Men are struggling more today than ever before.
Even the most perfunctory glance at substance abuse, depression, and suicide statistics paint a grim picture of the reality facing men today.
According to The National Institute of Mental Health, 20 percent of American adults struggled with mental illness in 2019. And of those adults, nearly 50 percent of women with mental illness sought professional support, but only 37 percent of men did.
Despite society’s proclamations that it’s ok for men to have emotions and seek help – the stigma around toughening up and being a “real man” remains.
Luckily, through conscious conversations, these stigmas are being dismantled.
So if you’re a man looking for support and waking up to the fact that you can’t (and shouldn’t) try and embark on life alone, you’re in good company.
And in this article, I’m going to share the major benefits of men’s therapy and a powerful alternative (or addition) to consider if you find yourself resistant to conventional therapy.
Men’s Therapy vs. Men’s Coaching
Although there are a myriad of benefits to therapy for men, the simple fact remains:
Different men respond best to different types of support.
For some men, conventional talk therapy or CBT can work wonders. For others, these modalities aren’t ideal for their unique situation and goals.
As a result, it’s important to understand the different options available to men today.
In this article, we’ll explore the two major solutions for men who need support – Therapy and Coaching – to help you decide which option is right for you.
The Five Major Reasons to Consider Men’s Therapy
Let me be clear.
You don’t need a specific reason to seek help or support.
And it’s high time we did away with the stigma that therapy is only for men who are mentally ill or otherwise “broken.”
Some of the happiest and most successful men I know have sought the support of a knowledgeable therapist, not because they were depressed or suicidal, but simply because they wanted to have a safe place to talk about their experience and get objective feedback from someone outside of their social or family network.
However, there are a few clear signs that you should seek therapy or counseling services.
1. You’re Struggling with Severe Depression
For men experiencing depression or suicidal ideation, therapy can quite literally be a lifesaver.
There’s a distinct difference between feeling the acute “lows” of life – after a death, failure, or loss – and struggling with chronic or pervasive depression that impacts every aspect of your life.
If you’re struggling with the following:
- Chronic demotivation and apathy
- Hopelessness (like your life will never get better)
- Suicidal ideation or thoughts of self-harm
- Cripplingly low self-esteem
I encourage you to reach out to a reputable therapist immediately.
Whether you turn to a licensed professional counselor, clinical psychologist, or family therapist, getting the mental health support you need can help you win the war against the black dog of depression and put yourself back in the driver’s seat of your life.
2. You’re Facing Chronic Anxiety
In our modern world, some degree of anxiety is normal.
Things are moving faster than ever before. Life feels more uncertain. And our sense of normalcy is uprooted almost every day.
But there’s a fundamental difference between healthy anxiety – worrying about your job during a reorganization, feeling stressed about a medical scare, or fretting about the economy – and chronic anxiety.
When panic attacks or an overwhelming sense of fear permeate your days and prevent you from showing up entirely for the rest of your life, therapy and other support systems can be invaluable.
3. You Need Help Overcoming Substance Abuse Issues
Few things will benefit a man’s life more than eliminating vices.
This is true regardless of the vice.
After more than a decade of coaching men at every level of the game, I’ve found that the most profound moments of growth and success rarely happen when a man adds some new positive habit to his life. But instead when he eliminates a vice or addiction infecting his psyche.
Sometimes things as seemingly innocuous as porn, video games, or social media have a drastic negative impact on a man’s confidence and sense of self-esteem.
But true chemical addictions to drugs or alcohol are even worse.
The psychological impact of these addictions is profound. Beyond the psychological impact of wanting but being unable to quit a damaging addiction, there are many physical health implications.
Overdoses have risen by orders of magnitude since the pandemic struck. And new research is revealing how detrimental alcohol, cocaine, and other drugs are to a man’s long-term physical, sexual, and mental health.
If you’ve tried everything in your power to beat an addiction unsuccessfully, seeking the support of a therapist or counselor specializing in substance use disorder could be the missing link in transforming (and potentially saving) your life.
4. You Don’t Have Anyone to Talk To About Your Deepest Challenges
Even if you don’t struggle with any of the aforementioned mental health challenges, sometimes men want an objective third party with whom they can discuss their doubts, fears, and frustrations.
And a men’s therapist can fulfill this role beautifully.
