Being an introvert and trying online dating is often likened to a doomed mission. Dating is an extrovert’s game.
If you listen to standard dating advice, trying to create a dating profile means you have to be super tall, wealthy, and filled to the brim with popularity-enhancing photos.
Believe it or not, online dating sites don’t always award Mr. Extrovert. You can also win as an introvert on any dating app.
You might wonder what it takes to find an actual date on a typical dating site like Tinder. Well, it takes two things: patience and authenticity.
Why does an authentic dating profile work?
Online dating is fake, as can be. Every sing man is trying to create an online dating profile according to what they think women want to see in a man. This doesn’t work for four main reasons:
- Women have a very diverse taste in men. Some women want Mr. Party Animal. Other women want the go-getter businessman. Even more want a shy, quiet person who has deep conversations. Assuming there is a “one size fits all” formula for dating profiles is absurd.
- Women hate fake. Women can tell when a guy is selling a fake profile or trying to act “macho” just to get women to talk to him. They don’t want that. It’s often a sign of insecurity, and most women do not want anything to do with that.
- It doesn’t make sense to attract women to you who don’t want you. Think about it. Dating apps are there to find people who will be potential matches for you. Why would you waste time with a girl who doesn’t like what you do? Even if you try to lie, eventually, the mask will drop, and she’ll leave. That’s a painful way to get your heart broken.
- This approach also weeds out girls who don’t want the same things as you. Believe it or not, introverted men have a little advantage in online dating. A woman who can’t stand spending time cooking dinner will probably be a bit too high-maintenance or shallow. You could be dodging a bullet.
How do you make an authentic dating profile for an introverted man?
Most women are open to dating introverted men, but there are a lot of worries they have.
They don’t want to be with a man who spends all his free time glued to computer games or video games. They want someone who might be quiet but happy to spend time with them.
In other words, it’s a fine line to walk. Let’s start with the basics of what you need to do.
1. Before trying online dating, ask yourself if you can fit a girlfriend into your life.
There are different levels of introversion that you can have. Some people are genuinely lone wolves. If you are the type of person who prefers to spend all their time gaming online, you may not want a girlfriend.
Instead, you might want the nod from the society that you are a successful man.
Similarly, many introverted men also tend to bury themselves in work. Do you find yourself working 80 hours a week? Now may be a good time to ask yourself whether you can fit a girlfriend into your life or if you are more interested in keeping up with your career goals.
It’s okay to admit that you don’t want a partner or a lover.
Sometimes, it’s better to have a friend with whom you can play computer games or have a fling instead. Either way, it’s time to be honest about what you want and why.
2. Start with a list of your favorite activities
The best way to write a good dating profile is to give the reader an idea of what she’d be doing along with you as your girlfriend.
So, make a list of your favorite activities that you like to do. Good things to mention (if you enjoy them) include:
- Watching movies
- Writing short stories
- Rock climbing
- Tabletop gaming
- Cooking dinner
- Brewing beer
Talk about your favorite genres of music, movies you recently watched or your favorite book-the key is to get the conversation started.
3. Start taking photos of yourself in a great light
Your photos are going to be the lifeblood of your profile. You will not get anywhere if your profile doesn’t have good photos.
Thankfully, this is pretty easy to do as long as you know what women want.
Take at least six photos of yourself, including one headshot and one full body shot. You want to show that you’re attractive and can have fun. Here’s how to do that:
- Clean up your appearance. Before you take photos, shave, get a haircut, and do your laundry. Make sure your clothing fits well and flatters you. If you don’t know what to wear, ask a person you trust what they think would work well.
- Choose an appropriate backdrop. A good backdrop might be a favorite bar or restaurant. Or, if you are more of a fantasy book reader, a Renfaire event. Sometimes, even just you standing in a garden or on a balcony with a smile on your face is a good choice. Avoid unkempt apartments, dingy and dark shots, or otherwise unappealing looks.
- Pose in a way that shows your personality. You want to show yourself having a fun time. Whether this is a shot of you listening to new music, a shot of you sipping whiskey at a rooftop lounge, a shot of you boasting your creative activities, or a shot of you rock climbing doesn’t matter. It matters that you’re showing yourself out and about.
- Take clear photos. If you need to, hire a photographer for this or get a friend to do it. An ideal photo shows your face and body clearly. Choose clear lighting and similar.
4. Write an authentic dating profile bio.
You do not want to write short stories about how you’re awesome or the tragedy of your dating life. You want to keep things short, upbeat, and sweet. Here’s an excellent formula to use:
- Say what you like doing and (maybe) a little tagline of how you see yourself. Just a quick blurb about what you like. Choose three activities that you like. Use descriptors like “hippie” or “father.”
- Say what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for a casual fling, say so. Be upfront so that you can find someone who’s into that. If you are looking for the girl you want to marry, say so.
