There’s an old saying:
“The most important decision a man will ever make is the woman he chooses to marry.”
While there’s definitely truth to this, I’d offer a slightly different take.
“The most important decision a man will ever make is the woman he chooses to marry AND how he chooses to show up inside of that marriage.”
And a basic look at the numbers reveals just how important this decision is.
Over the past few decades, we’ve seen a stark decline the health of modern relationships:
- More than 50% of first marriages end in divorce (second and third marriages end at an even higher rate)
- 15-20% of couples are in a sexless marriage
- The average marriage lasts only 8 years
These statistics are disturbing enough.
But they’re only half the picture (especially for men).
According to a 9,000-person study conducted by Ohio State University, divorce decreases a man’s net worth by an average of 77%.
Meaning that if you accrue a $1 million net worth during your marriage, you’ll walk away with less than $230,000.
And that’s only the financial cost.
Divorced men are also:
- More likely to develop cancer or heart disease
- More likely to suffer from insomnia, anxiety, and depression
- At an increased risk for all cause mortality
Obviously, there are exceptions to every rule. And there are a handful of cases where a divorce can increase a man’s well being and mental health (typically if he was married to an overtly toxic or emotionally abusive partner).
But for the masses of married men…
The writing is on the wall.
If you’re already married, the single most important financial, professional, and personal decision you will ever make is to prioritize and nurture your relationship and create a safe, supportive, successful marriage.
And if you get this wrong or defer working on your marriage to increase your professional status, there will be consequences.
Men have more support today than ever before.
And in this article, we’ll explore one of the primary forms of support for married men looking to learn the practical tools necessary to improve their marriage, and their life.
What Does a Men’s Marriage Coach Do?
While every marriage coaching program will be unique based on the coach, their certifications and background, the core principles and components of the experience will share similarities.
1. Noticing the “Little Details” that Make All the Difference
Effective marriage coaching focuses on the “non obvious” details that make all the difference in marriage.
It helps you see your blind spots and address the unseen behaviors holding you back.
As the legendary basketball coach John Wooden said:
“It’s the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen.”
Typically the men who seek out marriage coaching aren’t “bad men” or “bad husbands.”
They aren’t abusive, unfaithful narcissists who get off on belittling their partner (this is the type of guy who would never so much as consider hiring a coach––because he thinks he’s already “perfect”).
They mean well and they’re doing the best they can with the lessons and models they were given.
And I’d wager that you feel the same way.
You love your wife. You do everything you can to protect and provide for her. You want the marriage to work. You want to feel the spark, the excitement, and the romance that you once did.
But something is missing.
You don’t know what it is. But you can “feel” it.
You aren’t showing up fully and frankly, you don’t know what that even looks like.
The problem isn’t YOU as a man. .. it’s your perspective.
You’re so close to the relationship that you can’t see the glaringly obvious shifts that would transform everything in the blink of an eye.
It’s like a plane flying across the country.
Even if it gets the trajectory right by 98%… that small 2% shift means the difference between landing in Seattle and Los Angles.
And in love, sometimes, the only difference between a thriving marriage that lasts “till death do us part” and a painful divorce are a few “percentage points” in the way you communicate and relate with your partner–or even the way you’re showing up for yourself as a stronger more grounded man.
And with the right coach, you’ll be able to make the course corrections you need before they cost you the game.
2. Teaching Healthier Communication Skills and Conflict Management Techniques
Let’s face it:
Most men suck at communicating with women.
The reason is simple…
Men and women speak different languages.
Men are hyper logical, solution oriented, and often a bit sarcastic.
Women on the other hand, are more emotional, feeling oriented, and often sensitive to nuances in our communication that we miss.
And this can create some BIG problems.
Because what you SAY and what she HEARS are often two different things.
You might say that something she’s upset about “isn’t that big of a deal.” That “It’s all ok and there’s a simple solution.”
What you mean is that you can see the situation from the outside looking in and she’d be far happier by letting go of the negative emotions she’s experiencing––because they don’t change anything.
But what she hears is “You don’t care about my feelings and my experience doesn’t matter.”
And this is where so many men get into trouble.
Because when these patterns repeat themselves over a long enough time horizon, resentment starts to build.
You care about your wife. You’re doing the best you can to share that with her. To be there for her. To make her feel loved and appreciated.
