What makes a man a good partner? What makes a woman desire one man over another? Is it his hair, his muscles, or the shape of his face? Is it all about looks, or are there other factors at play?
Is it the car he drives? The amount of money he has in his bank account? While all these factors might initially catch a woman’s attention, they are far from the only things that matter.
Generally, when you ask women what they desire in a man, surface-level attributes like the ones mentioned above only go so far.
For example, we all know that women like men who can make them laugh. Having a genuine sense of humor and being “the funny guy” will always score you points with women.
But what if being funny doesn’t come naturally to you? What if you have an introspective nature and a stern demeanor, and it’s just not in you to make others laugh?
The good news is that there isn’t just one strategy to increase your desirability with women but several. Today, I will discuss 11 simple things you can start doing to help turn yourself into the type of partner that every woman desires.
Just understand that the problem is twofold. It’s not just about knowing what women desire but putting in the work and developing the skills to genuinely become that type of man.
Because, above anything else, authenticity is the number one most important thing. A man who is unapologetically himself will always be more desirable to the opposite sex.
No one likes a liar. No one likes a man who puts on one face around his partner and then acts totally different around others. Be genuine and be yourself. Always.
1. Being There vs. Being Present: Show Mindful Presence
Ever go out to dinner and see a couple glued to their phones the entire night? It’s a scene that’s becoming more and more common today, and it’s one of the biggest problems couples face.
If you’re a man looking to maximize your desirability with your partner, learning how to truly present in social situations is one of the best — and easiest — things you can do.
Sure, you can “go out to dinner” with your partner, but your mere physical presence isn’t enough. So many couples out there today are lost in a sea of distractions. They can respond to a text with no problem, but when it comes to face-to-face communication, they’re lost.
Women want to build an emotional connection with men. They want a partner they can trust. They don’t want you to just sit across from them and nod your head in agreement while their words go in your left ear and out the right.
When you’re alone with your partner, you need to put in the energy to focus your attention solely on them. First off, you’re nurturing intimacy — an emotional intimacy that people can go their entire lives without experiencing.
I once had a client who met his girlfriend in a bar and fell into a cycle of going out, drinking, partying, and then hooking up. Eventually, this cycle led to a serious relationship. However, the relationship had a problem because, despite being physically intimate, they were terrible at communicating with each other.
You know when they finally started talking? When it was time to break up. And by then, the damage had already been done.
Don’t do this. Keep the distractions at bay and pay attention to your partner. Foster an intimate connection that is truly irreplaceable.
2. Grow Together By Giving Women Unique Experiences They Crave
“It’s the thought that counts.” I’m sure you’ve heard this at some point in your life, but as cliche as it may sound, it’s true — especially when it comes to romantic partnerships.
Many men think that the way to a woman’s heart is through material gifts. Expensive diamond rings, fancy dinners, or rides on a private jet. And look, there’s a time and place for all those things, but above anything else, it’s the experiences that matter.
Women want a man who they can build memories with. We are all innately social creatures, and women want a partner that they can be social with.
Aside from a tiny percentage of people who have legitimate agoraphobia, we all like to go out, meet new people, experience new things, and build new memories.
As a man, it’s your responsibility to lead this charge and provide your partner with unique experiences that she couldn’t get anywhere else.
And again, don’t put too much emphasis on the money factor. You don’t have to take her to an opera — take a spontaneous trip to the ice skating rink instead. Give her a new experience, and it will build those deep emotional connections that make her desire you.
Think of a woman you dated in the past (or are currently dating) and envision a specific day when you were both really happy. Often, these times happen when people are on vacation. Why? Because it’s a new experience that gives you both an opportunity to build a connection together.
And at the same time, binging a Netflix show and eating a pizza together is fine — the problem is when it becomes the only thing you do together.
Become the type of man who can give a woman adventure. Be fun to be around. Try new things and embrace different experiences. Anyone can buy a woman expensive jewelry, but not every man can provide memories that will last a lifetime.
3. Learn To Accentuate The Physical Traits That Attract Women
Like it or not, there are certain physical traits that you have no control over. For example, you might be able to add a couple of inches to your height with certain shoes, but for the most part, your height is something you can’t change.
It’s the same with your hair. You might read an article on the best men’s hairstyles, but if you’re bald, there’s nothing you can do in that category.
The good news for men is that there isn’t one thing that a man needs to have in order to be attractive to women.
