What do women actually want in a man? They have unique preferences and priorities and tailoring yourself to fit a universal standard for ALL women is futile.
Men are so worried about finding what women want of them that they neglect to ask what they want for themselves. This is ironic because what a high-value woman wants is a man who knows what he wants for himself and his own life.
That is true masculine energy–knowing where you’re going, why you’re going there, and how you will get there.
Men are often preoccupied with the task of “uncovering” or “deciphering” the wants and desires of women that they overlook the fact that what women truly seek is a man whose life vision and sense of purpose extend beyond merely acquiring a woman or making themselves adequate partners.
After ten-plus years in the men’s coaching industry (and more than a few fruitless forays into the romantic world) I have discovered that the thing that draws women most is not money, hip-to-waist ratio, or a towering frame, but a man who knows what he wants for himself.
So stop asking yourself what women want and ask yourself what you want! Then, find a woman who is drawn to you for what you have.
1. Confidence and Self-Assurance
Women are fundamentally drawn to men who know what they’re doing, or at least know that if they don’t, they’re going to figure it out.
This is confidence–that intangible sense that someone has the strength, intelligence, and resilience to face whatever life throws at them.
Without a man who possesses this trait, women can’t fully relax.
Many men misunderstand confidence. They think it’s about KNOWING everything and spend a hefty bit of their time convincing women that they do, indeed, know everything.
This is arrogance–the need to prove your importance through your knowledge and performance. An arrogant man’s sense of self-esteem and self-importance relies on the approval of others and the positive reactions he receives for his life’s constant performance.
High-quality women can feel the difference between confidence and arrogance. They know that mistaking arrogance for confidence is dangerous.
If you want to build a healthy romantic relationship, understanding how to be confident is key.
True masculine confidence…
- leads without arrogance or a sense of superiority
- follows without insecurity or a suffering ego
- takes rejection in stride without having to question one’s own importance or deservedness
- doesn’t let the everyday struggles of life detract from overall joy
- understands that there is purpose in failure just as there is in success
- has high standards and refuses to lower them
- is at ease alone
- expresses opinions without worrying about others reactions
This is true masculine behavior and this is exactly what women are looking for. For a woman to be confident in you, she must first see that you are confident in yourself.
2. Passion and Purpose
Believe it or not, women don’t like feeling like the focal point of your entire existence.
They want to be a piece (and yes, a crucial piece) in the vast and beautiful puzzle that is your life on this planet.
Women want to feel like you CHOSE them to play a part in your life, not like you NEED them to fill some role.
One of the best indicators of healthy masculinity is a guy with hobbies, passions, and a good idea of what he wants to do in life.
To women, a man without this passion and purpose is a red flag for a few reasons:
- If his own life doesn’t have direction or purpose, why should he have direction and purpose for the relationship?
- It betrays his lack of excitement about the future. No one wants to be with someone who isn’t excited about the future.
- It indicates that he may be a very clingy man who lives vicariously through her.
Grounded men with desirable masculine energy traits have vision and purpose that go far beyond winning a woman’s heart or being in love for love’s sake.
In your pursuit of passion and purpose, don’t neglect structure. Passion and purpose are nothing without structure.
Structure is the fence that passion and purpose climb up to reach dreams and goals. The combination of the two is true masculinity.
3. Assertiveness (Not Aggressiveness)
You can’t have a productive discussion about masculine energy traits without asking what masculinity is in the first place.
It’s a question that is largely (and understandably) avoided nowadays because the world has seen so many iterations of what masculinity is not and has grown afraid of new answers.
They’ve seen the shot-gun toting, beer-guzzling, wife-beating “masculine” man of the past and have turned and run the other way.
In their haste and fear to rid the world of this toxic masculinity, the world has thrown the baby out with the bathwater and done away with masculinity altogether.
This is not only an oversight, but a grave and dangerous mistake. The world needs men, and not just any men, but masculine men. Though it may not always seem like it in light of the recent hyper-feminine movement, women actually CRAVE masculine men.
The world needs strong fathers, loyal husbands, and courageous leaders, but I’m afraid they’re dying out for fear of the alternative.
Much of this fear comes from the mix-up of assertiveness and aggression.
Too many guys nowadays think, What better way to be a man and win female approval than showing women that I am everything that they’re not! They’re calm and sensitive so I’ll be rash and violent! They’re weak, so I’ll be strong! They’re forgiving, but I’ll be angry!
This is aggressiveness, not assertiveness.
Assertiveness is having wishes and opinions and not being afraid to say them. Aggressiveness is speaking and acting powerfully and angrily to get attention and prove your importance.
4. Honesty and Integrity
The importance of honesty and integrity seems to have been lost in the modern world.
Men nowadays seem to forget why it is so important to be honest in everything you do, and moreover, why women (high-quality women, that is) despise dishonest men.
Here is the best way I can explain why honesty (with yourself and others) is of paramount importance and should be foremost in your mind as a man.
It starts with one key understanding: your idea of your own worth is built upon your view of yourself. Read that again.
Now, how do you develop a positive view of yourself? Well, how do you develop a positive view of anyone?
You don’t unless they do things that you admire. You aren’t any different. The only way to develop a positive view of yourself is to carry yourself and behave in a way that you admire.
