The world builds on the shoulders of people who, dissatisfied with what they see in the mirror, set out to turn themselves around.
Becoming a new man means so much more than changing how you look, changing your job, or getting a new girlfriend. Becoming a new man changes who you are, how you come across to others, and ultimately, how you can influence the world.
So, how do you become this new man? How do you eliminate toxic behaviors and replace them with habits that move your life forward?
In this article, I’ll share what becoming a new man means, things you can do to improve your personal life and relationship, leave the old ‘you’ behind and be the best version of yourself.
What does becoming a new man mean?
Becoming a new man can mean something different for different people, but usually, it involves turning your life around in some way, shape, or form. That could be your romantic life, your professional life, or even your physical well-being.
A “new man” has broken out of the chains that once bound them and is now living the life they were always capable of. After ten-plus years as a men’s coach, I’ve seen this transition from the older man to the new man as one of the most valuable things you can do in life.
For too many, this ideal man seems out of the question–a man so different from their current self that the transition would take many lifetimes. I hope to provide some answers to a clear-cut course to becoming this changed man.
Without further ado, here are ten ways to turn your life around and start living like the man you want to be.
1. Start Living a Structured Life
A structureless life is one of the ultimate destroyers of a man’s potential.
Humans are beings of routine and consistency. Living your whole life spontaneously and sporadically, while appealing in concept, will eventually lead to stagnation and emptiness.
Here are some of the best ways to give your life structure:
- Maintain a consistent sleep schedule: Does this mean you have to go to bed at ten seven days a week? No. Does this mean you can’t make spontaneous decisions and pull an all-nighter now and then? No. Maintaining a consistent sleep schedule is about building a healthy norm and sticking to it (most of the time).
- Monitor your screen time: In this age of rapid technological advance, spending hours upon hours on a screen (whether a smartphone or T.V.) is easy to do. Setting strict rules and restrictions on your time in the digital world can save your life. Never in all of modern history has a human, when faced with death, mourned for the time they didn’t spend on their phone.
- Regulate your meals: Keeping a pulse on not just what you eat but when you eat it and how fast you eat has a significant impact on your health and can be a life-changing way to lend structure to your life. So many mistakes that men make are so simple and avoidable. Eating at least three meals a day (or more) around the same time each day can have a significant impact on your long-term health.
- Set aside time for people you care about: Whether it be your wife, girlfriend, kids, or family, intentionally setting aside time for those you love is a crucial part of giving your life structure and becoming a new man. Extensive studies on human behavior and contentment with life show that having good relationships with your family is one of the essential components of a healthy life.
We’ll go into more detail on some of these later on.
The nice part about this is that it doesn’t always matter what structure your life has. What’s most important is that it has a structure and that that structure gives you meaning.
Stagnant men (men going nowhere) like to look down on and even mock structures. They say, “Oh, you’re one of those guys. C’mon, man, stop taking yourself so seriously. Have some fun sometimes!”
Knowing how to identify and do away with these sorts of people is necessary to leave the old man behind and become a new person.
Becoming a new man is about living life with intention, and one of the best ways to live with intention is to give yourself a structure to live within.
2. Exercise and improve your physical well-being
Our ancestors never questioned the importance of physical health. It was vital to their survival, so their attention to its maintenance was second-nature.
Nowadays, the role played by fitness and health is becoming ambiguous to many, seen as unnecessary and even in vain. With PC culture on the rise and mixed sentiments regarding traditional gender roles and masculinity, it is difficult to know how ‘manly’ to be.
Let’s set this straight! Your physical health and wellness are as related to your emotional well-being and overall enjoyment of life as anything.
Manliness is power-contained. It is vision-directed. It is a fire wrestled into submission and directed towards a worthy purpose.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. We are biological beings whose lives’ feel best when our bodies operate at a high level.
Often, one of the most straightforward practical steps to take in the creation of yourself as a new man is getting in shape.
Your physical well-being improves every aspect of your life. Beyond the frequently discussed direct physiological benefits of living a healthy lifestyle- longer lifespan, increased mental clarity, physical endurance, there is more!
With better physical well-being, you’ll start noticing increased self-esteem and respect from others, improved productivity and creativity, and the ability to do things you never dreamed of.
3. Eat Well
Diet is one of the most overlooked components of becoming a healthy man.
