It can be hard to trust your partner, especially for men.
Finding the so-called ‘one’ and sticking with them—through good times and bad—might be your ideal. However, the truth of the matter is that some guys are luckier than others in love.
Yes, you might meet a solid person who will stand by your side and give you everything you need. It might happen. But, there’s just as much chance of meeting someone who will cheat, lie, and deceive you at every turn to get what they want.
20% of men and 13% of women in America say they have cheated in a relationship. While men are more likely to cheat on their partners, this is a two-way street.
It’s not uncommon for either gender to slip up on a night out, start a casual fling with their coworker, or go back to their ex for a quickie. We’ve all got urges, right?
There’s one major problem: The perception of men vs. women. People generally believe that women are the saints of relationships—loving, giving, and faithful. On the other hand, men are painted as the perpetrators—lying, deceiving, and cheating. These two false narratives make it even harder for men who have trust issues.
So, when a guy is unsure about his partner, he rarely gets a sympathetic reception. Airing these concerns mean that he could quickly get cast as a jealous, controlling, or even overbearing partner.
Rather than having those around him support him and offer security, he might just as well get shunned and told to simmer down. It’s a real dilemma.
For that reason, being a man in a relationship where there’s no trust can be challenging. You either end up looking weak and needy… or controlling and over-the-top. Neither outcome is going to help you. So, what do you do when you don’t trust your partner?
The Trust Game—and Why It Matters
“We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone — but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.” – Frank Crane
Trust is the basis of any healthy relationship. Second-guessing your partner (and their intentions) will quickly erode the foundations of your relationship. It has to stop. You have two options here: cut that person loose or learn to trust them.
If you want to get into the psychology of it, experts have researched why trust matters. One study suggests that trust is essential for stable and satisfying romantic relationships.
Yes, take that basic ingredient away for any given reason and you’ve got a recipe for dating disaster. Put simply, if you want your relationship to succeed long-term, you need to make sure that you trust each other from the start.
It doesn’t end there.
Attachment theory suggests that trust is one of the most crucial things that keep couples together. Think about it. When you don’t trust your partner, you will constantly be questioning their actions and how they interact with you.
That means that every time you speak to them, your mind will be elsewhere. You’ll be thinking about whether they are telling the truth and looking out for telltale signs to catch them out.
If you are having trouble building trust in your relationship, or if you would like to improve your overall relationship, be consistent and attractive to high-quality women, consider joining my relationship coaching program. We’ll show you exactly what 1000s of men went from struggling in their relationships to having unshakable confidence and building intimate relationships, social life and happiness without sacrificing their professional growth.
5 Signs You Don’t Trust Your Partner
Self-proclaimed sex and relationships experts will try to convince you that these signs are subtle. Spoiler: They aren’t. If you don’t trust your partner, it will be obvious to everyone around you.
You’ll be waving figurative ‘I have no faith in my partner’ flags wherever you go. Chances are, your insecurities about the relationship will start to show up in the ugliest possible way.
That lack of trust will creep deep into your brain and start making you act like a needy and borderline obsessive guy.
You know the one I’m talking about: it’s the man who is constantly texting his girlfriend when she’s out, the one who checks her social media accounts every hour, and the guy who is out-and-out whipped by his partner.
It’s not an attractive look—and it’s one that you want to shake the moment it grasps you.
Does all of the above sound familiar? If you’re the guy who never relaxes when his partner is out and presumes the worst, you might be in the danger zone. (Don’t worry—there is hope for you!)
Let’s take a deep dive into the signs that you don’t trust your partner.
1. You check their smartphone and spy on them
Picture the scene: You’re chilling at home with your partner and they pop out of the room to make some food. Their smartphone is on the table in front of you. You know the passcode. Of course, you know the passcode. You lean forward and check that they are well out of eye-shot. There’s no sign of them. Great, so, what’s your next move?
If you reach out and grab their smartphone to check their WhatsApp, messages, iMessenger, or any other platform, that could be a warning sign.
What exactly are you looking for there? What do you expect to find?
Perhaps you wonder if another guy is texting them. Perhaps you want to know what they are saying to their girlfriends. Either way, the fact that you need to go snooping on their personal communication is a problem.
2. They make you feel jealous
Research suggests that jealous men get extremely worried about the prospect of losing their partner. That fear festers in a whole array of nasty behaviors.
For example, you might search through your partner’s stuff, keep track of where they go or even quiz them when they come home. All of the above makes you seem like a clingy partner and doesn’t look great for you.
Sure, some men are innately more jealous than others. You might have a streak of it deep inside which is usually rooted in insecurities.
However, if a certain partner makes you feel jealous because of the way that they act, it signifies that you don’t trust them at all.
3. You have insecurity issues and you don’t believe what they say
If every time your partner’s lips are moving you presume they are lying, you’re with the wrong person.
Of course, your partner might tell the odd white lie but most of the time they will be honest with you. Does that sound realistic?
Believing that your partner is capable of straight-up BS-ing to your face is troubling.
Whether they are or aren’t isn’t exactly the point here. The point is that you’re not on the right page with them and don’t trust them.
4. You are distant from your partner and vulnerable around them
Ask yourself a few questions: Are you completely open with your partner? Can you be vulnerable around them? Do you have to put on an act or be different when you’re around them?