But it seems like nothing is working.
So you start to write her off as unappreciative or dramatic or a “bitch.”
She starts to see you as a calloused asshole who doesn’t care about her feelings or make her feel safe to express herself.
But the truth is…
You’re simply speaking different languages!
And until you learn to reconcile the difference in communication styles, problems will continue to arise.
But with a few simple shifts and subtle changes… you can change the way your wife receives what you say and as a result, change the entire tone and feeling of your marriage.
3. Developing a Clear Identity BEYOND the Marriage
One of the most important but underrated goals of marriage coaching actually has nothing to do with the marriage itself.
It’s helping a man reclaim his sense of identity and sovereignty outside of his marriage.
One of the biggest problems that arise in a marriage is when a man needs his partner to feel healthy, happy, and whole. When she becomes his ENTIRE identity instead of a PART of who he is.
Because the simple truth is…
Most women don’t want a man who lives to make her happy.
They want a strong, grounded, and powerful man leading her on the adventure of a lifetime.
But for a man to do this… he has to lead himself first.
He has to build self esteem, develop valuable traits, overcome his limiting beliefs, and meet his own emotional needs.
Healthy relationships with others––especially your wife––start by developing a healthy relationship with yourself.
When a man avoids these journeys and instead focuses all of his time and attention on his partner…. he loses a part of himself.
He stops doing the things that bring him joy. He stops exploring, learning, and being fully alive. He slowly starts to die inside because he’s no longer himself… he’s a bastardized version of who he used to be.
With the right marriage coaching program, you won’t just focus on improving your relationship and how you communicate…
You’ll learn to improve YOURSELF, your life, and your way of being as a man (similar to life coaching)
You’ll have a stronger identity in and of yourself and feel more in touch with you are––and as a result, you’ll be able to attract your wife from a deeper and more authentic place than ever before.
4. Creating a Shared “Love Map”
One of the biggest problems many couples face is that the way they give and receive love is different from their partner.
For example, a man may give love through acts of service and physical touch, but his partner may prefer words of affirmation and quality time.
The challenge is that both partners are going to give love in. the same way they receive love. But their partner may not receive love in the same way.
You think you’re expressing love by doing the dishes or mowing the yard or snuggling up to watch. a movie… but what your partner needs is to hear you tell her how much you love her and buy her a bouquet of flowers.
By going through marital coaching, you’ll learn how to love your partner in the way that they receive it.
Making everything you do more effective and creating a deeper sense of connection than ever before.
5. Helping Men Reclaim their Power
The painful truth is this…
Most of us weren’t taught how to be a strong grounded man capable of fully loving and showing up for our woman.
Even though our fathers meant well, they didn’t know what they didn’t know.
Most men either grew up with a father who was a “nice guy” (a man who was walked over by his wife and didn’t get respect from her or anyone else in his life)…
… Or an asshole who used anger and force to get what he wanted (and taught us that we should never act the way he did).
Either way, the masses of men enter into marriage unequipped and clueless.
We didn’t learn how to understand the language of the feminine, how to navigate our sexual desires, how to set boundaries, and how to honor ourselves as well as our partners.
Marriage coaching can help solve all of this.
And as we’ll talk about later…
This is one of the key differentiators between men’s marriage coaching and traditional marriage counseling.
Rather than focusing solely on the relationship, men’s marriage coaching helps men improve THEMSELVES.
Because when you’re showing up fully alive and in your power, you’re a better man for both you and your partner.
What To Look for In a Marriage Coach?
Every marriage coach brings a different set of experiences, tools and tactics to the table.
But typically, a good marriage coach will share a few key similarities.
First, they have a proven track record of success.
Our coaches here at Knowledge for Men are all required to have completed 1,000+ coaching sessions before they can be considered to join our elite team.
When you consider how much is at stake––the last thing you want is for your marriage to be the “experiment” for some new coach.
This isn’t to say that up and coming coaches don’t have valuable insights to share.
Simply that you want to work with a coach who’s been down this road before. Someone who has clear frameworks, blueprints, and systems to help you get results fast.
The consequences of implementing the wrong advice are catastrophic. And most of all, you want to have confidence that the coach you’re working with can get you results.
Second, they have proven results in their own life.
This sounds obvious, but it isn’t.