A healthy, consistent diet can take you further than you may think. If you want to lose weight in your transition to this new man, diet is going to be around seventy-five percent of what gets you there. The importance of eating well really cannot be overstated.
Many men consider health as going to the gym or drinking enough protein shakes. I’ve seen men who do nothing more than eat well and live active lives looking one-thousand times better than gym rats on poor diets.
Choosing a healthy diet and sticking to it consistently will change your life.
4. Get Enough Sleep
Sleep rejuvenates the human body and allows us to heal from the day’s stress (physically and mentally).
While it has become somewhat of a cliche in modern wellness circles, and you’ve likely been told thousands of times since you were a child just how important sleep is to your mental and physical capacity, understanding something is different than acting upon it. No smoker in the world will deny how unhealthy smoking is.
Hustle culture, human impatience, and lack of discipline have caused so much of the world to turn a blind eye to the importance of sleep. Humans get a lot done when we’re awake but even more when we’re asleep.
Good sleep leads to a healthy life: don’t sacrifice it.
5. Stop making women the sole focus of your existence
Women are wonderful creatures, and romance is one of the best (if not the best) inventions in the whole world.
That said, making them the sole focus of your existence can be distracting and demoralizing. Women want to be a component of your already put-together life–the cherry on top of your already beautiful cake.
Relying on female approval for happiness and contentment with yourself can be dangerous.
Many men make the mistake of thinking that women want all of their attention. Women don’t want all of your attention. Women wish to the attention you give them to feel valuable. They want your life to have enough other value in it, so the attention you give them feels special.
Here are some of the best ways to stop making women the sole focus of your existence:
- Go out alone sometimes: Being alone is the best way to build confidence. Even better, go out alone without your phone. I once lost my phone on a trip to Southeast Asia. My natural response was to rush to the store as fast as possible and buy a new one. Instead, I decided to see what life was like for a month without a phone. It proved to be the best thing for my confidence. I could focus on what was important, and my conversations with women became far more meaningful.
- Learn how to get rejected: Learning how to get rejected means learning that rejection isn’t bad. When a woman rejects you, she’s just saving you time that could have been wasted on fruitless pursuit. Avoid viewing it as a desperate vying for her approval each time you approach a woman. Instead, consider your assessment of her as equally important to hers of you.
- Get a life: Men, without an exciting life, will view women as the only essential thing in the world. Once you have a purpose outside of winning the praise of other human beings, your life becomes much more meaningful. Men with fulfilling careers, good relationships with their families, and a healthy group of friends surrounding them are usually patient when it comes to women. They know what they want and will wait as long as they need to to get it. They have enough in their life to give them value.
6. Become disagreeable
Being disagreeable means knowing when to stand up for yourself and having the balls to do it.
This doesn’t mean you have to be a rude, abrasive person. This doesn’t mean you have to be an aggressive, testosterone-filled brute. This means that when you know something isn’t right, you’re not afraid to change it.
To be disagreeable, you have to know how to be assertive.
Studies show that along with IQ, disagreeability is one of the best determiners of success. The good news: you can’t teach yourself into a high IQ. You can teach yourself to be disagreeable.
Here are three ways you can be disagreeable in a practical sense:
- Ask for higher pay: If you are a high-value man or on your way to becoming one, the likelihood is you’re valuable to your company. If you are beneficial to your company, you will get a raise if you ask for one. So many doubt their value and potential and never earn a fraction of what they are worth. Even if you get turned down, asking for a raise is an excellent example of a way to be disagreeable and move forward in life.
- Turn down an invite: Show the world that your time is worth something. Don’t be a yes-man. Turning down an invitation can be a fantastic way to teach yourself to be disagreeable.
- Make people upset: Making decisions that make some people upset is a necessary part of being a disagreeable person. Say no to a job offer you never wanted to take. Break up with a girl who constantly argues with you. Dropout of school. Doing uncomfortable things like these helps you get used to disappointing other people. Feeling uncomfortable? Good! The truth is, to move forward in life, you may have to disappoint people.
7. Put down your phone
I mentioned screen time earlier, and I’m saying it now because it is one of the most impacting forces in modern life. Successful people place strict boundaries for themselves in the digital world.
