Pursuing women you’re attracted to is exhilarating.
The “chase” taps into something very primal in us men, and it can be exhilarating to pursue a woman who you think is beautiful, intelligent, and fun to be around.
But when you should you give up?
The problem for most of us is that our ego starts to impact the way we pursue relationships, and after a while, we don’t view our pursuits as objectively as we should. To truly grow as a man, you must learn when to give up.
Here’s a definitive list of when to give up on a girl and find someone else. Applying these signs to your life will save you heartbreak, time, money, and peace of mind.
1. She’s taken
Look, I get it.
You swear she gave you “the look.” I’ve been there.
Maybe she did give you “the look.” Maybe she does think you’re cute.
Maybe she’d like to talk to you. Perhaps she’s interested.
There’s just one problem: she has a boyfriend, and she’s happy in her relationship.
You don’t want to get in the habit of pursuing women who are taken. This leads to conflict in all types of relationships, and the best-case scenario is that she leaves her current boyfriend for you.
If that happens, great, I guess.
If she leaves one boyfriend for you, what’s stopping her from leaving you for one of the other guys in her message box?
Is that something you want to deal with in your life?
2. She told you “no”
This should go without saying, but I think we should set the record straight because there’s so much crap in the self-improvement world today that’s targeted at young men.
If she tells you she’s not interested, and you keep pursuing her, you’re not only not going to change her mind, you’re probably going freak her out.
You’re probably just going to piss her off.
Don’t be that guy.
Don’t be desperate. If she tells you “no,” just move on. Not every woman is attracted to you.
This is an excellent lesson to learn.
3. She’s always busy
One great sign that she isn’t interested in you is that the scheduling just doesn’t work out whenever you guys try to make plans.
People make time for people they want to see.
The same should go for you.
Don’t bend your schedule for anyone, especially if they’re not going to do the same amount of bending for you.
Make efforts to make plans with her, but if she never has time to see you, take the hint. She doesn’t want to spend time with you.
It’s either because she doesn’t have time to date you or because you’re not a priority for her. Either way, this is a painfully strong reason to stop pursuing her altogether.
4. She has too much baggage
It’s one thing if someone has experienced trauma or mental illness. This doesn’t make them unworthy of love.
However, if they have too much baggage and aren’t making an active effort to improve how these issues impact their life, it can be tough to build a relationship with someone.
The goal of a relationship is for it to last into the future. It’s impossible to build a future with someone who can’t see past tomorrow.
As you get to know her, be wary of how she talks about the past. You can learn a lot about your future with a person from the way that they have been able to handle their trauma.
Unless you are a qualified mental health professional, it’s probably not a great idea to take on someone else’s mental health in addition to your own.
If you ignore this, you’ll end up in a toxic relationship where you feel strung out and exhausted. This will ruin both you and her’s mental well-being.
If someone has more baggage than you can handle, that is as good a sign as ever of when to give up on a girl.
5. She’s using you as a rebound
The first red flag when you start dating someone new is if they just got out of a relationship.
If she broke up with someone recently, you have to think about how seriously she’s taking you. It doesn’t make her a bad person or make you weak, but it might mean that the timing is not suitable for you two.
You have to know your self-worth. You have to manage your self-esteem.
You’re better than being someone’s sloppy seconds.
Stop talking to her. Stop chasing her.
6. Her texting is atrocious
In the digital age, texting communication is a huge part of early-stage relationships.
But how do you know what the texts she’s sending you mean for the relationship?
Maybe she’s texting you about her favorite vacation memory or her favorite sushi restaurant in town, but what do these things mean?
The easiest way to tell if she’s not interested in you is to look at the words in a text. It might seem shallow or overly superficial, and her choice of words can give you a lot of insight as to how they feel about you.
By being a dry texter, she’s giving you hints that you’re not the right person for her.
This relationship will be a dead end.
7. She disappears for days at a time
Getting ghosted sucks.
It’s also not always your fault when you get ghosted (as ghosting is usually more complicated than you think), but it always hurts. It’s never fun to get ignored by someone you’re attracted to.
A lot of guys tend to forget that if she ghosts you or ignores you, you can always cut your losses and stop pursuing her.
In early-stage relationships, personal space is essential, but if she ignores you, stop chasing her.
For many guys who deal with relationship anxiety and insecurities, it’s easy to get caught in the trap of chasing a woman who doesn’t even want you around.
This is agonizing, and over time, it only gets worse for you as the relationship drags on.
If her communication becomes scarce, this is one of the obvious signs that she is not interested. Move on!
8. She plays games
Mind games are tools that insecure people use to be “the alpha” in their relationships.
That said, mind games are pretty much the least alpha thing someone can do in a relationship.
Any form of mind games – playing hard to get, gaslighting, blaming, or trying to control you – are all signs that you should give up pursuing the relationship.
Games aren’t just a sign to hit the breaks. Games are a sign to turn around and drive away while waving a red flag.
