A lot of people think that your life ends when you turn 30.
40? To most people in modern society, 40 is ancient.
But is it really?
If you’re a single man in your 40s, is there still hope for you to find “the one” and live the life you’ve always wanted?
I don’t just think it’s possible to find love when you turn 40, I think you’re actually going to have a better time doing this than a lot of the younger men on the dating market. The key is to leverage your strengths, approach the right women, and portray yourself in the best way possible.
In this article, we’re going to talk about you can find love in your 40s, no matter what you’ve been through before.
Whether you’re fresh out of a divorce, a bad breakup, or you’ve just struggled to find love your whole life, 40 is not old. If you live to be 90 or 100, being 40 isn’t even halfway through your life.
There’s no reason to give up. Here are the 10 steps to finding love in your 40s.
1. Define Your Dating Goals
The first step for any man of any age trying to date is to determine his goals for dating.
Are you trying to build a relationship? Are you looking to hook up? Are you looking for a fling? Do you want to have children? Do you want a wife?
These are big questions, but you don’t need to ask your partner them right away. However, you do need to ask yourself them right now.
Dating without a plan is almost the same as not dating at all.
For men in their 40s, it’s very common to want to settle down and find a forever partner – someone they can build a future with. In this article, in particular, we’re going to focus on helping you find someone who you can build a substantial relationship with.
If you want a hook-up, you might want to read a different article. We focus on helping men become stronger, more grounded, and oriented toward building a better future for themselves. I want you to find love because deep down, that’s what we all want.
But whatever your dating goals are, it’s imperative that you determine what sort of relationship you are looking for before you set out to build it.
2. Identify What Sets You Apart
A lot of older men become pessimistic because they haven’t found “the one” yet.
This is a stereotype, but there have been many studies that back this up.
Single men especially become cynical and upset with themselves for not being ahead of where they are, and they focus on what they’re lacking instead of on what they have – what they have to offer women. See, just because you’re 40 and not 24 doesn’t mean you’re a low-value man.
In fact, men actually tend to become more valuable to women as they age. You may disagree, but there’s a reason that the average man is older than his wife by several years.
This phenomenon is common, and it’s something that many men in today’s dating world fail to take advantage of.
The reason why it can pay to be older? The accumulation of resources.
The longer you live, the longer you work, and the greater status and resources that you are able to acquire. These things will help you climb the social ladder, and women will be drawn to you for these things.
Even if you aren’t a particularly remarkable individual, what you do possess as an older man is experience. You probably know more about how women want to be treated than a younger man might.
You aren’t winging anything, you have beliefs, principles, and morality. In terms of finding a quality partner, this will make your life eons easier.
A good man in his 40s is able to offer more than a good man in his 20s. Time is on your side.
Don’t forget that you have value, even if you’re older. In fact, you might have value especially because you’re older.
3. Don’t Be Afraid to Let Someone Go
As people age, they become more aware of their mortality.
This especially impacts dating and relationships, because as we age and become more aware that our time is limited, people start feeling like they have to get everything right with their partner. They become scared that they’re going to end up alone, so they force relationships that don’t work.
This never works out well in the long run.
If anything, you’re actually making your love life worse in the long run by choosing to force things and being afraid to let someone go.
When a relationship isn’t working and isn’t worth fighting for, you should just call it quits the same way a young person would. Do not develop a scarcity mindset just because you’re in your 40s and you’ve had bad relationships in the past.
You’re better than that.
You might not get the perfect relationship right away, but that doesn’t mean a great relationship isn’t out there for you. It doesn’t mean that you can’t find love and be happy.
4. Be Patient With Yourself and Your Partner
The scarcity mindset negatively impacts every aspect of your relationships because it creates desperation, pushing too fast, and conflict where conflict may not need to exist.
When you meet someone new, you must go slow to avoid putting unnecessary pressure on either of you. Even if you’re older, you cannot allow the scarcity mindset that I mentioned above to impact you.
If you want a good relationship, you need to put the time in to build one. “Love at first sight”, is great, but there is a bit more to building a relationship with someone than just obsessing over them in the first few weeks you know each other.
If you want to build a life with someone, you need patience – even if this seems counterintuitive or unnecessary.
The best relationships take time, and even if you feel like you’re running out of time because you’re older (which you are, but not really by much), you need to keep a level head. If you allow a scarcity of time to dictate your behavior, you will likely settle into something that isn’t worth it in the long run.
This is a skill in itself, but learning it can be the difference between being happy and being alone.
5. Surround Yourself With Quality People of All Ages
One of the toughest parts about dating as an older man is that you don’t have the same access to a community as your younger counterparts.
Young men are often rampantly social — joining gyms, going out with friends, or joining other social groups — and these groups can give men a place where they can feel connected to one another.
It’s easier to find a tribe as a younger man.
In your 40s and beyond, when most of your peers are settling down, having kids, and getting stuck in routines that they may or may not enjoy, you have a different experience. You aren’t married, and you’re struggling to find a group of people who share your experience.
This is why, as a man, it’s imperative that you surround yourself with people who can help you, who you can help, and who can challenge you to be better. This could be through a men’s group, for example.
What’s important is that you find a connection in your life. Having a connected and flourishing social life is key to becoming more attractive to the high-quality women that you’re looking to attract.
