I have to be honest with you.
My goal in writing this is not to be mutual friends with you or make you like me… it’s to cut through the bullshit and give you what you need.
If you recently broke up with your girlfriend and have been frantically googling things like, “I miss my ex girlfriend”, “Does my ex want me back”, or “How to get her back”…let me be clear.
The relationship you had is OVER and will not magically return due to any trick, gimmick, text message or clever conversation.
While it is possible to learn how to get your ex back and reenter into a new relationship with her… a relationship where you have both learned, grown, and improved… this new relationship will be markedly different from the love you had before. If done right, it can be better… but it will not be exactly like the love you had before.
To make this relationship work, you must enter it as a new man.
A man who has shed the unattractive and beta behaviors of the past and shifted into a more empowering mindset and a stronger, more Grounded Man.
And to make this change, you must first recover from your break up.
You and your ex broke up for a reason. Assuming that she is the one who broke up with you, one of the biggest reasons for the breakup is that you were not showing up as the man you needed to be to make the relationship thrive.
I know this is hard to hear and even harder to accept… but it’s the truth.
And to stand any chance of winning over your ex, it’s a truth that you must accept.
The man you are today is insufficient to win back your ex-girlfriend. If you were, the relationship wouldn’t have ended in the first place.
To learn how to win your ex back and rekindle the flame of romance that has long since been extinguished, you must first work on yourself. You must recover from your breakup… grow as a man… improve yourself socially, emotionally, and psychologically.
You must transform yourself.
More importantly, you must undergo this transformation for yourself. No matter how much you grow or how drastically you change your lifestyle, there are no guarantees that you’ll get back to a healthy relationship with your ex.
As painful as it is to admit, there’s a good chance that your relationship with your ex-lover is over for good– even if you follow this guide to the “T”.
But that is not the main point.
Because if you take action on this game plan I’m about to share with you, you’ll no longer feel like you need your ex in your life to be happy.
You will undergo a personal revolution and reach a point where you can honestly say to yourself, “My life is amazing… I have great friends, date many gorgeous women, and I am living in alignment with my purpose… I want to get my ex back and have a healthy relationship with her again, but if she won’t have me, it’s her loss and I’m happy just where I am.”
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Before you can experience this transformation, you must first be brutally honest about why you want to get back with your ex in the first place.
Should You Get Back With Your Ex Girlfriend?
Before you can begin your path of transformation and become the type of man who will draw your ex back into your life (as opposed to trying to drag her back into your life with begging and pleading), you must first ask yourself a simple question.
Instead of asking “How to get her back” ask yourself honestly…
Why do I want to get back with my ex girlfriend in the first place?
Over the past decade, I’ve coached countless men through devastating breakups and divorces, and, in my experience, the driving force behind most men’s desire to get back with an ex is not the idyllic fairytale of chasing “true love” or a genuine appreciation for the value their ex brought into their life…
But one of the most dangerous thought paradigms known to man – scarcity.
They’re afraid to be alone. They believe that their ex was “The best I’ll ever have”. They’re terrified that they aren’t good enough to date another woman like her, and so they unknowingly deploy symptoms of scarcity such as desperation, neediness and weakness.
All of which will repel, not get your ex back.
So ask yourself this key question.
If you had the opportunity to date three other women who were equally as attractive, interesting, and exciting as your ex… would you take it or stay with your former partner?
For most men, the answer is obvious when other women of equal or greater caliber enter the picture.
Taking this into account, I want you to consider why you really want her back, again.
Do you really want her back? Or are you simply drained by emotional memories and you simply miss having a steady partner, regular sex, and someone with whom you can share dinner?
Are you afraid of spending time by yourself and confronting the challenges in your life and your inadequacies as a man?
Did your breakup reveal how much you hate your own life and, now that she’s gone, you realize how miserable and boring your existence has become alone?
Was she the first and only “true love” you’ve ever had and you’re scared that you’ll never find a woman who will make you feel the way she did ever again?
As uncomfortable as it might be to hear, I personally believe that 90% of the time, trying to get back with an ex-girlfriend is a common mistake most men make, especially at first.
