Nowadays, everyone you meet seems to want to give you dating advice. If you’re a man, the advice may come from your best friend, brother, or even your dad.
Oppositely, you might take a different approach and seek advice from a female point of view. And this makes sense — after all, what better way to find out what women want than to just ask a woman?
The problem is that sometimes these ‘words of wisdom’ can skew one’s perception of reality. While the people giving you advice mean well, their words can do more harm than good.
With enough time and enough bad advice, you’ll end up with a list of myths and misconceptions floating around your head. And these falsehoods could be what’s ruining your success with women.
Ideally, the best advice would come from an expert with extensive dating and relationships experience — someone who can draw upon their own experiences and steer you in the right direction.
Unfortunately, most people we encounter in our daily lives are not dating experts. In fact, most people have minimal experience with dating and relationships.
The average person does not consciously try to devote time and energy to studying dating. Dating is something that comes into our lives naturally and ends (when we get married or choose to settle down) just as naturally.
So, instead of taking the advice of a friend, family member, or coworker, why not enlist the help of an expert who has not only ‘been there and done that’ but has devoted his life to studying dating dynamics to help other men out there?
Today, I will discuss the nine most common dating myths all men should ignore. Some of these you may have heard from personal acquaintances, and some you may have just wrongfully assumed because of popular culture.
Either way, the faster you can unlearn these things, the better. With a solid mindset and the correct strategy, there is no reason why you shouldn’t be able to optimize your dating potential and attract more high-value women into your life.
So, let’s begin with one of the most common ones out there.
1. I Have One Soulmate, And I Need To Find Her… Now
While the idea of finding your soulmate, or “the one,” is widespread among women, men also tend to romanticize the idea.
Crossing paths with a complete stranger and immediately falling in love is a very comforting and exciting idea. Who wouldn’t welcome something like that into their lives?
The problem is that many men believe finding ‘the one’ is the only way to be content in a long-term committed relationship.
And look, there’s nothing wrong with these romantic sentiments. And there’s also nothing wrong with setting high standards for yourself.
The problem is that this type of language tricks men into thinking that finding a suitable partner is an elusive feat only a select few can achieve.
Many men get this image of the perfect girl who possesses every single quality they could ever ask or hope for. Men will put serious effort into finding this woman, only to be disappointed when every woman somehow falls short.
The fact is that there are several women on this planet that you can find long-term compatibility with. There is not one singular, ‘perfect’ woman who is above all the other women on this planet.
If you’re entertaining this notion, it’s probably because you’re having trouble finding the types of women you’re interested in. You’re probably not looking for women in the right places. You need to learn to embrace the abundance mindset to broaden your horizons.
Looking for a woman who loves football as much as you do? Spend your time at sports bars. Want a girl who is into hiking? Join a local hiking group. Want a woman interested in personal health and spirituality? Join a yoga studio.
When you put yourself in the right position to succeed, you will.
Instead of looking at dating as if you’re trying to find that one special girl in a million, you need to change your perspective. Understand that there are thousands if not tens of thousands, of women out there who you could be happy with for the rest of your life.
2. I’ll Never Love Anyone After [Insert Former Lover’s Name]
Also known as Oneitis, this toxic mindset will afflict most men at some point in their lives. Oneitis can take several different patterns and be crippling if a man allows it to take hold of him.
Oneitis is when a man falls deeply and madly in love with a woman in a short period. There’s an instant connection, the conversation immediately opens up, and the physical intimacy is on a level you can’t even wrap your head around.
Now, in a best-case scenario, the feeling is mutual. The relationship goes the distance; you decide to settle down, get married, build a family, and live happily ever after.
The problem is when the feeling isn’t mutual. This could happen 10 minutes after you meet this woman or 10 years down the line after being in a long-term relationship.
Either way, the problem arises when you develop a lingering feeling that no other woman out there will ever match up to her.
If you remain in a relationship with this woman, you may start to exhibit beta male behaviors. Her wish is your command, and you do everything you can to satisfy her because you believe that her happiness and love are all you need in your life.
