For many men, divorce is the single most emotional experience of their lives. A mix of anger, sadness, confusion, betrayal, and loss can leave a man feeling vulnerable, isolated, and overwhelmed.
Societal expectations can make it difficult for a man to process his emotions, leading to further feelings of isolation. It isn’t uncommon for a recently divorced man to experience a wide range of emotions, from relief to anger to grief — all within a single day.
If your divorce has you feeling like you’re about to lose your sanity, take a deep breath. Understand that you are not the first man to experience these emotions, and you most certainly won’t be the last.
Today, I’m going to give you ten tried and true tips for managing your emotions after a divorce. These tactics can both help alleviate your feelings of isolation and open new doors to create a stronger, more grounded you.
As always, this won’t necessarily be easy, but if you stick to the wisdom outline below, you may find that your divorce is one of the defining moments of your life.
1. Allow Yourself To Feel Your Emotions
Look, I get it. You’re a man. You’re supposed to be tough. You’re not supposed to allow things like this to get to you.
That said, your real strength isn’t defined by your ability to bottle up your emotions but how well you can process them. And you simply can’t manage your emotions if you bury them under a facade of stoicism.
Look, a divorce is A LOT to process. Even if your marriage was on the rocks toward the end, you loved this woman very much at one point. To witness a loving relationship deteriorate can be traumatic for any man.
So, the first step to managing your emotions is acknowledging that you have emotions in the first place. It won’t always be easy, but you must force yourself to open up.
Talk to your buddies. Talk to your family. Talk to your mom if you have to. Just whatever you do, talk about it. It’s far too easy to fall into an extended period of isolation when these things happen, and that will only slow the healing process even more.
2. Keep Yourself Busy — But Make Sure You Do It With Healthy Activities
It is completely natural if you feel frustrated and angry after your divorce. To expel some of this energy, you may seek to keep yourself busy with your job or other activities that help occupy your mind.
Depending on how you handle these activities, they can be very productive or detrimental. I’ve known men who got divorced over money disputes, only to go out there and create a seven-figure business a year later.
I’ve also seen men pitch a tent at their office, develop a drinking problem, and dig themselves into an even deeper hole.
Ultimately, it all depends on the man’s use of his time and energy. You have every right to be upset over this situation, but it’s up to you to use this energy to your advantage.
By all means, keep yourself busy; just make sure you keep yourself busy with things that help you grow. Hit the gym, run a marathon, start a business, or do some volunteer work. Avoid digging into mindless work and activities just to distract you from the issue at hand.
3. Embrace A New Perspective On Women, Love, And Life
Society often conditions us to believe certain things that simply aren’t true. For example, if you sit down and interview any millionaire or billionaire on the planet, they will NEVER tell you that money is hard to come by.
They will never tell you they possess a secret skill no one else has. They will never tell you they are better than you.
They WILL tell you that money is plentiful, and the main thing stopping people from getting rich is not skill, knowledge, or work ethic but their own limiting beliefs.
And it may be limiting beliefs that are causing your failed marriage to sting more than it has to.
It’s common for movie stars to marry three or four times in just a few short years; this is common practice in Hollywood. But when the average person sees this, they look at these celebrities with disdain and pass judgment on them.
In reality, it’s not the fact that these people’s fame or wealth that allows them to get remarried so often, but their mindset. These individuals have come to embrace their true value and know how to use it to get what they want.
When one marriage fails, they don’t let it ruin their lives; they get back out there and find someone who appreciates them.
Have you embraced this mentality, or are you sitting there thinking you’ll never find a woman like your ex-wife? Have you embraced the abundance mindset?
The quicker you can warm up to this idea, the better off you’ll be. The world is full of all the things and people you need to make yourself happy. You might not know where to look for these things or these people, but that’s another problem.
For now, start by warming up to the idea that your ex-wife was not a one-of-a-kind and that there are many women out there who you would be compatible with.
4. Don’t Be Too Quick To Point The Finger
When your marriage crumbles, it can be easy to point the finger at yourself or your ex-wife as the cause of the failed relationship. Behavior like this is simply useless, so do your best not to entertain it.
More often than not, it is not negligence or animosity that causes a marriage to fail but simple incompatibility. You weren’t right for her, and she wasn’t right for you. That doesn’t doesn’t make either of you bad people (even though you may have done bad things to each other out of anger or frustration).
When you hold onto beliefs like this, it fosters negative energy. You need to accept that some things just happen, and it’s no one’s fault.
As hard as it may be to see, there is no one to blame for your failed marriage. So don’t point the finger of blame.
You may find relief once you learn to do this, and your pent-up anger will begin to fade. Even if you don’t share children and never have to see or talk to your ex-wife ever again, it will do you little good to hold onto these negative emotions.
As cliché as it sounds, it is best to forgive and forget. (And get back out there to live your life to the fullest.)
5. Get Away From The Bad Memories
When a marriage fails, many men find that everything around them reminds them of their ex-wife.
Whether you keep the home or move to a new place, staying in the same geographical location where you lived with your wife may be causing you more harm than good.
Consider leaving the area entirely or taking a long trip. As I mentioned earlier, how you manage your emotions is directly tied to your mindset.
If you allow yourself to wallow in your self-pity, the glass will always be half empty. But if you decide to embrace the change and the freedom it brings, your divorce might just be the most liberating experience of your life.