Devoting all of your time, energy, and attention to winning back the affections of your ex is not going to suddenly change her mind. Just because you want her back right now doesn’t change what happened towards the end of the relationship.
It’s important that you understand the psychology of your breakup and heed this warning.
Getting back with your ex is likely a huge mistake, with a caveat.
The only time it’s the right decision is when you “win her back” from a place of abundance. When you’ve completely healed from your breakup, created an active and thriving dating life, and consciously decided– after turning down other women of equal or greater caliber– that she is indeed the best fit for a lasting relationship.
In most cases, once you taste the abundance that’s possible. When you become a stronger and more grounded man capable of bringing quality women into your life, you will realize that what you really desired was not to get back with your ex… but to experience deep intimate relationships.
And if you’re willing to take action on this guide and implement the lessons I’m going to teach you, you will be in a place of romantic abundance… and then (and only then) you can decide for yourself whether or not you truly want to start dating your ex again.
The “Cardinal Sin” of Getting Back with Your Ex
Before we can address how to get your ex girlfriend back, we must first discuss the #1 way to ensure you never get her back.
Namely, believing that you need your ex in your life to feel happy, whole, and fulfilled as a man.
One of the most egregious mistakes men make when trying to get back with their ex is to run a “How to Win Her Back” campaign built on a platform of scarcity, neediness, powerlessness, and beta behaviors.
So let me set the record straight.
You will never get your ex back if your actions come from a place of weakness or rule of absence.
Both for the sake of your own dignity and respect and your ability to win her back, you must eradicate every hint of scarcity and beta behavior from your life.
Never under any circumstances, desperately beg or plead for her to come back to you.
You didn’t get her to be your girlfriend in the first place by groveling on your hands and knees and telling her how much you “need her” in your life or how hollow and empty you are without her.
It wouldn’t have worked then, and it won’t work now that you’re separated.
These types of behaviors and displays of weakness will only reinforce her decision in her mind and confirm that she was right to leave you in the first place. And the new men that she is meeting who are not displaying these weak behaviors will seem all the more enticing.
Any beta behaviors you exhibit post-breakup will be magnified 10X and shift the way that she sees you permanently. She’ll forget about the grounded behaviors and alpha habits that attracted her to you in the first place, causing her to fall further and further out of love.
Weakness, neediness, and pleading will only serve to extinguish any hope of attraction after the breakup and will be the final nail in the coffin of your relationship.
None of this is to say that you should not be vulnerable and express your emotions authentically. The breakup hurts… a lot. And that’s something you must accept and deal with.
But there is a subtle difference between vulnerability, e.g. If your ex messages you and asks how you’re doing and you respond, “This breakup has been hard on me, but it’s taught me a lot and I’ve been spending more time on X hobby and X passion project and having a great time with friends.”
And neediness, e.g. Receiving the same message from your ex but responding with, “I just don’t understand why you left. I feel like shit. I am drowned in emotional memories and can’t get out of bed. I still don’t know why you broke up with me and I just want you back so much… please can we talk about things I promise I’ll change?”
Simply by avoiding the “neediness trap”, you will significantly increase your chances of getting back with your ex. But in and of itself, this is insufficient for you to win back her affections and reignite your relationship.
What comes next will be an intense, 6-12 month personal reinvention that will allow you to show up to a new relationship with your ex (or any other woman) as a completely new man.
The 7-Step Strategy to Win Your Ex Back
Now that you understand what not to do and have addressed the psychological issues driving your desire to get back with your ex, we can shift gears and discuss the 7-step strategy to win her back.
But before we do, I want to make something clear.
This process takes time. Not weeks, or even a few months. But likely 6 months or longer. And there’s always a chance that, by the time you finish these steps, she will have moved on or relocated to a new city.
To win her back, you must accept that you may never date or get back to your previous relationship… you may even never be friends with your ex again.
It might be painful to consider. But it’s the truth.
And the only way to get her back into your life is to arrive at a point where you no longer need her in your life but choose to have her in your life.
You must accept this call to adventure, commit to your personal growth and transformation, and come to the realization that you can be happy, whole, and complete, with or without your ex in your life.
You may arrive at the end of this journey wondering why you ever dated your ex in the first place like so many men do.
