A man’s mind has the power to be his most fearsome enemy or his most loyal friend.
Learn how to control it, and you claim mastery over your life and happiness. Let it own you; you’re nothing more than a rag-doll of feelings and emotions flung about in the heartless storms of life.
The question is, can we control it? And if so, how?
We’ve all heard it spoken repeatedly in different ways: “You are what you think you are,” “You can do anything you believe you can.” Even the Bible has its way of saying it: “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.”
These may have been nothing more than words a century ago, but recent studies on the psychology of the human mind have revealed that these sayings hold much more truth than many may have assumed.
We can, essentially, control our minds. And what we can’t control, we can control our perception of, which will, in turn, affect our reality.
This may sound like a bunch of hogswallop to you. You’re probably wondering where this is all going.
Let me introduce you to NLP or Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Throughout my ten-plus years as a men’s coach, I’ve seen NLP coaching as one of the most revolutionary inventions for the future.
This new way of approaching the human mind as something we have some power over has transformed thousands of lives in the five decades it’s been around. It’s time to see how:
What is NLP Coaching?
NLP stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
Developed by John Grinder and Richard Bandler in 1972, NLP is a practical and powerful approach to personal development that enables human beings to perform at their best by taking intentional control of their response to the world around them.
Sound like a lot? Let’s break it down.
The best way to grasp what exactly NLP coaching does is to understand the words that make up this acronym.
- Neuro: The “neuro” in NLP is how we use our five senses to gather information from the world around us.
- Linguistic: The “linguistic” in NLP refers to the study of language–specifically, how we humans take in information from the world around us (neuro) and make sense of it, giving it structure and meaning by putting it into the language (words).
- Programming: Last, but perhaps most important to understand, is the “programming” part of NLP. Programming is how we control this information (neuro) that we take in–basically, how we interpret the world and how these interpretations determine our choices, actions, and behaviors.
NLP coaching techniques teach how to intentionally change how we perceive the world around us so we can adjust our actions to reflect the life we want.
Here’s a simple example of what I mean.
Several years ago, I worked with a client who lost his house in the wildfires in Northern California. He was the most distraught man on the planet for a few days until he made one crucial discovery: losing his house could be positive for him.
He had been complaining about his living situation for years. He had repeatedly told me how empty and hollow his life felt in Northern California.
Rather than wallow in this inviting valley of misery like all the other fire victims, this man decided to view this tragedy as an opportunity instead–an open portal to a new life. He took the insurance money and moved to his dream city, finally stepping into the life he’d dreamed of.
Does this mean that NLP means you should blind yourself to pain or march around with a grin during famine and starvation? Of course not.
It just means that most barriers in life aren’t so intimidating if we look at them from another angle. NLP coaching can help you reach your full potential in life and relationships.
How Does NLP Coaching Work?
The NLP Coaching model relies on three fundamental theories: subjectivity, maps, and language.
All techniques, from the basic to the most advanced NLP, are based on these three ideas about the world and how we interact.
Subjectivity
Everything you experience as a man on this Earth is subject to your perspective.
No two people who live in the exact moment will ever have the same experience because our perception of reality shapes our experiences.
Subjectivity is the idea that regardless of what happens to you throughout your life, how you perceive different situations affects your experience.
At this point, you may be thinking, “Okay, great. This guy is telling me things will improve if I fix my attitude.”
That’s where “maps” comes in.
Maps
NLP maps is the second driving idea behind NLP coaching. This is the basic concept that we can only view our representation (our map) of the world around us, not the actual world itself.
Every human has a personalized map displaying the unfolding of their life; whether we are aware of it or not, every single event and experience impacts our future somehow.
The thing is, the same event will never impact two individuals in the same way, so the way we interpret and accept the playing out of our lives will have a massive effect on our beliefs, behaviors, mental state, and ultimately, our map’s layout through the rest of life.
An NLP coach can look at a client’s negative thought pattern or set of limiting beliefs and trace them back to a negative experience that altered their map.
Language
The last component of Neuro Linguistic Programming is the idea that an individual can effectively change the landscape of their reality by reprogramming (the “P” in NLP coaching) how they interpret the world. For human beings, language is how we do this.
