The 20 Lessons to Learn About Women And Dating to Get a Girlfriend in 2020: Part II

You can view Part I here for the first 10 lessons if you have not read it yet…

Lesson 11: Communication is the Key To the Kingdom

The way you communicate with women will determine whether you are viewed as a potential friend or lover (this happens in less than 30 seconds).

Communication goes hand and hand with your personality. An attractive man is able to communicate and present a masculine energy. He is able to excite women and touch them on an emotional level. He does this by carrying himself with total confidence, ease and playful confidence.

The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives. – Anthony Robbins

By learning how to communicate with a woman aka flirting, you set the underlying tone of the interaction as fun and playful. When you show a woman that she has no power over you then she begins to view you as a challenge, her best opportunity and begins to seek validation from you vs what most men do is seek validation from her.

Are you getting this?

In the beginning it’s important to simply build and release tension (push/pulls). Take an interaction two steps forward and then one step back. Play with the things she gives you (words or actions); tell her she’s like your dorky little sister/cousin, tell her she’s not making the cut then later switch it up and be playful by say “I like you” when she says something silly.

Show that you have a well-developed sense of humor, don’t take things too serious, know how to laugh at yourself, and at the rest of the world.

A couple other key points for communication are your vocal tonality and body language. Know that what you have to say is valuable, purely because it comes from you. But also remember how you say it. Slow down when you speak, enunciate, increase your volume, and deepen the tone of your voice.

Nothing is more unattractive than a man who can’t fully express himself and makes it hard to hear his voice.

Practice good body language by taking up space, standing up straight, having your shoulders back, chest out and head straight ahead (not down towards the ground). Develop strong eye contact, don’t be the first person to look away. Have slow, comfortable and relaxed movements and reduce nervous fidgeting or blinking.

Lean back in a conversation and allow other people to lean into you. Practice your ability to tell captivating stories, build rapport, and direct more attention towards yourself for the sole purpose of giving more value to the interaction.

In a relationship you want to have strong lines of open communication between the both of you. Never let anything build up or hold resentment towards each other. Speak your mind confidently and thoughtfully to your partner. Don’t let things go unspoken because they will erupt at some point.

Be able to admit if you’re wrong and apologize rather than covering it up and blaming it on her.

If you let something go unspoken then you’ll always be holding something against your partner which will hinder your ability to have a good time together.

Get it out of your head and just say it.

Lesson 12: Be the Master and Commander of Your Life

Women want to be with leaders. And leaders are a dying breed in men. Women know this, so when a woman spots a leader she instinctively knows he’s someone worth knowing.

Hey, where do you want to eat?  Where should we go this weekend?  What are we going to do about this!?  And other women questions need answering.  You need to make a decision.  Sometimes she’s not sure and you are there to reassure here.  You need to know what you’re doing because she needs to know everything is going to be alright.

She could be an independent and successful woman like Beyonce but she still wants Jay-Z to take care of her because it’s a hard knock life, bay-beh!

Some men avoid taking the lead because they don’t want to be criticized. They think they’re playing it safe. But in playing it safe, you’re not playing at all.  You’re not being a leader.

Leaderships is being able to say, “I’ll handle it,” and take the initiative to find a solution. Everybody wants to be around the guy that can handle his own.


A man needs to make decisions and take responsibility for the outcome. If he’s reluctant to make decisions, she may resent him. She doesn’t want someone controlling her, but she also doesn’t want someone who leaves every decision to her. Balance is key.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women. – Groucho Marx

A TRUE LEADER can lead without any followers. He doesn’t mind if people go in the direction that HE CHOOSES but he doesn’t NEED them to follow because he would do it anyways.

He doesn’t manipulate or control others into going where he wants to go. He simply goes WITHOUT PERMISSION, on his own accord, in the direction he desires.

A true leader goes without the approval of the pack. It takes courage and strength to push beyond group mentality because as humans we fear losing approval of others (it’s hardwired into us).

If you don’t make the decisions in a relationship, she’ll automatically begin to think that she is wearing the pants. If your woman starts wearing the pants, then the following will happen:

Loss of respect –> Loss of attraction  –> Loss of intimacy  –> Disconnecting herself from relationship = Cheating or Break up

Prevent the above from ever happening: MAKE THE DECISIONS. BE A MAN. LEAD.

Lesson 13: Appreciation Keeps the Good Times Rolling

Now, the key with this is to not go overboard. See showing appreciation is necessary for when she does a little extra.

“Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid” – Fyodor Dostoyevsky

If you don’t appreciate the little things a woman does for you, then she will slowly stop doing them and may even resent you for not acknowledging her efforts. And by the time she mentions “you don’t even appreciate this”.