- Ask her about the type of date she would want. Offer a couple of options, including a restaurant or gaming date. If you don’t feel like going that route, add some call to action, such as a request for her to message you–even though you should be the one to send that first message.
Notice that this guide does not involve you mentioning your job or what you can provide for the girl monetarily. It also doesn’t tell you to mention your niceness or politeness. If you put your profile’s description right, it’ll go without saying.
Now that you know what to say, let’s look at how to say it.
Delivery is most of what you need to focus on. It’s not what you say it, but how you say it. That first message makes all the difference and is what women will use to discern whether your personality is attractive for them.
- Don’t be afraid to get funny, but only if it is natural to you. Canned pickup lines are often a little weird and worn out.
- Do explain what you want, and mention hard boundaries. If you are vehemently against smoking, it’s okay to mention that. Just don’t make a laundry list of it.
- Don’t demand specifics out of your potential dates. A man who demands a woman under a certain weight or is for someone with a litany of stats will not get many matches—even from women who fit the bill. No one likes to feel like they’re being ordered to specifications.
- Keep things upbeat. No one wants to date a guy who keeps complaining. Most people are not going to enjoy spending time with whiners. So, don’t whine.
- Consider making snarky comments, but only if they would not upset most people. Snark is good in low doses.
- Avoid “manosphere” talk. Due to the behavior from certain bad actors, women tend to run the other direction from men who just “alpha male” and “Top G” as part of their dating profile. Most guys don’t realize how bad that makes them look until it’s too late.
Here’s why you don’t want to use canned openers and bio examples from the net…
Most of us who have read the latest articles on how to make a dating profile have seen entire articles just devoted to funny quips. Did you ever notice how many of those keep showing up on different sites? Yeah, that’s not by mistake.
This is a sign that they’re copying and pasting lines. Not many things are as embarrassing as having the same pickup line as the next guy or two she sees. Moreover, women can usually tell when guys have used cheesy lines they got from a random dating profile site.
If you write your profile, then it doesn’t matter what dating site she’s on. She’ll realize that it’s a real person on there. That’s because no one can copy YOU!
Examples of some good dating profiles
To make things easier, we’ll lend a name to each profile description.
I’m an adventurous but quiet person into Harry Potter, cosplay, and biking. My best friend is my dog, Rilo, but we’re looking for someone to share our life with. Maybe it’s you? Do you want to come with us to our favorite park? Maybe check out the new show at the theater? I’d love to hear from you.
An introverted chef looking for a cute snack for fun times. I love checking out the latest seasonal wines and appetizers at Place. I’d love a girl looking for deep conversation and a more profound love of ramen. Care to try a tasting with me?
They say it’s the quiet ones you gotta watch for, so look out! I’m the shy guy of your dreams. My hobbies include Dungeons & Dragons, robotics, and music production. Looking for a geeky boyfriend? Awesome! If you want to roll a D20 for my heart, take a chance and meet me at the local game store. I’d love to be your DM.
Hey baby, what’s your sign? No, really! I practice astrology and do tarot card readings. I’m a tantra healer looking for someone who wants to explore their body deeper. You bring the vibes; I’ll bring the fun. Conservatives need not apply.
Father of one, dog dad of two. I’m a quiet outdoors lover who is looking for someone who is an old soul. I’m not into clubs; I’m into listening to the radio, horseback riding, and homesteading. Are you my cottage-core princess? Then let’s get together. We’ll party like it’s 1899!
A shy computer geek with a great sense of humor? It’s possible! When I’m not attending college, I listen to standup comedy acts and critique adult animation. Do you want to appear on my Twitch stream? Maybe watch the latest Jeff Dunham show with me? Hit me up! I won’t bite unless you want me to.
I’m going to school for massage therapy and could use a couple of people who want to get a rubdown. We might have something in common if you’re down to engage in small talk and risque rubs.
I’m a simple Christian man who loves a low-maintenance lifestyle. I’m looking for someone who loves quiet evenings, fishing, and the occasional day when we both make craft beer together. If you’re a fan of rustic life, I’m the one you’re looking for. Swipe right on me; you won’t regret it.
Online dating is hard, but you don’t have to go at it alone.
Yes, it’s possible to be happy online dating for most men. The more complex part is figuring out how to make it work for you.
It’s not always easy to devote free time to finding online dates or a potential match, especially when you’re not the type to go out anyway.
Sometimes, you want to talk to someone who gets it, you know? Perusing dating profile examples is great, but it’s not a replacement for genuine interaction with someone who knows your unique struggles.
Knowledge for Men isn’t just about offering advice. It’s a program that is here to change your life. We help you build your authentic self, get out of your comfort zone to be the man you’ve always wanted to be, help you find women who are out of your league and build an abundant dating lifestyle. Our program is for serious men only!
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