Or you may realize that the two of you genuinely were a good match and that the only reason for your break up was that you failed to address unmet needs of hers.
Either way, by the time you have taken action on the following 7 steps, you will be a radically different man from the man you are today… a man with an abundance of women in life, an amazing social circle, and an unshakable sense of purpose and identity that supersedes any relationship.
Let’s dive in…
1. Understand the “Why” Behind the Breakup
Both for your own sake and the sake of a future relationship with your ex, it’s important that you set aside time to reflect on the relationship and understand why the breakup happened in the first place.
Ideally, you’ve already had conversations with your ex before the breakup where she expressed the problems she was experiencing and the reasons she lost attraction or even respect for you.
If not, and assuming the breakup was very recent (less than 30 days ago), it is acceptable to call and chat briefly to understand what went wrong.
However, it’s important that you do this from a place of respect and confidence, not neediness and weakness.
For example, calling or texting her and saying something like,
“Hey I hope you’re well. Listen…I respect your decision and I agree that right now this is best for both of us. And honestly, I need some time apart before I could even consider a platonic friendship. I know I wasn’t perfect and have some unattractive traits of my own that I likely need to work on. I’d just like to get some clarity on what wasn’t right for you”.
Compare this to what most guys do, which sounds something like this:
*Crying uncontrollably and cleaning up snot*, “Babe! I love you so much… why don’t you love me anymore? What did I do wrong? I just… I want you back and I’m willing to do whatever it takes. Give me another shot!”
And when she replies negatively, you curse her to oblivion, dropping everything she ever did wrong in a 60-second onslaught.
The first example shows leadership, respect, dignity, and a willingness to grow.
She might even find herself second-guessing her decision to end the relationship because she sees you expressing attractive traits like resilience, a growth mindset, and self-reliance.
By virtue of the maturity you are displaying, she may realize that you are genuinely receptive to working on the issues in your relationship and consider what it would be like with you if those issues were resolved.
However, the second example demonstrates, in no uncertain terms, that you feel incomplete without her and need her in your life to feel like a “real” man.
If the two of you did not break up on good terms and getting clarity from her isn’t possible for whatever reason, then it’s up to you to be objective and consider what really happened inside of your relationship.
Typically, a relationship ends–at least in the case where she broke up with you–for one of only three reasons.
- You were too needy and clingy,
- You were too distant and aloof, and
- You had irreconcilable differences
a. Warning: Stage Five Clinger!
The most common reason that your ex broke up with you is that you became too needy inside of the relationship over time.
You made her the center of your world, your “everything”, your mission and purpose in life… and therefore, you lost your masculinity, respect, and attractiveness.
Despite what rom-coms and Hollywood fantasies would have you believe, women don’t want to be your sole purpose for living. They want a man who is doing interesting things with his life, who has his own purpose, who is on his own journey.
Women cannot feel true attraction to a “nice guy” who supplicates themselves at her feet and gives in to every whim and demand she makes. She wants a strong alpha male, a leader, a man who is willing to say “no” and mean it.
- Constantly seek out approval and ask for affirmation of her emotions (e.g. constantly asking “Do you really love me?”)
- Do everything she ever asked you to do, fail to assert boundaries, and give in to her demands even when they were unreasonable (e.g. paying for all of her bills even though she didn’t have a job and didn’t do anything to add value to your life outside of occasional sex)?
- Prioritize your relationship with her above everything else in your life? Did you skip “guys night,” time by yourself, working on your career, and even going to the gym to spend time with her and make her feel special?
- Constantly contact her and act jealous whenever she was out with friends or doing something without you? (e.g. Would you “check-in” on her 5+ times whenever she went out with girlfriends or went away for a weekend?)
- Allow her to make all of the decisions and rescind all leadership inside of the relationship? (Letting her pick where you went to dinner, where you lived, what you did, etc).
- Tolerate low-caliber behavior and “bitchiness” from her… and then apologize for her bad behavior (e.g. you tried to talk to her about how much of your money she was spending. Then she exclaimed that you needed to work harder and you ended up apologizing even though she was the one who was out of line).
If you answered “yes” to two or more of these questions, it’s likely that she lost attraction to you because you fell into the trap of “Nice Guy Syndrome.”
