Let’s face it. We’ve all been there.
You’re in a happy relationship and think you have everything under control. You’re crazy about her, and she’s crazy about you. And you genuinely cannot remember the last time you were this happy in a relationship.
You even begin to wonder if you found “the one.” At the very least, you fully expect it to turn into a long-term relationship; in the best-case scenario, you’ve found your life partner.
Then, you are blindsided. You get into a sudden argument, and—to your surprise—she walks. And there you are, left wondering just what went wrong. Even worse, you’ll probably never get a straight answer about what went wrong.
I’ve seen failed relationships like these destroy men. Many guys can’t recover from the heartbreak of their relationships ending so abruptly.
That being said, as a professional men’s coach, I can assure you that there are patterns to these things if you know how to look for them.
Today, I will give you some objective observations about why relationships fail and take a deep dive into what you can do to prevent it from happening to you.
This knowledge should be used to improve yourself and become a more grounded man so that you can build stronger, healthier relationships going forward.
But first, let’s talk about how you shouldn’t handle these situations.
Look, rejection never feels good. I don’t care if we discuss a relationship or a job promotion. Being told that you’re not good enough for something just plain sucks.
Naturally, the first thing you may want to do when this happens is to seek the support of your friends or family. These people will often come together and take your side to make you feel better.
This is entirely understandable, but taking a moment and being introspective is essential. After all, a man who refuses to admit he’s done anything wrong is doomed to repeat his mistakes.
I can tell you that I see many men who, as a defense mechanism, convince themselves that the failed relationship was entirely their girlfriend’s fault. Usually, this isn’t the case.
The truth is many men are unaware of their shortcomings. They fail to realize what they did to cause the relationship to go south. I always advise my clients to take a moment and think about the history of the relationship and consider what warning signs they may have missed.
More often than not, the signs were there all along. Unfortunately, when many men realize this, it is already too late.
That being said, here is a list of the ten most common reasons why a woman will leave her man and some actionable tips you can employ right now to stop them from happening to you.
1. She feels a lack of emotional support and a feeling of connection
I still remember a man I met who was about to propose while on vacation with his girlfriend. The entire trip was carefully crafted to be as romantic as possible, and he was confident that she would say “yes.”
To his surprise, though, she said “no.” Not only did she reject his proposal, but a big argument ensued that ended the relationship then and there. She booked a flight back home, and he had four days to wallow in his failure.
I remember him giving me this big speech about how he felt a deep emotional connection with her that was unlike anything he had ever felt.
He told me he couldn’t comprehend why she said they felt their bond “wasn’t deep enough” for marriage.
He failed to understand that a feeling of connection is unique to everyone. It was a profound connection to my client, but to his partner, it wasn’t anything noteworthy.
It doesn’t mean either person was being untruthful in any way, simply that they had different expectations.
A woman needs to feel like she can confide in anything in you and that you are genuinely interested in her feelings. If she doesn’t, she’ll eventually seek that connection somewhere else.
In the case of this particular client, after we talked it out, he realized that he was neglecting his girlfriend’s emotional needs—and that he had been for quite a while. There were noticeable clues that she was unhappy, but he failed to realize it.
Well, that leads me to my next point…
2. You are taking her for granted
My client had become so convinced that his girlfriend was deeply in love with him that he got lazy. The things he said and did that made her fall for him in the first place got put on the back burner.
He was overconfident and didn’t realize he wasn’t the supportive man she needed. In this circumstance, it seemed my client knew how to be emotionally supportive, but he just stopped prioritizing it.
Suppose you’ve been caught in a never-ending cycle of short-term relationships. Even though you want something long-term, those relationships never materialize, and you’re not sure why.
In that case, it’s probably because your partners aren’t getting the emotional support they crave.
Ask yourself, “Am I being lazy?” Because if you want your relationships to go the distance, you must put in the effort. It’s that simple.
Despite what many people think, relationships aren’t that complicated. All you need to do is maintain the chemistry that sparked the attraction in the first place. The rest will take care of itself.
And this is what leads me to my next point:
3. You failed to level up your communication skills
Think back to when you first started dating your partner and the things you used to talk about. Generally, people don’t get into deep introspective conversations on the first date. For the most part, when two people are just getting to know each other, casual topics take center stage
This is fine in the beginning because there is a strong physical or sexual attraction driving the relationship. Your conversations don’t need to be the most profound because other factors keep you both interested.
But as the relationship progresses and that physical attraction begins to cool, women often look for deeper communication. And that is where I see so many men fall short.
Actively listening, empathizing, and expressing your feelings clearly and respectfully take communication to the next level.
