“You don’t let go of a bad relationship because you stop caring about them. You let go because you start caring about yourself.” — Charles Orlando
19% of people are unhappy in their relationships, according to The Happiness Index: Love and Relationships in America. Yes, almost one in five people are with a long-term partner they want to leave. It’s a sorry state of affairs.
If you’re dissatisfied with your committed relationship, you might be ignoring a deal breaker. Seeing red flags in your partner and ignoring them is all too common.
Burying your head in the sand and hoping things get better is not the way to go. It doesn’t work!
What seems like small deal breakers when you first get together will quickly become relationship destroyers in the long run. Take action now and save yourself that struggle.
As an elite men’s coach, I help guys reclaim their masculine power and establish high-quality relationships. You already know ignoring the most significant deal breakers is a mistake — but if you’re still doing it, it’s time to gain the confidence to change that. Join my elite coaching program and learn how to regain your masculine power quickly.
Why Men Stay in Bad Relationships When They Want to Leave
Do you want to pull the trigger on your bad relationship?
Men often stay in relationships that have gone bad long after they should.
If the relationship deal breakers are stacking up, you must pack your bags and walk out the door — figuratively speaking. Why do so many guys stay with their long-term partners?
Scientists have the answer. A growing body of research suggests that humans are typically prosocial. That means we are programmed to please the people around us.
You’re done. But there’s one thing holding you back: your partner’s feelings. The research suggests many of us consider the emotions of our long-term partner before calling it off.
Chances are, she’s going to take the hit badly. Nobody wants to be responsible for someone else’s pain. The thought of telling her it’s over is too much to handle.
However, you are not responsible for someone else’s happiness. You have to put yourself first in this world because nobody else will.
Yes, it might be tough to tell her that you want out, but that is all the more reason to do it. You can’t stay in a relationship just for her.
The Biggest Deal Breakers in Romantic Relationships
You owe it to yourself to look out for the typical relationship deal breakers when you’re with someone.
Ignore the warning signs early on, and you will regret it years later. Try as they might, people don’t change. You have to take your partner at face value.
Expecting that they will suddenly become a new woman is a mistake. You can’t afford to wait around for a potential mate to meet your standards. It’s not realistic. Only you have the power to make a change here… and that change often means walking away.
Too many men ignore relationship dealbreakers, which stings them in the future. You deserve better.
In my time as a coach, I’ve seen it all, so I wanted to share the common deal breakers I’ve come across. When you see the following, it’s a big deal — don’t ignore it.
1. She shows signs of abusive behavior
Abuse can come in many shapes. She might get aggressive when you don’t do as she says. She might belittle you in front of her friends. She might get physically or even sexually violent with you. Whatever is going on, you need to remove yourself from it.
The misconception that men can’t experience abuse has to die. It’s not the case. Women are just as capable of abusing their partners and — what makes it worse — men feel like they have nowhere to turn. Luckily, the approach to partner abuse is changing now.
You can speak to a trained expert if you need help or know someone who does. We all know that it is hard to end an abusive relationship. However, there is help and support for you to access anonymously.
Every situation is unique. Yours might be particularly complicated. But you deserve to be in a healthy relationship where the other partner respects you. Take steps to move forward.
2. She has poor hygiene
Does she have bad breath and refuse to brush her teeth? Does she rarely take showers when you are together? Have you noticed that she has some mean body odor (BO)?
Poor hygiene is one of the typical relationship deal breakers. The last thing you want is your potential mate being gross. You have to get up close and personal with her. So — if only out of respect for you and your hygiene — she should look after herself.
You can give her a chance here. Shockingly, 26% of Americans say they don’t know enough to look after their hygiene and stay healthy.
She might be one of those people. If education is the problem, be ready to help her along the way. Partners are supposed to help each other become better people, after all.
Let’s say she has bad breath and doesn’t floss. That’s annoying and unattractive. But she can learn the error of her ways. Have a gentle but honest conversation about the problem.
Explaining that the bad breath is off-putting will be hard. You have to be polite about it. However, it might be the nudge she needs to change her oral hygiene routine. You can even share some resources to help her understand how to care for her teeth.
Of course, if you allow her to change and she doesn’t, that’s a major red flag. It’s a sign that she’s stuck in her ways and is too stubborn to do anything about it.
3. She doesn’t know how to manage her finances
Money matters — and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. 35% of people in relationships say that money is the most significant cause of arguments, according to a report from CNBC.
As an elite man, you know how to make your finances work for you. You’re smart about investing, budgeting, and saving. You might even be working toward financial freedom.