You allowed yourself to devolve into beta male behaviors and mindsets and refused to lead the relationship.
If this is you, then you must work to cultivate more alpha traits and adopt a leadership role in your own life. Women are not attracted to spineless men, and, as painful as it might be to hear, these types of behaviors are all indicators of weakness and an inability to stand up for yourself and lead your own life.
It doesn’t mean that you are a bad or unattractive man; it simply means you’ve adopted unattractive behaviors. These behaviors must be eradicated if you ever want to get back with your ex girlfriend or attract women in general.
b. Emotionally Dead She Feels Nothing
On the other end of the spectrum, it’s entirely possible that she was (and still is) attracted to you… but your lack of commitment and emotional maturity for a period of time made her feel like your relationship was a dead end.
This typically happens when a man is “alpha”, that is… he knows how to set boundaries, assert himself, and be a leader… but fails to prioritize the relationship itself, meet his partner’s needs, and make it clear that she is important to him.
Instead of being too affectionate, kind, and caring… you weren’t affectionate, kind, and caring enough.
It’s also likely that the relationship failed to evolve as time went on. Months, maybe even years passed, and the two of you were in the exact same situation as when you first started dating.
For example, if you:
- didn’t say, “I love you” for months after she said it to you (or had a neutral response and didn’t regularly express your affection, verbally, physically, or through gifts and acts of service),
- refused to move in together after several months or years, even though it made financial and practical sense,
- were unwilling to be exclusive and committed after several months, even though she asked you for exclusivity several times.
- Dated for several years without ever hinting that you would consider marriage or an official partnership,
- were mean, insensitive, and nasty to her on a regular basis (e.g. verbally berating her for small mistakes, “poking fun” at–read: insulting–her, complaining about her needs for affection and empathy, or regularly flirting with other women),
- were too aloof and hard to get to, refusing to tell her how important she was to you or how you really felt about her.
Then it’s likely that the relationship ended because, even though she still felt an attraction for you, she felt that the relationship was on a one-way road to nowhere.
Women crave security. Your ex girlfriend wanted to know that you loved her, that you cared, and that– even if she wasn’t the most important thing in your life– she was a priority in your life.
If you answered “yes” to the above questions, it’s likely that this is the reason your relationship ended.
The good news is that it will be much easier to win your ex back in this scenario. The bad news is that winning her back will require even deeper internal work and personal development to get to the root cause of your fear and inability to appropriately give and receive love.
c. Irreconcilable Differences
The third and final reason your relationship likely ended, and a point I won’t belabor too much (because you’ll already know if this is the case), is that the two of you were a bad match.
She wasn’t a good fit for your life. You weren’t a good fit for her life, and you both know it.
Most commonly, this happens when the chemical high of “love” or shall we say “lust” blinds you to the obvious problems inside your relationship.
Maybe she was a free-loving woman who wanted nothing more than a simple life outside of the city and to spend her days painting… and you are a hardcore hustler who values goal achievement, financial success and living in a big city.
Maybe she wants to “settle down”, have children, buy a small house, and enjoy a quiet life… and you want to travel to big cities, go on adventures, and avoid anything and everything that would “tie you down”.
Maybe she values partying and fun, and enjoys going out to bars and clubs every weekend… and you value discipline and your career and need a more routine and healthier lifestyle.
If this is the case, let me make something clear…
Under no circumstances should you try and get back with your ex.
Don’t let the blinding emotions of lust trick you into thinking you want something that cannot work.
If the two of you are fundamentally different people who value fundamentally different things, the relationship will never work. And if you try to make it work by looking back at some happy times over drinks or coffee, lying to yourself and shifting your priorities, not only will you lose dignity and respect for yourself, but both of you will eventually grow to despise one another for the major life sacrifices made.
No woman is worth sacrificing your values and vision for, and even if you do, she’ll lose respect for you overtime for doing so.
There are millions of beautiful and amazing women on this planet who want the same things for you and would be a perfect fit for your life. Don’t degrade your own value and self-worth for the sake of a single person.
It’s just not worth it.