For example, take a look at how the two of you argue. While I’ll be the first to admit that arguing is not an indication that there is something wrong with the relationship, you need to be aware of how your arguments get resolved.
If you constantly brush off her concerns and disputes and never have a resolution, she will feel like you aren’t listening to her and don’t value her opinions. I often see couples argue, stop talking for a while, and then drift back together once their tempers have cooled.
They don’t discuss the issue because they don’t want to deal with the stress and spark another fight. The problem is that when you do this, you’re not fixing the underlying problem. Just because you’re on speaking terms again, it doesn’t mean there isn’t resentment underneath.
If you can’t level up your communication skills in a way that is befitting of a serious relationship, then you’ll never have one.
Admittedly, practical communication skills require years of practice and don’t come naturally to many men. If you think this statement applies to you, hiring a men’s coach to provide professional guidance might be the perfect solution.
4. You are jealous and/or insecure
While a bit of jealousy is natural—and arguably healthy—excessive jealousy that stems from personal insecurities can drive a wedge between you and your partner. If you constantly question or doubt her loyalty, it won’t be long until she grows tired of it.
As cliché as it is, trust is essential to any relationship, and if you lack trust, you need to examine why that is.
I understand that certain things can happen throughout a relationship that gives you reasonable cause for not trusting your partner, but I’m not talking about those here.
I’m talking about deep-seated insecurities that have nothing to do with your current relationship. These are issues that arise from past relationships or something else entirely, such as something that happened in your childhood.
Whatever the reason, it’s your job to work on yourself to become a trusting and confident partner. Besides, you will drive yourself crazy if you don’t, and your relationships will be guaranteed to fail.
How do you do that? Well, it all depends on you and your unique circumstances.
For example, if a past partner cheated on you, and now you walk around with a lingering fear that every woman you date will do the same, you need to address that directly.
On the other hand, if your parents constantly put you down as a child, you may suffer from low self-esteem in adulthood. The causes are different for everyone, but the one thing you don’t want to do is bury or repress those emotions.
If you’re unsure what’s causing your problems, a men’s coach can help you get to the root cause of your jealousy and insecurities and teach you how to heal and move on.
5. You are neglecting your growth
It’s always important to prioritize self-improvement and personal growth in your life. To be a strong, grounded man—to be a true leader—you should constantly search for ways to become a better person and partner.
This can come in many ways, shapes, or forms, but generally, you need to show that you are willing to learn from your mistakes, take responsibility for them, and grow as an individual.
In other words: stop acting like a little boy and start acting like a man.
Unfortunately, many men fail to realize when they’ve become stagnant. If your partner is career-oriented, entrepreneurial, and ambitious, it’s only natural that she will seek a like-minded partner.
If you were at one point but have now lost that drive, it may be causing tension in your relationship.
In the end, she will lose respect for you, and then you will lose her.
Again, it’s about not getting lazy in your relationships.
For example, just because you and your girlfriend decided to move in together and split half the rent doesn’t mean you get to sit on your ass and play video games all day.
Whatever expectations you have from each other need to be communicated to form a lasting relationship.
6. You are being financially irresponsible
Whether casually dating or building a life together, your finances will eventually intertwine. And yes, money isn’t everything, but financial stability is essential to a relationship.
If you’re reckless with your finances—even if that recklessness doesn’t personally affect your partner—it could be a red flag for her.
If a man fails to hold a steady job and bring home a decent income, it is often seen as a sign of weakness. And if you’re unwilling to contribute to shared expenses, she may view you as unreliable or untrustworthy.
Sure, you might have a five-year plan to become a billionaire, but it likely won’t matter to her if your actions fail to convey that. If you’re constantly overspending, racking up debt, and have no real plan to stop the financial bleeding, it’s completely natural that she’ll have concerns.
I should also note that I’ve seen the opposite be true, where a man has tons of money in his bank accounts but keeps it a secret because he wants to ensure the woman he is dating isn’t into him only for the money.
While this concern is valid, it doesn’t justify hiding things from your partner. In the end, this will only add distrust to the relationship.
The longer you stay together, the more your finances will become intertwined, so it’s better to be open with these things.
7. You are disrespectful or exhibit controlling behavior
This should go without saying, but no woman wants to be in a relationship with a man who disrespects or tries to control her. If you in some way try to insult or try to control your partner’s behavior, I can guarantee she won’t be hanging around for long.
Sometimes I’ll see guys who belittle or talk down to their women and act as if they’re doing so in a playful or joking manner.
They don’t realize that while it might all be fun and games to them, it would be highly offensive if the shoe was on the other foot.
