312: Jim Wolfe: How to Attract and Keep the Woman of Your Dreams

Jim Wolfe is a coach and author who helps men live life without regret, build genuine confidence, achieve fulfillment and true success, and have satisfying relationships.

He is obsessed with reading, writing, learning, travel, and personal growth. He draws on a tremendous variety of sources to create effective educational experiences.

He is also the author of Level Up and Attract Her and Keep Her.

Favorite Success Quote

“Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value” ~Albert Einstein

Key Points

1. Focus on Internal Fulfillment Not External Success

One of the biggest mistakes that most men make is that their primary focus is on external success and not internal fulfillment.

They try and derive their sense of satisfaction from the women they sleep with, the cars they drive, or the number of 0’s in their bank account instead of defining success for themselves and living out a life that is true to who they are.

Instead of focusing on achievement, start to focus on being someone of value, someone who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to step out into the world and take it.

Focus more on the man that you are becoming than the things you are achieving.

Because at the end of the day, if you become a man of integrity, honor, grit, and discipline, the external success will fall into place.

2. Success in Relationships is About Adding Value

If you want to succeed with women, then you need to completely change your mindset.

You have to shift away from the societal preconditioning that women only want good looks, money, and status and realize that the best way to seduce a woman is to provide value by being your authentic self.

If you are someone she loves to be around, someone who can listen, inject humor, and provide a strong grounded base for her to trust, then it doesn’t matter how much money you have, what car you drive, or what you look like.

Women want men who add value to their lives, not men who try and impress them with external “stuff”.

3. You Must Cultivate a High Sense of Internal Value and Strength

In the initial phases of attraction, success with women is dependent on a few key factors.

The first, and most important factors are a high level of internal value and strength.

But what does that really mean?

Having a high level of internal value means that you value yourself more than any woman or relationship. It means that you are content to continue living your life with or without your significant other because your sense of self-worth comes from inside of you and not from a woman.

Internal strength, on the other hand, is your ability to display to women that you are a strong grounded man who is not reactive to or dependent upon the actions of others.

This is one of the reasons that women will often test men. It’s not because they want to get under your skin, it’s because they want to test you and see if you are strong enough to hold frame and respond to their tests in a non-reactive and grounded manner.

4. If You Want to Succeed with Women, Have them Chase You

Have you ever heard the saying that “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”?

Well, this is especially true with women and dating. Women want to see that the man they are pursuing is busy. They want to see that he has a life outside of her and is pursuing goals outside of their relationship.

Therefore, one of the keys to success during the early phases of attraction is to limit your availability.

If you are only able to go out with a woman that you are seeing once or twice a month, they will respect your time, be more excited to see you, and place more value on the time that they do have with you.

Be intentional about your availability and the women in your life will be even more attracted to you.

5. To Keep Your Woman You Must Give Her Positive Attention and Respect 

Once you have attracted a woman and have decided to settle in for a relationship, the game has completely changed.

Seduction and relationships are two completely different things.

Whenever you are in a relationship, one of the biggest keys to maintaining that relationship is that you show your woman positive attention and respect.

This means that you are willing to pause the football game and talk with her about her day. It means that you build her up in public and hold your temper when you fight.

It means that you start to value her on a deeper level and are willing to put some of your hobbies (not your dreams and passions) on hold to satisfy her needs.

Influential Books

1. The Science of Happily Ever After by Ty Tashiro PH.D.

2. No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover

3. Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix

Connect with Jim Wolfe


Next Steps

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