You might think that you’ve hit the jackpot.
You’ve found a submissive woman. A woman who wants to please, care for, and make you happy. A woman that you are crazy about, and she is just as crazy about you – but you’re in the lead. You are dating a woman who submits to some of your deepest desires.
A woman who you want to build a life with because she has what it takes.
Only, it’s not that simple, is it?
Sure, she’s a submissive woman, but that doesn’t make her a doormat or even weak. In fact, the fact that she is submissive only to you means that both of you are strong. But still, you are expected to be a leader in this relationship.
So how do you lead in a relationship without becoming domineering, abusive, and toxic?
In this article, we are going to explore some of the ways that men and women can build mutual respect in a relationship, despite one partner (in this case, the man) being more dominant, and the other being more submissive.
Get ready to have your beliefs about love, relationships, and dominance challenged.
1. Learn How to Listen and Understand One Another
One of the hardest parts about being a “dominant” person in a relationship is learning to hold power, but not use and abuse it.
Be a leader, not a jerk. Be strong, not domineering.
This is very hard to do, and many men struggle to do it. They don’t listen to their partners, and they try to control them. They don’t allow their partner to simply “exist” in the relationship – they constantly look to control and use the person whom they are in love with.
But this isn’t love, it’s dominance. It’s power. It’s a slippery slope to abuse.
If you’re in a relationship with someone more “submissive”, you must be extra careful with abusing your power. You have to be careful about being controlling and “over-the-top” with your dominance.
And how do you check yourself? You take your listening skills a step deeper. You don’t just listen, you pay attention. You understand them.
If you want a relationship to last, you need to become a world-class listener. You need to learn how to see outside yourself.
2. Compliment Each Other, Don’t Complete Each Other
The best relationship advice that I can give anyone, regardless of the power dynamic of their relationship, is to avoid “codependency”.
Do not “need” anyone. Do not be dependent on any relationship for your personal happiness and well-being. Do not be someone who is needy or clingy.
Need creates scarcity, which leads to behavior that is erratic, emotional, and even irrational.
When you’re a man in a relationship, even if your partner is submissive, this is a dangerous predicament to find yourself in, because you’ll start to place your partner on a pedestal. You’ll see them as above you – even if you’re in control.
You’ll see them this way because, without them, you’re not a happy person.
To combat this, as a man, you need to become incredibly self-reliant. You need to become disciplined, focused, and not reliant on anyone but yourself.
Does this mean that you can’t have relationships? Not at all. Does this mean that you cannot feel strongly about your partner? Absolutely not.
All it means is that in order to have a healthy relationship, you need to be a complete person on your own. Your partner is the chocolate sauce on the ice cream sundae of your life. You have something great without them, but you have something amazing with them.
3. Admit When You Are Wrong
This is the hardest one for me.
I’m stubborn to a fault.
However, I am not unique in this regard. It’s very common to want to be right when you have arguments with your partner, and it’s just as common to not want to admit when you are in the wrong – even if you know it yourself.
However, if you’re dating someone who is submissive in nature, your inability to admit when you’re wrong will drive the two of you apart. They won’t “call you out” on your wrong behavior, meaning that you will have to do it yourself.
If you don’t have the self-awareness to admit when you’ve made a mistake, your pride will drive you and your partner apart from each other.
Conflict exists in all relationships, but it does not get resolved in all relationships. Men who are unable to admit their flaws will struggle to have respect in relationships with submissive women, even if their partner doesn’t actually call them out on their wrongdoing.
4. Be a Leader, Not a Dictator
The difference between domineering and dominant is also the difference between being a leader and a dictator.
This lesson creates the basis for the key aspect of dating a submissive woman:
You must command respect, not their behavior.
It’s not so much what you tell your woman to do as it is leading in a way that they do what you want them to do. Leading in a way that forces them to respect you, because you respect yourself.
This is something that many men struggle with in relationships because they don’t know how to find the balance. They’re either too domineering or too weak. They either command no respect, or they try to dictate their partner’s life.
The easy way to allow your partner to live is to establish core personal boundaries. Be strong, but not a jerk. Be gentle, but not a doormat. Learn to live between the lines of the extreme behaviors that will ruin your relationships.
Mutual respect and balance are essential when it comes to leadership in relationships, and the way that you do this is by building a relationship with love, not fear.
