Let’s not mince words––breakups suck.
Especially for men.
Despite the stereotypes, studies have shown that men struggle to recover from breakups more than women. The pain hits harder, lasts longer, and is more difficult to overcome.
In fact, according to studies using FMRI technology, the pain of a breakup lights up the brain in the same way as breaking an arm or getting stabbed with a hot poker.
The only difference?
The pain doesn’t subside after a few hours or a few days.
It persists for weeks, months, and in some cases even years.
No one seems to care.
Our friends and family tell us to “toughen up” and remember that “there are plenty of fish in the sea.”
Society has plenty of resources for women going through a breakup, but few resources for men.
And as a result, most men feel like they’re going through the journey alone. Suffering through one of the most painful experiences a man will ever face without anyone to support them or guide them.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
With the support of the right breakup or relationship coaching program, you can accelerate your recovery and transmute the pain of a breakup into the power you need to fuel the next phase of your life.
First: The Good News About Breakups
Before we dive into the heart of this article, I want to share some good news.
If you’ll let it, your breakup can be the BEST thing that ever happened to you.
I know that sounds crazy…
And you might not believe me right now.
But I promise you, it’s the truth.
When I went through my last breakup––after an intense five year relationship––I fell into a deep depression.
At the same time I was dealing with my breakup, I was reeling from the loss of my father and a close friend and facing off with a severe bout of heavy metal poisoning.
My life felt like it was falling apart.
But I knew that, with the right mindset and support network, I could turn my pain into power.
And that’s exactly what I did.
I used my breakup as an opportunity for growth.
An opportunity to show up for myself and reinvent who I was and who I was becoming.
As a RESULT of my breakup:
- I wrote a best-selling book on breakup recovery for men (check it out here)
- I grew my business to new levels
- I got in the best shape of my life
- I traveled all over the world with friends and family
- I built an AMAZING dating life and found a woman who was a full “hell yes” (and with whom I didn’t feel like I was settling)
Today, I couldn’t be more grateful for the pain of losing that relationship.
Because it made me who I am today.
And if you’ll trust the process and get the support you need…
… You can come out the other side of your breakup stronger, more powerful, and more grounded than ever before.
Alright, let’s dive in:
What Does a Breakup Coach Do?
Beyond simply listening to your story and validating your feelings, breakup coaches will typically serve five key purposes:
1. Ensuring You’re Making the Right Decision
When you’re going through a breakup, you typically fall into one of two camps:
- You broke up with HER
- She broke up with YOU
And if you’re in the latter camp?
You likely either:
- Want to get her back
- Want to move on
It doesn’t matter how things went down or who initiated the split, it still f*cking hurts!
But it hurts far more when you’re plagued by the question:
“Am I doing the right thing?”
This is where the right coach can be a life saver.
They’ll help you reflect on the relationship and what happened so that you can get clarity on what you should do next.
If you left her, they’ll help you sift through your emotions and either feel complete and at peace with your decision to end things––or realize that you’ve made a mistake and take action to fix it.
If she left you, they’ll help you come to terms with the reality of the situation and either create a plan to win her back (typically by first letting her go and focusing on yourself) or to do the work required to move on with your life and find someone new.
2. Navigating the Emotional Fallout of a Breakup
After a breakup, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed and confused.
One moment you’re feeling intense anger, hatred, and resentment.
The next, you’re filled with confusion, loss, and grief.
Your inner world turns into a whirlwind of emotions and stories and projections that can seem impossible to decipher.
And that’s exactly where a breakup coach comes into the picture.
Because they’ve navigated this path in their own life and helped dozens or even hundreds of men do the same, they can provide an objective perspective to help you make sense of what happened.
And more importantly, make sense of what needs to happen next.
They will help you validate your feelings and guide you through the process of sitting with your pain and learning from it.
Through this process, you’ll learn to build emotional resilience and a deeper understanding of yourself, so that you can move through the healing process faster and more efficiently.