And it’s a key factor that separates marriage coaching from counseling. Traditional marital coaching or marriage counseling is based on certifications not results.
Even if the person in question isn’t married or has a long string of divorces behind them (FYI: this is far more common than you might think).
At the end of the day…
You don’t want advice that’s based in theory or what “sounds good” in academia. You want someone who has been where you are. Someone who’s faced the same challenges and overcome them successfully. Someone who walks the walk––not just talks the talk.
Finally, you need a coach you respect.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s life coaching, relationship coaching, or marriage coaching…
You must respect your coaching.
Because they’re going to ask you to do things that seem uncomfortable. They’re going to hold you accountable to taking action and following through.
And if they aren’t a strong grounded man in their own right?
You won’t care.
Because you’ll lack the conviction and belief that what they’re saying actually works.
The best coaching experiences––whether it’s life coaching or relationship coaching or marriage coaching––are built on mutual respect and admiration.
Find a coach you admire––or the best laid tactics and strategies will go to waste.
Conventional Marriage Counseling vs. Men’s Marriage Coaches
Before we dive into the reasons to work with a marriage coach or the benefits of this style of coaching, I want to make an important distinction between conventional marriage counseling and men’s marriage coaches.
A conventional marriage counselor will work with you and your partner to address the relationship.
And while there’s nothing wrong with this––it’s less than half of the equation.
What matters just as much is how you’re showing up as a man. How your way of being is impacting the relationship. And how you’re showing up to both your life and your marriage (or more often, how you’re not showing up)
We’ve worked with THOUSANDS of men over the last decade.
And what we’ve found is that the biggest transformations in a man’s marriage always start from within.
They come from doing the deep inner work on himself to become a stronger, more powerful, more grounded man.
- You can learn all of the conflict resolution tools you want, but if you don’t develop the trait of assertiveness so that you feel empowered to stand your ground, set boundaries, and speak your truth––none of it will matter.
- You can learn how to love your wife in a way that she fully receives––but if you hate yourself, your life, and your daily existence, it won’t matter. Because you’ll feel so stagnant that the spark and romance are guaranteed to die.
- You can bring all the toys and tantric positions into the bedroom that you want… but if you aren’t showing up in the bedroom like the raw, masculine, dominant man your partner craves––she might as well just use the toys by herself.
The bottom line is this:
A successful marriage requires two healthy, happy, and whole individuals.
This is the foundation that everything else is built on.
Without it, nothing else matters.
And while marriage counseling can be great for couples whose primary issue is how they relate to each other, men’s marriage coaches will give you the tools you need to transform your way of being for yourself and your relationship.
If you’re interested in learning more about how our elite team of marriage coaches get you results, I’ve put together a free training where you’ll learn how to reclaim your masculine power, create a high-quality romantic life, and become the strongest version of yourself.
Five Surefire Signs You’re Ready for a Men’s Marriage Coach
If you’re reading this article right now––you need a marriage coach.
This might sound bold. But the fact that you made it to this page tells me that things aren’t working as well as they could––and the right marriage coach can help you change that.
The ugly truth is, most men suffer in silence until it’s too late.
We’ve been trained to believe that “real men” don’t ask for help, they don’t reach out, they aren’t vulnerable or willing to express what’s really going on.
But the truth is… the single fastest way to improve any area of your life is to get the support and guidance from someone who’s already solve the problems you’re solving and achieved the goals you’re pursuing.
So the fact that you’re here, now, is reason enough to work with a marriage coach.
But if you want a little extra push…
Here are five more.
1. You’ve Hit a Plateau (And You Can’t Get Over It)
One of the most common things our clients tell us is:
“I’m doing everything I know how to do, but I still feel like I’m missing something as a husband”
Can you relate?
Here’s the challenge:
Most men were never taught what women really want in a relationship.
And when things don’t feel like they’re working, we often default into doing more of what isn’t working.
- We buy her more “stuff” and try to offer a better quality of life (which often requires us to work harder and longer hours)
- We shower her with compliments and gifts to show our love
- We schedule vacations and date nights hoping that they will be enough
But here’s the thing:
What got you HERE won’t get you THERE.
If you knew what you needed to know to get out of the rut (or off the cliff) your relationship is in––you wouldn’t have ended up here in the first place.