9. She brings out the worst in you
All of us change in some way when new people come into our lives.
Sometimes, these new people make us think. Sometimes, they help us start new habits. Sometimes, they help us become better people.
Sometimes, however, these new people bring out the worst in us.
If you don’t like the person you are when you’re with her or trying to pursue her, that’s as good of a reason as any to stop pursuing her.
Similarly, if she’s behaving in any of the ways above (she plays games, she disappears, or she isn’t good at texting), this will impact the way that you behave around her. If you feel icky when pursuing her, listen to your brain.
I don’t care if she’s your dream girl. Stop bending yourself for people you barely know.
10. She’s a great talker but a terrible listener
If you’re a good listener, you’ll probably have an easier time getting dates than someone who isn’t.
Good listeners can change the world.
That said, you don’t want to sell yourself short in dating just because you are good at listening. If you find that you’re always listening to her and she’s not listening to you, you’re not going to be her boyfriend, you’re going to be her girlfriend.
She doesn’t need you, and she’s not worth pursuing.
You don’t want to date someone who uses you as a girlfriend/therapist. You want to date someone who is attracted to you and has great communication.
Relationships are always better when communication is mutual.
Stop pursuing a girl who cannot have two-way conversations.
11. She doesn’t want you, she wants you to take her out
If you can’t afford to date, you shouldn’t be dating. You should be working on yourself and trying to improve your life so that you can attract partners who you actually want to be around.
If you make more money, you don’t have to deal with women who only want you for your money.
It sounds counterintuitive, but it’s true. This is because of abundance and scarcity mindsets.
On the other hand, it’s important to recognize when someone is using you for a night out or a free dinner.
A few signs that she only wants to date you so that you buy her things:
- She lacks ambitions and goals of her own (a turn-off anyway!)
- Her dating history is full of men who paid for everything she did
- She ignores your flaws (you need self-awareness to notice this) so that she can get what she wants financially
- Your connection is shallow in emotional connection, despite your efforts
It’s one thing to pick up the check because you like her and want to take her out. It’s another to have a woman manipulating you for cash.
Learn to identify the difference. Do not continue pursuing a girl you like if she’s using you.
Find a new girl who treats you well and doesn’t hurt your mental health.
12. She lacks emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is one of the most common things you’ll hear people talk about online today. It’s trendy, but most people don’t have it.
Emotional intelligence isn’t just going to therapy, saying “I have anxiety,” or trying to listen better.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to know and understand people around you, whether it’s your mom, your sister, your boys, or the girl you’re pursuing.
If she doesn’t match you in terms of emotional intelligence or is immature, she’s probably not the one for you.
13. She’s hot and cold.
When your relationship is hot and cold, that means it’s inconsistent.
If it’s not a “heck yes,” it’s a “heck no.”
Prioritize your happiness, and the people you need in your life will find you.
Even if we give her all the credit in the world and say that she doesn’t even realize what she’s doing, that still doesn’t justify her acting hot and cold toward you. Do not pursue relationships with people who can’t make up their minds about how they feel about you.
Unfortunately, doing this will only make you feel hurt and strung out.
Don’t hope for her to change. Stop pursuing an inconsistent girl.
14. She avoids confrontation
Avoiding confrontation is a sign of weakness.
If someone can’t have a difficult conversation, they lack emotional intelligence, and interpersonal skills, and are likely insecure with themselves.
The easiest way to determine if you should keep pursuing someone is to ask them how they feel about you.
If they say they feel the same way, that’s great.
If they refuse to engage in a serious confrontation with you, that is a sign to call it quits.
15. You want different things
If you have an honest, open dialogue with her about the things the two want, you’re only at the tip of the iceberg.
You have to talk about a lot of different things.
Specifically, you have to determine the goals of your romantic relationship. If you don’t want the same things out of dating, this is the best time to stop trying to date each other.
Where most young people go wrong is that they ignore these warning signs and try to force relationships anyway.
Not knowing when to give up on a girl is the dating equivalent of running around like a chicken with its head cut off.
Doing this will destroy your chances of good relationships, a happy life, and peace of mind.
This has more negative health effects than just bad relationships. Still, crappy relationships alone should be enough motivation to get you to learn how to learn when to stop yourself from chasing the wrong women.
One great way you can learn to pursue the right woman is to surround yourself with people who also want to pursue the right woman. Find a like-minded tribe!
That’s why I want to tell you about my exclusive coaching program, led by my team of experienced men’s coaches and me.
See, this program isn’t only going to help you break free from nice guy behaviors, build quality romantic relationships, and become a stronger Grounded Man. It will also provide you with support from both myself and my elite community of men. Our coaches provide informed professional advice on pursuing women who are right for you.
To pursue the best women possible, you first need to learn how you can grow.
With this program, you’ll be tapped into your own “band of brothers,” You’ll also have access to the best training course for men that exists today, as well as weekly calls with my team of inspiring and determined coaches. There are no boys, no complainers or dabblers. This program is for serious men only.