3. Making Sense of What Happened and Where the Relationship Went Wrong
The right breakup coaching program won’t just focus on your present emotions or your future plans…
But it will also help you analyze your past patterns and behaviors inside of your relationship to:
- Gain clarity on what happened in your last relationship
- Pinpoint problem areas to avoid in the future.
By creating a safe and judgment-free space, they’ll encourage you to delve into the dynamics of the past relationship, pinpointing key areas of conflict and patterns that led to its demise.
They’ll help you spot the toxic behaviors, unmet needs, mismatched love languages, or communication gaps that you previously ignored.
Remember––the goal here isn’t to place blame (on you or her). But to help you gain the insights and lessons needed to avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future.
As you gain clarity about what went wrong, you’ll be better equipped to avoid similar pitfalls in the future, paving the way for healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
4. Rebuilding Your Sense of Identity and Self Worth (without Your Ex Girlfriend or Ex Wife)
One of the biggest causes of breakups and source of pain after a breakup is when a man loses his identity in a relationship. He places his entire sense of self worth on his partner and bases his happiness on the quality of love life.
And when the relationship ends? He’s left feeling lost and unsure of what to do next.
Whether you want to get over her or get her back––you must first reclaim your sense of identity as a man and relearn who you are without her.
And this is arguably one of the biggest goals that breakup coaches help their clients achieve.
They work with you to rediscover who you are outside of the relationship and guide you to reclaim your sense of self.
They’ll help you reclaim the hobbies, passions, and goals you used to have and give you practical tools and strategies to develop a healthy sense of identity as a man that’s independent from any relationship or any woman’s validation.
Ultimately, their role is to guide you in embracing your individuality and fostering personal growth, allowing you to build a fulfilling life beyond the shadow of your past relationship.
5. Planning for a Bigger and Bolder Future
One of the biggest reasons that breakups are so damn hard is this:
They directly conflict with the core human need for certainty.
For months or years, you had certainty that you would wake up next to your partner. That she would love you, support you, and be there with you through thick and thin.
You’re faced with an uncertain future (in a world that’s already uncertain enough).
The right coach understands this…
And one of their primary goals is to support you in mapping out a bigger and bolder future.
Getting clear on the life you want to create and giving you practical tools and strategies to start creating that life TODAY.
They’ll help you break free from the victim mentality that keeps many men trapped after a breakup.
And remind you that you are in control of your future and have the ability to build new life, a new identity, and a new relationship, free from past pain and baggage.
What Should I Look for in a Breakup Coach
There are three key things to look for in a breakup coach:
1. A Proven Track Record of Results
While credentials can be an indicator of a coach’s capabilities, they are not the end-all-be-all.
The true measure of a coach’s effectiveness is their track record of results.
It’s just like business.
There are plenty of people with business degrees from Harvard or Yale––who’ve never actually built a successful business.
And there are plenty of dropouts running 7, 8, and even 9-figure empires.
Who would you rather hire to coach you to building your first business?
The answer is obvious.
And the same holds true with any type of relationship coach.
At the most basic level, you want a coach who has dozens––or better yet hundreds––of success stories from clients he helped overcome a breakup.
Don’t just take their word for it – seek out evidence of their expertise.
But remember, breakup recovery is about more than just “getting over it”. It’s about growth, personal development, and the ability to move forward with confidence, free from past baggage.
Ensure that the coach has fostered these results in their previous clients, equipping them not only to recover but thrive after a breakup.
2. A Holistic Approach to Recovery
Your life doesn’t exist in a vacuum.
And the loss of the relationship itself isn’t the only problem you’re faced with after a breakup.
It affects every area of your life.
From your social life to your physical health and career, a serious breakup can wreck havoc on your life.
Therefore, it’s crucial to seek a coach with a holistic approach, who understands that you’ll need tools and strategies that extend well beyond the relationship.
- How do you maintain performance at work despite the pain you’re dealing with?
- What tools can you use to accelerate your recovery on a biological level? (think: fitness protocols, supplements, etc)
- How do you avoid the “dopamine death spirals” that so many men get caught up in after a breakup (that often lead to lifelong addictions and vices)?
