Young men are having less sex than ever before.
In the last decade alone, we’ve seen the number of sexless men between ages 18 and 30 has increased 253%.
Yet common sense suggests that we should have seen an opposite trend.
Over the past few decades, our society has become far less conservative about sexuality.
Things like premarital sex, birth control, friends with benefits or cohabitation have not only becoming widely accepted, but a cultural norm.
And with new tech like dating apps and social media… it’s easier than ever for men and women to meet potential partners––far more in fact, than they could ever have imagined just decades ago.
Not to mention that entire communities, brands and organizations have grown to help men navigate the complex world of female desire––and we now have a far clearer and more evidence based understanding of the answer to the question “What do women want?”
So what the F happened?
While plenty of influencers and so-called experts have tried to make sense of this trend…
They have only scratched the surface.
And in this video I’m going to share the real reasons that men are struggling to find partners, get into relationships, and are having less sex than ever.
But first, let’s start with the mainstream explanation.
Distracted and Disconnected: How Modern Lives Are Killing Our Sexuality
According to most experts and mainstream narratives the answer is pretty simple.
Since the late 90s, we’ve seen an unprecedented rise in high dopamine distractions that cost almost nothing.
Most notably, porn, video games, tv and social media.
For most of the 20th century, pornography was only available through magazines or VHSor DVD tapes that offered only a few scenes or one set of actors.
But after the mid 90s?
Every man with an internet connection unlocked limitless access to every fantasy imaginable that was very convincing to your brain that this was the real thing.
And with smartphones all of that was in your pocket, for free.
Suddenly men were able to see stunningly gorgeous women––women they never could have dated in the real world––naked and doing whatever he wanted with unlimited novelty, for free, in your pocket.
This led to a decrease in the drive and motivation to meet women in the real world since their sexual needs were superficially met.
And also men became less interested in women in the real world who didn’t look or act like the women in porn.
Why risk the pain of rejection when you can get off to the most beautiful women from the comfort of your own home… for free with no drama?
And at the same time unlimited porn became mainstream… We saw the rise of addictive social media and video games created by neuroscientists… apps and games that give men the illusion of progress, winning and status but mostly rushes of dopamine, trapping them on a neurological level and causing men to be distracted even more and pursue it less in real life, all stunting a man’s growth.
And if all of that wasn’t bad enough…
Men have been experiencing a stark decrease in testosterone levels for nearly 50 years due to poor diet, lack of exercise and environmental toxins everywhere which has plummeted testosterone.
Research has suggested that testosterone levels in men have been declining over the decades. One often-cited study published in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism in 2007 observed a substantial drop in U.S. men’s testosterone levels since the 1980s, with average levels declining by about 1% per year. This means, for instance, that a man who is 65 years old in 2002 would have testosterone levels 15% lower than a 65-year-old man in 1987.
Meaning that as a population we biologically have less drive and desire to find, date, and procreate with a woman.
Now, on the surface… All of this makes sense.
Our brains have been hijacked by billion dollar corporations on a mission to keep us distracted, sedated, and buying into their addictive apps, games, and vices.
Our bodies and minds have been wrecked by sedentary lifestyles, toxic foods and household items, and chronic stress.
And it’s no wonder that our sex lives are suffering as a result.
Until you start to dig deeper into the data.
Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics: Why the Explanations on Male Sexlessness Don’t Add Up
Here’s where things get interesting.
If you look at the graph plotting the decline in male sexual activity, you’ll notice a few trends.
First, we see a significant spike in the mid to late 90s with the number of sexless men reaching nearly 20%.
If we follow along with the “porn leads to sexlessness” hypothesis, this would make sense as the internet hit the mainstream in homes around the mid 90s.
The problem is…
This trend doesn’t hold.
And by 2008, we see the numbers return to the baseline of just over 10%.
If porn, video games, and low testosterone alone were to blame… this wouldn’t add up.
The early 2000s brought about a renaissance of high dopamine, low cost distractions.
Internet speeds increased, computers and laptops became a staple in average American homes, and game consoles like the Playstation and Xbox 360 brought higher quality and more addictive gaming to millions of men in their bedrooms.
And yet… the trend of sexless men seemed to go in the opposite direction.
But then after 2008, the numbers started to rise again.
And for more than 15 years, it hasn’t stopped rising.
So what’s going on?
How do we make sense of these seemingly nonsensical numbers?