More often than not, simply having someone to talk to – who doesn’t know you or has ulterior motives – can help you solve your most profound problems.
Whether you’re confused about relationship issues, questioning your career path, or just feeling “off” in day-to-day life, enlisting the help of someone who can ask the right questions and reflect your beliefs and thought process objectively could help you get out of a rut and reach the next level in your life.
5. You Want to Develop a Deeper Understanding Of Yourself
Finally, even if everything is going great, you may want to develop a deeper understanding of who you are and how you’re showing up in the world as a man.
We all carry baggage and trauma from our childhood and previous experiences.
And understanding our history, our personality, and our patterns is often the key to unlocking the type of life we truly want.
While some men are content to embark on this journey of their own volition – using books, self-guided therapy sessions, or alternate modalities – others prefer to have an objective third party who can ask the right questions and help them dig deeper into parts of themselves they otherwise would have ignored.
The Different Types of Therapy for Men (And Where to Find a Trusted Therapist)
If you feel therapy could benefit you or help resolve any mental health challenges, it’s essential to understand the different therapeutic treatments available to men.
The most common therapy styles are:
- Psychodynamic therapy. Psychodynamic or “psychoanalytic” therapy, made popular by Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, aims to make the unconscious conscious and use various techniques to help men address suppressed trauma, desires, and beliefs standing in the way of their success.
- Behavior therapy. For men struggling with specific behavioral patterns – addiction, anger issues, agoraphobia, etc. – behavior therapy focuses on helping men gain conscious control over their actions and change their response to specific triggers that would otherwise lead to undesirable behaviors.
- Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). A combination of cognitive and behavioral therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT is a more structured and goal-oriented therapy to resolve mental health and substance abuse disorders.
- Mindfulness-based therapy (MBT). A type of therapy focused on witnessing (being mindful) of your thoughts and feelings so that you can choose your actions and responses more consciously.
As I called out at the beginning of this article, different men will benefit from different approaches.
Some men will prefer a clinical approach, others a more spiritual approach. And some (as we’ll discuss in just a moment) prefer to work outside conventional therapy by finding a trusted men’s coach.
Whatever decision you make, I encourage you to learn more about the different options available to you.
Once you’ve settled on a suitable type of therapy, you can find a trusted practitioner through any of the following resources.
- The Open Path Psychotherapy Collective
- The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) HelpLine c
- Mentalhealth.govTrusted Source
The Five Major Reasons to Consider Men’s Coaching Instead of (Or In Addition To) Therapy
For those who aren’t seeking a specific type of mental health treatment and are instead plagued by the sense that they aren’t living up to their full potential as men – working with a men’s coach may be a more appropriate path.
Unlike therapy, men’s coaching is focused on raw, in-your-face accountability and masculine development.
It’s about fundamentally transforming how you’re showing up to life. And giving you the tools and mindsets you need to think bigger, play harder, and become the grounded man you’ve always had the potential to be.
1. You Need Someone To Talk To Who Doesn’t Just Listen But Helps You Move Forward in Life
Therapy can be great and, for some men, necessary. But it’s not the end-all solution it’s been made out to be – rather, a stepping stone to something much more significant.
Although they’ll listen intently (they’re paid to). They don’t push you to challenge yourself, break free from the status quo, and step into your role as the king and creator of your own life.
They know little about reclaiming your masculine power and creating a life that makes you proud of the man you are becoming.
I don’t say this to denigrate therapy but rather to contextualize it. Therapy is a tool that, for most men, should be used for a season of their life.
If you’re struggling with debilitating depression, anxiety, or addiction, therapy is necessary to establish a healthy baseline.
But once this baseline is set, most men need something more.
Therapy is less focused on who you are becoming and instead focuses on who you’ve been. It might help you end the self-sabotaging patterns that ruined your previous relationships but won’t equip you with the tools you need to show up in a way that women respond to or craft a life above the status quo.
With coaching, it’s an entirely different story.
Yes, coaches will still address the implications of your past and how unresolved trauma might manifest itself as negative behaviors today.
But they don’t let you live there indefinitely and damn well don’t let you use it as an excuse!
With a men’s coach, the entire conversation is centered around growth, about learning from the challenges you’ve experienced in the past to become stronger and move forward today.
It isn’t based on theory. It’s based on action, results and experience. Experience from your coach’s own life or the lives of those they’ve worked with and gotten the result you seek.
