7 Ways to Play Hard to Get (Without Games or Drama)

Most men don’t understand how to play hard to get. They also don’t understand when they’re being too clingy.

Most men are completely lost when it comes to getting and holding the attention of a woman to whom they’re attracted. They’re too quick to drop everything in the name of love, and it makes them look desperate.

On the other side, other men are too obsessed with playing hard to get and they actually alienate the women that they’re attracted to.

This article is going to put a stop to the games and drama that happen when you play hard to get, and it’s going to teach you how you can use your self-worth to elevate the quality of your relationships.

We’re going to teach you how to become irresistible to women by harnessing control of the one thing that drives them crazy: scarcity.

This is how you build sexual tension, create future sexual chemistry, and take control of a new relationship.

Honestly, this dating advice should be illegal to know, but I’m going to give you them for free.

Let’s dive in.

How to Play Hard to Get: The Easy Way

So, you want to play hard to get?

Good. Let’s cut to the chase.

The first step in learning to play hard to get is to be hard to get. Stop playing hard to get and start being a valuable man who actually is hard to get.

Don’t play games with this.

Your time is the most important asset you have, and you cannot be weak in how you protect your time.

The easiest way to play hard to get to stop acting like you’re hard to get and to make yourself into someone who actually is hard to get. You have to become a man who values their time above all else, because really, at the end of the day, time is the most valuable asset in a human life. 

If you don’t know how to increase the value of your time, fear not, that’s exactly what we’re learning how to do in the following sections.

Still, if you don’t understand this concept, nothing else in this article matters. You must learn to value your time for as much as it’s worth in order to become a high-value individual.

In order to play hard to get, you have to stop playing games and involve yourself in time-wasting drama.

Focus on becoming a high-value man with a high sense of self-worth, and you’ll realize that the time that you have for people who hold you back from being your best self is ridiculously limited.

If it’s not helping you, it’s hurting you. You have to learn to view your time this way.

Here are 7 ways that you can increase the value of your time in order to become a higher-value man, and someone who is “hard to get”.

1. Understand that Playing Hard to Get Is Life or Death

Here’s something that most people seem to forget until it’s too late:

You’re gonna die one day.

Me too, but we’re talking about you right now. You’re going to die one day, and there’s nothing that we can do about it.

Except for one thing…

You can learn to make the most of the limited time that you have on this earth. You can learn to stop having relationships that make you feel strung out and exhausted.

This starts by developing good habits that improve your life. It starts by taking personal responsibility for your time and doing everything you can to take advantage of the time that you have on earth.

Time is just like money, although many people argue it’s a lot more valuable. You can have all the money in the world, but without any time, that money is worthless.

2. Stop Playing Games With Your Time

If you had to put a dollar amount on your time, what would you price it at?

If you price your time at $100 per hour, let’s say, that calculates to a little over $200,000 per hour at the end of the year – if you work 40 hours per week.

The point here isn’t the dollar sign, the point is the mindset shift that occurs when you start increasing your hourly rate.

This impacts all areas of your life, from your mindset in business, work, and romance, to even the way that you spend your leisure time. If you choose to skip out on the gym for a week or to take a week off of work to act like a goofball with your friends in Mexico, how much money are you missing out on?

How much of what you really want are you missing out on by doing things that are not aligned with your long term goals?

Makes sense?

Now think about it from a dating point of view.

If you choose to spend weeks, months, or even years of your life chasing and dating women who are bad for you, how much of your time are you wasting?

Every moment you allow people to take advantage of you is another $100 you’ll have to spend on therapy, self-help books, or coaching in the future.

Value your time now. Get the personal development help you need now.

Your time is money, and it’s worth a whole lot more than you realize.

3. Your Mate Value Is Your Own Personal Stock – Invest In Yourself

We’ve been talking a lot about how we can understand how our time is valuable so that we can become a higher value human who is “harder to get” than someone who does not value their time.

But how do you increase the rate for your time? How do you increase the value of your stock?

Part of it is the point we just made above – you have to create the mindset shift so that you learn to value yourself as someone who is a high-value person.

However, if you say you’re a high-value person but don’t do the work to prove that to yourself, your community, and the potential women that you want to date, no one is going to accept you as a truly high-value man.

This is because, though you say you’re a high-value person, your “mate value” actually hasn’t changed at all.

You still have low self-worth, you just are saying you don’t. This is a dangerous trap that is to be avoided at all costs.

In order to combat this, we have to invest in genuine personal development. You have to read, go to therapy, work out, or work with a men’s coach and get yourself to the point where the expectations of your value match the reality.

This takes time, but it is essential for becoming a high-value man who is “hard to get”.

4. Develop Boundaries and Stick to Them

When I was a younger man who was struggling to develop confidence in the dating world, my boundaries were incredibly lackadaisical.

I had boundaries – things I wouldn’t do – but I was so quick to drop everything in the name of someone who I thought I loved.