2. Be the Leader in the Breakup and (Temporarily) Cut off Contact
Once you understand the reason for your breakup (and whether or not it’s even possible for the two of you to have a new relationship in the future), it’s time to make a difficult but necessary decision.
For at least 1-3 months (likely longer) following the breakup, you’re going to completely sever all contact and communication with your ex. It’s the no contact rule you must adhere to.
I know this hurts. I know it’s not easy to think about going through life without at least talking to the woman you loved… but no contact is critical to getting her back and healing from the experience.
If she is the one who is constantly calling or messaging you, then if you haven’t done so already, I want you to respond to your ex today with something like:
“Hey, I hope you’re well. I think space would be best for both of us right now…”
Avoid calling, texting, or meeting up with her until you’ve taken action on the rest of this guide.
By being the leader in this situation, you will make it clear to her that you are moving on.
She may begin to second-guess if she made the right decision.
3. Double Down on Your Personal, Social, and Professional Growth
Once you have cut off contact with your ex, it’s time to shift your focus away from getting her back and toward improving your own life and becoming a stronger man.
So over the next few months, you must reduce any prolonged thoughts of your ex from your mind. Stop daydreaming and reminiscing about the fond memories of the past. It will only prevent you from moving forward in reality.
Unfollow her on social media. Avoid going to places she regularly frequents– the gym she trains at, her favorite coffee shop, the bar you used to go to together. Throw out everything in your house or apartment that reminds you of her. If this is too hard, put it in a box and tuck it away in a closet. The goal is out of sight, then out of mind.
Invest all of your time, energy, and attention into becoming a stronger more grounded man and creating an amazing life that you can genuinely enjoy with or without your ex.
As paradoxical as it may seem, the way to win back your ex is to get to a point in your life where you no longer need your ex to feel happy, whole, and fulfilled.
This process is simple, but it’s not necessarily easy.
You can start with your physical body. Getting back in the gym, upgrading your wardrobe, signing up for boxing or Jiu Jitsu classes to tap into your “primal energy”, working on your energy levels, and optimizing your testosterone.
In addition to improving yourself physically, you should also invest heavily in improving your social (not just dating) life and meeting your need for connection.
Go out with friends a few times per week. Start hosting events, parties, and get-togethers where you can meet more people, connect with high-quality women, and expand your network, even if they’re small.
Spend more time doing fun and sociable activities like group workout classes, stand-up comedy, and improv shows, live music, happy hour, and other social gatherings of related interests..
Inject more adventure and aliveness into every day of your life. Pick up hobbies and passions you’ve let atrophy… whether it’s playing the guitar, surfing, doing yoga, playing Ultimate Frisbee, or writing your novel.
And finally, spend more time working on your mission and career. Most men make women the center of their lives. Once they get into a relationship with a high-quality woman, she becomes their sole purpose and mission in life.
To get your ex back, you need to have something more. You need to have your own purpose, your own mission, and your own reason for waking up every day that supersedes any relationship or single person.
Whether you start a business, get serious about advancing in your career, or put in the work to make a full time living from your creative passions, start investing more time and energy into your mission.
The more you invest in yourself, the more grounded and attractive you will be, and the less likely you’ll feel like you need your ex in your life to be happy (which, again, is key to winning her back).
5. Build True Abundance and Unlock Your “Walk-away-ability”
To get back with your ex, she must see that you are capable of thriving without her in your life. She must realize that you are capable of walking away from her… and permanently before she’ll feel biologically compelled to come back to you.
But this is easier said than done.
There are no shortcuts to this “walk away ability”. The only way to truly achieve this mindset is by creating an abundant and exciting dating life with other high-quality women.
I can (and have) written the highest ranked book on this topic available on Amazon, but for the sake of brevity, I’ll keep this simple.
In the weeks and months following your breakup– during which you should not be contacting or connecting with your ex– you are going to invest 50% of your free time and energy into building an abundant social and dating life.
Again, this is simple, but not necessarily easy.
As a general rule of thumb, I encourage men to go out at least three times a week and build a lifestyle that makes it easy to attract higher-quality women into your life.
Whether you’re going to yoga classes, happy hour, or just hitting up your local bars and trendy restaurants on a Friday night, get out of your home and go meet and interact with the women in your city.