You need a coach who understands that your overall well-being as a man is interconnected with your breakup recovery.
They should assist you in improving your social life, encouraging you to reconnect with friends, pursue interests, and expand your support network.
They should help you focus on physical health, emphasizing the role of exercise, nutrition, and rest to develop emotional stability.
And, of course, they should guide you through the mental and emotional facets of recovery––learning from the breakup, rebuilding your sense of self love, and letting go of your ex.
In short, your coach should not only help you navigate the end of a relationship but also support you in rebuilding a well-rounded, satisfying life in its aftermath.
3. Personal Compatibility: A Crucial Component
Coaching is an inherently personal process.
And even though a coach can have the best damn tools, strategies, and formulas on the planet…
They won’t be worth a thing if YOU don’t resonate with and respect your coach.
It’s not simply about finding a coach who is capable.
It’s about finding someone that you respect.
Someone you’ll listen to and take action on the recommendations they share.
Without this crucial component… nothing else matters.
Should I Consider Breakup Coaching?
Most articles have a simple filter to help you decide whether or not you’re ready for a coach:
Are you going through a breakup?
If “yes” then hire a coach!
But after coaching thousands of men over the past decade, I’ve realized that things aren’t as cut and dry as they seem.
Although I’m a big believer that everyone should work with a coach of some sort, there are a few specific situations in which a break up coach is the right decision.
1. You’re Struggling with Lingering Emotional Pain
It’s natural to feel pain after a breakup.
Hell, it’s natural to be flat out depressed for weeks or even a few months.
But if the pain isn’t subsiding after months of “doing your best”––it’s a sign you need help.
If you’re waking up in the morning with a sense of dread…
Constantly thinking about your ex, stalking her social media, and reaching out to try and rekindle things (despite her threats of a restraining order)…
If you’re unable to carry on a normal life and struggle to rekindle the motivation and drive you once had even though months have passed…
You need to get support.
And there’s no shame in asking for it.
2. You’re Caught in a Cycle of Unhealthy Relationship Patterns
Breakups are a normal part of life.
But they shouldn’t be an axiomatic part of your life.
If breakups are the norm rather than the exception and you find yourself with a new ex every 3-4 months, it’ a clear sign that there are unconscious dating patterns and behaviors sabotaging your success.
Dating patterns you likely can’t spot on your own (because if you could, you would have eliminated them already).
This is where the right coach comes in.
They’ll help you focus on the habits and patterns you can’t see on your own so that you can start to let go of the things that aren’t serving you and step into a new way of being as a man, boyfriend, or husband.
Because the ugly truth is this…
No matter what she did or how she showed up, if you’re caught in a never ending string of breakups, it’s YOUR fault.
Even if she’s “crazy” or “cold”, you’re the one who decided to date her and stay with her.
And at the end of the day, the only way to change your relationships is to change the way that YOU are showing up to them.
3. Your Breakup is Impacting Other Areas of Your Life
Again, after a breakup…
Sadness and pain are normal.
But if you’re struggling to hold down a job, isolating yourself from friends and family, and engaging in destructive habits (think: drugs, alcohol, porn, etc) just to numb out…
It’s a clear sign that you need support.
Why You Should Consider Hiring a Knowledge for Men Breakup Coach
1. Our Systems Are Based on In-The-Trenches Strategies (Not Theory)
Like I mentioned at the beginning of this article…
I KNOW what it’s like to go through a devastating breakup.
I know what it’s like to lose yourself when a relationship ends.
I know how it feels to go from thinking about marriage to wondering how things went so wrong.
And so do our coaches.
We don’t offer systems based on academic theory or practices that sound good on a sales page.
We teach what WORKS.
And we have thousands of happy clients to prove it.
2. We Provide Both Safety and Masculine Accountability
One of the biggest problems with things like talk therapy and counseling is exactly that:
It’s all about the talk.
You’ll talk about what happened with your ex girlfriend or talk about why your dating life is a wreck…
But then the session ends and you’re left with nothing but good ideas.
At Knowledge for Men, we do things differently.
