For most men, the idea of valuing themselves more feels illegal.
It’s something they’d never even fathom doing for themselves.
Men today have not been taught how to genuinely value themselves in a way conducive to their long-term growth. Most men have been beaten into submission by a society that makes money off their insecurities.
If you don’t value yourself, you have no power over your life and your story. If you don’t value yourself, you’re not a person.
You might have a name, a social security number, and a credit card, but you are still dehumanizing yourself by not valuing yourself in the way you deserve.
It’s time to change that.
What Is Self-Worth?
Self-worth is your assessment of your skills and abilities. It’s where you think you stand in a social hierarchy.
It’s an important and kind of delicate subject for a lot of men. Many men don’t understand self-worth and don’t understand how they could increase their self-worth without destroying other people.
This is the problem with many “nice guys” – they don’t understand how to get what they want without hurting others.
They’re trapped in a world where they cannot give their all, which gives them low self-worth and no control over external events.
But here’s the thing – nice guys finish lower in the social hierarchy than men who are kind and lift others while also improving their own life. You can be strong and kind, have a healthy understanding of your emotions and also increase your self-worth.
This is because self-worth is personal – it will not require anyone else to do it for you.
This is a blessing and a curse.
The only person who can increase your self-worth is you.
How to Value Yourself More as a Man?
Men need to learn how to genuinely value themselves in a way that promotes their long-term growth.
Unfortunately, many men have not been taught how to do this and have been conditioned by society to believe their value is tied to external factors such as wealth or status.
In reality, self-worth is an assessment of your skills and abilities, and it’s something that you have the power to increase on your own.
Here are ten ways to value yourself more as a man and improve your self-worth.
1. Be Gentle With Yourself
The first essential tip for trying to know how to know your worth is forgiveness.
If you didn’t have supportive parents, were bullied a lot growing up, or just have struggled with depression and anxiety throughout your life, knowing your worth will feel insanely hard for you.
Trying to know your worth when you’ve never done it before is like getting thrown into the deep end and figuring out how to swim.
But this journey is entirely personal. You have to figure it out, and most of the early days of learning to know your worth (and eventually increase it) will require a great deal of introspection and time spent alone trying to learn yourself.
You might think you know yourself, but if you have no concept of self-worth (or, if your self-worth is not accurate), you don’t know yourself.
You have to be gentle with yourself and forgive yourself for your shortcomings. Can you do that? It’s not as easy as you think.
From there, however, you can start to figure out how you want to build a strong sense of self-worth.
2. Find a Strong “Why” to Improve Your Self-Worth
Another important thing is to have the strongest “why” imaginable.
This has to go deep into your psyche, however. It’s not enough to say, “I want a hot girlfriend”; you need to want something that you’ll want forever – even if you start to get some of what you want.
You need a reason why that’s deeply personal.
One of my earliest “whys” was that I didn’t want to die living the life that I thought I deserved.
I didn’t believe in myself – for a time, I, too, had very low self-worth – but I just wanted to see what else I could do. I wanted to illuminate to myself that there was more that I could be.
I wanted to show myself that I was better than I thought I was.
In time, I saw myself as worth more than I ever thought possible. From here, my personal development skyrocketed.
3. Get Good at Something and Earn Your Self-Esteem
It’s tough to improve your self-worth if you cannot see improvement.
A lot of advice today is purely mental, but the problem with this is that when you put unproven self-worth on trial, it fades. Self-worth is not strong on its own. Self-belief is like a virus (the good kind!) – it needs a host to survive.
You need to get good at something to validate the worth that you are developing for yourself.
This could be something as complex as rocket science or something as simple as skateboarding. For me, the activity that made me see myself as worth more than I believed was writing.
Through writing, I started becoming more confident and ambitious, and my self-worth increased exponentially like a penny stock on a wild upswing.
I still wreak the long-term benefits of learning a skill that validated my self-worth.
4. Find a Better Inner Circle
I hate working with people who don’t believe in themselves.
Why? I see myself in them.
I also used to struggle to believe in myself, but now, through a lot of hard work, I am a confident person who understands my worth. It breaks my heart to see other people struggle with this, but this isn’t even the worst part about dealing with people with low self-esteem.
The worst part about dealing with people with low self-esteem is that they project their anxious, depressing energy onto you, which can affect you.
You have to decide who’s worth it and who isn’t.
Stay away from people who drain you and try and send you back to the land of low self-worth.
If you can’t remove someone, limit the time you spend with them. Your future self will thank you.
5. Stop Dating People Who Drain Your Energy
If you don’t know your worth, how can you expect a partner to?
If you don’t understand self-love, how can anyone else love you?
This is a tragic self-fulfilling prophecy. Love cannot find you if you don’t have healthy self-worth.
In addition to your friends and coworkers, it’s also important to stop allowing yourself to be with romantic partners who don’t share your desire for increased self-esteem.
Some of the most successful people in the world believe that who you choose as your life partner is the most important decision that you will ever make.
I can’t think of many decisions equal to or more important than who you choose to date/marry. It’s essential that when you choose a partner, you choose someone who you are compatible with, who builds you up, and who you enjoy being around.
