79: Jordan Harbinger: What I Learned In My 20s and 30s From Building the Art of Charm


Jordan Harbinger is an American lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company, the co-host of Pickup Podcast, a relationship advice and social dynamics talk show, and the co-host of Game On, a Sirius XM Satellite Radio talk show devoted to the art of meeting and attracting women.

Favorite Success Quote

“He who controls others may be powerful, but he who masters himself is mightier still.” – Lao Tzu

Key Points

1. Don’t Fear Failure

Failure is only failure if it is final.

On your path to success, you are going to encounter failures, this is just an inevitable part of the journey.

You are going to screw up, you are going to fall down on your face, you are going get knocked down.

That doesn’t matter.

What matters is that you are willing to learn from failure, to grow from failure, to leverage failure to become a better man, entrepreneur, leader, or husband.

If you constantly fear failure, you will never achieve anything great.

Embrace the inevitability of failure.

Get up to the plate and swing at a few balls. You will probably strike out a few times, but you never know… you just might hit a home run.

2. Forgive Your Parents

One of the biggest poisons that many men allow in their lives is the resentment of their parents.

I don’t care if your parents beat the ever living shit out of you, told you that you were useless, and treated you like you weren’t even a human being.

Holding onto that fear, anger, and resentment does nothing for you.

It’s like swallowing poison and expecting someone else to die.

If you want to move on with your life, then let it go. Forgive your parents and realize that they were people too.

They had just as many issues, problems, and struggles as you did and they did the best that they could to raise you, even as they dealt with their own crap.

Forgive, forget, and move on.

This is the only way that you will ever truly be happy.

3. Practice Mindful Consumption

We live in a society suffers from overload.

We are overloaded with choices, foods, drinks, and most of all… information.

If you want to truly succeed in all areas of your life, then you must develop a healthy level of skepticism when it comes to new information.

Figure out what is worth listening to and completely ignore the rest.

Too many people waste their time, money, and energy learning and applying information that is ineffective or downright b.s.

Don’t be one of them.

Take the time to educate yourself on who is worth listening to and what information you actually need.

Be mindful of what you are putting into your brain.

Because as the old saying goes “Garbage in, garbage out.”

4. Prioritize Your Time

Your time is your most precious commodity.

Unlike money, it cannot be replaced.

Unlike relationships, you can’t “make up” for a bad time management decision.

Unlike your health, losing time cannot be cured with a pill or an injection.

So guard your time.

Make time for yourself each and every day.

Time to be alone with your thoughts, time to train your body, time to focus on the people who are most important to you.

Work, money and fame will all be there for you as life moves on.

But time is fleeting.

Make sure that you spend it wisely.

5. Respect Yourself

If you do not respect yourself, then you will live an existence of misery and hate.

You must learn to cultivate a deep level of self-respect.

Expect yourself to succeed, expect the highest level of performance from yourself, but accept failures and learn from them.

Embrace change and your journey to becoming a better man, but accept that it happens slowly, one step at a time.

Be your own worst critic, but never be harder than you would accept from someone else.

Respect yourself, love yourself, and grow yourself.

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