Instead, focus on your unique combination of physical traits and learn how to accentuate them to raise your desirability with women.
Here are some things worth focusing on.
- Eyes. Eyes are windows to the soul, right? And while you can’t do much to change the color of your eyes, you can learn how to use them to be more expressive. Make eye contact, focus on your partner, and use your eyes — along with body language — to enhance your influence.
- Physique. With a particular emphasis on broadening your shoulders and creating a wide back — two areas that have scientifically been shown to increase a man’s perceived attractiveness and desirability to women. And the best thing about these muscle groups is that it’s one area that practically any man can build with a bit of consistent effort.
- Hair (facial and head). When it comes to your hair, the key is to play to your strengths. From full-blown beards to just a bit of stubble, facial hair is often seen as a sign of maturity and masculinity. And when it comes to the hair on your head, seek a style that suits your face. Just remember that women have different preferences, and even though one woman may like a certain hair or beard style, that doesn’t mean that everyone you meet will.
In general, pay attention to your physical fitness and grooming habits to increase your desirability. And be consistent with it. If you can’t go to the gym for an hour a day, exercising for 20 minutes consistently is better than doing nothing at all.
When you take pride in your appearance, it shows women that you prioritize yourself, have discipline, and are committed to personal growth. Confidence stems from within, and nothing exudes confidence like taking pride in your appearance.
4. Bank On Stability, Not Riches
Everyone likes money. Unless you’re committed to living a life of minimalism on a desert island, we all need money (even the self-professed ‘minimalists.’)
At the same time, many men think that women only care about how much money you have. Some men think that if they can just amass a certain amount of wealth, their romantic woes will be a thing of the past.
And yes, money does increase your desirability to a certain extent, but women are more attracted to financial security than anything else.
A man who is financially stable, shows responsibility, and has foresight can generally be considered a reliable man. Rollercoaster rides are fun on occasion, but you wouldn’t want to go on one every day of your life, would you?
It’s the same with money. And look, you don’t have to be debt-free or own multiple properties; you just have to live within your means and have some sort of a clear financial plan.
Life happens when you least expect it, and women want the peace of mind that they’ll be safe if financial hardship strikes.
So the next time the impulse to make a flashy purchase strikes, ask yourself why you’re making it. Does it impress other people or provide some sort of internal validation? Whether it’s a new car, a watch, or a yacht, you need to see if this item helps build a secure financial foundation.
If it doesn’t, reconsider spending the money on something that does.
5. Embrace The Growth Mindset In Relationships And In Life
So many people get into relationships and look at them as static things that cannot change. Relationships are just like people — they’re fluid and evolve over time.
The growth mindset is a concept popularized by psychologist Carol Dweck. Basically, it’s the belief that abilities can be developed over time and that dedication through hard work will far outweigh natural talent.
If you take this concept and apply it to relationships, it can be profoundly transformative.
If you’re the type of man who is stubborn and refuses to change, the type of man who thinks he is always right (in both relationships and in life), adopting a growth mindset is one of the most positive things you can do in your life.
For example, when challenges arise with your partner — and they inevitably will — you have two choices with how you view them. You can either look at you and your partner with a fixed mindset (meaning that you are both born ‘the way you are’ and cannot change) or view them with a growth mindset.
It’s easy to put labels on things, especially your partner, but this is the worst thing you can do. For example, one of the most common disagreements among couples revolves around household chores. Now, it’s easy to label someone (or be labeled) as lazy, but that’s probably not the case at all.
These disagreements arise from differing opinions and different perspectives — two things that can (and should) change throughout the course of a healthy relationship
If you focus on continually seeking self-improvement, your life and relationships will greatly benefit. You can change, your partner can change, and the relationship you two share can also change.
You weren’t chiseled from stone, so don’t pretend to be. Adapt and change to your partner’s changing needs and expect her to do the same. If you both can manage that, your relationship is guaranteed to go the distance.
6. Never Take What You Have For Granted, And Give Genuine Compliments
As relationships progress, we sometimes forget to acknowledge the little things that attracted us to our partners in the first place. Did you often give your wife or girlfriend compliments when the relationship first began but hardly say anything these days?
Over time, this lack of appreciation can create a drift and make both partners feel undervalued or overlooked. The good news is this drift is preventable. The power of a genuine compliment cannot be understated.
Compliments are one of the most genuinely positive things you put out there, and when you give genuine compliments to your partner, it completely changes the atmosphere of the relationship.
