Relationship Compatibility: What It Is, How to Know If You Are Compatible and Build Great Chemistry

So, you think you’ve met your dream girl?

She’s everything you’ve ever wanted – and more. She’s pretty, smart, funny, kind, emotionally intelligent… and great in bed. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted.


There’s always a but.

In reality, it doesn’t feel right. The relationship feels incomplete. It feels wrong.

Maybe, you and your “perfect match” are incompatible.

But what does that mean? How can you build compatibility?

In this article, we’re going to talk about what relationship compatibility is, how you know you’re experiencing it, how you know you aren’t, and the difference between love and compatibility.

What is relationship compatibility?

Compatibility in a relationship is a bit subjective.

You may think you’re compatible with someone, but they may think differently.

This means you aren’t compatible.

Compatibility in a relationship is a mutual understanding of philosophies, goals, and interests. Compatibility is when you look beyond yourself and what you want and think about what you both want.

Compatibility is a team effort.

Compatibility also can change over time.

You might be compatible with someone because of where you are in your life, but that doesn’t mean they are your forever person. People change over time. Compatibility is something that you build over time.

This is what makes dating challenging. It can be hard to identify compatibility in early-stage relationships.

This is why it’s important to understand the basis of compatibility in relationships.

5 Signs of Relationship Compatibility

There’s more to relationships than just having things in common, thinking each other is attractive and having great sex.

Relationship compatibility is complex, but we can break it down into more understandable and easy-to-follow.

Here are five signs you and someone you meet might be compatible.

1. You Share Values

Having stuff in common is not the basis for a relationship.

I like watching sports. Do you know how many millions of other people like watching sports? A lot.

While it’s great to have things in common, what really helps you to build a relationship is having common values that you can use as the basis of a relationship.

“I love baseball” does not make you compatible with someone.

“I value my family”, however, is something that you can use to build a relationship. If you’re a family-oriented person and you meet someone else who is also a family-oriented person, I’d recommend exploring that connection further.

2. You Trust Them

If you date someone and you don’t trust them, you cannot build a compatible relationship.

The basis of a relationship is the ability to communicate your feelings and to trust the other person with the things you communicate with them. The second you lose trust, you lose all compatibility.

A few years ago, I was dating a woman, and something happened where I lost my ability to trust her.

The relationship ended about a week and a half later.

If you don’t trust someone enough to be vulnerable with them, you cannot be authentic in the relationship. This will slowly kill your relationship.

Trust is the basis of compatibility. You cannot have a relationship without it.

3. You Both Are Your Own People

Codependency is the death of all relationships.

No one likes a “clingy” partner, especially as the relationship continues. All that attention can be nice for a while, but over time, you start to resent your partner.

If your partner doesn’t have much going on in their own life, they might not be a great person for you – or anyone.

This is important to pay attention to because people will often look past this in relationships. It’s ubiquitous for men to ignore a red flag like codependency because they find someone especially attractive.

Don’t do that. Make sure that when you date someone, you’re dating another person, not a leech.

4. You Can Disagree and Resolve Conflicts With Each Other

This is a big one.

Everyone can have a great time when things are going well. It’s easy to have a good time when you’ve got full bellies, full wallets, and the sun is shining.

But what about when you disagree on something politically? What about when one of you forgets to take out the trash (again)?

Compatibility is partly about your ability to have a good time with someone, but the most underrated aspect of compatibility is your ability not to make a bad time worse.

Fights and hard times happen in relationships. This is part of them.

If you’re really compatible with someone, you’ll be able to navigate through these hard times with them and come out the other end stronger.

5. You Don’t Want to Change Each Other

You love her, but you hate the way she treats the waitstaff.

She’s beautiful, but how she talks to her brother pisses you off.

If you want to change these things about her, that doesn’t mean you should. Instead, it means you should consider why you want to change her. You should probably find a new partner if you can’t accept someone.

