“We are most alive when we’re in love.” — John Updike
Life is better when it’s shared. No man is an island. Creating a high-quality life means nothing if you don’t have a partner by your side.
However, you don’t want to go around dating the wrong women who don’t have what it takes to stand by your side. Make that mistake, and you’ll end up miserable.
We live in a world where women hold all of the figurative dating cards. Men have to do everything — from asking a woman out to paying the bill.
All women have to do is choose which of the suitors they prefer. Traditionally, things were one-sided… but that has to stop.
Equality doesn’t merely mean more rights for women. It’s also about leveling the playing field when it comes to dating. Men have the right to be just as selective as women.
The Hidden Dangers of Not Knowing What You Want in a Romantic Relationship
Sleepwalking your way into an unsatisfying relationship will destroy your happiness. It happens to the best of men.
If you let your sex drive lead the way, you could fast find yourself wrapped in the arms of the wrong woman. Worse still, you might end up married, with two kids, and a mortgage that ties you into a lifetime of joyless days.
How is it that some men get exactly what they want from relationships while others fail? The answer is simple: They know what they want in a relationship — and they aren’t afraid to do the work to get it.
Contrary to popular belief, real love takes time and effort to find.
Sticking with the first woman who lets you into her life — and bed — is a major mistake. You owe it to yourself to figure out what you want in a partner.
Far too many men don’t take dating seriously. Treating it like a game will get you nowhere. Sure, the thrill of the chase can be fun… but make sure you don’t catch the wrong woman.
Before you commit to a relationship with someone, you need to determine that they meet your criteria. If she’s falling short at every count, you need to let her loose ASAP.
Don’t make the error of thinking that this is a one-sided situation. To be clear, every woman you meet will be sizing you up — literally and figuratively.
From the moment you go on that first date, they will be checking whether you can be a good provider, lover, and father. While she’s busy figuring out if you’re the man for her, you should do the same.
The Power of Pinpointing Your Non-Negotiables in Romantic Relationships
Think of a relationship as a business deal. There are some things you can let slide to seal the deal. However, you need to be 100% clear on what your non-negotiables are.
If you’ve never considered what makes or breaks a relationship, stop what you’re doing.
Before you think about swiping right on the next person, you need to figure out what you want from a relationship. Pinpointing what your deal-breakers are matters.
I’ve worked with countless men who don’t know their own minds. Here’s what to do next:
1. Take a look at your past relationship failures — and learn from them fast
Does your track record suck? Chances are, you’ve been in one or two failed relationships before now.
Maybe it ended in a blaze of vicious arguments. Maybe one of you cheated on the other one. Whatever the reason for doom’s day, reflect on what went wrong.
One of the things I come across time and time again is men saying that they have no clue why their relationships didn’t work.
That’s not true.
Deep down, you know what happened (and what went wrong!). However, you’re too scared to take a stark look at the screw-up.
Look at your past relationships and think about what was missing.
Did your partner lack something that you needed? Was she never in the mood for sex? Did she hate traveling while you loved it? Was she controlling or jealous? Did she want kids while your idea of being a father is hell? Be honest about why you weren’t seeing eye-to-eye.
2. Stop lying to yourself about what you want and what you need in a partner
You might be lying to yourself.
The vision you hold of the man you are and reality may not line up. If you’re trying to project a faux version of yourself to the world, the relationships you choose will mirror that.
Fast-forward five years, and you will find yourself with an unsuitable partner who doesn’t give you what you need from a relationship.
Ahead of deciding what your non-negotiables are, you need to figure out who you are. Becoming secure in yourself as the alpha male that you are is the first step.
When you’ve ticked that box, you can be clear about what you want — and need — from a romantic partner. Then and only then can you start to decide on non-negotiables going forward.
Creating a high-quality romantic relationship doesn’t happen overnight.
On my exclusive program, I work closely with men to help them determine what it is that they need from relationships.
Unleashing the full potential you already have to create real connections is easier than you think. Armed with the expert support you need, the sky’s the limit here.
3. Think about your future goals and how a partner can help you reach them
The right partner will never hold you back. However, you can meet plenty of women who will want to trap you in a stable but dull relationship. Make sure that your vision of the future is the same.
If you want to reach your entrepreneurial goals and travel the world, for example, and she wants to stay in the same town and have kids, it will never work.
