Feeling Distant With Your Girlfriend or Wife? 5 Strategies to Open Up and Deepen Your Connection

Even the strongest relationships can go through dry spells. If you and your partner are growing apart, it may feel like you’re on a downward spiral out of your control. 

You might feel like your wife or girlfriend is more of a roommate than a significant other. Your conversations may be few and far between, and even when you do talk, they seem superficial. 

This emotional disconnect may affect your physical intimacy, causing an even deeper rift. 

Even more perplexing is that neither of you is sure what caused the situation. Things were going great until one day, they suddenly weren’t.  

Now, you feel isolated in your own home, and things are only getting worse. Perhaps you’ve tried to broach the subject to no avail or have been too frightened even to bring it up, scared of where such a conversation might lead. 

Today, I’ll provide five simple and actionable strategies for deepening your romantic connection. With the right amount of introspection and the proper mindset, your relationship can heal and become even stronger. 

How To Identify And Address Underlying Issues In Your Relationship

Before we move any further, let’s address any elephants in the room. 

You should take a moment to consider your relationship history to determine whether anything specific is causing the turmoil. 

For example, is there a history of infidelity between the two of you? Did you cheat on your wife or girlfriend, or did she cheat on you? Even when these issues are “forgiven,” they often lead to lasting resentment and distrust that isn’t easy to shake. 

Similarly, even a particularly bad argument can have lasting effects long after it happens. Whether you “made up” or quietly swept the issue under the rug, you may feel the effects of the disagreement for months or even years after it happened. 

The point is to be honest with yourself and acknowledge the root cause of the situation. Don’t convince yourself that what you’re going through is normal or happens to everyone. 

You want a relationship that has actual, lasting chemistry and mutual appreciation. When you have that, you have something that can go the distance and weather any hardships. 

That said, the strategies presented below will fundamentally apply the same way, regardless of your unique circumstances. The important thing is to lead with honesty and humility and use that to dictate the tempo. 

In such situations, it’s far too easy for feelings to get hurt and for words to be misconstrued. It will only worsen the problem when that happens, so always proceed cautiously. 

1. Get Draconian With Your Distractions 

If you can’t remember the last time you and your partner had a one-on-one, honest conversation, it’s time to get draconian with your distractions. 

You must make time to talk to each other. And when I say “talk,” I mean JUST talk.

That means no cell phones, fancy date activities, or alcohol. If you needed a drink to open up and break the ice on your first date, that’s fine, but you’re long past that point. 

If you and your partner can’t converse without drinks or distractions, that’s the first thing you must tackle. And if you have a problem with distractions, focus, and productivity, you need to tackle that, as well. 

But as far as your relationship is concerned, keep things simple. Take a walk around the park and leave your cell phones at home. If you can’t do that, at least turn off all notifications. 

Don’t set an agenda for the conversation or put too much pressure on it. Just talk. About anything. Talk about the ducks in the park if they strike your fancy; the topic doesn’t matter. 

You need to normalize the simple act of enjoying each other’s company. You found something about this woman’s personality immensely attractive at some point, right? Rekindle that. 

Whatever nonsense you’re filling your mind with, get rid of it — ideally for good, but at least for a little while. Hit pause on social media feeds, turn off the television, and focus on your relationship and partner. 

2. Unravel Your Stressors — Together 

Stress can get the best of anyone — and of any relationship. If you and your partner are buried under the stress of your careers, financial burdens, and parental responsibilities, it may be the source of your disconnect. 

In an ideal world, both partners would remain level-headed and grounded in these situations, but that isn’t always the case. This level of introspection doesn’t come naturally to most people and is a skill often learned with practice. 

If you and your partner lack these skills, you may blame each other over trivial things that are out of your control. When this happens, it could indicate that your stress levels are at their breaking points. 

You both need to step back, assess the individual and collective stressors affecting your relationship and put it all on the table. 

First of all, if your communication has already broken down, that only adds more stress to the situation. This often leads to open discussions leading to a blame game. You must do your best to avoid these situations. 

Get the stressors out in the open, acknowledge each of your contributing roles, and work together to develop new strategies to manage them. 

Be realistic. You’re not going to eliminate stress magically. But just focusing on one or two things at a time can tremendously impact your relationship. 

Eliminating a single stressor is a double win. On the one hand, it alleviates the pressure on the relationship, and on the other, it proves that the two of you can work together to solve your problems.

If you start chaining your wins together and use them to maintain positive momentum, it won’t be long until you turn things around and strengthen your relationship. 

Just remember that the process will take great work on both your parts. You have to be willing to accept blame and resist the urge to point the finger. Just because the communication process has broken down, it doesn’t mean either of you are to blame. 

3. Consider Putting Some Space Between The Two Of You 

As counterintuitive as it may seem, the problem may be that you’re spending too much time together. I’m not saying you should move out or start living separately, but ensure you each have time and space to do things you enjoy. 

Having individual interests and spending some time apart can strengthen your relationship. As cliche as it may sound, absence can often make the heart grow fonder. 

You may benefit from a little distance if you spend most of your time outside work with your partner. When was the last time you or she explored your individual interests or hobbies? Dedicate a weekend day to getting back in touch with the things you genuinely enjoy. 

Add some time during the week to focus on yourselves. Hit the gym after work or in the morning, go for a run, and watch football with the guys. Do something to break up the monotony. 

