The dating game is challenging. Finding an intelligent woman and dating her is only the first piece of the puzzle.
Once you’ve got her on your hook, you must ensure you live up to her expectations. Sadly, I’ve seen all-too-many men fall at this first hurdle.
It can happen anytime: You might have been dating for a year or just a few months. However, once that doubt starts to creep into your mind, it can feel like a nightmare.
You sit at home alone, and the question haunts you: “Why am I not good enough for her?” It plagues your mind no matter how you try to push the thought away.
Before you know it, you’ve convinced yourself that you are not good enough for her. Your self-worth falls through the floorboards, and you start to suffer from low self-esteem.
You’re in the danger zone of a self-fulfilling prophecy. You might think these are just thoughts — but they have real-world power. The more you feel insecure and eat away at your self-esteem, the more likely she is to get up and walk away. How can you stop that?
Fall into that trap and destroy your chances with this woman and all other women. The only option is to boost your self-esteem through expert coaching and robust community support.
In the following guide, I will cover what you should do if you think you’re not good enough for her. Let’s take a look at some expert strategies.
Why do you have low self-esteem?
Poor self-esteem is dangerous. Not only can it harm your chances with women, but it has a knock-on effect on your mental health. Research shows that cases of lacking self-esteem can be linked to feelings of depression, anxiety, and even suicidal ideation.
It has to stop. So, why are you experiencing this problem anyway?
Most guys experience this problem at some point in their lives. You’re not alone. We all feel like we’re not on the same level as other men. It’s a shadow thought — and one that we have to fight to overcome. Here are some of the plausible reasons:
- You constantly compare yourself to others around you
- You have been knocked back by women too many times
- Your ex used to cheat, lie, and manipulate your
- Too much casual sex has left you feeling empty
- You don’t believe that you deserve to be happy with a woman
- You don’t feel appreciated by your friends and family
Whatever the reason, you may think you’re not good enough when your self-esteem is lacking. That doesn’t only apply to your dating life. You will start to believe you are not good enough for your job, friends, and even any achievements you gain.
Cut it out. Yes, we can all improve ourselves, but — as I’ve told many men before — it doesn’t happen overnight. The first step in the process is finding some self-worth.
Let’s look at the cold, hard fact. No woman will want to date a man who doesn’t value himself. When your self-esteem is low, so are your chances of dating high-quality women.
Expert-backed strategies to increase self-esteem (and keep her by your side!)
Let’s say you’ve already landed your dream woman. She’s perfect in every way — she talks the talk and walks the walk. She gets on with your friends and family. She makes her own money and would never think to rely on you. She’s beautiful and intelligent.
She ticks every box and then some. Frankly, you have no idea how you managed to pull it off and get her to date you. You want to pinch yourself to make sure it happened.
And then, the darkness creeps in. You start telling yourself that you don’t deserve her. You think that you have somehow ‘tricked’ her into loving you. Worse still, you are convinced that she will wake up, smell the coffee, and realize that you are a waste of space.
I’ll let you in on a secret — it’s all in your head. She has no reason to think that you are not good enough for her. If she felt that, she would have left you already.
The worst thing you can do is be afraid. You need to get yourself feeling good again. Let’s dig deeper into how you can turn things around and boost your self-confidence.
1. Try not to compare yourself to the people around you
First up, are you comparing yourself to the men around you? Maybe your neighbor has a better car than you do. Maybe your friend’s boyfriend has recently landed a big promotion.
Comparison is a trap. You’re not focused on yourself when you continuously look at what other people have. That is one of the biggest mistakes that you can make.
Switch your attention from them to you. You don’t need to think about other people — what they have or are doing. No, all of your energy should go into yourself.
2. Take a look at how far you have come over the years
Cast your mind back a decade: Where were you then? Chances are, you were in a very different position. You might have just graduated college or even been back in school.
The point is the man you were then bear no resemblance to the man you are today. You have come a long way over the years and have overcome countless obstacles.
Stop thinking you’re not good enough and start focusing on your achievements. Your feats have proved that you have what it takes to transform yourself. Own that.
Quit trying to convince yourself that you are lacking. Yes, you should hold yourself to high standards. However, you shouldn’t keep moving the bar as you get close.
3. Listen to (and believe) her when she says she loves you
What story is she telling you? What does she say to you when you have time alone with her? Does she tell you that you are worthy and she loves you?