How do you even know you’re right in wanting to change someone?

Compatibility is about acceptance, communication, and give and take. If you find that you’re dating someone you need to “fix,” you should probably stop dating them and think about why that’s what you want.

Typically, the things you can’t stand in other people tell you more about yourself than about them.

7 Ways to Cultivate Better Chemistry In a Relationship

The best way to cultivate chemistry in a relationship is to work.

Sounds easy, right?

It’s not. It’s simple, but it isn’t easy.

However, some habits, tips, and tricks will help you cultivate better chemistry in a relationship.

Here are seven ways you can cultivate better chemistry in a relationship.

1. Communicate Your Needs (Early On)

Everyone can talk about things that are bothering them, but can you talk about things that you need before you need them?

This requires a great deal of honesty and self-awareness.

You need to not only be able to know your needs and communicate them, you need to establish your boundaries with your partner.

Communication is the key to chemistry, and it’s key from day one.

Get in the habit of communicating.

2. Ask Deep Questions

Communication is a tough enough skill, but you need to go deeper to build chemistry.

While communication is an essential part of a relationship, you have to make it more than just surface-level things to improve your relationship and cultivate better chemistry.

Chemistry comes from being on the same page. Being on the same page comes from knowing each other fully.

Knowing each other fully comes from asking questions – deep questions.

At least, it starts there…

3. Listen Well

Most people are impressively bad at listening. It’s a lost skill in today’s world.

Many people will skip over this segment in the article, and therein lies the problem.

There is a pandemic of bad listeners all over the world.

If you can be different and you can build high-quality relationships much faster. Bad listening skills slow the process of getting to know someone because it makes them an afterthought in the relationship.

Once you drop the “me first” attitude in your relationships, you really start to get to know someone.

4. Spend Quality Time Together

Sitting side by side and watching TV is not a relationship.

That’s a time pass. You don’t need that in your life.

When I say quality time, I mean time spent together where you are doing things together that bring you joy. This could be as obvious as having sex or as personal as cooking together, reading together, or going on a drive and having a chat.

This quality time is what deepens the bond in a relationship. It puts you and your partner on the same page.

This is how you find compatibility and cultivate chemistry.

It’s not easy, but it’s essential.

5. Spend Time Apart

They say “distance makes the heart grow fonder,” and they’re right.

You need to spend quality time with the person you love, as I mentioned above, but if you’re like most people, you also need to spend time apart from each other as well.

This gives you time to recharge, get away from “the moment,” and think about what you really want out of a relationship. This is what makes it all worth it.

Yes – you want to be with them 24/7 because they make you feel amazing, but this is oversimplifying love.

Love takes time to build. It doesn’t come from a dinner date, time in the bedroom, or picking them up after work. Love comes from all of these things together and more.

The time you spend apart makes you think about the time you spend together more conscientiously, which helps you build better chemistry.

6. Become a Better Lover

A discussion on intimacy is not complete without talking about sex.

When it comes to relationship chemistry, bad sex can pretty much make or break the deal.

If you and your partner have everything, but you don’t have a sexual connection, you don’t really have a romantic relationship; you have a friendship. She’s not your girlfriend; she’s your friend.

You must take the time to become a better lover both in and out of the bedroom.

This means listening to what she wants, telling her what you want, and then following through with those desires.

People overcomplicate this – love is simple.

Love is simple, and people make it hard.

7. Make Physical Touch A Part of Your Routine

Physical touch is the second most common love language.

In terms of getting you on the same page, cultivating intimacy, and building chemistry with someone, physical touch is one of the most important things you can do.

I mean, think about it.

You’re breaking the physical boundary between you and them when you touch someone. There’s no better way to get on the same page as someone than touching them.

Still, as relationships continue, most of them lose the physical touch component.

If you can avoid this, your relationship will improve drastically, and your chemistry will get stronger and stronger.

Relationship compatibility is tough to understand. It takes time.


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