This was a catastrophic mistake in my early relationships because it make me seem like someone who didn’t value their time, and when you don’t value your time, that is the same as not valuing yourself.

Men and women agree – boundaries are attractive. Play hard to get, but don’t play hard with your boundaries.


Boundaries indicate respect, both for yourself and your partner.

To an insecure partner, it might seem like you’re manipulating one’s perceived availability, but this is not accurate. Playing hard to get is about keeping strong boundaries until you find a meaningful relationship – or whatever else it is you are after.

People who are insecure will say that boundaries make you “hard to get”, but these people do not understand self-esteem and self-worth.

In order to become an individual worth dating, you have to become an individual who takes care of yourself.

You have to have boundaries to get anywhere in the dating world.

5. Don’t Be Too Emotional

Men today are in a weird place with their emotions.

On one end, there’s toxic masculinity, which is certainly a very real problem in our culture.

This type of masculinity tells men that they can’t be emotional, can’t talk about feelings, and that being anything other than domineering and aggressive is a sign of weakness.

Hopefully, you can tell that this is obviously not the way to live your life.

However, that doesn’t mean that the extreme opposite of toxic masculinity is the “right” way to live.

The opposite of toxic masculinity is weak masculinity, and that is almost worse than toxicity.

As a man, it’s okay to have emotions and to feel your feelings. However, it is not okay to allow your feelings and emotions to run your life and force you to live in a way that suffocates your soul.

It’s okay to have anxiety, but it’s not okay to allow anxiety to run your life.

It’s okay to struggle to build self-esteem, but it’s not okay to let your low self-esteem allow you to date people who want to take advantage of you.

Feel your feelings, but do not allow your emotions to dictate your life.

When your emotions dictate the flow of your life, you’re the equivalent of a log flowing down a river.

You have no control. You are in chaos.

You are a slave.

Take back the power from your emotions and use that power to become a high-value individual.

6. Play the Field

There’s really nothing wrong with dating multiple people. You’re not required to be in a serious relationship.

If you’re trying to establish independence and “play hard to get”, one of your best options is playing the field. You have a right to see what’s out there, especially if you’re unsatisfied with the romantic relationships you have been having.

First, you develop the self-esteem to have a sense of control over how your relationships are going to be, and then from there, you start to work your way into building the kinds of relationships you want.

This is why it can be good to play the field. Dating around gives you the opportunity to try interacting with many different types of people, and this gives you a better sense of what you do and do not want out of relationships. Good relationships are the ones that you actually want to have – not the ones you have out of obligation.

The best way to make sure that you have these kinds of relationships is either:

  1. Have a great deal of self-awareness so that you know exactly what you want when the relationship starts.
  2. Have a lot of relationships so that you can figure out what you want through learned experience.

Playing the field is the core of playing hard to get. Don’t let anyone tell you who or how to date

7. Put Yourself First

This is the final component of playing hard to get, but if you don’t do it the right way, you’re not actually playing hard to get.

If you become too selfish, you stop playing hard to get because, in reality, you’ve stopped “playing hard” altogether. If you put yourself first but don’t allow anyone in at all, you aren’t playing hard to get anymore. We need to avoid this in all possible scenarios.

You have to play hard to get without removing yourself from potential partners.

The key is boundaries without barriers.

You have to let people into your life in order to have relationships with them, but being hard to get is all about putting yourself first.

It’s not selfish to put yourself first in a relationship. Dismantle that belief right now.

You wouldn’t put someone else’s mask on first on an airplane, would you? Dating is meant to be the same way.

You cannot help anyone if you are not helping yourself first and foremost.

The foundation of most “weak” men’s behavior is that they allow others to dictate how they behave.

You will not do that. You are your own man, and people have to earn the right to be close to you.

You’re the best man you can be and you’re doing the necessary work to prove that.

No one deserves the best just for existing – you have to earn that.


There’s something about men who are hard to get that makes them different.

Ironically, being hard to get actually tends to make you more desirable to the opposite sex. You’re hard to get, but you’re also all they want.

Most people will tell you that being hard to get is about giving accidental physical contact, offering limited physical affection, or manipulating one’s perceived availability so that you can get exactly what you want out of your relationship.

This just isn’t it.

Playing hard to get isn’t about mind games or drama, it’s about value. You need to be a high-value man.

What you really need is some guidance that will make you the relationship hero you’ve always needed.

That’s why I want to tell you about my exclusive coaching program, led by me and my team of experienced men’s coaches.

See, this program isn’t only going to help you break free from nice guy behaviors, build quality romantic relationships, and become a stronger Grounded Man. It’s also going to provide you with support from both myself and my elite community of men. Our coaches provide informed professional advice on how to play hard to get, among other important relationship principles.

No drama, no games, just growth.

With this program, you’ll be tapped into your own “band of brothers” and you’ll also have access to the best training course for men in existence today, as well as weekly calls with my team of inspiring and determined coaches. There are no boys, no complainers, or dabblers, this program is for serious men only.

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