Oppositely, you might develop Oneitis over an ex-girlfriend. You think you found the one, but unfortunately, she got away. Now you’re left reeling from the idea that there will never be another woman who brings the same chemistry she did.
You must understand that your conscious beliefs directly influence your subconscious beliefs. And what you’re doing here is telling your subconscious mind it’s time to give up.
And when that happens, all your future relationships will be doomed. Even if you meet the most beautiful, intellectually stimulating woman of your life, and she falls head over heels for you, your subconscious won’t let it happen.
The Oneitis will cause you to self-sabotage the situation and ruin the potential for a future with this woman.
How do you cure Oneitis? You raise your value as a man and devote time and effort to self-development. Prioritize your health and fitness; work on building your career and amassing wealth; and, above all things, get out there and expand your social circle.
It may be hard to see right now, but Oneitis isn’t real. Raising your value in the dating economy will make it that much easier to attract high-quality women into your life.
The problem you’re experiencing here is one of perception, and your perception is what you need to change.
3. I Can Convince Her To Like Me If I’m Persistent Enough
Another common misconception is that a man thinks he needs to chase a woman to make her like him. These guys often say things like, “Oh, she’s just playing hard to get, but I know she likes me.”
I hate to break it to you, but if she likes you, you’ll know it. She’s not playing — she’s just not interested.
If you’re not a grounded, self-assured man, this rejection will get to you. And even though you might not realize it, this insecurity pushes you to chase her in the first place.
If a man is comfortable and confident in his skin, he doesn’t seek validation from outside sources. His self-worth is entirely dependent on himself.
If you think that it’s normal to have to chase women to get them to like you, you’re doing something wrong. Dating should not be a game of cat and mouse but a mutually beneficial arrangement.
And yes, it’s okay to chase certain things in life. Chase a promotion, chase a business opportunity, or chase getting the six-pack abs you’ve always wanted.
But don’t go chasing a woman who is clearly not interested in you. Trust me, you won’t change her mind by nagging her.
If you’re going to take action, take action that will help you improve as a man — not something that will make you look pathetic.
4. It’s Not Good To Show Masculine Qualities
You’d be forgiven for thinking that ‘being a man’ or displaying masculine traits is bad in today’s society.
In a world where masculinity is constantly attacked, and traditional manly virtues are sometimes labeled as toxic, it can be difficult to figure out what traits resonate with women.
We, as humans, tend to gravitate toward extremes. We like to view things with an all-or-nothing attitude because it simplifies things in a way we can easily understand.
Yes, toxic masculinity is a thing, and yes, it can ruin relationships. At the same time, masculine traits can and will increase your attractiveness to women.
The key is maintaining a healthy balance with your masculine energy. Just because the toxic man narrative has become popular doesn’t mean that you personally have a problem or that you should make an effort to refrain from exhibiting masculine tendencies.
The problem is twofold: on the one hand, many men don’t even understand what masculinity means, and on the other, they don’t know how to balance that energy.
Being physically strong, healthy, and fit is one form of masculine energy almost universally agreed to make you more attractive to the opposite sex.
And it’s also an area where many men like to take it to the extreme. You don’t need to take steroids or sprinkle protein powder on your pasta to try and look like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
All you need is to inject a bit of effort and intention into your fitness routine.
Similarly, being passionate about something makes a man immensely more attractive to the opposite sex.
For example, the man committed to starting his own business and making his dreams a reality is infinitely more attractive than another man who spends his evenings downing a six-pack and complaining about how much he hates his job.
Masculine men show intention in everything they do, and women respond to that.
Women want a man who can show them different things and give them different experiences. Show a woman that you can provide those experiences, and you instantly put your masculine energy on full display.
5. Using A Dating App Means You’re A Loser
Admittedly, this isn’t as much of a problem these days, but it’s still worth mentioning.
Some men view online dating as a last resort, something they need to avoid at all costs — as if signing up for a dating app indicates that they failed at dating in real life.
To an extent, this mentality is understandable. Struggling to find women to connect with can happen anywhere in a man’s life, and when it happens to you, it can seriously damage your self-confidence.