Get away, take a trip, visit another country, take up a new hobby — whatever. Get out there, meet new people, and embrace all the things you probably couldn’t do while you were still married.
And always remember that the potential for a new loving relationship is everywhere you go. Explore a bit; you never know what you might find.
6. Focus On The Little Things And Learn To Celebrate Them
Going through a divorce can feel like a constant battle. And even when the war ends with your ex-wife, an internal struggle often arises.
Every step you take to better yourself — even if those steps feel insignificant — must be celebrated.
If you’ve been downing a pizza every night and washing it down with a six-pack, and then one day you decide to give the booze a rest and eat a salad, give yourself credit for that.
If you’ve been struggling to turn your new living quarters into something that resembles a home, but then things finally start to come together, give yourself credit for that.
Use these little victories to build momentum and develop new, healthy habits. You are in a situation that can seriously harm your physical and mental well-being, so you must take a proactive approach.
If you beat yourself up constantly, it will inevitably take its toll on you. No, you’re not a child, and I know you don’t need to celebrate every little thing you do, but always give credit where credit is due.
7. Always Talk To Your Children
It’s no secret that children often suffer the most during a divorce, so amid all the chaos, don’t forget to focus on their needs.
Remember, they are the most innocent party in all of this, so regardless of what your ex-wife might be doing to you or saying about you, you must NEVER take it out on the children.
Talk to them, do your best to get them to open up, and see how they feel. Far too often, fathers will feel immense guilt later in life when they sit down and realize how they neglected their children after a divorce. Don’t let this happen to you.
It’s not easy for kids to see their parents at each other’s throats, and this experience can have long-lasting consequences on their mental wellbeing.
Besides all this, many men report that talking to their children about the situation has a kind of therapeutic effect on their own mental well-being.
Obviously, you shouldn’t confide too much in your kids, but remember that they are still a part of you and a part of this new family structure.
8. Maintain Realistic Expectations
After a divorce, many people might feel the need to impart their wisdom to you. This advice most commonly comes from people who have experienced divorce themselves and want to share what they’ve learned through the process.
The problem is that much of this advice can actually make you feel worse. You might begin to feel like you’re not coping properly or that you’re not “getting over it” fast enough.
You might look at friends, family members, or coworkers who went through divorce and are now living their best lives. You might look at these people and begin to wonder if there’s something wrong with you.
Never forget that everyone grieves and processes emotions at a different pace. The only thing that matters is if you’re where you want to be right now.
It can be challenging to answer this question because so many of our opinions about ourselves are drawn from the expectations of others.
Nevertheless, do your best to analyze yourself and determine if you’re really feeling these things or if those around you are conditioning you to feel them.
Remember, you know yourself better than anyone else, so it’s your job to maintain realistic expectations about what you should and shouldn’t be doing.
9. Find New Ways To Express Yourself
Some people operate under the false belief that they don’t have a creative bone in their bodies. I don’t believe this.
When I wrote my first book, I did it because I needed to share the things I learned with men out there who were struggling. Yes, I did it to help others, but I also did it because it was therapeutic.
You should do your best to explore new ways to express yourself and relieve some of your pent-up emotions. Writing was (and is) the key for me, but it can be anything for you.
Don’t be afraid to try new things and see what works for you. That can be writing, painting, or hitting a punching bag at the gym. The great thing about self-expression is that it can take varied forms, and there’s no right or wrong way to do it.
Find new hobbies, reconnect with old ones, and search for the things that light your fire.
10. Seek The Help Of A Professional Coaching Group
Friends, family members, and coworkers might have the best intentions in the world, but they are not professionals.
If you want help navigating this very turbulent time in your life, one of the best things you can do is enlist the help of a professional coach or coaching group.
When you surround yourself with like-minded men who have struggled with the same hardships you are now facing, you feed off their collective energy.
At Knowledge for Men, we don’t have armchair quarterbacks; we have real men who have dealt with the same things you’re now facing and have emerged stronger because of it.
Confront Your Emotions, Transform Your Life
Managing emotions effectively is pivotal to your success and well-being, especially following a life-altering event like divorce. Suppressing your feelings doesn’t forge strength; rather, it impedes your ability to heal and grow. It’s time to face your divorce head-on, to delve into the discomfort that comes with truly processing your emotions. This is where real healing begins.
At our coaching program, we understand the profound impact of navigating these challenges properly. With decades of collective experience, my team and I are here to guide you through transforming what may feel like your lowest point into a powerful launchpad for personal growth.
This program will challenge you, possibly more than anything has before, but the transformations we witness are nothing short of remarkable. Men enter as they are and emerge radically changed, empowered, and ready to embrace a life they once only imagined.
We’re selective because our commitment is to those who are truly ready to work, to dive deep and emerge fully realized. If you’re ready to unleash your full potential and live the life you’ve dreamed of, you’re in the right place.
Are you ready to meet this challenge? Click to watch the video below to start your journey. Arrange a conversation with one of our coaches to explore your unique situation, goals, and challenges.
Engage in a discussion that goes deep into what you want to achieve and discover if joining the Knowledge for Men program is the right step for you.
Watch the video now and step into a new chapter of strength and self-discovery. This isn’t just about getting over a divorce—it’s about becoming the best version of yourself.