They’ll listen to you deeply, yes. But they’ll also have the courage and wisdom to speak to you directly like a man in a bold, masculine and direct way that is severely lacking today. Calling you out on the b.s. stories to which you’ve given away your power…giving you the facts of why your life isn’t working effectively in this new era for men…and being brutally honest in their feedback.
2. You’re Trapped by Nice Guy Behaviors
Let’s face it. Most men didn’t have strong male role models growing up.
Your father likely wasn’t a passionate, vibrant man living in his power and creating a masterpiece of a life.
Chances are he went to a job he hated, came home in time for dinner, took you to your ball games, then had a few beers before going to bed and repeating it all over again.
Without realizing it, he conditioned you to be a nice guy.
To settle for less than you want, to accept mediocrity, and to put other people’s needs and designs on your life above your own.
He likely did the best he could (with what his father taught him), but the fact remains– you didn’t learn how to be a strong MAN; you learned how to be a good little boy.
As a result…
- You may struggle with how to treat women (especially attractive women)
- You may struggle standing up for yourself during a conflict
- You may avoid or put off conflicts to not “upset” anyone or cause any problems
- You don’t know how to get your needs met respectfully and because of this hide a deep frustration inside– where sometimes it uncontrollably explodes in an anger-fueled outburst
- You are a nice guy who does things to get people to validate your worth
The problem is that men have been trained to believe that they’re toxic, wrong and bad simply for having a specific set of genitals.
We’ve conditioned men to hide from what makes them a man and to sit down, shut up, and do what they’re told.
But it’s only by reclaiming our masculine edge and energy and learning how to harness it in healthy and creative ways that we can begin to heal ourselves and society.
Too many men allow their “Nice Guy” tendencies to undermine their life…putting the needs of others first…struggling to assert themselves to avoid tension…being unable to set and maintain healthy boundaries…and refusing to prioritize their own goals, ambitions and dreams.
And the end result is always the same.
A hollow live, filled with regret.
Inversely, we have the “Over Achieving Man.”
Who uses his ambitions and professional success to mask the pain he feels through validation and accomplishment.
Even though there’s nothing wrong with success, money, or achievement, these men are not pursuing these things from a place of wholeness but instead using them to fuel their egos and hide from their deepest desires.
This is where a men’s coach can help in a way most therapists can’t.
By surrounding yourself with strong, masculine men who operate from a core set of virtues and values, you’ll start to model their behaviors. You’ll be held accountable for your actions and learn how to step up and LEAD your own life.
You’ll learn how to develop true confidence, set boundaries, and prioritize your well-being while still being present for the needs of others.
From this place, you can finally feel at ease in your own skin and assured in how you show up to the world and relationships like never before.
3. You Give Away Your Masculine Power To Women, then Lose All Respect, Value and Attraction
Despite the cries from radical feminists, if you talk to the average woman in modern society, it’s abundantly clear that women are craving strong masculine men more than ever before in history.
Men who aren’t terrified by their masculinity but instead understand their responsibility to wield that energy effectively and virtuously.
The masses of modern men feel weak, lost, and powerless. Castrated by their fear of being a man.
If he’s single, he struggles to be authentic and present in his interactions with women. He suppresses his sexual desires and uses manipulative tactics to try and get what he wants instead of confidently expressing interest healthily and respectfully.
If he’s married or in a long-term relationship?
He gives his power away to his partner and makes her the arbiter of his reality.
When this happens, it spells the death of intimacy and attraction because she can’t be attracted to a man who has sacrificed his power and sense of self to her.
Even if his partner is faithful and loving, she may find the allure of infidelity more and more appealing and one day leave to find a man who can fulfill her fantasies and desires.
The financial and emotional cost of exuding weak “Nice Guy” behaviors in a relationship is higher than most men realize until it’s too late; much higher than doing the work required to become a strong, grounded man capable of attracting and keeping his partner, among many other life benefits.
What’s wildest of all? Most men don’t realize that women are just as confused and pissed off by the “Nice Guy” charade as they are! Women don’t want a weak partner. They don’t want someone afraid to have opinions or say “no.”
They want a man they can trust. A man who leads with virtue, power, and vision makes every second of her life better because he’s in it.
And when you work with a men’s coach, you can become this man.