Feeling distant, or not like your real self, when you’re around your partner could be a sign that you don’t trust them.
Fact is, when you trust someone completely, you can be your real self around them from day one. If you can’t do that, ask yourself why not.
5. You clock-watch when they are out
Every man knows that relationships are better when you have independent lives.
You want to be able to live your life—see your friends, hit the gym, and head to some bars—and your partner should do the same. Think about the last time that your partner went out for the night.
If you were at home, how did you spend the time? Were you busy doing your own things? Perhaps you watched the game and read up about NFTs online.
Or, on the other hand, were you clock-watching and waiting for them to come home?
There’s only one reason you’d be obsessed with what time your partner walks through the door: You don’t trust them.
From the moment they go out to the time they come back, you’re pacing the floor, wondering if they’re with another guy. That’s bad news for your relationship and no way to spend an evening by yourself.
We men are taught to be territorial and the idea of anybody else getting with our partner is a huge affront to our self-esteem.
However, that doesn’t mean that we should presume it’s the case.
Relationship Red Flags (That You Shouldn’t Ignore!)
“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.”– Albert Einstein
You can’t always rebuild trust when it’s gone.
Before you try to salvage the remnants of your relationship, there’s one thing you should check. You may have good reason to distrust your partner.
Not everyone you fall for is a decent person. Here are three red flags.
1. Your partner is inconsistent
Is your partner acting shady? One of the ways to tell is if they are inconsistent in the way that they act.
For example, your partner may go out wearing one outfit and come home wearing something entirely different.
That’s a real red flag. Why did they change? What reason did they have?
Sure, they might have gone to the gym at the end of the day. That makes sense. But if that were the case, wouldn’t they have taken their sneakers?
2. Your partner has lied in the past
Catching your partner in a lie is a real game-changer. It shatters any illusion that you can trust them.
If the lie is a big one—perhaps they lied about seeing their ex or about where they were last night—you’re gonna find it hard to get past.
It’s almost impossible to forget the fact that they have betrayed you in that fundamental way. While you might try to work past it through relationship coaching, couples counseling, or conversation, it can be challenging.
You have to be open to the idea that you may never get past how they made you feel in that moment.
3. Your partner makes you feel crazy
Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse that toxic partners use to control you.
This manipulation will make your question your own reality and leave you feeling like you’re losing your mind. For example, your partner might tell you that something you know to be true is false.
If they went out at 3 PM, you might say this to them, but they will swear it was 5 PM. Nothing you say will change their mind and, soon enough, you will start to be unsure of the facts.
When a partner does this to you repeatedly, it can hit your self-esteem. Over time the abuse—yes, it is abuse!—will wear away your sense of self and security.
Have you noticed these red flags in your relationship? It might be time to cut and run.
It sounds like your trust issues are caused by your partner’s behavior. You can’t change them and you shouldn’t try to. Do yourself a favor and get out.
How to Rebuild Trust When It’s Gone
“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.” George MacDonald
Lost the trust but want to keep the relationship? Okay. We can work with that.
If your partner is important to you, there are ways that you can start to rebuild your trust.
As a word of warning, though, you should know that this will take three key ingredients: time, energy, and a willingness to change.
You have to be cruel to be kind. If you don’t have the above, things simply won’t work.
Ready to give it a try? Here’s how to do it.
1. Try relationship coaching
Every man can benefit from coaching.
There’s a stigma that going to therapy or coaching is a highly feminine trait. It’s not.
Society expects men to be ‘tough’ and deal with our problems the old-fashioned way by pushing them down inside us. That nonsense has to stop.
Only around 11% of men seek coaching or counseling.
However, a relationship coach can help you to rebuild the trust that you have lost over the years. The expert will give you an unbiased opinion and offer advice on how you can come back together.
2. Spend quality time together and connect with them on a real level
Feeling distant from your partner? When the trust is gone, intimacy follows quickly. One of the small ways you can make a difference is by spending more time with them.
Forget doing the housework together or watching TV, plan a date for the two of you. You might want to head out for a meal together, start a new hobby, or just go for a walk.
It’s all about taking the time to speak with your partner and connect with them on a real level.
3. Get out of nasty habits and be a man
Checking your partner’s smartphone? Snooping on their social media?
If you’re guilty of these habits, it’s time to kick them. Yes, the reason you’re looking for evidence is that you don’t trust them.
However, that doesn’t mean that these habits are healthy.
The more you look, the more likely you are to distrust them. Stop expecting your partner to mess up.
4. Open up about your fears
All men have fears—about their life, their career, and their relationship. We’re taught that we should be brave and never show that we’re scared.
However, when you’re with someone you care about, you can afford to be vulnerable. Opening up to your partner and getting all of your fears out there could make a huge difference in how you feel.
The fact is that, if they are right for you, they will do all they can to reassure you. By the end of the conversation, you should walk away feeling that you trust and respect them more.
Keep in mind that every single relationship is unique. If you’ve lost all trust in your partner, whether you can regain it will depend on a few different factors.
Consider if you are willing to put in the effort to make it work and what you will lose if it doesn’t. It’s that simple. You always have to put your own needs first and find your route to relationship success.
Join my exclusive relationship coaching program tailored to help you be a real man, develop masculinity, improve communication, rebuild trust, and resolve conflicts in your relationship!