You deserve better than a hum-drum relationship. As a high-achieving man, you are capable of creating a strong, quality connection with a woman who you love.
However — as all too many of us know — life doesn’t always pan out as you might expect.
When you become complacent in your relationship, you will find that it becomes boring every day. It can happen to any of us and you might not even see it coming.
Throwing away a connection with someone special is a real error.
Within this article, I will walk you through problems of complacency in a relationship and strategies to avoid it entirely so you can rekindle with your partner and build an amazing relationship.
Having the confidence to see that things are working and the guts to do something about it is key.
What Does It Really Mean To Become Complacent in a Relationship?
The average romantic relationship lasts for two years and nine months and then it’s over. Whatever the two of you had together disappears and you become strangers. You might be confused when your relationship becomes a shell of the romance it used to be.
Chances are, as time moves forward, you will stop putting the effort in. You might go from planned-out date nights to evenings spent on the couch wearing sweatpants and not talking. You’re comfortable… and that breeds complacency.
When you’re chasing a woman, you put your best foot forward. I’m talking flowers, date nights, and endless chats on the phone. But what happens when you’ve caught her? After you’ve been together for a while, you might start to let things slip and become ordinary.
PSO: The moment that you give up on the relationship, it’s dead. It’s over. There’s no use doing any CPR on it—it’s flatlined already. Letting that happen to your relationship is a mistake. It takes years and years to build trust with a woman and share a life together.
However, this relationship issue plagues many men. I’ve had countless guys come to me and tell me that they are finding it hard to keep the spark alive. It’s a dilemma.
I want to share with you how you can keep things moving in the right direction. Whenever you stop and stand still, you will find that your relationship does the same. It will stagnate.
The small things matter.
Don’t let the movies trick you into thinking that romance is all about big romantic gestures. It’s about the minute everyday things. Not sure whether you’re the complacent one in your relationship?
Take a look at the major red flags:
- You’ve let your physical appearance go
- You never hit the gym (or forget to)
- You can’t remember when you last had a date
- You haven’t had sex in a while
- You don’t talk to each other about things
- You are always on your phone
- You have stopped eating meals together
- You spend more time with your friends
- You forget to check in with her
- You don’t share big life events
It doesn’t end there. There are all too many ways that we men can start being complacent.
You might think you’ve got it sorted—that you’ve ticked the relationship box. I’ve got some bad news for you. Fall into these bad habits and your relationship could end up on the rocks.
I’ve seen it happen time and time again. You’ve got to move fast to save it.
How Complacency Can Destroy Your Relationship and Make You Feel Distant From Your Partner
Stuck in a rut? If you’re being less than the alpha male that she deserves, you might find that your partner walks out the door. It has happened to men before you and it will happen to men after you.
Becoming complacent will mean the foundations of your relationship crumble.
Don’t make that stupid mistake. It doesn’t happen overnight either.
The truth of the matter is that complacency can destroy your relationship. As soon as things start to go south, you will notice that things change for the worse.
Catching these signs before things are over will help you save your relationship. Here are some of the core signs that you’re slowly (but surely) letting your relationship break down.
1. You are the worst version of yourself when you are around her, and you don’t try to do better
What do you bring to the table in your relationship? While you’re dating, you might be the suave version of yourself. You only show off your best attributes and work hard to keep up with your partner.
While we all have ugly parts of our personality, you will hide these from a potential new partner. That means showing them all of the traits that are attractive.
However, the tables turn fast when you get into a relationship. Your partner is the one person that you can trust in the world. You might feel comfortable showing them every aspect of your personality— the good, the bad, and the ugly.
That’s 100% normal.
If you’re only bringing the worst version of yourself home, you might want to think twice.
Picture the scene: You’ve had a hard day at work. Your boss has been getting at you about a report and you’ve found it hard to keep your cool.
Your annoying coworker, smarmy Dave, has relished every moment of your stress. You swear you saw him smirking when your boss was giving you a dressing down. It’s been a day from hell.
How do you act when you see your partner?
Do you launch straight into a TedTalk about everything that went wrong today? Do you spend hours and hours complaining about Dave and your boss? Do you throw a strop and lock yourself away from them?
It doesn’t matter how bad your mood is, taking it out on your partner is not fair. If she hears nothing but negatives from you, she will start to see you are a negative person.
Don’t allow that to happen. Before you know it, she will be looking for a man who can hold his own.
2. When something good happens to you, you don’t think to tell your partner about it
Moaning to your partner about your day is one thing… but do you ever share your wins with her?
When something epic happens in your life, is she the first person you think about? Do you grab your phone and send her a message? This small gesture might not seem like it’s a big deal. It is. If you stop sharing things with her, things are over.