Correlation, Causation, and Clarity
After we escape from the surface layer thinkers and internet gurus stuck on the narrative that “porn = sexless men”… we start to find individuals who offer a more compelling story about the rise of sexless men.
But there are still plot holes in the narrative they share.
Because the alternative conclusion many experts have drawn is that the inception of Tinder, Bumble, and OnlyFans is to blame for the rise of celibate men.
If we look at this hypothesis ONLY on the basis of correlation… it seems to pan out.
With the two biggest spikes in sexless men occuring in 2008 and 2016… the years when iphone 3g, Tinder and OnlyFans were released respectively.
But when we dig deeper…
Again, we’re left with more questions than answers.
How could the launch of a hook up app, designed to help men and women have easier and more abundant access to sexual encounters decrease the number of men having sex?
What else is going on here?
Looking at the launch of the platform OnlyFans, it seems like our questions start to seem clearer.
Because with OnlyFans, men are not only able to get sexual release from the comfort of their homes… but they now get the illusion of intimacy and connection that comes from “supporting” creators. We went from consuming adult content 1 way to engaging with adult content back and fourth.
Instead of scrolling through an endless stream of random porn stars, men are now actively connecting with specific “creators” and “artists” on their favorite social media channels and paying a lot of money to talk, and pay for private adult content.
Today there are over 400k new users signing up to onlyfans per day, mostly men and 5,000 new “creators” signing up per day.
From live chats to paid “special requests”… OnlyFans and platforms like it took the damaging potential of porn to a whole new level that is just getting started.
But there’s still more to the story.
Because even though OnlyFans has likely contributed to the rise of sexless men… in 2018 when this poll was concluded, the platform had just over 1,000,000 users.
Making it unlikely that the platform had a significant difference on men’s sexual behavior at the time, but most definitely into the future.
So what else is going on happening here?
If all of the mainstream narratives around the rise of sexless men break down the second we explore them further… How do we ACTUALLY explain the trend?
I wrestled with this question for months while researching this video until I came across a piece of data that started to bring all of the puzzle pieces together.
A New Narrative: Sexual Orientation and “Incel Inequality”
Remember the graph that I shared earlier?
Well… here’s the interesting thing.
With a little more digging, I discovered that the numbers shown only apply to HETEROSEXUAL men.
Men inside of the gay community haven’t experienced a noticeable decline in sexual activity.
And this might seem like a small anecdote…
But this single finding flips the mainstream narrative on its head.
If the rise in sexless young men was simply a matter of low testosterone, unlimited access to porn, and a greater volume of high dopamine distractions like video games and social media…
Then common sense would suggest that ALL men would be affected equally regardless of sexual orientation.
Because all men would be susceptible to these forces.
But all men aren’t affected equally by these forces.
Gay men are just as sexually active as ever.
Which suggests that something bigger is at play between heterosexual men.
Something not just biological or technological but sociological.
Although porn and video games and our vice driven society are problematic… and I believe they do contribute to the perfect storm facing men today
There’s another force at play that most social influencers didn’t see.
The unprecedented shift not only in gender roles, but the shifts in power dynamic between men and women in the last several decades.
The Tilting Scales of Masculine and Feminine Power
As men’s power has decreased steadily in value through distractions over the past few decades, women’s power has increased significantly.
More than ever before in human history in the West, women have the ability to increase their value intellectually, socioeconomically, and physically.
Intellectually… Women are graduating college at a greater rate than men and in 2019, women made up the majority of the U.S. college educated workforce
Financially… women are earning more and making up an increasingly larger portion of the workforce.
In fact, According to a study by Wharton Business School, women in fortune 100 executive roles get promoted faster than men for the first time ever.
And physically… it’s no mystery how to build an attractive female physique in the gym, women now have the ability to augment their appearances through plastic surgery, botox, BBLs and countless other treatments… an ability they’re capitalizing on in droves.
Couple all of this with a society that encourages women’s sexual liberation, devalues male sexual power, and labels masculinity as toxic… and a much clearer picture starts to emerge.
I’m not saying that these things are inherently bad and this is not a battle cry to go back to the past at all. This is simply an acknowledgment and analysis of an often overlooked factor contributing to the rise of sexless men.
Because for the first time in modern history….
Women not only have equal power, they have increasingly more power than men socially and sexually, if she chooses to pursue it.
And when this happens, the consequence is inevitable.
As a woman’s value increases, average men––whose value is stagnant or decreasing––lose sexual access to those women.
It’s a simple supply and demand curve.