I know you’re “doing your best.”
But sometimes your current best isn’t good enough!
If your “best” is what got you here… what the hell makes you think it’s enough to get you to the promised land of a blissful, passionate, and romance filled marriage?
And if you’ve exhausted every option you can think of, you need someone else who has walked the path ahead of you to be your guide.
2. You’re Stuck in Self-Defeating Patterns
On the other hand, maybe you are aware of the changes that need to be made inside of your marriage but fall back into the same self-defeating behaviors time and time again.
- Your wife complains that you aren’t present –– because Instagram, email, and Netflix are just more engaging than your partner is
- You continue numbing out with porn or OnlyFans (even though you know it’s destroying your sex life and intimacy)
- You avoid quality time with your wife to stay at the office even though you have more than enough in the bank
- Or maybe, you’re allowing your wife to walk all over you and treat you like a little boy because you don’t know how to stand up for yourself and get your needs met.
The problem is obvious.
The source of it isn’t.
A men’s marriage coach can help you identify the cause of your self-defeating behaviors and resolve them from the inside out..
Instead of gritting your teeth and trying to “will” your way through the problems, you’ll discover how to change your habits effortlessly by solving the problem at the root cause.
3. You Have No Idea How to Navigate Your Sexual Desires
I’m going to let you in on a little secret:
Your wife likes, scratch that loves sex.
She wants to be intimate with you.
She wants you to ravish her, to dominate her, and leave her shaking on the bed in a puddle of sweat.
She’s just as sick and tired of the twice a month “passionless missionary” routine as you are.
She needs you to show up differently to feel safe in her desires and her sexuality.
She needs you to show up outside of the bedroom and inside of the bedroom. To be more confident and assertive. To show up in your masculine so she can fall into her feminine. To own your desires with passion and confidence so that she’s free to own hers.
Most of us never learned this.
We never learned that women crave sex as much as we do or how to navigate sex in a long term relationship.
But luckily, the right marriage coaching program will help you overcome this.
4. You Don’t Know How to Meet Her Needs
Gender politics aside, most people accept that men and women are wired differently.
And as a result of our unique wiring, navigating heterosexual relationships requires us to learn the language of the feminine.
When she says she wants more communication, or connection time, or to feel more desired, you may ‘hear’ one thing when she’s saying something completely different.
The end result of this disconnect is frustration and resentment, where you feel like you’re doing exactly what she asks you, but it never seems to resolve the issue.
The problem isn’t that you’re a bad match or a crappy partner. But rather than you aren’t understanding what’s truly being said when she makes these types of requests.
If this lack of emotional depth and communication persists then you will become more disconnected to your partner over time causing a loss of attraction. When you have a loss of attraction you have less motivation to work on the issues within the relationship and instead check out emotionally.
Thankfully, a men’s marriage coach can act as your “translator,” offering insight and guidance as to the true significance of the conversations you’re having and the things she’s really asking for.
5. You’re Afraid You’ll Lose Her
She’s losing interest and attraction for you and you know it.
You see it in the sideways glances at other men. In the subtle flirtation. In the indifference when you try to be intimate or connect.
You’ve done the best you can do––but it isn’t enough.
Meaning that now you have a choice.
You can either:
1) Accept that your current best isn’t good enough. Put your ego on the shelf and ask for help
2) Keep doing what you’ve always done and continue getting the same results you’ve been getting
There are no guarantees of success either way.
But if you keep doing what you’ve always done, then failure is all but guaranteed.
Why You Should Consider Hiring a Knowledge for Men Marriage Coach
At this point, you probably know whether or not a marriage coach is right for you.
The next question on your mind is… who do I hire to help me?
1. We Teach You How to Become a Multi-Dimensional Grounded Man
Most men are one-dimensional.
They’re good at making money or they dominate in the gym or they have a rap sheet filled with amazing adventures or they’re an amazing communicator or they’re great in bed.
But in the other important areas of life? They settle.
Their bank account might be booming, but their body and marriage is a wreck.
Even though they might win one battle inside of their life, they’re losing the war for their soul.
To be a truly grounded man, the type of man women crave, settling isn’t an option.
You must not only believe that it’s possible to have an abundant career, vibrant health, deep intimacy, clear purpose, and a life filled with awe-inspiring experiences…
… You must demand that you do what it takes to achieve it.
