreements, which remain fluid, subject to change as needed or desired.” – Jim Sharon
Establishing a conscious relationship can be a challenge.
Ahead of working on this aspect of your life, you need to understand what it looks like. These high-quality relationships may be different from anything you’ve experienced in the past, and that’s not a bad thing.
I want to show you how to recognize these relationships when they are in front of you.
When you know what you’re looking for in a lifelong partner, you can start to be more selective in your dating habits.
Here are some ways to develop a high-quality conscious relationship:
1. You take full ownership of all your mental baggage, and so does she
Think you don’t have any emotional baggage? Think again.
One in five Americans will experience mental health issues in any given year. It doesn’t end there. We all have things that haunt us—whether it’s childhood trauma, insecurities, or a loss we can’t move past.
Your partner is not your rescuer. You cannot expect them to take on your problems and solve them for you. You—and you alone—have the power to do that.
You need to take ownership of your issues and work toward overcoming them. That might be via coaching, counseling, therapy, or working on yourself. Whatever route you choose, it’s on you.
Burdening her with your baggage will only weigh you both down in the long run.
Of course, you should expect the same level of respect from her. Whatever issues she happens to have—and you can bet she’ll have a ton—she needs to tend to them.
Not you. Never you. You can be there for her and support her, but she needs to do the groundwork.
2. You both admit when the relationship isn’t working — and address it
Desperately clinging to a relationship that’s over will make you miserable. In this society, we’re taught to value romantic relationships above all else.
That ‘to death do us part’ mantra sounds romantic until you realize its underlying message.
Here’s the hard truth: When something (anything) isn’t working out, you need to do something about it. And fast.
In conscious relationships, you quit sweeping things under the rug.
When there’s a problem, the two of you address it together. For example, let’s say you haven’t had sex in six months and you don’t know why.
Something is up. You’re not connecting on a physical level and your needs aren’t met. Some couples would ignore this and say nothing.
With the right woman by your side, you can tackle problems together. If something isn’t working, you speak about it. You work toward fixing it. And in the case that you can’t do that, you both agree to walk away and quit trying to force the situation any longer.
3. You have a shared vision of the future and work toward it
You and your partner don’t have to agree on everything. However, your long-term goals need to align if you want to make the relationship work. You need someone whose aspirations match yours so that you can grow and move forward in a partnership.
As men, we’re taught to be the strong ones in relationships. That doesn’t mean that you have to carry a weaker, less motivated partner through their life.
Are you having to compromise parts of yourself to keep her happy? Stop. If the relationship is right for you, you won’t have to diminish your goals. She will grow with you and work hard towards establishing the future that you both want to share together.
Effective strategies to help you create a high-quality, conscious romantic relationship
You won’t stumble into a conscious relationship. That’s not how this works.
If you want a high-quality romantic relationship with a partner that suits you, you have to work for it.
Regardless of your dating life before now — that’s ancient history — you have the chance to turn things around. Let me share the best strategies for establishing these relationships:
1. Be selective about who you date and the woman that you settle down with, in the long-term
Dating is all fun and games… but if you’re thinking of settling down with someone, make sure that they are worth your time and energy.
Choosing a partner who will hold you back or doesn’t share your values is a trap. Don’t do it.
As a high-value man, you need a woman who can stand shoulder-to-shoulder with you as you walk through life.
There’s nothing wrong with being selective when it comes to romantic partners. When you value yourself highly—and you should—you look for the same in the women you date.
Be realistic about your past. Have you always gone for the best options? If the answer is no, you might want to change your approach to dating and meeting new people entirely.
2. Take radical responsibility for what you want and don’t let anybody stop you from reaching it
What do you want from life? Every alpha male has a responsibility to take a step back and consider this question.
If you have no idea what you’re working toward, there’s no hope of you reaching it.
Before you can gain the relationship that you want, you need to take radical responsibility for whatever it is you want in your life. Don’t hold back.
You can write a five-year plan if it helps you. But you don’t have to. Instead, you can dedicate your energy to really thinking about what you need.
When you first approach this task, you might have no idea. Most beta males wander through life never once considering what their long-term goals are. Don’t be like most people — do and be a better alpha.
3. Recognize when you’ve screwed up and then do something about it
Nobody is perfect. When it comes to your relationship, you will screw up.
You won’t always be the ideal partner. You’re human.
However, it takes a real, strong man to own up to it when he’s messed something up.
The moment that something goes wrong, you have two choices. Stand up and speak up when you make an error. Your partner will do the same.
4. Start having conversations about the future and be realistic about what you want
Scared of commitment? As men, we’re taught that committing to one woman is a sign of weakness. It’s not — it’s a strength.
When you find a quality woman who aligns with your vision of your life, you’re going to want to lock that down fast.
There’s nothing wrong with acting upon those basic instincts and showing her that you are in it for the long run.
Be honest and open about how you see your future together. These are conversations that many men would shy away from.
Don’t make that mistake. Instead, face them head-on and check that you both want the same. Be as direct as you can from the offset.
The Takeaway
Unhealthy relationships will ruin your chances of success. While they may seem comfortable, these basic partnerships are dragging you down more than you realize.
Creating a conscious relationship means investing in your future. You are no longer wasting your time with romantic partnerships that fail to serve you. Instead, you plunge your efforts into scoping out a future that matches your aspirations.
Over the years, I’ve worked with thousands of men like you to establish the quality relationships they deserve. If you’re looking for a positive change in your life, having the support of expert coaches on hand is the way to go.