Furthermore, if done in a group or social setting, it usually just comes off as a desperate cry for attention and makes them look like immature little boys.
If you need to boost yourself up by putting your partner down, that is a severe issue that needs to be addressed.
And in short, don’t do it.
Similarly, if you exhibit controlling tendencies, that’s another thing that cannot be ignored. As I mentioned earlier when I was talking about insecurities, behaviors like this usually stem from external factors, and they need to be remedied as soon as possible.
If you think you have a problem respecting your partner or have been accused of being overly controlling, you may need the help of a coaching expert who can help you bring the root causes to the surface.
8. You were guilty of infidelity
Infidelity is a common deal-breaker in relationships. Even if your partner has no concrete proof that you were cheating, just the suspicion alone is usually enough to cause severe tension that leads to the end of the relationship.
If you’re unhappy in your current relationship and develop an interest in someone else, it will save you significant stress and aggravation to break up.
Even if it truly is a one-time occurrence, cheating usually leaves lasting scars on the relationship.
Once a woman has a reason to doubt your honesty or loyalty, it probably won’t take long before she decides she’s better off without you.
I’ve met many men with girlfriends or wives who tolerated their cheating ways for years. They naively believed they were invincible, could walk all over their partners, and would tolerate it.
Then one day, when their wives or girlfriends suddenly packed up and left, they were left there twiddling their thumbs, trying to figure out what to do.
9. You do not satisfy her in the bedroom
This is probably the one item on this list that bruises more egos than others. The fact is, a healthy sexual relationship is a massive part of any romantic relationship, and it’s something you need to pay attention to.
If you’re the only one who’s enjoying sex and you routinely go through the motions and leave women unsatisfied, you’re just asking for trouble.
Sex, just like any other aspect of a long-term relationship, requires effort to maintain. Assumedly, your sex lives were pleasing at the start of the relationship—otherwise, you wouldn’t have made it this far—so ask yourself, what happened?
As difficult as it might be to admit, acknowledge if you are responsible for letting things stale.
And if you think to yourself, “Wait, she wouldn’t leave me just because of bad sex, would she?” well, what would you do if the roles were reversed?
What’s problematic here is that it’s doubtful you’ll find any conclusive evidence that bad sex caused a failed relationship. Nevertheless, if your past relationships lead you to believe this was the case, you need to address it moving forward.
10. She outgrew you (or you outgrew her
It’s just a fact of life: people grow apart. Their goals, aspirations, and interests change, and before long, whatever initially attracted two people to each other feels like nothing more than a distant memory.
Many things can cause these divisions, whether changing careers, having children together, or just realizing that you aren’t quite as compatible as you initially thought.
I often hear men say that that phrase—”We’ve grown apart”—was said to them, but they still don’t fully comprehend what it means.
Men often miss the subtle (or not-so-subtle) clues from their partners that something needs to change; they are given an ultimatum without even realizing it.
For example, if your girlfriend or wife tells you that the two of you should go to couples therapy, it’s a sign of serious problems. But beyond that, she believes the two of you are past the point of reconciling those problems on your own and now need professional help.
Some men dismiss the idea of couple’s therapy and are then surprised when she walks out on the relationship. This is another case where a failure to communicate quietly kills your chemistry, whether you realize it or not.
Simply put, in any long-term relationship, you will both change; that much is a given. The real test is how well you can adapt to that change.
If you’re reading this article, it means one of two things: either you were recently dumped, or you fear that you’re headed down that path.
Either way, just that you are here, reading this is a step in the right direction.
Becoming the best version of yourself is as much about you as it is about the people in your life. If you can’t reflect on your behavior and identify the areas where you need to improve, you’ll be caught in a vicious cycle of failed relationships.
If you’re feeling lost, confused, and unsure where to start, seeking help from a professional men’s coach is the best way to start. Having guidance and support from a group of men who have lived through the very things you’re struggling with can prove invaluable in the long run.
The thing is, you have to be willing to put in the work, and not everyone is. But if you’re one of those men out there who is genuinely ready for a transformative program that will change your life and allow you to achieve things you previously only dreamed of, there’s no better time to start than now.
So, if you believe you’re one of the select few who can handle the intensive, introspective training that I can offer you, why not prove it?
My team of coaches and I have created a “band of brothers” that provide tangible benefits as soon as you join. We are completely unlike other men’s mentorship groups out there and proud of it.
There are no whiners or little boys around these parts. Just serious men who are serious about becoming the absolute best versions of themselves.
If you’re ready to learn more, click the link below to get started. I’ll see you on the inside.