185: Alan C. Fox: People Tools for Relationships

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Alan C. Fox has lived a long and joyful life, achieving tremendous success in many different arenas, both personally and professionally. He has advanced degrees in accounting, law, education, and professional writing.

He has expanded his commercial real estate company, ACF Property Management, Inc. into a billion dollar enterprise since founding it in 1968. He founded Rattle Poetry Journal (in 1994), a nationally renowned publication including his conversations with noted poets

Alan is dedicated to sharing his wisdom with as many people as possible through his writings, public talks, and media appearances.

Favorite Success Quote

“There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved” ~George Sand

Key Points

1. Learn to be Authentic not Perfect 

Many men have a perfection complex. They feel that unless they are perfect, they aren’t worthy of love and aren’t worth their goals. The simple fact, however, is that no man is perfect, we all have flaws and failures and always will.

Your goal as a grounded man should be to become 100% authentic, not perfect. Be yourself, don’t hide behind this facade or persona of who you want to be; this only leads to a disconnect between how people view you and who you really are.

When you are 100% authentic, when you are vulnerable and open yourself up to the world, no one can hurt you, you give your full self and allow others to take it or leave it knowing that some will love you and some will hate you.

2. Accept People Faults and All 

Once you come to terms with your own imperfection, you must come to terms with the imperfection of others. As much as we hate to admit it, no woman is perfect, there is no “Cinderella.” Every woman has her faults, failures, and issues.

If you want to be a grounded man in a relationship, you must learn to love your woman, faults and all. Do not sit in judgement of them, but rather accept them, acknowledging your own faults and move forward in your relationship.

3. There Are Two “Me’s” and One “Us”

In every great relationship, there are boundaries. You are two individuals but one, you have two seperate lives but the same life. You must realize that a key component of any healthy relationship is seperation.

You need time with your friends, time by yourself, and time away to grow. You should never come to a point in your relationship where your significant other has an issue with you spending time with your social circle each week or taking a trip by yourself to do some thinking.

Accept that to grow together, you also need to grow apart.

4. Do Not Avoid Conversations About Money 

Money is one of the leading causes of divorce in all marriages, and one of the greatest reasons for this is a lack of open and honest communication about money.

If you want to make a relationship work, you need to be open about your financial situation, debt, spending habits, and financial goals.

If you come into a relationship with significant debt that the other person was unaware of (or vice versa) you are starting off your lives together with contention. As Zig Ziglar said “Money isn’t everything but it is right up there with oxygen,” do not let something so important go undiscussed.

Realize that your value as a person and as a lover is not your bank account, you have more to offer a relationship than financial wealth. If you love the other person, you will find a way to work through financial issues together, but first you must talk about them and be open.

5. Take Care of Yourself First 

A simple yet profound piece of advice. You cannot be all that your partner needs you to be if you are only focused on them and not yourself. What your ideal woman wants is for you to be a masculine, emotionally intelligent, grounded man, and to do this, you must first have your own life in order.

You can’t take care of someone else and love fully if your life is in shambles, you can’t commit to a healthy relationship if you are not making your own health and well being a priority above the other person’s.

Although it may sound selfish, this is truly the only way for a relationship to work. No marriage or long term committment should be two halves making a whole, rather it should be two whole people coming together to enjoy life.

Become whole before you start searching for your “better-half”

Books

1. People Tools

2. People Tools for Business

3. People Tools For Love & Relationships

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Connect With Alan C. Fox

peopletoolsbook.com/

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