Ideally, you want to be approaching at least five women a week and setting up dates with 1-2 of them shortly after you meet.
Once you have a steady stream of dates and you’re regularly going out with attractive women, you will start to experience, perhaps for the first time in your life, what real abundance feels like.
There’s something undeniably powerful about becoming the type of man who doesn’t worry about attracting high-quality women into his life wherever he is. When you know that you can go out and meet and attract the types of women you desire, scarcity, neediness and desperate behavior dissipate, unveiling your most attractive self as a man.
You’ll likely reconsider whether you want to get back with your ex at all, and, even if you still decide you truly want her back, you’ll be able to do so from a position of power and abundance.
But how will you know when you’ve achieved this abundance?
In my experience, a man does not have true abundance until he has rejected a woman that most men would consider a “9” or a “10”. If you’ve never rejected a highly attractive woman because her behavior, personality, or values did not mesh with your own, you’ve never experienced abundance.
And yes, it is possible for ordinary men to build very compelling dating lives full of the type of women most men gawk at.
6. Reconnect with Her in a Non-Needy Way
After 6 or so months of intentional separation, deep personal development, and actively dating and building abundance, you will now be ready to reconnect with your ex and consider starting a new relationship from a place of power and strength.
If you’ve done the hard work up until this point… if you’ve grown your social life and are experiencing connection and joy every week… if you’ve developed your mission and purpose and feel lit up by the work you are doing every day and the direction your life is headed… if you’re casually dating quality women you genuinely enjoy…
…And you still want to get back with your ex, you are now able to begin this process from a place of strength without any trace of neediness.
If you can genuinely say to yourself, “I want to get back with my ex girlfriend but I don’t need to get back with her to be happy and fulfilled,” then you’re ready to begin. If you still feel trapped by your past relationship and want nothing more than to be with your ex again…revisit points 1-5 and keep working.
Assuming that you’ve put in the work, you can now reach out to your ex by simply sending her a text saying, “Hey! I was driving past XYZ (name of a place you both went to often) and thought of you and wanted to see how things have been?” and leave it at that.
She might take hours, days or weeks to respond. Don’t barrage her with texts if she doesn’t respond, wondering why she isn’t responding. Just be patient.
When she responds, keep your interactions positive, light-hearted, and brief.
Don’t overtly brag about the new women in your life or your goals, but make it clear that you have been thriving since the breakup.
Do NOT mention the breakup or your thoughts about getting back together in this conversation. Instead, keep things fun and playful on this first interaction.
And if you’ve been active on social media and shared the changes you’ve made in your life, she’s likely already intrigued by how much you’ve grown.
Don’t immediately text her back, send her long-winded paragraphs, or text her more frequently than she texts you.
Do, however, express genuine interest in how her life is going. Don’t ask about the men she might be dating or anything related to your relationship. But make it clear that you want to reconnect and resume a friendly, if not sexual, relationship.
Ideally, you want to wait until she asks to meet up with you. However, if she doesn’t express any interest in face-to-face interaction, you can plant the seed by sending a message like this one in the middle of a conversation.
“Hey! It’s been great connecting with you for a minute but I’ve got plans tonight and need to get going. Let’s meet up sometime soon and catch up face to face.”
If she replies positively, you can move on to setting something up. If she doesn’t, then revert again back to steps 1-5 and try reconnecting again in 1-3 months.
If you are still getting negative or closed responses, then you must accept that the ship has sailed and it’s time to put all of the work you’ve done to the test and see if you’re truly comfortable walking away from her for good and creating a life worth living without her.
7. Spend Time with Your Ex Face-to-Face
After reconnecting with her and getting her to express an interest in seeing you again, it’s time to set up a meet up to connect.
To make the meet-up go smoothly, you’ll want to make sure you do a few things.
Avoid reminiscing and talking about the past. Be fun, positive, and focus on having a connection together in the moment.
As tempting as it might be, do not bring up the topic of getting back together. Let her make the first move in that conversation.
Flirt, touch, and banter with her. Treat this like you would any other date and keep the vibe light-hearted and playful. Unless she explicitly states that she’s not interested in “trying again” or that she’s already dating someone else, you should be fun, confident and charming.