You’ll regain your masculine power, boost your confidence, and show up to the relationship as a whole, fulfilled and complete man…a man who doesn’t need a woman to feel validated or worthy…but who chooses a woman with whom he can build his kingdom. A woman to love, support, and challenge and who loves, supports and challenges him.
A men’s coach not only helps you reclaim your power… you multiply it and go from the masses of men who are approval-seeking nice guys to “omg! who is THAT guy?”
4. You Are Playing Small in the Game of Life – And No One Can Tell
If you were to get a “report card” on your life right now, it would probably look something like this:
- Career: A+
- Physical Health: B –
- Emotional Health: C
- Social Life: F
- Romantic relationships: F
- Purpose/mission/contribution: F
- Adventure/passions/hobbies: F
- Masculinity/backbone: F
- Self-confidence/self-image/self-worth: F
The damning part of this? Society has convinced us that this is the goal!
It doesn’t matter if you’re socially isolated, miserable in your job, struggling to assert yourself, and unable to keep a good woman in your life…
As long as you’re making at least 6-figures and climbing up the career ladder, you’re winning the game of life.
But what most men fail to understand is that defining your life by your career – no matter how successful it might be – is still a version of “Playing Small.”
The contents of your bank account don’t matter.
What matters is how excited and alive you are daily.
I know men who are multimillionaires and industry leaders who are less “successful” than men working $50k/year jobs doing work they love and living a vibrant life surrounded by amazing friends and intimate relationships.
Your career is just one part of your life. And arguably, one of the least important parts of your life.
Studies from Harvard and other prestigious institutions have found, on no uncertain terms, that the quality of your relationships, not your professional success is the most significant factor in your happiness and quality of life.
It doesn’t matter how much money you have in the bank or how many positions you’ve held that are prefixed by the letter ‘C’ or ‘Senior” or ‘VP.’ If you aren’t excited about your life and filled with passion, purpose, and an ineffable sense of inner power… you’re playing small.
The good news is this:
Playing small is no longer an option when surrounded by like-minded men and supported by the right coach.
You may hate how we push you outside your comfort zone and call you on your b.s.
But you’ll realize that we’re the only ones in your life pushing you forward. You are playing small, and it’s time to end that.
5. You Need Raw Masculine Accountability to Get to the Next Level in Your Life
Think about the man you respect most in your life right now – whether you know him personally or not.
If he asked you to do something, would you?
Would you follow through if you committed to taking action and told him about it?
For most men, the answer is HELL YES.
Because when someone you deeply respect holds you accountable, your reputation is on the line, and you don’t want to disappoint them.
A part of the masculine ethos is to be a man of your word – especially when that word is given to someone you admire.
It’s not about the money with the men’s coach it’s about being a man of integrity.
If your word means nothing, how can others trust you? How can women trust you? How can YOU trust yourself?
With the accountability of someone you deeply respect, you’ll focus deeper, work harder, and push further than you ever could on your own.
No more hiding. No more playing small. No more alibis for failure or b.s. excuses.
Just as importantly, nothing is off-limits when you have this source of masculine accountability.
You can’t hide behind what’s working while ignoring the things that aren’t. You can’t rely on your external validation to fuel your inner fulfillment.
You’ll be called to greatness – and you’ll answer that call.
If this message has struck a chord and you’d like to learn more about our exclusive men’s coaching program
Then I invite you to join me and hundreds of other men inside of our elite community, redefining what it means to be a “successful man” in the modern world.
This program is highly selective, and, to be blunt, most men reading this are not a good fit. I do not offer cheap solutions to serious problems. And to be honest, when has the cheapest solution to a severe problem of this magnitude ever worked?
You wouldn’t look for the cheapest and least experienced doctor if you were to undergo a life-threatening surgery. It would do more harm than good. And this problem should be treated at the same level since there are serious life-changing consequences if these problems are ignored.
Solving the problem requires a team of highly talented and experienced experts, in-depth, high-level training, actionable exercises and infrastructure to achieve real-world results. The good news is a solution does exist; you need to show up and prioritize these important aspects of life and not look for the cheapest but what works.
To see if you qualify and learn more about how my team of expert men’s coaches and I can help you, click the link below to apply. We will then review your application then we can personally chat over the phone and dive into your unique situation to see if we are a fit to work together. Limited space is available to maintain a quality group, so act now before we close down the application portal.
Click here to watch my new client orientation!