It is simply too late.

You don’t need to go overboard with appreciation comments, but you do need to show that you appreciate the things she does for you. A simple smile, a kiss and a “I like when you”, a handwritten note will go a long way and keep more of it coming.

Lesson 14: Be Like Yoda – Stay Calm in the Midst of Chaos

Always stay calm. You are a rock.  You are her rock.

Be calm when she becomes emotional. All women are emotional to an extent. You can’t change it.

There is no point in even trying. But also, do not run away from the situation. This doesn’t work either and she’ll resent you for it. What you must do is face her head-on like a MAN. Do not react to her. She’s testing to see whether you can be pulled into her un-needed drama.


She wants to see if she can bring crazy storms into your life – don’t give in. A hallmark of a great man is composure.

So many fights can be avoided if you just don’t give into her chaos and stay grounded.

That’s what she wants – but she won’t tell you. You’re suppose to know this.

Obviously, if it’s a serious issue, than handle it with compassion and respect. Otherwise, staying calm, humor and positivity is usually the way to go 90% of the time.

Lesson 15: The Lost Art of Authenticity that Women Can’t Get Enough of

While authenticity is somewhat of a vague concept, think about it like this: An authentic man lives in the reality he creates.  He sucks other people into it because he acts congruent, coherent and convincing.

The man he presents on the outside is the same guy that prevails inside him. Don’t construct your sense of reality around external factors or the reactions of other people. Never be impressed by outward symbols, status or good looks.  Be impressed by the value of someone’s character.

Authenticity is simply how real and genuine you are in your dealings with other people and with yourself. There is nothing more alarming for a woman than a guy who acts fake or a man who is in-congruent with his intentions.

 To be nobody but myself-in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make me somebody else-means to fight the hardest battle any human can fight, and never stop fighting. – e.e. cummings

Authenticity is about being honest and able to stand up for your ideas in appropriate ways in appropriate contexts. You are not scared of disapproval and not changing your opinion or code of conduct so that people will like you.

Never lie; it cheapens your value and your relations with other people. When you are honest, upfront, and direct about your intentions, you are much more attractive. It is very powerful to simply state what you want and to go for it without hesitation.

Lesson 16: How to Be a Social Genius and Have More Fun

Here are 5 easy ways to become more social and have fun doing it.

1. Listen. You must be focused 100% on the social conversation and not simply thinking about what you are going to say next. Be genuine. If the person who is talking is interesting, be interested. If the content is boring, still listen.

Sometimes they talk 75% of the time and you talk 25% of the time. Sometimes you talk for a majority of the conversation. There are no scripts with this, just flow.

2. Stay Present. You cannot be social if you are thinking about the past or the future. You must be in the now. LIVE IN THE NOW. This increases your self-awareness and allows you to be present, active, and therefore, sociable in every situation. If you’re thinking about what to say next then you’re not present. Snap out of it!

the future depends on what you do today – Gandhi

3. Humor. Making people laugh is attractive, not only to women, but to everybody. Insert jokes where you can. Heck, insert jokes often. Don’t be the comedian of the group, but show that you aren’t a robot. Everyone likes the man who doesn’t take life too seriously and can have fun in the moment. If people are laughing, then you’re doing it right. Not everything you say will be funny, but don’t let this stop you.

If you say 3 jokes and only 1 joke is funny then you’re still the funniest guy most people know.

4. Charisma. You emit an energy wherever you go. Consistently going out will give you a passion for socializing, communicating with others, and having a powerful avenue for conveying your personality onto others. By exercising your social muscle, you enable yourself to develop your charisma. Bill Clinton epitomizes charisma. Many people remember a minute with the former president forever. This is what you are striving for.

5. Strong Eye Contact. Eye contact is an indicator of a strong alpha male who emanates strength, desire, and attraction. So much of social interaction is just about having strong eye contact and holding your frame. Practice and learn to control your eye contact in all interactions, especially with women and  dating.

Quick suggestions for improving communication and social skills:

  1. Toastmasters International
  2. Improv classes
  3. Stand up comedy classes
  4. Speed dating
  5. Talk to 3 strangers per day for 1 minute each

Lesson 17: Stop Taking Value and Start Giving Value

Think about the people you interact with in life. Have you ever met somebody who just made you smile, feel better about yourself, make you inspired or elicited positive emotions? That’s value. Such people add value to your life by making you feel positive emotions. It’s not about money, gifts or physical items but how you make others feel.

Giving value can be as simple as a smile. It can be contributing to a conversation by having a unique or interesting opinion.  Or it can be as easy as making a girl feel attractive and intelligent.