Solid, high-quality, long-lasting relationships are made up of these small moments. Lose them and you will quickly lose the connection that you have with her.
Unfortunately, I’ve seen this happen with guys in the past. Working with them directly, I share my expert strategies for developing and maintaining the romantic connections that they deserve.
3. You haven’t had sex for months or even longer, and you are no longer affectionate with her
Sex is a fundamental part of romantic relationships. When you first meet your partner, you will be at it non-stop.
No matter what time of day it is or where you are, all you want to do is rip each other’s clothes off and get down to it. Research suggests that romantic love affects your brain like a drug.
Yes, you will literally feel high when you first get together.
Passion doesn’t last—at least, not on its own. When your relationship is suffering, your bedroom activity will all-but stop.
Can you remember the last time you had sex? How long has it been?
Don’t be ashamed of it. Take a moment to consider the facts. If it’s been a matter of months since the two of you got it on, that is symptomatic of a deeper problem.
Sure, you can ignore it. You can make out like sex isn’t a big deal. You do you.
However, if you let this problem fester it will ruin every part of your relationship. What I often see with men is that they try to sweep the problem under the rug and hope for the best.
That’s a bandaid. It might work for a few years but you need to rip it off and move forward ASAP.
Strategies to Help You Reignite Passion In Your Relationship
Bored of your relationship? You can bet your bottom dollar that your partner feels the exact same way.
She might not have said it to you directly. Few couples have the clarity of mind to speak up when things are going wrong. However, her actions will speak volumes.
When you’ve started to notice the warning signs, you’re going to want to do something quickly. There’s no magic bullet that will change everything overnight.
Like many things in life, there are no shortcuts here. You need to put in the work. Next up, I will share some of my most effective strategies to keep your relationship moving in the right direction.
1. Treat her like she is the most exceptional woman in the world because she is
“Never love anybody who treats you like you’re ordinary.” — Oscar Wilde
You could have your pick of countless epic women. But you chose her. She is the one that you have decided to share your life with. That means that she is an exceptional woman of substance. You need to treat her that way. Don’t act like she is ordinary. If you start treating her as though she is nothing more than a housemate, she will walk out of the door.
After years in the same old relationship, you might have forgotten what it was that drew you to this woman. That is toxic—she deserves better. You need to remind yourself and her why you are so in love with her. Let her know that she is the woman of your dreams.
2. Make time in your schedule to have dates or even go on vacation together
Think date nights are a thing of the past? Whether you’ve put a ring on it or had her move it, you still need to show her some respect. Sure, you might see each other all of the time, but that doesn’t equate to quality time spent together. You need to plan that fast.
One small thing you can do is plan a date with your partner. You might take her to the movies or out for dinner. It’s a gesture that she won’t forget. From the moment you start making more time for her, she will start to replicate and do the same for you.
Every man can plan a date… but why not think bigger? When you’re looking to jump-start your relationship again, suggesting a vacation could be the answer. Modern life — dealing with bills, errands, and work — often gets in the way of your romance. Change that.
3. Talk about your future goals and make sure that you are on the same page going forward
“Personal relationships are the fertile soil from which all advancement, all success, all achievement in real life grows.” — Ben Stein
The right woman for you will align with your goals. The two of you should share a vision of the future and be working toward it. When was the last time you checked in? You might have had endless conversations when you first started seeing each other. However, as things get more serious, couples often forget that they need to work together.
Speak to your partner about how you see the future panning out. Hell, get excited about it together. Ask her what it is that she wants now. Ask her whether she has changed her long-term goals. Tell her yours and see how you can support each other in exceling.
4. Make sex and intimacy your priorities, no matter how busy or tired you happen to be
Sex matters. I don’t need to tell you that.
The average American couple has sex once a week—how do your stats measure up?
Many men are having less sex than they want but they are too afraid to speak up and say something about it. The more you ignore this issue, the more likely it is to become a huge deal. Catch it long before that happens.
Be open with your partner about what you need. If you’re not getting enough, say that to her. Express yourself. You should also work on building up your intimacy. Small things like cuddling her and kissing her in the morning will make an impact. Work on connecting.
Complacency ends relationships. So, if you want to keep yours going strong no matter what, you’re going to need to get to work.
Join my coaching program where I teach high-quality men how to create the type of romantic relationships that they want for themselves. These connections rarely happen by accident. You need to be willing to work on them each day. With the support of a robust community of like-minded leaders, you will have all you need.
If your relationship is suffering, the worst thing you can do is hope it gets better. It won’t. You need to take action before things get even poorer than they are.
Using the strategies I’ve outlined here, you should have a headstart on fixing things that have gone amiss. Quit waiting around and make something happen sooner rather than later. Get moving.