Many people fail to realize language’s profound effect on how we see the world. People think languages are human constructs we have created to help us describe the world we see. While this is partially true, we fail to understand that words don’t just describe; they create.
Part of what makes humans unique is our ability to create realities that don’t exist in the practical world. Think of things like religion, morality–even bedtime stories. We can create emotion, bring to tears, and even start wars from the ideas we create.
Our words create the world around us.
In case you still aren’t convinced, here’s a great example of the powerful effect of language. There is an ancient Nambian tribe who do not have a separate word for the colors green and blue.
When researchers showed them a set of twelve colored squares, eleven green and one blue, they couldn’t identify the blue square. Blue doesn’t exist to them because they haven’t invented it yet.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming essentially uses language to break through mental barriers and limit beliefs we unconsciously create for ourselves.
5 Common NLP Techniques
An NLP practitioner uses these theories of subjectivity, maps, and language to help clients rewire their brains and create effective strategies to benefit their own lives. NLP training is about action. It’s about the how, not the why.
Ask yourself: How can I change my perception of my situation to change my emotions so my behaviors can change my world?
Here are just a few life-changing strategies Neuro Linguistic Programming uses to help you build better relationships (romantic and professional), get over fears and phobias, and find success in every area of your life.
Imagery Training
Imagery training (sometimes called mental rehearsal) is perhaps the most common NLP technique upon which many more advanced NLP techniques rely.
To practice this technique, your mind has to create a detailed image of you acting with perfect success. You are confident, your shoulders are back, and your head is high. Let yourself get completely into that mental space. Get to know what success feels like.
Do this repeatedly, and your perception of even the most difficult tasks will begin to change.
Incantations (advanced affirmations)
If you are familiar with the self-help world, you’ve heard of affirmations. Stand in front of the mirror, look yourself in the eye, and tell yourself you’re going to be confident, powerful, understanding, etc.
Incantations are like affirmations on steroids. Incantations build every part of your being into these words of affirmation. You picture yourself succeeding in whatever way you are wishing to succeed (business, family, confidence) while saying these words aloud and with complete emotion.
NLP techniques refer to these as incantations because it’s been shown that making a sort of rhythm or song to your words creates the best results.
Modeling
Modeling is one of the most popular Neuro Linguistic Programming techniques and is effective by professional athletes, politicians, and high-level performers.
Modeling is based on the “law of attraction,” the idea that we naturally move towards and become like things we focus on consistently. Rather than choosing certain behaviors or ideas to model yourself after, NLP coaching teaches men to model themselves after people they want to be like.
Find a person (or people) who you want to be like, join a mastermind group, go on a men’s retreat–do something that gets you around others you want to be like.
Mirroring
Body language is 55% percent of communication. Paying attention to how you communicate in all areas of your life can drastically change your understanding of human interaction and your ability to get along with people.
Mirroring is a practice taught in NLP training to help men form successful relationships by using welcoming body language. When you’re talking to someone, match their body language and mood to theirs. If they interact with high-intensity and animated facial expressions, do the same.
Build rapport with people by showing them that they’re just like you.
Meta-Model
Meta-modeling is another proven technique that NLP coaching teaches you so you can rewire your brain and rework your life.
Meta-modeling helps you identify and do away with speech practices and communication manners that deliver unclear and distorted messages to yourself and others.
This means clarifying your speech to understand what and why you want it without sorting through confusing emotions and crafty language.
How Can NLP Coaching Help Men?
Now that you know precisely what this collection of three letters means (NLP), you’re probably wondering how NLP coaching will change your life.
Successful people like Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, and Oprah Winfrey have been using it for years to give their careers that cutting edge.
Here are a few ways how Neuro Linguistic Programming can impact your life-
1. Beat Anxiety, Depression, and Stress Naturally
So much of what we feel as a man is in our minds.
Consider stress. Stress is a negative feeling our mind comes up with when we feel pressure in some area, or our circumstances aren’t pleasing.
In so many areas of life, the stress you feel is nonsensical. You’re stressing about something that will likely never happen; if it does, it will hardly affect you.