And that’s exactly what we help men do––every damn day.
With our team of coaches in your corner, you’ll no longer have the option to hide or play small.
“Phoning it in” isn’t an option.
You’ll get called out on your bs and get challenged to dream bigger and act more boldly than ever before in your life.
Just ask yourself…
If you were a woman, would you be enthusiastic and excited about dating and sharing a life with you?
Would you get butterflies in your stomach just thinking about the experiences you’d share, the journeys you’d go on, and the life you would co-create together?
If the answer is anything other than a “hell yes!” It’s time to answer the call to adventure and begin your journey to becoming a grounded man.
2. You’re Given an Objective Third Party to Help You Navigate Your Struggles
Your friends and family are clueless about relationships (mine sure as hell were).
Chances are, your parents got divorced, your friends are getting divorced, and the ones who are still together? They’re just avoiding the pain of splitting up––they aren’t actually in love or passionate about the marriage.
And even if they are crushing it in their lives and relationships––they can’t offer OBJECTIVE feedback for you.
Because they already have a “story” in their head about who you are, who you should be, and what you should do.
No matter how hard they try, they’re giving you advice based on what they want, not what’s best for you.
A men’s relationship coach is objective.
They don’t have years of shared history. Instead, they’re simply guiding you to the end zone based on where you are right now and where you want to go.
The right men’s coach has already walked the walk. He’s been in your shoes and knows how to help you achieve your goals.
His advice isn’t from “theory” or a series of “nice ideas” he read online. It’s based on in-the-trenches experience and hard won results.
And you can trust that whatever challenge you’re experiencing, he’ll give you objective no-nonsense advice that’s been proven to work with thousands of men before you (even and especially if it’s difficult to accept).
3. We Deliver Kick-in-the-Pants Raw Masculine Accountability that Drives Action
We all know what it’s like to have that “ass on the line” moment.
When we’ve told someone we respect that we’re going to get something done no matter what.
And what typically happens?
You get it done.
That’s the same experience you’ll have every day working with a men’s coach.
The simple truth is…
You already know what you need to do. Or at least you have a few places to start.
But you aren’t taking action.
When a man is held accountable by someone he admires and deeply doesn’t want to disappoint, action becomes inevitable. If you give your word to someone you respect, your word becomes law.
You only have two options: to take the action you said you were going to take or to make excuses and prove that you aren’t a high-value man.
Given the choice between those two options, most men will take option number one every day of the week.
When you work with a men’s marriage coach, you’re held accountable for actually doing the things you need to do to improve your life.
You can’t simply hide or play small, ignoring the parts of your life or relationships that aren’t working and making hollow promises to yourself or your partner that you’ll solve them “someday.”
You’re forced to take action, right now. Today.
Once you give your word, there’s no going back.
And inside of the agreements you make with your coach and yourself, you will find true liberation.
What It’s Like to Work with a Knowledge for Men Marriage Coach
The first and most important question you need to answer for yourself before you take your next step is:
“Am I ready for marriage coaching and willing to put in the work to make it work?”
- Highly coachable, willing to admit when you’re wrong, and ready to challenge your long held beliefs
- Serious about your relationship and willing to invest time, money, and energy to solve the problems you’re facing
- Ready to take ACTION on what your coach shares (even when it scares you or feels uncomfortable)
- Committed to the long game and understand that change takes time
… Then you’re ready to take the leap.
However, if you’re…
- Stubborn and set in your ways and unwilling to be challenged on your behaviors and patterns
- Looking for a “free or easy” solution to the biggest problems in your life
- Prefer theory to action and would rather spend time talking about improving your relationship than actually doing the real work
- Searching for a “quick fix” and expect years, potentially even decades of challenges to be fixed in a few days
… These are not the droids you’re looking for.
Remember, any coach, no matter what their area of expertise, can only help you as much as you’re willing to be helped.
What Does Knowledge for Men Marriage Coaching Entail?
Our program, Project Grounded Man relies on three key tools to help you achieve your goals inside of your relationships and life:
1. World-Class Training
First and most importantly, is the training component of the Project Grounded Man experience.
Unlike most coaches who simply show up to a call once a week and go on their way, we’ve created the premier personal development curriculum for men on the planet.