In the work world…
When you have more people applying to work at a company than the company has positions to fill… they can be more selective and only choose the best candidates.
It’s the same thing in the world of dating and relationships.
In the past, almost any man brought immense value to almost any woman.
Women weren’t allowed to open bank accounts, vote, or work certain jobs. They couldn’t get loans or go to college or protect themselves physically.
And even for women who had financial means… society looked at relationships and sex very differently. A woman who didn’t have a man or children by 25 was demeaned and seen as socially less and undesirable.
So most men were automatically valuable because they offered important upsides for her survival and social standing.
But today… men have less inherent value.
And men who don’t develop the romantic and relationship skills necessary to attract and keep a high quality woman will find themselves alone and sexless faster than ever before.
A large number of western women no longer need a man for financial support or physical protection. They no longer face the same overwhelming social pressures to be a good girl who finds a good boy and gets married and has kids by age 25 and stays loyal to that man.
If it doesn’t work out, the government will save her and force the man to pay up and on top of that there are numerous social systems that will give her money to survive.
It’s no longer hot girl summer, it’s entirely acceptable for a woman to enjoy a “hot girl decade” and defer a partner or children until her late 30s so she can focus on her career, explore her sexuality, date many types of men to suit different emotions at the same time, and enjoy the abundance of travel, entertainment, and nightlife experiences that are all catering to attractive single women.
Not only are these things no longer socially discouraged… but for the first time in recent history, women are actually encouraged to avoid settling down and to enjoy a life of self sufficiency, independence from men and sexual freedom like a “bad ass b-i-t-c-h”
Where only decades ago, society bemoaned women for carelessly exercising these freedoms… It’s now encouraged.
With platforms like OnlyFans, women are able to earn more than Ivy League doctors simply by posting nude content or just their feet on the internet. 5000 new models sign up a day.
Nightclubs and exclusive venues often allow single women to enter for free––and even if they don’t, dozens of sex-starved men will ensure that the drinks, bottle service and drugs flow freely all night.
With sugar dating rampant in every city in America, women are regularly rewarded for “dating up” with a generous monthly allowance simply for spending time and often being intimate around a wealthy man.
Furthermore, women are no longer encouraged to “find a good man and settle down.”
In many female minds, they have little need for a man to provide for them financially or protect their physical safety… there’s little incentive to tolerate anything less than perfection from the men they date.
And when a woman isn’t happy with her partner?
It’s easier to leave and open up the apps and social media than to work on the relationship. We have a society that invests more in “how to recover from a breakup” than “how to work through challenges in relationships”.
Because the social rewards are simply too great and opportunities are everywhere in every city in America.
This is evidenced by the fact that,
According to a 2015 study from the American Sociological Association (ASA) women initiate almost 70 percent of divorces.
And it makes sense.
Why bother going to couples therapy or working through conflict when she can go out with her single friends, have fun adventures, and enjoy a season of casual sex before finding a better––and likely more powerful man.
As Greg Matos, a couple and family psychologist in LA put it:
“Women don’t need to be in long-term relationships. They don’t need to be married. They’d rather go to brunch with a bunch of friends than have a horrible date.”
The Death of the Average Male
Ultimately all of these trends have coalesced to create this a society in which hypergamy––a woman’s tendency to exclusively date men who are above her on the social hierarchy––is no longer the exception, but the norm.
If a woman isn’t dating a man who has higher value than she does… she’s perfectly okay to be single, have short term sexual flings, and simply enjoy her life with her single friends, go to Coachella, travel to Miami, Bali and Mykinos.
Today, western women don’t need average men, they will only entertain men if they add great value to her already good life. The man’s value has to be greater than her sexual freedom, career and social opportunities from friends.
Just a few decades ago, this wasn’t the case.
Women had less social and professional value so her pool of men to choose from was the majority of men, she had less professional opportunities and access to men. And as a result, the first few men she encountered in school, at work or in her living area often had high chances of dating and mating with her.
Back then, as long as he could provide a basic lifestyle, fix things, buy gifts on special occasions and wasn’t abusive… he was seen as a catch!
But today? She can provide for herself, she can pay for a handyman to fix things, she makes money to buy herself nice things. When women have more power, abundance, and options… Hypergamy is inevitable.
Hypergamy is a term in social science when women date someone with higher social and economic status to provide a better lifestyle for herself, family and children.
The reason why men are having less sex is because women have increased so much in value that they have surpassed the majority of men socially and economically in recent decades. And since women prefer to date up, any men below her are invisible to her. They don’t stand a chance, become sexless and struggle to find quality women to date so they hide in their vices and distractions.