Yes, we give you the safe space to talk about your feelings and get clarity what went wrong…
But then it’s time to ACT.
We aren’t here to make you feel good.
We’re here to get you results.
We’ll help you develop a clear strategy to let go of the past and move into a more exciting and empowering future––and then we’ll hold your feet to the fire and get you to take action to EXECUTE on that strategy.
When a man is held accountable by someone he admires and deeply doesn’t want to disappoint, action becomes inevitable. If you give your word to someone you respect, your word becomes law.
You only have two options: to take the action you said you were going to take or to make excuses and prove that you aren’t a high-value man.
Given the choice between those two options, most men will take option number one every day of the week.
And that’s exactly what we’re here to help you do.
3. We’ll Teach You How to Reclaim Your Masculine Power and Create Deeper Attraction with Women in the Future
Here’s the inconvenient truth.
If your ex left…
It’s because she lost attraction to you at some point.
When attraction is high, women don’t even think about leaving their partner.
But when attraction dwindles––they start to notice other men and fantasize about what life would be like as a single woman.
The good news?
Women typically lose attraction because a man loses his sense of masculine power.
And once you reclaim that power? You reclaim attraction.
I’m not talking about 50s era macho b.s.
I’m talking about raw authentic masculine power.
- Having a clear sense of purpose, a clear vision and strong values.
- Being a man of your word.
- Taking massive action toward the life you want.
- Creating safety and trust so women can fall into their feminine
When a man learns how to harness all parts of himself, even the parts that society deems “inappropriate” or ugly (like anger, sexual desire, and ambition), he steps into a new way of being as a man.
Our coaches at Knowledge for Men specialize in helping men integrate an authentic version of masculinity into their lives where they’re no longer scared little boys. But strong, powerful, and grounded men.
… Men who know how to assert themselves in the world and get their needs met–while being compassionate and empathetic to the needs of others.
… Men who women respect, desire, and fantasize about.
But most importantly, men who respect and value themselves and who don’t apologize for having dreams and desires or try to hide from the parts of themselves that are uncomfortable to deal with…
… Men who, even when all hell breaks loose and in the midst of chaos, stay grounded in who they are and what they want.
Are You a Good Fit for Our Breakup Coaching Program?
Before considering whether or not we are the right fit for you…
It’s first important to understand whether or not YOU are the right fit for our program.
More than ever before, men are searching for support, community, and guidance.
And as a result, we’re lucky enough to have more demand for our coaching and training than we have the capacity to fill.
But even more importantly––we have an obligation to our clients to foster the highest caliber community and experience possible.
Which is why we’re highly selective with the individuals we allow into our programs.
So before you submit your application to be considered for our program, I first want you to consider:
“Am I ready for breakup coaching and willing to put in the work to make it work?”
- Highly coachable, willing to admit when you’re wrong, and ready to challenge your long held beliefs
- Serious about your relationship and willing to invest time, money, and energy to solve the problems you’re facing
- Ready to take ACTION on what your coach shares (even when it scares you or feels uncomfortable)
- Committed to the long game and understand that change takes time
… Then you’re ready to take the leap.
However, if you’re…
- Stubborn and set in your ways and unwilling to be challenged on your behaviors and patterns
- Looking for a “free or easy” solution to the biggest problems in your life
- Prefer theory to action and would rather spend time talking about improving your relationship than actually doing the real work
- Searching for a “quick fix” and expect years, potentially even decades of challenges to be fixed in a few days
… These are not the droids you’re looking for.
Remember, any coach, no matter what their area of expertise, can only help you as much as you’re willing to be helped.
What Are My Next Steps?
If everything above sounds good…
Your next steps are simple.
If your application is approved, you’ll have the opportunity to schedule a call with one of our client success specialists.
They’ll walk you through everything you need to know to help you decide whether or not this is the right opportunity for you.
This isn’t some crazy high pressure sales call where we’ll guilt trip you into investing in something that doesn’t make sense for you…
It’s a casual deep dive conversation designed to help us get familiar with you, your struggles, and your goals… and then decide together whether or not it makes sense to work together.