Sometimes, young men enter their first year of college and find that suddenly, they can’t compete with other men in a larger dating pool. Even though they’re surrounded by hundreds of girls, none are interested.
This could also happen later in life. A man gets a promotion, starts working crazy hours, and has no time left to go out and meet women. Whatever the case, there are many valid reasons a man might turn to a dating app, and that does not make him a ‘loser.’
Your opinion on the matter is likely directly influenced by your age. For younger men reading this who grew up with the constant stimulation of a smartphone, using a dating app might seem second nature. For those of you who are a bit older, it may feel offputting.
Either way, the statistics don’t lie. As an industry, dating app revenue has steadily increased year over year, and this is only expected to continue well into the future.
Nowadays, using a dating app doesn’t mean you’re inferior to men who meet women in real life; it’s just a different approach. A different means to achieve the same goal.
If you haven’t already, learn the nuances of online dating, go out there, and try it. You might just be surprised at the results.
6. As Soon As You Start Dating, That Means You’re In A Relationship
Often, a man will go on one or two dates with a woman and then assume he’s in a serious relationship with her. Then, when he finds out she doesn’t feel the same way and has been seeing other people, he gets heartbroken.
Most people tend to date around before settling down, and unless explicitly stated otherwise, you should always assume this to be true.
If you, personally, choose only to date one person at a time, that’s perfectly fine, but don’t expect everyone else to share the sentiment.
So many men (and women) fear discussing their relationship status. They think that talking about these things will somehow ruin everything.
If that is true, things aren’t going anywhere anyway, so you might as well get these things out in the open. I really can’t stress this enough.
I can’t even count the number of times I’ve heard these stories. A man is dating a girl he’s very interested in, and they’ve been seeing each other for several weeks or months.
Eventually, he assumes they’re in a committed, exclusive relationship. He says or does something that shows this, and the woman he’s been seeing reacts with horror.
It turns out she doesn’t see things that way at all. She’s struggling just to understand where this is coming from in the first place.
And then what happens to the man? He gets deeply upset.. He feels he was being led on, and she “played him.”
In reality, this probably isn’t the case at all. He simply misread the situation and jumped to a conclusion he shouldn’t have. What he should have done is just ask her about it.
The point is, don’t be too quick to jump to conclusions. Always open a clear line of communication. No matter how serious or casual, any relationship will fail without communication, so the faster you can do that, the better.
7. Dating Is A Game — And You Need To Learn How To “Play” It To Be Successful
So, here’s the thing. I will be the first person to admit that there are certain nuances to dating that need to be learned and mastered in order to be successful at it.
Dating is very much a skill, and just like anything else in life, you need to dedicate the time and energy to getting good at it.
The problem I often see is that people start to look at dating as a game. And beyond that, they start playing games with other people’s feelings.
Here’s an example you’ve probably heard of or experienced at some point: the debate over when to reply to a text message. A guy might be really into a girl, but in order to “play the game,” he has to pretend to be uninterested.
So, what does he do? He intentionally ghosts her after she messages him. Then, when he deems it appropriate, he finally answers. But by then, she’s decided she should play hard to get, too. And she ghosts him.
And now, before you know it, these two normally logical-thinking adults are playing irrational games with each other’s feelings.
If this sounds ridiculous, it’s because it is. And could there be a more terrible way to start a potential relationship?
Be smart, savvy, and cautious when dating, but don’t be an asshole.
And I’m sure some of you will have had experiences where a woman very intentionally played with your feelings, but two wrongs don’t make a right.
Be the better person; be the grounded man. Treat the women you’re interested in with respect, and they will treat you the same way. Don’t let your past experiences dictate your future.
8. She’s “Out Of Your League”
Allow me to discuss semantics with this one. When a man says a woman is out of his league, what does that mean, exactly? What goes through his head?
Most times, it is usually, “I’m too ugly, too fat, too short, too bald, too broke, too [insert insecurity].” Usually, the man views it as an innate flaw that he cannot change.