It’s much easier to have the “Should We Date Again?” talk after a fun date than it is if you treat the talk like an “end of the world” conversation.
Meet at a location like coffee or bar in a fun social area, something simple, this is not a 5-course grand dinner. Suggest going for a walk with her after the drink to be moving around and active.
But keep in mind that the goal is for her to realize how much you’ve changed when she is asking questions about what you’ve been up to and you have new and interesting things to share.
You want her to slowly chase you and begin to hint at getting back together. If you push too hard, you’ll only be seen as needy and ruin any growing attraction that she’s felt since you last reached out.
End with a good hug and a light kiss on her cheek, smile, turn around and walk away. You might feel the urge to fall into desperation in this moment and start begging and pleading for her to come back. DO NOT DO THIS!
Let her walk away thinking, “That was different.”
8. Gauge how she feels about you
Continue staying in contact and going on casual dates or “meet-ups” if that frame makes it easier for her to come out again.
Use these dates as a way to gauge how she feels about you and think about your future relationship on a deeper level. Is she laughing, maintaining eye contact, dressed up, reciprocating physical touch, and having a positive response? These are all strong signs she’s warming up to the idea of being together again.
As you start going out with her again, it’s important that you continue working on yourself, your mission, social life, and going on dates with other women you’ve met in recent months.
Your frame going into all of these encounters should be, “I like her but do I even want to have her back in my life romantically?”
At this point, your ex is back in your life, but not the focal point of your life. And from here, you can decide whether or not to have a conversation and discuss dating again.
If you follow this guide up to this point, you’ll likely be in the best physical shape of your life, have been on many dates with attractive and high-quality women, you have a thriving social life, and are working towards a greater purpose and mission in life.
And if, after meeting, connecting, and sleeping with multiple women, you still believe that your ex is the best fit for your life than any of the other women you’ve experienced or foresee being with in the future, then you can consider dating her again.
But… you should feel a sense of uncertainty at getting back together with her.
You should be questioning whether you want to give up your newfound freedom, dating opportunities with new women and lifestyle to be with her again. And you should be in a position where you’re unsure if you actually want her back in your life because your life is thriving without her.
If you still feel overly confident that she’s “the one” for you then proceed to date her.
The next time you kiss her on the cheek, pause, and stay there, slowly come closer to her lips and see if she kisses you on the lips.
If she does kiss you on the lips slowly and romantically. Bring her back to your place or start working towards that on the next date.
You want to have great, mind-blowing sex together. And after great sex, you can roll over in bed and drop the, “So do you want to be exclusive with each other again, no sleeping with others?”
If she knows that at this point you are capable of dating other women, your social life is going well, you have a newly confident, charming and playful demeanor, she knows that if she doesn’t say yes, someone else will very easily, so she will either on the spot say yes, or over the next week or so heavily consider it.
Continue dating and having sex with your ex girlfriend or now, shall I say romantic partner, until the official conversation is agreed upon.
And there you have it.
You’re back with your ex.
Final Considerations: “Should I Date My Ex Again?”
For most of you reading this, the breakup you just experienced will be a catalyst for unprecedented growth as a man.
You might want to get back with your ex now, but over the course of a few months, you will quickly realize that there is true abundance and many more romantic experiences to be had.
You will likely get to a point where you don’t want to get back with your ex and even wonder what the hell you were doing dating her in the first place.
Yes, a small handful of you may decide that you truly want to win her back. But most of you will not.
I know this might not be the most popular opinion to hear in your present state…but it’s the truth.
And the only way you can know for certain whether or not your ex is the woman you want to spend your life with is to give yourself space for a short time and go all in on your life.
To build a magnificent and purpose-filled life that excites you every single day…
To taste true abundance with high-quality women and put yourself in a position where you can date the women you desire…
To create an exceptional social life filled with fun, adventure, positive emotions, and deep connection…
To transform yourself into a strong, grounded, and unstoppable man on his path and living the life he always dreamt possible…
When you reach this point… when you look in the mirror and barely recognize the man staring back at you… when you feel truly and undeniably confident in yourself and your abilities with women…
Then and only then will you know whether or not you should get back with your ex girlfriend.
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