Many men often quote the great Italian philosopher Niccolo Machiavelli when it comes to learning about power in relationships, but they make a grave error. They don’t read his work to completion. They don’t understand how Machiavelli thought about personal relationships versus romantic ones.
The truth is that, although it’s better to be feared than loved in government, with your romantic partner, love is far better – every single time.
Be a leader and avoid fear-mongering. Cultivate love in your partner, and they will respect you. This will give you the love that you want and deserve.
5. Establish Your Core Relationship Values
In order to build a good relationship with respect, you need to understand what you believe makes a good relationship.
You need to establish your core relationship values.
Respect can be one of those values, but it’s just one of many essential core values that you can have in a relationship. Other examples of core values include but are not limited to honesty, communication, trust, or compromise.
So how do you establish these core values?
The best way in my experience is to live and to have relationships. Have friendships. Date. Be close to your family. Learn and experiment and figure out how to have the best relationships possible. Find the values that are most important to you.
This is not a one-size-fits-all idea. Each of us is different, and different values will make us feel the most loved and respected.
When you’re dating someone who is more submissive, you are going to need to make sure that they feel loved and respected, and you do this by finding someone with similar core relationship values.
6. Determine What You Won’t Do By Setting Boundaries
In addition to setting your core relationship values, you also need to determine where you are going to stop. You need to set boundaries.
In fact, sticking to your boundaries should probably be one of your core values in your relationship.
But why are boundaries important?
The reason is complicated, but part of it is about self-respect, and part of it is about the person who you’re with. If your partner constantly forces you to cross your boundaries to take care of them, you’re going to feel exhausted, strung out, and tired.
Being the dominant one in a relationship means that you are going to have a lot of leadership responsibilities, but you need to be careful about not biting off more than you can chew.
Do not ruin your life in the name of loving someone who is exhausting for you to love.
There might be times when you have to bend a little bit on one of your boundaries, but there are really levels to this. If you are constantly feeling strung out and exhausted, and worst of all, resentful of your partner.
7. Support Your Partner’s Dreams and Aspirations
One of the foundational ways to build respect in a relationship is to support your partner in the same way that they support you.
If you are a leader in a relationship, your partner is going to look to you for support. They’re going to look to you for reassurance in their weak moments. They’re going to look to you to help them feel better when it’s not going well.
This is why it’s really important to support your partner’s dreams and aspirations. You need to make them feel like they can trust you.
You need to be there for them.
Doing this is the ultimate sign of respect and the ultimate sign that you see something valuable in them. Even if you are the dominant one, it will make them feel as if they are valid and equal to you.
This, ironically, will make them more willing to follow your leadership.
8. Refrain From Attacking Your Partner If They Cross You
As I said in point #3, conflict exists in all relationships.
However, if you’re the leader in your relationship, you must avoid becoming angry when there is conflict. You must avoid personal attacks – even if you receive one from your partner.
This is the difficult part of being a man. This is the painful part of being a leader.
You are always subject to criticism, but when you want to point fingers, there is nowhere that you can point them except inward. When you’re a leader, you have no one to blame but yourself.
This puts you in a bit of an uncomfortable situation, but you need to learn how to deal with it. You need to learn how to accept criticism and possibly even personal attacks without giving them back. Without getting emotional and angry.
If you can’t do this, you are not ready to be put into a leadership position.
9. If the Relationship Has No Respect, Abandon It
This is going to be the most painful point to accept, but it is also the most important.
If you value respect in a relationship, you also need to know when to give up on a relationship that lacks respect. You need to know when to abandon the pursuit of a damaging and painful relationship.
If you don’t feel that your partner trusts you, respects you, and wants to grow with you, then it might be time to leave the relationship.
If they don’t view you as a worthy leader and you don’t view them as the person that you want to lead, then you are both on a terrible path to going through the motions and living in misery.
Sure, you’ll have each other, but if you don’t respect each other, is that really worth it? Is that really a relationship worth pursuing?
Knowing when to leave a relationship that doesn’t work is the ultimate sign of respect for yourself. If you can’t get your partner to respect you, at least keep your self-respect.
Dating a submissive woman is a fulfilling experience for any man, but it creates a lot of new challenges that many men are not used to.
It’s not easy to be responsible for every aspect of your relationship all the time. In fact, doing this can be exhausting, isolating, and even draining. As a man without experience, dating a woman who looks to you for support can be scary.
You might need some guidance and leadership yourself – and there’s nothing wrong with that.
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