So, where do you see yourself in five years’ time?
It’s not a trick question. You’re not in the interview seat now. However, you deserve to be clear on what you want and where your life is going.
The sooner you have a solid plan in mind, the sooner you can work toward it.
You need a partner who not only supports your achievements but celebrates them. If she is only concerned in keeping you in one place, you need to walk away.
Research published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests that when couples celebrate each other’s milestones and accomplishments, they have a more satisfying relationship.
You want a cheerleader. No, you deserve a cheerleader. Finding a woman who will keep you moving forward at every feat will empower your life in every way.
Lifestyle Factors to Consider When You’re Identifying What You Need from a Partner
1. How often do you want to have sex with your partner
Sex matters. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t.
When you first meet your partner, sexual attraction is the thing that draws you to them. You want to be with them. The pull is real and you simply can’t stop yourself from thinking about them and what you want to do to them.
Consider your libido. How much sex would be enough for you?
Do you want it once a day, once a week, or once a month? Ahead of shackling yourself to the nearest available woman, you need to know whether she has the same sex drive as you do.
Having sex once a week can boost your happiness levels by as much as an extra $50,000 per year, research suggests.
It doesn’t matter how much she fulfills your needs in other ways, if you’re not getting enough sex, your relationship will start to go downhill quickly.
2. Whether you want to have children now or in the future
Do you want to be a father? Do you see a future where you have two or more kids running around the house? Is that on your bucket list? If the answer is yes, you need to honor that.
On the other hand, if you’re completely against having kids, you need to be clear about that from the start. Fortunately enough, most guys know whether they want this or not.
Parenthood should always be non-negotiable. Neither of you should compromise what you want when it comes to having children. Yes, it’s cut and dry.
Deciding whether you want children is the first step. When you know that — and know that you’re not going to change your mind — you can start chasing it.
That means dating women who want the same things as you. Be up-front and say what you want first.
3. Your approach to financial freedom and how to get there
We’re all working toward financial freedom. You might already have a plan in mind.
Whether you’re getting involved in NFTs or have a business you want to hatch, you may have an idea of how your money will work as you get older. You’ve got this.
So… You need a woman who’s got it too.
Don’t waste your time with women who are failing to dream big. They will hold you back. The last thing you need is an anchor to keep you in one place and stop you from moving forward. That’s the last thing you need.
When you have a savvy financial plan in place, nothing — and no one — should stand in your way. For that reason, you need to be picky about who you date.
Don’t make the mistake of getting with a woman who will cost you more than you expect financially.
4. How often you’d like to socialize with friends and travel
How do you spend your free time? When you’ve clocked off for the day, do you down a few beers with the guys, or hit the gym? Do you want to spend your weekends with the family or out at bars with your friends? How and where do you want to vacation?
These are all questions you should be asking yourself. You and your partner need to have the same values when it comes to socializing or traveling. These are two things that will rock the foundations of your relationship if you don’t have them in check.
When you’re in a relationship, your lifestyle will change. However, you need to make sure that it’s for the better — you should never be restricted by a partner.
What do you expect from your free time? What are your non-negotiables? What do you need from a partner? Answer these important questions before you commit to her.
5. Your aspirations, goals, and vision of the future
Your future should always be your top priority. You have the power to create a future that meets your needs and gives you everything you want in life. Don’t waste that opportunity.
Throwing it away for the sake of a relationship is a mistake.
You will never be happy if you get together with someone who has different life goals than you. That is a truth that you cannot and should not ignore.
Make sure you know where you’re headed. That way, you can work toward finding a partner who can travel with you.
Knowing what you want in a relationship is vital.
Sure, you might date around until you find the right woman, but you don’t want to waste your time. All too many men do this and end up ruining their lives over what they deem to be ‘real love’.
You owe it to your future self to do better and date better than that. When you start prioritizing yourself and your needs, it will make a colossal difference to how you approach the world of dating.
Reclaiming your masculine power and going after the high-quality relationship you deserve is the only option. Join my expert coaching program where I work with men like you to help them realize the opportunities and become the best version of themselves.
Empowered by experts and coaches, the program supports alpha males in reaching and even surpassing their goals — romantic or otherwise. Don’t settle for a sub-par relationship. Strive to get more from your life.