But the positive words should not be routine, offhand remarks. There’s a huge difference between telling your partner that she looks pretty versus telling her that you like what she’s done with her hair or that her new dress looks exceptionally good on her.
Don’t just sit at the dinner table and tell her that you like what she cooked — get into detail. Show genuine interest and tell her what makes it special.
The power of reciprocity greatly influences all our social interactions, and that is the essence that relationships thrive on — mutual respect and admiration. Show genuine respect and admiration for your partner, and she’ll do the same for you.
And again, remember to be consistent. Consistency dictates so many aspects of our lives, yet people fail to realize how consistency influences our relationships.
If you call out sick to work enough times, you will eventually get fired. If you stop going to the gym enough, your muscles will begin to atrophy. Similarly, if you neglect to show appreciation and admiration in your relationship, the bond will weaken over time.
Make it a habit to recognize and voice your admiration, and it will exponentially help you cultivate a relationship that grows stronger over time.
7. Be Intellectually Curious, And Don’t Be Afraid To Try New Things
We all have certain movies we can watch over and over again and certain restaurants that just never get old. And it’s only natural to want to share the things we enjoy with our significant others.
However, the people in relationships often have different interests, and it is all but impossible to find a couple whose interests are in complete alignment.
You probably know this already, but the question is, how are you and your partner handling these differences? Do you try to partake in different activities, or are you both flying solo?
Diving into the other person’s world can be thrilling — even when it comes to activities you think you might not even like.
In general, having a curious nature and embracing new activities is one of the best things you can do for personal growth, and when you do these things with your partner, it only deepens the bond.
And look, I’m not talking about completely surrendering your identity or giving up the things you love (that’s a whole different topic entirely). I’m simply talking about getting out of your comfort zone and being willing to try new things.
Routine is comforting, yes, but monotony is not good for a relationship. If every Sunday, you find yourself watching football with the guys while she goes shopping with her girlfriends, it may be time to mix things up a bit.
I’m not saying you have to go to the mall with her and her posse, but maybe try that restaurant she keeps talking about or hit the art exhibit she mentioned.
Again, this can’t be one-sided to the point that you have to give up the things you enjoy doing. Your partner can and should be just as willing to try the things you’re interested in.
But if the two of you have entered a phase where you stubbornly refuse to partake in the other person’s activities, it’s not a good sign. Get out there, be curious, and don’t be afraid to try new things — not only for the sake of the relationship but for yourself.
8. Learn To Navigate Conflicts Like An Adult
In relationships, arguments can sometimes be deceptive. On the surface, an argument or disagreement might seem relatively minor, but these events often breed long-term resentment.
And that resentment is often compounding. For example, let’s say you and your partner have an argument in January. It’s minor, and you make up, but there is a bit of lingering resentment between both of you.
Next month, you have another argument, and it plays out the same way. It’s not that big of a deal, and you both “get over it” relatively quickly.
Now, six months later, you have another minor argument, but it gets blown out of proportion, and all your past disagreements come up. On the surface, this argument was no different than any other, but for some reason, this one completely spiraled out of control.
And now, you have a dire situation on your hands that might lead to the end of your relationship.
The problem was that you didn’t navigate your previous arguments like an adult. If you had addressed the issues head-on, actively listened to the other person, and avoided the blame game, you wouldn’t be here right now.
Instead, you or your partner prioritized “winning” the argument at the expense of the relationship itself.
You need to understand that every argument has the capacity to destroy a relationship if you let it. Seeing the world with a right and wrong mentality might be comforting, but things usually aren’t that simple.
The vast majority of people in the world believe they’re doing the right thing. The problem is that perspective and opinions make this impossible to see.
So the next time you argue with your partner and think that she is absolutely wrong, remember that she thinks she is absolutely right — the same as you.
So instead of trying to win the argument for yourself, try to come to a resolution that is beneficial for your relationship.
9. Be Clear With What You Need In The Relationship
Poor communication can kill a healthy relationship. That’s why it’s so important to express your needs in a clear and articulate way. Unfortunately, this is a skill that doesn’t always come naturally to men.
Men are often fascinated by the stoic, silent persona and struggle to express their emotions or ask for help.
Never assume that your partner knows what you need. You may think you’re being painfully clear with your suggestions, but your partner might not see things that way.
Your view on your life is completely unique. It is all but impossible to have another person understand all the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that are running through your head at any given moment.