In essence, in order to have a good view of yourself, you must admire yourself. If you don’t admire yourself, then you won’t trust yourself, you won’t be confident, and ultimately, you won’t be happy.
Being honest with yourself and others is not only the right thing to do, it is the only path to developing self-esteem and being able to live a congruent life.
It is the mark of a true man.
5. Independence
What is it that women find so attractive about a man who handles rejection easily and without complaint?
I’ve seen women second-guess their initial response when rejecting a guy and actually call him back because he handled the rejection with such indifference.
Why?
Because when you show women that you don’t need them, they wonder why. The average guy nowadays throws beautiful women on a pedestal and spends all his romantic energy prostrating himself at their feet, begging for their attention.
When you don’t do this, women wonder what you have that makes you so alright with being turned down. They see your independence and it intimidates and allures them.
Within a relationship, women want to feel the same way. They want to feel like you don’t need them, but would like them to accompany you on a journey.
It’s Aladdin holding his hand out to Jasmine, inviting her to join him on his magic carpet ride to places far away. He can go on his own, but it sure would be lovely to have her company.
It’s those behaviors that say, “I don’t need you. I am just fine on my own. But I choose you.”
This is true independence and this is what women crave in men.
6. Health and Vitality
Men were once powerful. Men were once the defenders.
Once upon a time, men were relied upon for their strength.
Nowadays, in a world of ease, meaninglessness, and mediocrity, men no longer have such rigid expectations.
Men are no longer looked up to for their strength or vitality and (especially in America) women’s standards for masculinity are slipping away.
The truth is, to be a man who possesses true masculine energies, you must be powerful in your own way. You may not have a six-pack, or biceps as big as softballs, or tree trunks for legs because it is true that modern life can be demanding, but you must maintain your health and body in some way. It’s a key part of what being a man is.
Here are some of the best ways to tend to your health and vitality:
- Get enough sleep
- Eat healthy and consistent meals
- Move your body a minimum of once a day (doesn’t have to be in a gym)
- Get sunlight each day (ideally the first thing when you wake up)
Fulfill each of these four daily goals, and your health will thank you.
7. Vulnerability
This one is often a pretty tough pill for most guys to get down because the stereotypes prove true too much of the time: men are afraid of vulnerability.
Men are afraid to express themselves because they fear it detracts from their masculinity. They view it as a weakness. Strong men, they’re told, are impassive stones who weather any adversity and take any beating without complaint. Strong men don’t open up, even if what’s inside is killing them.
In reality, quality women want vulnerable men. Vulnerability fosters the truest forms of connection. Without vulnerability, there is no real relationship or partnership.
In love, vulnerability is the road to…
- Authentic Connection: Vulnerability fosters authentic connection and genuine conversation.
- Trust Building: Being vulnerable shows women that you trust them with the most precious parts of you.
- Emotional Intimacy: Being vulnerable enhances emotional intimacy by going layers deeper than everyday conversation
- Conflict Resolution: Vulnerability in the face of conflict is one of the best ways to show a woman that the goal is to understand each other, not to be right.
- Mutual Support: Vulnerability creates a supportive environment where you and she can lean on each other during challenging times.
If you want to understand what true love feels like, you need to open up.
8. Courage and Protectiveness
For all of human existence, the relationship between man and woman has been beautifully interdependent.
Women provide, take care of children, and tend to the emotional side of the relationship, while men protect, lend stability, and contribute to the practical aspects of the relationship.
Despite what the modern feminist movement claims, healthy masculinity does involve being physically strong and having the courage and ability to protect those weaker than you.
In a world where men are shriveling behind their desks or rotting in their basements in front of television screens, the women who aren’t letting their standards slip are craving masculine men more and more.
Women want men who are courageous and willing to step in front of bullets. Women want men who know when to take charge and take responsibility.
Women want these men but they are rapidly disappearing because masculine energy traits are being forgotten.
Step Up and Redefine Masculinity for the Modern Age
Navigating manhood today is no simple task. Gone are the days of clear-cut roles and expectations. In a world where you’re pulled between extremes—urged to abandon traditional masculinity or embrace a toxic version of it—the true essence of being a man lies in a balance that many find elusive.
True masculinity isn’t about arrogance, aggression, or obnoxious power. It’s about confidence without ego, assertiveness without hostility, and strength without domination. It’s about stepping up as leaders and fathers, recognizing our responsibilities to the world and the legacy we leave behind.
If you feel a spark within these words, if you’re ready to ignite a revival in what it means to be a man, join us. Together with some of the finest men’s coaches on the globe, we’ve forged a brotherhood committed to defining the future of masculinity.
This isn’t just about personal growth—it’s a movement. A call to those who believe the world needs real men, men who lead with integrity and strength.
Are you ready to answer the call?
Dive deeper into what it means to be part of this transformative journey. Watch the video below to see how we empower men like you to become not only stronger and more grounded but also pioneers of a renewed definition of manhood.
Schedule a conversation with one of our coaches to explore your unique challenges and goals. This isn’t just a discussion—it’s a strategic session to tailor a path that aligns with your deepest values and aspirations.
Watch the video now and take your first step towards becoming a leader in a world that desperately needs true masculinity. Together, we’ll determine if joining Knowledge for Men is the right move towards fulfilling your potential and reclaiming the noblest aspects of manhood.