If it doesn’t cause a further rift in your relationship, you might even consider taking a solo outing or trip, such as visiting a dedicated men’s retreat. 

Think of it this way: Have you ever met up with an old buddy you haven’t seen for a while, and the conversation just effortlessly carries itself? That happens because the two of you have a long list of things to discuss. 

Think about it: What do you talk about most with your significant other? The stress of work? How bad was the rush hour traffic? When’s the best time to go grocery shopping? 

These topics don’t exactly make the most stimulating conversation. If you’re living boring lives, it’s only natural that your conversations are going to be boring. 

Think back to your relationship when you first started dating. What led to the intellectual attraction and emotional connection? What things did you talk about? 

Rediscovering and sharing your personal passions can give your relationship a much-needed shot in the arm. You need to have a balance between shared interests and personal pursuits. 

Yes, your relationship is very important, and you should put in the time and effort to strengthen it, but you must also work on yourself and your individuality. 

4. Stop Being Lazy 

When the two of you started seeing each other, every encounter probably felt like a new adventure. You were both eager to try new things, visit new places, and create memories together. 

Even if your partner wanted to go somewhere or do something that you weren’t thrilled about, you went along anyway, didn’t you? And she (hopefully) did the same for you. 

What do things look like today? Do you go out of the way to try new things, or have you gotten comfortable and lazy? 

What activity would your partner enjoy that would make you REALLY uncomfortable? Dancing lessons? Pottery classes? Tennis? Whatever it is, make it a point to do that activity as soon as possible. 

As the man in the relationship, you should take charge of the situation and do everything you can to bring the excitement back. Show some initiative and dedicate at least a day or an evening to trying something new. 

It doesn’t need to be extravagant or expensive — it just needs to be something different. Something that will be worth talking about. 

Create a plan around these new activities and stick with it. You should have no problem finding new things to do between social media, apps, and the internet. 

Also, devote energy to keeping your love life fresh. Emotional connection and physical intimacy are directly related, so it’s unlikely that one isn’t being affected by the other. 

Surprise your partner with romantic gestures. Bring her flowers. Send a flirty text. Compliment her appearance. Prioritize her needs in the bedroom. You know, all the things you used to do when you first started dating? 

If it sounds simple, that’s because it is. Use your masculine energy and confidence to dictate the rhythm of the relationship. Understand that you have the power to turn this situation around. 

5. Learn Your Partner’s Love Language 

This is for anyone who feels a disconnect from their partner but isn’t sure what’s causing it. 

If you consider yourself a loving and attentive partner but sense your wife or girlfriend is growing distant, it may be because you’re not speaking the proper love language. 

The concept of love languages comes from Dr. Gary Chapman and includes 1) words of affirmation, 2) acts of service, 3) receiving gifts, 4) quality time, and 5) physical touch. 

So, you might be showering your wife or girlfriend with thousands of dollars worth of expensive gifts, but she feels love by hearing words of affirmation; it won’t have any effect. 

If you’re unsure of your partner’s love language, the easiest thing you can do is just ask. You might find out your partner is just as unaware as you are. 

Once you understand your partner’s love language, make a conscious effort to express your feelings in that manner regularly. If you know there are certain household chores that your wife can’t stand, take them on to lessen her burden. 

If she values quality time above anything else, put more intention into your date nights and alone time. 

Of course, you have to make sure she understands what you need as well. It might not feel “masculine” to say that you need love and affection from your partner, but it’s something you should always try to express. 

Relationships are symbiotic, so it’s essential that both partners feel needed and valued by the other. 

One thing worth noting is that love languages can often change throughout one’s life and throughout the course of the relationship. If physical touch served you well in the past but no longer has the same effect, it may be because your partner’s love language has shifted. 

Again, this is one of those situations where it’s far easier to discuss things than to try to guess what’s wrong. Get everything out in the open and then go from there. 

What If The Relationship Problem Is Something Deeper? 

With all that said, you may have deeper internal struggles that are creating an emotional barrier between you and your partner. When a man is deeply unhappy with his life, it is impossible for him to be a loving and attentive partner. 

Just as you have to be open with your wife or girlfriend about your lack of communication, you also have to be open with yourself. What’s really bothering you? What’s changed from the start of your relationship until now? 

Are you unhappy with your career? Your house? Who you are as a man? 

Do you feel like you’re not fulfilling your potential and just going through the motions? Does your life feel empty? Meaningless? Like nothing will ever get better? 

If so, keep reading…

You’re struggling with a common issue plaguing countless men across the country (and worldwide), and it will not get any better unless you put in the effort to fix it. Lack of motivation and drive can quickly consume you if you let it.  

It can affect your performance at work, your interpersonal relationships, and especially your romantic relationship. 

If you’re tired of feeling like your life is spiraling out of your control, it may be time to try something different. 

At Knowledge for Men, we specialize in helping men just like you tap into their dormant potential and take back control of their lives. 

No matter what’s troubling you, my team and I have years of experience helping men like you solve their issues. There’s no reason to let the past dictate your future any longer. 

Every relationship goes through a rough patch from time to time, but there’s no excuse to let the situation persist any longer than it has to. 

Are you ready to leave the past behind and become the man you always dreamed of being? Are you ready to fulfill all your personal and professional goals and enter a world of abundance? 

If so, the time to act is now. Do you think you have what it takes to join our team of elite men? 

Click here to find out.

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