But when it comes to raising your value in the dating economy, there is actually very little you can’t change. If you want to get into the major leagues of baseball, you need a certain God-given talent, but this isn’t the case with dating.
You’re not going to be able to completely change your face, but spending a few bucks on proper grooming can go a long way. Getting a proper haircut and a professional shave can be an amazing transformation.
Similarly, you’re not going to become a millionaire overnight, but focusing on your core values and finding a way to get your long-term goals in order will go a long way toward showing women that you’re a financially reliable man.
And yes, when it comes to women who are “out of your league,” you may need to better yourself as a man to attract these high-value women. You do that by raising your value and putting that value on full display.
And just because you’re struggling to do that now, it does not mean you’re trapped in your current position.
Change is all a matter of perspective. Anyone can change if they really want to. The problem is that — despite what many men say — they don’t really want to.
They’re content to stay where they are. They’re comfortable. They’re a bit scared of what the unknown might bring. So when a man says, “She’s out of my league,” it’s more about a reluctance to change than anything else.
Women are attracted to countless different things in men. All you need to do is figure out what attracts the type of women you’re interested in.
After that, it’s a matter of putting the effort into bettering yourself as a man so that your value is undeniable.
9. You’ll Only Find True Love When You’re Not Looking For It
I wanted to end with this one because it’s another example of how your mindset influences your perspective.
Many people — both men and women — believe you can only find true love when you’re not looking for it. Once you’ve resolved to give up on dating, the love of your life bumps into you at the checkout line in the supermarket.
And truthfully, this does happen. But it only happens because of mindset. It happens because you’ve become so resolved you’re never going to find love that you’ve stopped trying. And because you stopped trying, you’ve stopped putting pressure on yourself.
Without that pressure, you can just be yourself. So when you do bump into an attractive woman on the checkout line, everything just seems to click.
Why? Because you’re calm. And because you’re calm, you exude confidence. And sure, you may have only gotten to this point by going through a dozen failed relationships, but to an outsider, you seem like the most confident man in the world.
And that’s the secret that so many men overlook.
They put so much pressure on themselves that they do things completely unaligned with their core values. A man simply cannot be comfortable in his own skin if he’s trying to be something he’s not.
You shouldn’t wear a suit on your first date when the rest of your closet is filled with t-shirts and sweatpants. If you want to become a sophisticated, suave gentleman, then actually become that guy — don’t just pretend to be him.
In short, people often find love when they’re not looking for it, but that’s mainly because their mindset has shifted.
You don’t need to give up on love to get to this point, and the faster you can shift your mindset, the greater your chances of success will be.
When navigating the unknowns of the dating world, it’s only natural to seek the advice of others. While this is to be expected, getting advice from an expert who can be trusted is far more important.
If you feel lost and like your love life is a neverending cycle of failure, it may be time to enlist the help of a professional.
At Knowledge for Men, my team of coaches and I have the experience you need to change your trajectory in the world of dating.
Trial and error is part of life, but it only works if you’re aware of your mistakes. Far too often, I meet men who struggle to find success with women but are completely oblivious as to what they’re doing wrong.
If this sounds familiar, understand there is no shame in seeking guidance. Being strong and stoic is one thing, but pounding your head against the wall without seeing results just isn’t productive.
If you’re looking for a way to work smarter, not harder, and save yourself the stress and embarrassment that comes with trying to figure out everything on your own, a professional coaching program may be the perfect solution.
At Knowledge for Men, we provide expert coaching for serious men who are looking to cure their underlying issues.
If you’re searching for a simple, quick fix that only requires minimal effort, you should look somewhere else. This is a serious program designed for serious men who are willing to put in the work.
But if you think this sounds like you, now is the time to act.
If you’re sick of making the same mistakes and need something to kickstart your journey toward becoming the best version of yourself, there’s no better place to do it.
Here, you can become a master of not only dating dynamics but of all aspects of your life. You can quite literally turn into the type of man you once only dreamed you could be.
To learn more about me, my team, and my coaching program, click the link below. I’ll see you on the other side.