354: David Essel: The Hard Realities of Success and the Myth of Positive Thinking

Master Business, Relationship, and Success Coach, Counselor, TV/Radio Host, Author of 9 Books, Inspirational Speaker

David began his career in the health and fitness industry and quickly was named “Mr. Motivation” and “The #1 Life Coach in the USA.” by Lifetime Television and “The Master of Motivation” by American Fitness magazine.

He parlayed this worldwide reputation into the world of athletes and athletics after getting his Master’s Degree in Fitness Management, where his emphasis on sports psychology led him to work as the “Mental Success Counselor” for basketball and tennis players from around the USA.

Favorite Success Quote

“Moving in a direction opposite to what we are doing right now where we are not successful will guarantee success”

Key Points

1. You Have Got to Get Uncomfortable 

Life doesn’t happen within your comfort zone.

Imagine that you are standing on the sidewalk.

Around you, there is a ring of fire representing everything that is inside of your comfort zone.

Fast foods, crappy relationships, drug addictions, alcoholism, your safe corporate job, nagging girlfriend, low caliber friends, and time wasting activities abound within the circle.

Outside of the ring, there is a whole new world waiting to be explored.

There is love, joy, beauty, wealth, adventure, and freedom.

But you have to go through the fire to get it.

You have to get uncomfortable, get hurt, and get burned a little bit before you can have the things that you want in life.

Success starts at the end of your comfort zone, so be ready to step into the fire and embrace the pain to achieve what you want.

2. Devote 365 Days to One Goal 

We all have big goals.

Whether we want to transform our bodies, generate massive wealth, find love, or reconnect with our creator, we all have goals and ambitions

What people often forget, however, is that it only takes one year, it only takes 365 days to set yourself up for massive success in any area of life.

If you devote 12 hours a day 6 days a week to your biggest vision for the next year, you will achieve success.

That’s all it takes!

Think about how quickly the last year flew by.

If you could devote that same amount of time to one definite purpose, you will come out on the other end with levels of success and fulfillment that you never imagined.

By putting in the work, showing up, and grinding it out for just a year, you can set yourself up for a lifetime of true achievement and happiness.

3. All That Women Want is for You to Listen 

Relationships are one of the most important aspects of life, especially romantic relationships.

But there’s a problem.

Most men have no idea how to communicate within the realms of romance, and more importantly, they don’t know how to listen.

If you are with a woman and she brings a problem to you, 99 times out of 100 she does not want your opinion, she does not want your advice, and she does not want you to solve anything.

She wants you to shut up and listen.

That’s how women are wired.

They want you to be their confidant so that they can vent and bitch and complain all the while finding the solution to their problem by themselves.

If your wife or girlfriend comes to you with an issue this week, just listen to her… I dare you.

Don’t offer advice or counsel, just listen, validate, and repeat what she says.

Chances are, she will end up solving her own problem, giving you a big hug, and leaving the interaction far happier than she started it.

4. Face the Mirror 

Success doesn’t come from positivity, it comes from reality.

And there are times in your life where you need to man up, look in the mirror, and face the cold hard realities of your life.

Take a good hard look at yourself.

Who are you really? What are your habits?

Are you undisciplined, weak-willed, insecure, petty, or lazy?

If so, then good!

Now that you are aware of your weaknesses, you can take the steps required to fix them.

You cannot fix that which you do not know is broken.

Be willing to look in the mirror, have an honest conversation with yourself, and accept reality.

5. Eliminate Addiction

Addiction is the thief of all joy in your life.

When you are addicted to anything, whether it’s nicotine, drugs, alcohol, porn, gambling, or food, your life becomes devoid of true joy and fulfillment.

You cannot function the way that you should, and every single day becomes a struggle.

Even if you are filling your life with joy, addiction is like a bottomless hole that sucks away whatever fulfillment and peace that you might have.

This makes it mandatory that you eliminate addiction, now!

Not tomorrow, not next week, now!

Realize that all addiction is caused by an underlying emotional problem that you have not addressed.

Why are you driven to have that cigarette? What makes you feel the need for cocaine or pot or party drugs? Why do you always need a nightcap (or three) to knock the edge off?

What is really going on beneath the surface that is causing these addictions?

Once you are willing to be honest with yourself, dig deeper and figure out what is really going on, you have the power to reclaim your life and your joy and achieve ultimate success.

Influential Books

1. Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill

2. Your Erroneous Zones by Dr. Wayne Dyer

3. Crush It! by Gary Vaynerchuk


Connect with David Essel


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