It is vital that you are a relaxed, non-needy guy if you want to add value. Once you are relaxed and non-needy, everything you say will be value giving. Giving value is when you’ve done something to make another person feel good because you wanted to.

Happiness doesn’t result from what we get, but from what we give. – Ben Carson

Go first. Approach. Be a giver. Give her good emotions, then you can easily ask for emotions from her. So much of social interactions, flirting and intimacy are about the exchanges of emotions from one person to the other. A dance of emotions if you will.

Anytime you are communicating with someone in person, phone or text, ask yourself: Am I taking value from this person or giving value?”

By adopting this mindset you’ll notice your overall social life and relationships flourish.

Lesson 18: Believe in You 100% 

There is no reason why you are not enough for any woman. Girls want guys that don’t need them, but simply want them, by showing that:

  1. You are present, living in the moment
  2. You accept everything about yourself
  3. You are exactly where you want to be and only improving

You show these women that they can be a part of your life, but you don’t need them to be in your life to be happy. Trust in yourself.  Do not doubt yourself. Accept that you may get social anxiety when you go out sometimes. Accept that you will get rejected from time to time, probably often… but it’s a part of the process.

Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.― Henry Ford

This acceptance will actually make you more congruent, which is a sign of a strong reality, self-certainty, and– you guessed it– self-esteem. If you want a high quality beautiful woman then you must believe that you can attract a high quality, beautiful woman.

You must feel that all women are in your league and no woman is out of  reach. If you look at certain women and immediately think, “no” not for me or “she wouldn’t go for a guy like me”, then you are right. It is a self fulfilling prophecy. If you think you can, then you will.  If you think you can’t, then you’re absolutely right as well.

You decide how attractive you are.

Lesson 19: How You See Yourself is How Women See You

Self Esteem is simply about feeling good about yourself.

It is the consciousness to trust yourself, to put yourself first in a non-selfish, but self respecting manner. You do this when you feel competent to handle the challenges of life and prove yourself worthy of everything that is good. You become comfortable in your skin; believe that being you is the greatest thing on earth. You take up space in the world. You stop caring what other people think about you.

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself – Mark Twain

Women are looking for a man that is an independent, self-sufficient entity. Women are looking for a man that does not put her in the highest position of his life. Show respect, but never be blinded or intimidated by the beauty of a woman. Don’t try to impress women or put them on a pedestal. They must demonstrate quality and work for your attention.

You are the prize women are trying to win over.

Your success with women, dating and anything else in life greatly depends on your standards and expectations. If you feel that you deserve beautiful, intelligent women, then you will get that when you earn it. Everything in life is a self fulfilling prophecy. Feel worthy and go for what you want. Leave no room for insecurity and stop caring about failure.

When you have self esteem, you practice being really good at being you. Nothing else matters. No one in the world will be as good as you simply being you.

So be you 100% of the time because that’s all that matters. It is the best gift you can offer to women – you.

Lesson 20: A Woman Should Not Be the Only Reason You are Happy in Life

You need to build up your own life and create that epic lifestyle that you want.

Whatever epic means to you, live that life. Women are a part of that life, but not the whole part.

You need to be a whole and complete person on your own with or without a woman.

Enjoy being single. Needing a woman in your life screams desperation and neediness.

Happiness depends upon ourselves. – Aristotle

You don’t want to find happiness in a woman because you are placing too much importance on one person in your life. Love her, treat her right and make her feel special, but absolutely do not place your entire life and happiness on one person’s shoulders (she doesn’t want that).

Have other things going on in your life.  Have a strong social network.  Mingle with good friends, develop meaningful relationships, work on your career, and invest time in hobbies that you love.

The best time to get a girlfriend is when you don’t need one or want one.

Don’t get me wrong, an awesome girl is something that can magnify an already great life, but it cannot make your life go from average to great. That’s your job.


As a man, you must lead your relationships, but also lead your life. Know where you are going and start taking actions toward your goals. It’s fine to care for a women, but also focus on creating a well balanced life. Think about your career, your health, your hobbies, your friends and family. You are great just the way you are, and that is why she wants you.

LEAD. People will follow you. She WILL FOLLOW.

Make the decisions, stay calm in times of chaos, and have control over your emotions. Be clean, well-organized, and fit, both physically and mentally.

You see a girl across the room who you like, and now you’re not afraid. You know that you can get her. You know that she wants you because of who you are.

The more bold moves you make the more success you will have with women.

Go get the women you want. Develop your life every day so it just keeps getting better and better. You wake up everyday and it feels like Christmas morning when you were a child.

This is your life. Your only shot, so squeeze all the life out of it.

If you like this article then you’re going to love my best selling book on dating and relationships over at amazon: The Dating Playbook For Men















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