Another thing to remember is that there’s nothing wrong with having friends of all ages. When I was in my early 20s, one of my best friends was in his late 30s. He taught me a great deal about life, and I like to think I helped him a lot too.
Having this connection with a band of brothers will give you a different kind of purpose that most men don’t have access to. This is how you stop drifting and start living.
A quality group of friends is a precursor to quality relationships.
6. Rekindle Your Passions In Life
If you’re trying to build relationships with attractive women, a crucial thing to remember is that there’s more to you as a man than just being a breadwinner.
Older men often have more resources to provide to women, so they get caught in thinking that these resources alone will be enough to help them attract quality dating partners. I’ve seen this misconception take place right in front of me.
To truly be a high-value man — whatever age you are — you need to work on having skills that make you stand out. You need passions and hobbies and interests.
You need to be someone who people want to spend time with. You need to embrace the quirks and attributes that you’ve hidden away from the world.
As men, it’s easy to become so career-driven or goal-oriented that we forget the things that make us happy in life. We forget to enjoy our experience.
This is sad because really, our experience is all we have.
We forget about flow states and passion projects in the name of dollar signs and paying our mortgages. We forget about friendships in the name of relationships. We forget who we are in the name of what we want to become.
Be different. Rekindle your passions.
This will make women go crazy for you — whether you’re 42 or 22.
7. Be a Class Act
The easiest way to make women crazy about you, attract better quality partners, and find love is to be classy and to understand how attraction works.
This comes from understanding manners, working on yourself, and developing a keen ability to make a woman you’re attracted to feel warm and welcome around you. You need to know how to flirt and date well, but all-in-all, the most important skill you can develop when you’re struggling to find love is integrity.
It sounds corny, but there’s a deep truth here:
High-value women are not attracted to lost boys, weak men, and men who are slaves to their short-term desires. They’re attracted to men who live their lives with integrity, honesty, and authenticity.
No one worth having around cares how many sneakers you have or what kind of car you drive, they care about what kind of man you are.
Most women dating in their 40s or 30s are going to see through your tough-guy act very quickly. They’re going to avoid you like the plague if you show signs of immaturity.
Make sure you become a good man. Be a class act.
8. Don’t “Keep a Roster” Or Play Any Other Tricks
So far, we’ve talked a lot about “the scarcity mindset”, and this applies a lot here.
Most of the dating tricks I see men playing are actually just trauma responses because they’re afraid of “failing” at dating. Men keep “rosters”, lie, cheat, and avoid commitment because they’re afraid of having a serious relationship fail.
They are so scared to lose the game that they won’t even play.
Does that sound like a strong man to you?
As a strong man, your life should be so full of purpose that there’s no time for crapshoot dating games, cheating, and other toxic habits that are ruining your chances of finding lasting love.
See, love is about sacrifice. If you want love, you can’t have all the childish games that are accompanied by being “a player”.
If you want love, you need honesty, discipline, and a deep admiration for your partner.
High-value women (the kind of woman you’d want to have a lasting relationship with) will see right through these childish games.
9. Don’t Act Your Age
Just because you are more experienced, have some hidden pain, or haven’t had dating go your way yet doesn’t mean you should become old and bitter.
Just because you aren’t young anymore doesn’t mean you need to live your life like it’s almost over.
The most heartbreaking thing to see is a man who can’t handle the pain of aging. Men wrestle with their egos all their youth, only to conquer the ego for a bit in their physical peak in their early 30s, and then they drift off into years more of wrestling with themselves as they reach their 40s and beyond.
The thing is, engaging in this fight is how you lose it.
Don’t focus on acting your age. Don’t focus on acting any age, for that matter.
Instead, focus on being yourself. High-value women aren’t looking to date men who are a certain age, they’re looking to date men they’re attracted to and can see themselves with long-term.
The only way to separate yourself from the pack is to be yourself — unapologetically.
You must have the ability to express your truth to the world regardless of what that means. You must have the strength to put your pain aside and live your life.
You can still find love at 40, and you can still find it at 50.
My uncle got married in his late 50s. His age never stopped him from living his truth and falling for the woman he loved, head over heels.
This can be you too. You just may need a push in the right direction.
Love is love, regardless of age.
Many men, however, struggle to see this as they get older and more experienced in their lives. They become anxious, insecure, and angry because they haven’t understood love by the time they reach a certain age.
But you don’t need to be that way. You can live a full life, master attraction, and get dates, even if you’re 40 and above. Don’t let your age hold you back from the life you desperately deserve.
I know you can do it.
That’s why I want to tell you about my exclusive coaching program, led by me and my team of experienced men’s coaches.
See, this program isn’t only going to help you break free from nice guy behaviors, build quality romantic relationships, and become a stronger Grounded Man. It’s also going to provide you with support from both myself and my elite community of men. Our coaches provide informed professional advice on how to play hard to get, among other important relationship principles.
We’re going to help you learn how to get to know people without being desperate, clingy, or weak.
No drama, no games, just growth. This will be the last self-development group you’ll ever need.
With this program, you’ll be tapped into your own “band of brothers” and you’ll also have access to the best training course for men in existence today, as well as weekly calls with my team of inspiring and determined coaches. There are no boys, no complainers, or dabblers, this program is for serious men only.