Here are some of the best ways to regulate yourself and your phone:
- Buy an actual alarm clock: Purchasing an alarm clock lets you turn off your phone before bed. I’ve met too many men who claim that they “need their phone by their bed because it’s how they wake up.” Try putting your phone in a lock box and buy an alarm clock. That way, the temptation to grab your phone is nonexistent when your head comes off the pillow.
- Turn off your phone two hours before bed: Beyond the frequently spoken of the negative impact of blue light exposure before bed, turning off your phone helps you get your mind right before the end of the day. Use this time to focus on clearing your mind and winding down. When the night comes, your sleep will be the best.
- Start reading: “But what am I going to do without my phone.” Read. Read. Read. The benefits of reading are indisputable. Spending time absorbing books rather than wasting your life scrolling through other people’s lives is a great way to make yourself a new man.
- Don’t turn on your phone until you have done something productive: We’ve talked about nights, but what about mornings? The best way to set yourself up for an “up” day is to start your morning off right. The best way to do this is to do something productive in the morning. Does this mean you have to be making money or working out? No. Meditate, pray, read.
8. Quit that job and turn your passion into your career
Quitting a monotonous, meaningless job can be a great way to force your life to change and push your circumstances in your favor.
So many men fall into a purposeless, bland life because their job takes everything out of them. With the price of modern life demanding that we work so much each day, you must do something that you enjoy, not something that you dread each day.
I’m not encouraging every man in every situation to quit their job. Instead, I want to emphasize just how big a part of your life your profession is.
When you spend 8 hours a day on a job you don’t like, the only thing you can look forward to is the weekend. Your entire week is spent trying to make it to the next one.
Imagine if you could wake up every day and do something you love. What would that be worth to you? The ability to work from anywhere has never been more effortless. With technology becoming more advanced, there are endless opportunities to make a living doing what you love.
So if you’re unhappy with your current situation, leap and turn your passion into your career. It’s one of the best decisions you could ever make.
However, if you have people who depend on you financially, take time to explore your passion, have a backup for your finances and then call it quits to start something that excites you every day.
9. Stop hanging out with toxic people
The overuse of the word “toxic” has cast its true meaning into oblivion. So, what is a toxic person?
A toxic person leaves you with a negative impression when interacting with them. They make you feel bad about yourself, question your decisions, and bring out the worst in you. These types of people are often called “energy vampires” because they suck the life out of you
They’re usually negative, critical, and judgmental . And they don’t hesitate to put you down to make themselves.
To become a new man and live a new life, you must remove yourself from the presence of people who detract from your life.
You want people who lift you up and believe in the beauty of life and their own dreams. People who will support your dreams and cheer you on. These are the types of people you want to associate yourself with.
Too many underestimate the power a negative person can hold over your life. While the effect may not be immediate and the impact may only be gradual, negative people with downer mindsets can eat away your life until it’s nothing.
So, if you want to change your life and become a new man, you must cut ties with toxic people. Let them go and make room for positive relationships that will help you grow.
10. Get a mentor
A mentor can be life-changing. There’s not one thing in life that you’re facing or will face that another has not gone through.
Having someone to rely on in life when your knowledge of the world isn’t enough can transform your life.
All the most influential people in the world will speak to a mentor’s importance, even necessity, if you are looking to live a world-changing life.
Your parents and close friends can be instrumental in delivering valuable life advice, but sometimes you need someone outside of your problems. People close to you can be the most valuable voices in your life in some situations and the most damaging in others.
Finding a good mentor can be a great first step if you feel your life needs to be flipped upside-down.
So you’re looking to turn your life around, be a new man, and need somewhere to start?
The best advice is this: focus on yourself. Stop chasing girls, stop caring what others think about your decisions, and stop crucifying yourself with the judgments of others.
Start focusing on your health, start intentionally structuring your life, and get ready to see massive results.
It won’t be an easy road. Getting rid of friends (even if they are toxic) will always leave some hurt feelings behind, and leaving behind bad habits (even if they are toxic as well) is never painless.
Often the road to becoming a new man is long and lonely. If you are looking for some help–for a head-start on this journey, we have a good place for you to start. Here at Knowledge for Men, we have the best-trained men’s coaches in the industry.
Men who took their own lives into their hands, turned things around, and set out to help others do the same. These men have devoted their whole lives to helping you turn yours around. If you’re ready to begin this journey, we’re prepared to be there with you.