Thankfully, there is a tool we all possess that allows us to eliminate ambiguity: words. Speak up for yourself, and do not be afraid to say what you want or ask for help.
Your wife or girlfriend is probably more than willing to help you in any way you need, but she can’t read your mind. Don’t assume that she knows anything unless you clearly and articulately tell her.
What you want to avoid is the miscommunications that lead to arguments. Often, a partner will get upset when they feel like their needs aren’t being met. Meanwhile, the other person had no idea anything was wrong, and now they feel attacked.
What could have been a simple conversation snowballs into something else entirely, and that’s what you want to avoid.
10. Be The Epitome Of A Gentleman In ALL Walks Of Life
Women love a good, old-fashioned gentleman. Forget what popular culture might say about chivalry being dead; it isn’t.
And one thing that women find immensely desirable is the ability to have a partner who is a gentleman in all walks of life. In other words, a man who is just as good to those around him as he is to his wife or girlfriend.
Be honest with yourself. Are you just putting on an act with your partner, or are you really that type of man? Because believe me, the woman in your life is watching.
She notices how you interact with others, whether you’re respectful to the waiter at the restaurant or whether you hold the door for an elderly person.
Many guys think that being a gentleman is a matter of mastering a certain set of behaviors, but it’s more of a personality trait than anything else.
True chivalry is about having a fundamental respect for all people, regardless of their status or relationship to you. If you find that you honestly don’t feel that way, do some digging.
Work on being the type of man who has genuine respect and empathy for all the people he encounters. Forget about making yourself a more desirable man; this will make you a more desirable human being in general.
Sure, history remembers certain men for power or wealth, but it also remembers those who have made contributions to humankind. Mandela, Einstein, Gandhi, or King. These are men who left a lasting legacy and showed the true power of the human spirit.
11. Be A Leader Who Acts With Integrity And Inspires Others
Some men think that being a leader means having the loudest point in the room. In reality, it’s not about shouting over others. It’s about being the type of person that quiets a room when it comes time to speak.
You want to be the type of man who can inspire others and help them become the best versions of themselves. Women admire men who take the reins.
It’s not just about knowing how to speak but also about knowing how to listen. And again, it isn’t just about acting a certain way in your relationship — it’s about being a true leader wherever you go.
Have you ever had a family disagreement come up that had everyone in knots? Usually, you’ll see everyone’s selfish impulses take hold and dictate the situation.
On the other hand, a true leader would step in not to dominate the conversation but to mediate it and bring clarity. The leader sees the bigger picture, even when those around him are unable to.
When it comes to your partner, being a leader means taking the initiative. You want to be the type of guy who supports your partner and their ambitions. No, you can’t have all the answers, but you can commit to finding them together.
This is really what being an alpha male is all about. Lots of guys think it’s about showing your dominance over others, but that’s the last thing you want to do.
In the animal kingdom, the males will size each other up and fight it out to exert dominance, but human beings are not in the animal kingdom. We’re complicated creatures, and our societal structures are more nuanced than physical prowess.
Influence is the most important thing. Do you have influence over those around you? When you speak, do people actually listen to you? Are you a man who commands respect just by being yourself?
In many ways, becoming a better partner is about becoming a better man. It’s not as simple as learning a new set of behaviors as much as it’s about transforming the very core of who you are.
If you read the 11 points listed above and feel like any or all of those things are outside your current reach, professional men’s coaching can provide a viable solution.
Remember, the person you are today doesn’t have to dictate your future. With enough dedication, practically anything you don’t like about yourself can be changed.
Will it be easy? Almost definitely not. But I’ve seen thousands of men transform their lives for the better with the help of me and my team of expert coaches.
If you’re looking to increase your value as a man and make the type of partner who is immensely desirable to the woman in your life, you’re in the right place to do it.
Just a word of caution: This is a program for men who are fully committed to change. You can’t come in here expecting easy solutions to complex questions. If you’re ready to commit yourself and put in the work, I encourage you to take the next step. However, if you’re hesitant, you might want to look elsewhere.
What you’ll find at Knowledge for Men is more than just a coaching program; it’s a brotherhood that will be with you for life.
As the saying goes, you’re only as good as your team, and when you join our team, your journey to becoming your best self will become clearer than ever before.
Are you ready to take the first step? If so, click the link below to watch a short video about me, my program, and what we can offer you. I’ll see you on the inside.