If you’re dating someone, and they drain your energy, beat you down, or hurt you physically, mentally, or emotionally, you will struggle to cultivate a strong sense of self-worth.
Romantic relationships deeply affect how we view ourselves, and if you are someone who constantly has bad ones, you will struggle to build genuine self-esteem.
6. Boost Self-Worth Through Intense Discipline
There’s a deep connection between self-worth and self-control.
Self-control is built through discipline, so indirectly, self-worth can also be built through discipline.
Self-control gives you the strength to face your weakness with empathy, compassion, and, most importantly, a growth mindset. It’s great to go through life with a kind of view of yourself; the true sign of strong self-worth is the ability to address your weaknesses without berating yourself constantly.
This is why intense discipline can change your life.
Have the discipline to wake up early and journal and work out. Have the discipline not to measure your self-worth based on the based. Have the discipline to treat yourself like someone you’re responsible for helping – even when it’s hard.
The truth is that no one in this life is coming to save you. Your self-esteem isn’t going to increase unless you do everything you can to increase it.
You have to make your life everything you want to be and more. No one will do that for you.
7. Evaluate the Way You Handle Stress
What do you do when everything goes wrong?
How do you handle failure, extreme stress, and pain?
Do you recoil, or do you fight?
Do you revert to old habits, or do you evolve?
Look at the last five years of your life. Analyze how you’re doing and the progress you’ve made. Study yourself, and analyze your coping mechanism to extreme stress.
These coping mechanisms can be unconsciously catastrophic for your development and your self-esteem. If you struggle with self-esteem, look at what you’re doing when things aren’t going well.
This will tell you a lot about your self-worth.
If you’re like most people, extreme stress and fatigue lead you to the modern devil: cheap dopamine.
If you want to increase your self-worth, the worst thing for you is the easiest thing to get.
8. Quit Cheap Dopamine
Porn, fast food, and social media are slowly ruining your life.
You cannot be the best version of yourself if you constantly give your life away for instant gratification.
For an addict, porn can replace sex. Fast food can replace exercise. Social media can replace genuine human connection.
All of these cheap dopamine hits will destroy your self-worth.
You have to quit the cheap dopamine to increase your self-worth. You have to earn the dopamine that you allow into your brain.
Only you can make this switch.
Dopamine addiction makes it harder to do everything in your life because dopamine drives our desires. We want to chase dopamine, and if there’s easy dopamine available, you won’t want to chase the difficult things – the fulfilling things that will increase your self-worth.
People without a healthy sense of self-worth are slaves to cheap dopamine.
Quit cheap dopamine and watch your confidence proliferate.
9. Learn to Validate Your Feelings
As men, learning to navigate our “feelings” can be one of the toughest challenges we go through daily.
No one teaches men how to deal with feelings healthfully. We don’t learn this from our fathers, coaches, teachers, or friends. Most men are entirely on their own regarding feelings and emotions.
The problem with this is that when life throws us heavy feelings and emotions, many men have no idea what to do or how to handle them.
This is honestly too complex to cover in one article, but the first step to understanding your feelings and increasing your self-worth is to validate those feelings.
You don’t have to let your feelings dictate all your life decisions, but you do have to learn how to validate your feelings so that when you struggle with them, you are not a slave to them.
Furthermore, having the confidence to handle complex emotions as a man in a society that ignores them will give you a huge leg up on others and will jolt your self-worth to a new height.
When you start validating your feelings, you’re on a new path of self-love that will change your reality.
10. Periodically, Work Yourself to Failure
Failing is the predecessor to success.
Ironically, failure also increases confidence and healthy self-esteem.
The reason is exposure therapy. People with good self-worth do not mind failure because failure or success is not how they think to determine self-worth.
People who lack confidence fear failure more intensely than those who have confidence. This is because people with confidence also tend to understand that their failures are non-final.
Failure is temporary, and so is success.
Because of this, your sense of self-worth cannot be attributed to success alone. Your self-worth must come from something more robust.
By working yourself to failure every once in a while, you will learn that self-worth transcends
Self-worth affects all areas of life.
Even more catastrophic is that there isn’t an easy way to measure self-worth. The result of this is that most men give up on the pursuit of self-confidence altogether.
Most men go through their whole lives operating at a fraction of the self-worth they should be. They settle in their relationships, careers, and every other aspect of their lives.
But this doesn’t have to be you.
As a man on the cusp of being your best self, you don’t have to let your negative feelings and poor self-worth ruin your life.
You might need some help getting started.
That’s why I want to tell you about my exclusive coaching program, led by my team of experienced men’s coaches and me.
We’ll help you tap into that inner strength and become the high-value man you’ve always wanted to be.
See, this program isn’t only going to help you break free from nice guy behaviors, build quality romantic relationships, and become a stronger Grounded Man. It will also provide you with support from both myself and my elite community of men. Our coaches provide informed professional advice on how to play hard to get, among other important relationship principles.
No drama, no games, just growth. This will be the last self-development group you’ll ever need.
With this program, you’ll be tapped into your own “band of brothers,” and have access to the best training course for men in existence today, as well as weekly calls with my team of inspiring and determined coaches. There are no boys, no complainers, or dabblers. This program is for serious men only.