All that you ask is that your partner does the same. If one partner in a relationship has no budgeting knowledge, the whole thing crashes down. Before you know it, you will pick up every check, loan her money, and deal with her debts.
Money mismanagement has to be the top deal breaker for some men. You want to have a particular lifestyle — one that you have built.
Don’t let her financial flaws take that away. If your partner is not budget minded, that is a red flag.
4. She is clingy and controlling with you
Clingy women are unattractive. When you meet a potential partner, you need to look out for the signs that she has attachment issues.
Women with anxious attachment styles are nightmares in relationships. Put simply, your partner won’t give you a moment of peace.
Every elite man deserves alone time. You need time to hang out with your friends, see your family, and work on yourself.
If she wants to be around you 24/7, that’s a real relationship deal breaker. It won’t get better with time. She will only get more clingy.
Clinginess in a relationship often turns into controlling behavior. She might tell you where you should be, what you should wear, and who you should hang out with.
All of the above are serious red flags. Don’t put up with them — consider leaving the clingy or controlling relationship stat.
5. You have bad sex
Good sex is integral to relationships. If you’re not getting what you want, it’s time to walk away. On average, people will stand for 4.5 unsatisfying sexual encounters before leaving.
When you first met her, the sex was mind-blowing. You couldn’t keep your hands off each other. But times changed.
Now, you are lucky if you even have sex, let alone enjoy it. Most men have found themselves in this scenario, but you don’t have to put up with it.
Sure, you can try mixing things up first. Your partner might dress up for you. You might give role-play a go. You might even try some BDSM. Do whatever you have to do. But — if you’ve tried all of the above and she’s still not getting you going — that is a big deal.
Bad sex — or a lack of orgasms — can affect your physical and mental health. Leaving her because she can’t satisfy you sounds cruel, but you must put yourself first.
6. She has a problem with substance abuse
Substance abuse is a tricky issue. Whether it’s alcohol or drugs, addiction consumes every part of a person. If she has a problem, she can’t maintain a healthy relationship — not with you or anybody else. The cold, hard truth is that she needs some professional help.
Nearly 21 million Americans have an addiction, but only 10% of them are getting treatment for it. When someone has a substance problem, it will likely take them years of hard work to get on the wagon. Sadly, you can’t wait for her to do that.
You have to walk away and let her work on herself as hard as it is. Sure, you can ensure that she has the support she needs, but you can’t do the recovery work for her.
7. She regularly cheats on you
Healthy relationships are about respect. She does not respect you if she is out there playing you a second fiddle and making you an option. Don’t try to twist it and say there’s anything else to it.
13% of women report cheating during a relationship or marriage. She might tell you she’s changed. You might choose to forgive her (this time). But if she does it repeatedly, you will see that it’s a pattern of behavior.
Putting up with her being unfaithful will knock your self-esteem. Kick her to the curb fast and save yourself all of the drama.
8. You both have different views on parenthood
Do you want a family one day? You probably already know where you stand. Kids are one of the biggest deal breakers. Men and women aren’t always on the same page. You don’t have to be a relationship expert to realize it won’t work out.
More than 50% of childless American adults say they never want children. That’s a firm ‘no’ there. If you are one of them and you meet a woman who does want kids, that is an unthinkable deal breaker. Neither of you can compromise on this fundamental issue.
The same goes if you want children and have a long-term partner who doesn’t. You can’t expect her to change her mind — she won’t. If you’re going to start a family, you need to leave her and look for a potential mate who wants the same thing as you.
You have a decision to make when you realize that you and your partner don’t have the same values. Spend time thinking about what you want in the future and talk to her about it.
Discuss the options and say goodbye for good if your values don’t align.
Decide on your personal deal breakers and do something now. Before you know it, it’s ten years down the line and you’re stuck in a relationship that brings you down.
Whether it’s a new relationship or a long-term, you can’t tolerate these problems. You owe it to yourself to establish a healthy relationship with a high-quality woman. Avoid settling for less because it’s easier and wasting your time with a partner who doesn’t make the cut.
You won’t drive past a massive warning sign and keep going. You’d hit the brakes. Do the same when it comes to your romantic relationships. When common deal breakers crop up, pay attention fast. Don’t sit back and let yourself crash. Stop things before it’s too late.
It’s time to change your perspective. I help men discover an entirely new mindset that prepares them for greatness. Using the strategies and tactics of millionaires, my elite coaching program has the power to transform every aspect of your life from your career to the relationships that you build. Unlocking your potential is the start of a new chapter as an elite man.