And even if a man is in a relationship with a woman, if things in a relationship get rocky, she’ll face the temptation to leave her partner in pursuit of a man who’s even higher up the social strata.
To add fuel to the fire, through the rise of dating apps and social media, women are now receiving an unprecedented level of validation.
And this is true for women at almost every level of the social hierarchy.
The most beautiful and high status women not only receive unending validation from men in the real world… but dozens, hundreds and in some cases thousands of men online.
Even so-called “average” girls are able to receive more praise and validation through a simple instagram post than they could have received in a lifetime just a few decades ago.
Meaning that in addition to the actual increase in the modern woman’s value… there’s been a marked increase in their perceived value, whether real or not.
Women who would have gladly dated an “average” guy just 20 years ago are now demanding their very own Henry Cavill or Chris Hemsworth.
Some women have a new term and now demand he’s gotta be 6-6-6 (6ft, 6 figs, and 6 inches)…
The challenge for women is, she has grown so much in her life personally and professionally that she has outgrown the majority of men socially and even economically, so she can only date a very limited pool of high value men which she can find using dating apps and social media, yet these men also have many options and don’t want to settle with just any woman.
If she’s reasonably attractive, young, has a degree, a job, and takes care of her body… her self perceived value is high and the attention she’ll receive from men is even higher.
For the sake of simplicity, if she’s an “8”, then any man below an 8 is out of the picture. He’s not even on her radar no matter how funny, sweet, or caring he is.
Because of the abundance of options she has, she’s only interested in men who are above her, a 9 or 10.
And this actually creates just as many problems for women as it does for men.
Because as more women are drawn to and feel entitled to high value men…
And as the pool of high value men becomes smaller and smaller…
It leads to a simple but brutal breakdown in the supply and demand curve of the sexual marketplace.
As women’s value has risen… the demand for high value men has risen with it.
As a result, we’ve created a sexual marketplace plagued by a “winner takes all effect.”
A small handful of high value men who “get it” are having the majority of the sex.
So more and more women are sleeping with these rare men, yet these men are less inclined to marry these women, settle down, or have a family so soon.
As a result, according to a study conducted by Morgan Stanley, more than 50% of Women are expected to be childless and single by 2030.
On both sides of the equation… we’re seeing problems arise.
Where do we go from here?
It’s important to ask that this didn’t just happen by surprise so what are the ingredients of a sexless male, then reverse them into positive counterpart:
The ingredients that make a sexless men must come first: loss of power, hiding, not showing up, vices, distractions, overweight, not socializing with women, no dating skill, not leading, loss of identity, not building, not becoming, not finding access to women you want and knowing what to do and say to women to attract.
Accept reality and the cards you’ve been dealt and replace with the more productive and attractive behaviors, habits and routines that yield results by just doing the opposite.
Must accept that no one is coming to save him.
Man has to build, become and create his value and shape his identity.
From this point forward, the men who refuse to grow will struggle to find and maintain relations with women, or be forced to settle.
There is hope.
Because at the end of the day, what we’re facing is a simple problem of supply and demand.
Social shifts have created conditions where there’s a greater demand for high value men than there is supply.
Which means that the solution is simple…
Increase the supply and become a high value man.
More than ever before we need strong, growth oriented, grounded men.
Men who are attractive to high quality women and making a meaningful impact in their world living in alignment to their values and vision.
Men must realize that no one is coming to save you… and society’s distractions will only blind you to this truth.
If you’re struggling with dating and relationships, it’s on you to develop the necessary skills to attract and maintain a high quality relationship in your life.
If you aren’t willing to take responsibility and take action––it will only get worse from here.
But the good news is that it’s actually EASIER than ever before for a man to become high status.
Because most men aren’t showing up to the game of life.
They’re lost, hiding, sedating, and escaping from life… they aren’t even in the game.
They’re overweight, isolated, addicted to work, video games, porn, and social media. They’re terrified of women and even more terrified of their own masculinity.
So you must flip the script…
If you can show up to the game of life, develop social and relationship skills, focus on a purpose bigger than yourself, and become an active player and hero in the game of life..
You’ll instantly be more attractive than 90% of the other men out there.
If this resonates and you want to see what this possess looks like step by step… I’ve recorded a free training below that will show you how to reclaim your masculine power, become a grounded man, and create the relationship of your dreams.
Simply click the link here to get instant access to the training.
Until next time,