To act as if pain and the resulting emotion (stress) can be done away with entirely is to go against human biology and the neurochemical wiring that has made us such a successful species and continues to make life worth living.
But to question where our emotions come from and make sure they are necessary and justifiable is nothing but intelligence and maturity.
NLP coaching will help you identify why you think the things you think and help you change the narrative your brain tells you.
2. Improve Dating, Marriage, and Relationships
It doesn’t take a relationship expert to know that all relationships revolve around communication.
NLP coaching will help you become more aware of how you communicate, why you communicate the things you do, and how you can communicate more directly.
And that’s just the direct benefits of NLP techniques. One of the most rewarding things you’ll get out of NLP coaching is indirect–it’s a side effect. That is empathy.
When you become more aware of how your perception of the world shapes your words, thoughts, and behaviors, you begin to understand why others behave the way they do.
You’ll be able to understand why your wife or girlfriend is upset and reach a much quicker and less painful understanding.
An NLP master is a master of communication.
3. Become Better at Business
Many men don’t realize just how successful and fulfilled they could be if they just knew how to think differently.
NLP coaching can be a game-changer in business, helping you communicate efficiently and effectively with bosses, coworkers, and employees.
Through NLP techniques, you will understand how to speak to your colleagues in a manner that makes them feel cared for and understood.
NLP coaching has been a game-changer for so many successful people worldwide. Finding a good coach can change your life in ways you can’t imagine.
4. Get Rid of Fears and Damaging Beliefs
So many men sabotage their potential in the world by sustaining fears and other damaging beliefs.
Humans truly are beings of the mind. Anything that is within your scope of perception can be attained.
The question is, what is your scope of perception? What do you see as possible for yourself? Can you marry that girl, or is she out of your league? Can you get that job, or are you unqualified? Can you make six figures this year, or is that just too much?
It bothered me when people would trumpet the saying, “You can do anything you believe you can.”
“Surely I can’t fly!” I would scoff. “It’s impossible.”
I was right, but so was the saying. I’ll never be able to fly, and I’ll never be able to believe I can fly because it’s impossible. Anything, however, that is within the realm of your mind’s possibility–anything that your mind will believe you can do–you can do.
Your mind knows what’s impossible and what’s not.
NLP coaching will help you overcome the hurdles in your head and put your energy toward worthwhile struggles.
5. Build Confidence and Gain Masculinity
An intelligent man with confidence has the world in the palm of his hand. An intelligent man who lacks confidence is worse off than an idiot with a bit of confidence.
The ultimate confidence in life comes when you can understand yourself.
You know why you think your thoughts. You know why you hold your beliefs. You know why you act the ways you like to act and why you act the ways you don’t like to act.
You choose how you see the trials and tribulations of life because you know that your perspective on these things shapes your response and, ultimately, your happiness.
NLP coaching gives you power over your mind and, thus, your enjoyment of life.
Takeaways
When understood and put properly into practice, NLP techniques can be a game-changer in every aspect of a man’s life.
If you, like so many men, feel as if your life is directionless or your career is going nowhere, an NLP coach will be the best investment of your life.
An NLP coach will introduce you to imagery training techniques, mirroring, incantations, and a variety of more advanced practices that will flip your life on its head.
Fears and self-sabotaging beliefs will go out the window, and you will be equipped with revolutionary social skills and thinking patterns that will make your confidence skyrocket, bringing you fulfilling relationships, success in business, and a better all-around life.
If you are tired of waking up to a mediocre life and facing an unremarkable man in the mirror each morning, we have just what you’re looking for. Here at knowledge for men, we have spent years developing our practice, scouting the top coaches in the nation, and creating the best coaching business for men.
Our clients go from broken, directionless men to powerhouses for change in a world of dwindling masculine power. Our job as coaches is to equip you with the skills and knowledge necessary for you to change your life.
Pay attention because that is key. You must change your life, not us. We can give you the toolkit, but you’ve got to be the mechanic. We will introduce you to all the perspectives and practices that give NLP meaning, but it’s your job to see that you use them daily.
Our courses aren’t for toe-dippers or dabblers–they aren’t for the lazy or faint of heart. We aren’t life-fixers.
You can only change as much as you decide to.