It’s a comprehensive 12-month system designed to help you assess and improve every area of your life.
From your masculine energy to your confidence to your relationships and sex life.
As I’ve mentioned, many relationship problems stem from problems outside the relationship.
When your career, self-worth, social life, and health aren’t in order, your relationships suffer. And often, they suffer the most.
Our curriculum is designed to not only help you identify the blind spots in your relationship (and quickly solve them), but to become the hero of your own life and create a life that any woman would look at and say…
“I want that.”
2. Group Coaching and Accountability
In addition to the core training and lessons, we offer weekly group coaching sessions with one of our elite-level coaches.
Again, you aren’t going to find any run-of-the-mill, I-got-an-online-certificate-and-now-I’m-an-expert coaches here at KFM.
Every coach is required to have 1,000+ hours of actual coaching on the record. And the men you’ll be learning from have worked with high level CEOs, special forces, high school teachers and everyone in between.
During these small group calls, you’ll have the opportunity to ask your questions and get direct feedback and accountability from the coaches.
Just as importantly, you’ll get to learn from your brothers inside of the experience and see how their own journey mirrors yours.
If you’re wondering why the sessions are done in a group setting and not 1-on-1, the answer is simple.
After more than a decade in the industry, we’ve found that group coaching is superior in every way. Imagine doing Navy Seals BUDS bootcamp alone, just you and the instructors, vs doing it with a team of men to your left and right going through the bootcamp together. Which one is likely to have a higher success rate?
Because not only do you still get direct accountability and feedback from the coaches, but you get to learn from other men going through the experience with you.
By seeing their journey and the challenges they experience, you’ll gain a more objective understanding of your own reality (and have the opportunity to share in your new journey so you don’t feel alone in whatever challenge you’re experiencing).
3. Elite Brotherhood and Private Community
Finally and most importantly, you’ll have access to an elite brotherhood of other men going through the same experience.
Including Project Grounded Man alumni who are still showing up to the community and coaching years after graduating.
You’ll get to work through your problems together, being supported and held accountable by other men you admire and respect.
The truth is… growth is painful.
But the pain is easier to bear when it’s shared.
How Much Does Marriage Coaching with Knowledge for Men Cost?
Like anything in life, you get what you pay for.
And marriage coaching is no different.
So I want to be transparent here…
If you’re living paycheck to paycheck and can’t afford to take a vacation without going into debt, this coaching program probably isn’t for you.
While our program is very affordable–especially when compared to a year of therapy, couples counseling, or many of the other coaching programs out there–it isn’t cheap.
We believe in the importance of having skin in the game and I can tell you from personal experience… when you pay, you pay attention and get results.
But ask yourself: What’s marriage coaching worth to me and my my future?
Is it worth investing in becoming the strongest version of yourself? Becoming a better husband? Becoming the assertive, strong, and powerful man you’ve always wanted to be?
(Besides, just consider the cost of divorce. Not just financially, but emotionally, socially, and personally).
If you want to learn more about our different payment options, I encourage you to submit an application and schedule a call with one of our coaches.
They’ll answer all of your questions and walk you through all of the details of the program, how it works, what you’ll get, and what the investment is.
How Long Should I Expect Before I See Results?
It depends on your level of commitment.
We’ve had men come into the Project Grounded Man experience and report life-changing results after just a few weeks.
While it’s rare, others struggled to make progress after a few months.
Commitment and persistence.
The men who show up to the calls, watch the training, complete the weekly action steps, and engage in the community all experience life-changing results. There is no way you don’t grow if you do the work. If you sign up and just half ass and disappear then obviously you won’t get results. Don’t be that guy!
If you sit on the sidelines and hide behind excuses and alibis… nothing will change.
But if you play all out and commit fully to this journey, you can expect big changes to happen in your life and relationships.
What Are My Next Steps?
If you’re ready to get started, your next steps are simple.
Simply submit your application for the program and schedule a call with one of our client success specialists.
They’ll walk you through everything you need to know and help you decide whether or not this is the right fit for you.
I want to be clear, this isn’t a high-pressure sales call where we’ll guilt trip you into an investment that isn’t right for you.
It’s a fun, deep dive conversation where we’ll get to know you, your challenges and your goals and then we decide together whether or not it makes sense to become a part of the Project Grounded Man brotherhood.