If you have found a high-quality woman, she will give you the reassurance you need. Spend time with her and listen to her.
You won’t find yourself guessing about whether she loves you or not. She will make her feelings 100% clear to you — whether showing you or telling you about them.
She’s not lying. When she tells you that she loves you, don’t question it. All the things that she says are true.
The worst thing you can do here is disbelieving her. Listen to her words. The moment you stop fighting it, you will see your self-love skyrocket.
4. Focus on your energy on increasing your physical fitness
When was the last time you hit the gym? Whenever guys are being tough on themselves, I give them the same old advice: Sweat it out in a serious workout.
It might sound cliche, but there is a direct correlation between self-esteem and physical fitness. When you’re feeling down on yourself, the last thing you will want to do is hit the gym. However, that is counterintuitive as a workout is a boost that your mind needs.
Feeling good isn’t always ‘mind over matter.’
You need to focus on your physical health to regain your confidence. That doesn’t mean you must spend all day in the gym. Everyone needs different levels of activity to stay healthy.
Join a sports team. Start swimming. Lift weights. Cycle to work. Take up running. Start a class. Do whatever it takes to become fitter and healthier in your everyday life.
When you start doing that, it will improve your feelings, enhance your body language, and make you feel confident. Spend time working on yourself and become a better person.
5. Stop the negative thought cycle
If you think you’re not good enough for her, the issue may be deeper than you imagine.
Negative thought patterns are common in men who have anxiety or depression. The more you feed into this vicious cycle, the more you will convince yourself she deserves better.
If you want to feel happy in yourself and have confidence, you need to stop thinking negative thoughts. That’s easier said than done.
But — I can tell you — you can train yourself out of this dangerous habit. Catch the thought, recognize it, and challenge it.
6. Talk about your feelings with someone you trust
Talking to someone about your feelings is likely outside of your comfort zone. Most men find it hard to open up to those around them — even if it’s someone that they trust.
However, you need to share the way that you feel. Keeping all of these thoughts inside your head is an error. You will drive yourself mad and lower your self-worth.
Speak to a friend or family member about the thoughts you are having. The person will help you recognize that these are just thoughts — nothing more, nothing less.
Choose someone who has known you for a matter of years. When they realize you are suffering from low self-confidence, they will remind you how important you are.
7. Set boundaries and don’t let people take advantage of you
Do people walk all over you? Are you an out-and-out ‘yes man’? It can hurt your self-esteem if you’re always giving people exactly what they want.
Set some boundaries with people; they have no choice but to respect them.
You have to be honest about how you feel about people. If they take advantage of you, you don’t have to accept that. Standing up for yourself can do wonders for your self-confidence and how you see your self-worth. Do it today.
8. Have a much-needed break from social media
Social media is dangerous. We all know it — and yet few of us choose to accept it.
If you mindlessly scroll through posts, you need to stop immediately. Research shows that using social media hurts your self-esteem.
The more you use it, the more likely you are to compare yourself to those around you. That can lead to lower levels of self-confidence and an increase in anxiety and depression.
Taking a break can be challenging. However, if you tend to use social media every day, you need to cut back. Limit the amount of time and energy you give to these platforms.
9. Consider getting some professional help
Severe self-esteem problems won’t go away overnight.
If you have been suffering from this problem for years, you can get professional help. Speaking candidly to an expert will give you the insights you need to move forward. You deserve better.
Learning that you are good enough for her will take time. It’s all about focusing on yourself, improving where possible, and getting your confidence back on track.
It’s a vicious cycle: If you think you’re not good enough for her, she will start to believe the same thing.
Before you can move forward in your relationship, you need to check your mind and reevaluate how you see yourself. It’s no good burying your head in the sand and hoping this will all blow over.
Poor self-esteem can shake the foundations of your relationship and leave you a lonely and desperate man. If you feel unworthy of the love of a good woman, change that fast before it becomes the truth of the matter.
As an expert coach, I work with men with low self-worth to flip the narrative. Regaining your masculine power and sense of value will transform how you relate to women. If you want to date strong, intelligent, beautiful women, you need to elevate yourself first.
Joining my elite coaching program will give you the headstart you’ve been looking for. Having some professional help by your side will make all the difference. Sure, you might have to push outside of your comfort zone. Take the first step in creating an epic life today.