Normal relationships have doubts, anxiety, and analysis at times. But when do you reach the point of “overanalysis”? How much thinking is “too much?”
If you’re not careful, you can become trapped by “analysis paralysis,” which can devastate your relationship. You could lose the person you love most because you can’t stop thinking about how scared you are that you will lose them.
I’ve been there, my friends have been there, and even some of the most powerful men in the world have lost loved ones because they simply can’t get out of their own heads. Fear and anxiety make cowards out of great men.
Luckily, there’s a way to get past this. There’s a way to have better relationships – without the anxiety.
This article will teach you more than just how to have better relationships. This article is going to teach you how to think properly about relationships – how to analyze logically.
We’re going to look at 9 of the biggest reasons why relationships die from overthinking, and how you can work past all of these roadblocks to have the healthiest relationships possible. I’m going to show you how to find peace in love.
Let’s get started…
1. When You Overanalyze, You Will Be Constantly Drained
The worst part about overanalysis is the side effects that it has on your body and mind.
When you are an overthinker who’s constantly worried about and overanalyzing your relationship, you’ll experience some pretty devastating side effects, like:
- Chronic Fatigue
- Sleep Issues (Insomnia)
- Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
There are a lot of issues with being unable to control your overthinking, but the worst effect is fatigue. You will become too tired and sick to be a good partner because all you’re thinking about is being a good partner.
You’ll create your own Greek hell through overanalysis – even if you have the most well-intentioned thoughts about your relationship.
You need to learn to not only relieve your stress with healthy alternatives like exercise or art but also to get your stress to a lower baseline – one that you can manage.
2. Overanalyzers Everywhere But Here
The scariest part about emotional unavailability is that sometimes, you can be in a situation where you don’t even know that you’re the one being emotionally unavailable.
You become so entrenched in your own analysis paralysis that you lose the ability to grow in your relationship. You lose the ability to articulate your feelings, express yourself, and be truly present.
You lose your partner because you’re emotionally unavailable.
Relationships are built on trust and communication, and you can’t have that trust and communication without presence.
Here’s the bitter truth:
When you’re constantly thinking about things in your relationship (good or bad), you become detached from reality. When you become detached from reality, you become detached from your relationship.
This itself is a terrifying sensation, but the side effects that this detachment will have on your very real relationship can be life-altering. If you stay detached from your partner long enough, you’ll lose them.
The biggest cost of overanalysis is the relationship itself.
Being detached from reality will create a detrimental divide between you and your partner.
3. Overanalyzers Think More, But Their Thoughts Are Not Accurate
The hardest part about dealing with overanalyzing behavior in a relationship is the impact that it has on your day-to-day thoughts.
You won’t be the same person when you’re overanalyzing, and you won’t have the same thoughts.
You can literally overanalyze your way into changing the man that you are in your relationship. You can overanalyze your way to making your partner fall out of love with you.
You do this by having what therapists call “distorted thoughts”.
Basically, you think things (in this case, things about your partner and your relationship), and your thoughts are wrong.
For example, you might believe that your partner has fallen out of love with you. You might believe that your partner is lying to you. You might even believe that your partner is cheating on you.
These are devastating experiences for any relationship, so it’s natural to worry about these things in relationships. But what if you’re thinking so much that when you think about your relationship woes, your wrong? What if, due to constant analysis, you construct a distorted view of reality?
Overthinking leads to distorted thinking.
The simple solution to this is to stop thinking, but anyone who’s struggled with anxiety before knows that it’s not that easy. Anxiety doesn’t just “go away” when you want it to. It’s a fickle, unforgiving ailment that torments you even on your best days.
Learn to manage your mind so that your partner won’t have to suffer the same way you do. Have the strength to become stronger – for their sake.
With effort, you can relieve your relationship overanalysis.
4. Your Expectations Are Unrealistic
Porn creates unrealistic expectations for women in relationships.
This is a pretty well-documented and well-explored idea. It’s very difficult to live up to the idea of what sex and intimacy are supposed to be like when your partner has spent hours upon hours constructing their own view of it – especially when they constructed that view with the help of pornography.
But did you know that your own mind can construct unrealistic ideas of a relationship as well?
This is an extension of the distorted thought point above, but here, we go a step further.
This is about how overthinking fundamentally changes the expectations for reality that you have. You begin to expect more because of your overthinking.
Or, even worse, you deduce (due to the aforementioned “distortive thinking”) that you’re really not very valuable. You deduce that there is something wrong with you and that you’re not worthy of a healthy relationship.
For better or for worse, your constant analysis leads you down a perilous path in your relationships.
To combat this, you need to work on grounding yourself. You need to have expectations for your relationships that are based on reality, not your anxious delusions.
This can be done through working with a coach, writing out your distorted thoughts, and meditating.
5. You Become Unattractive
A big part of what makes someone attracted to someone else is how they make them feel.
People who are in healthy relationships are physically attracted to their partners and emotionally invested in them. Still, perhaps most importantly, they’re attracted to the way that they feel when they’re with them.
Overanalysis changes this.
Your fatigue is shown on your skin – it’s breaking out. Your stress makes you short-tempered and unapproachable. You have no sex drive. Your diet is terrible and your body is on its way to looking like a chubby shadow of your former self.
You look like you’re dying, but really, you’re just thinking too much.
You’re thinking about all the things you should do, say, and feel. You’re constantly worried, and that worrying makes you extremely unattractive.
It’s hard to maintain a flourishing relationship in this state.
What you have to do when you struggle with overthinking is to make efforts to maintain a deep bond with your partner.
The easiest way to have a strong relationship is to do the work to have a relationship that is strong with or without constant anxiety. Build good relationship habits, like intimacy, quality time, and acts of service to show your partner how much you care about them.
This will, most likely, deepen their attraction to you (and in turn decrease your anxiety).
6. Overanalysis Will Create a Vicious Cycle
When you chronically overanalyze your relationships, a strange thing is going to happen:
For a while, your relationship is going to get better. You’re going to view your analysis as a good thing. You’re going to think that this “makes you safe”.
The problem is that this isn’t true relationship improvement. It will come back to bite you in the rear eventually.
You’ll probably have a fight (or some other issue) that starts from your overanalysis, and it will only get worse from there. You’ll spiral in your own mind. You’ll get anxious, angry, and sad.
You’ll feel broken.
You’ll probably pull yourself out of this and keep moving, but eventually, you’ll be back where you started feeling just as broken as before – because you’ve overanalyzed something different.
Overanalysis creates the possibility for constant conflict, and this affects not only your life but also your partner’s.
You must learn to analyze without becoming emotional.
And you actually do this by practicing Stoicism.
See, just because you feel overanalysis coming on doesn’t mean you have to allow this overanalysis to dictate your life. You can think without acting. You can learn to watch the thoughts in your mind pass by instead of attaching yourself to them.
“It is the nature of the wise to resist pleasures, but the foolish to be a slave to them.” – Epictetus
Don’t give into the short-term “pleasure” of overthinking.
7. You Will Drain Your Partner
The heartbreaking reality is that in addition to draining and sucking the life out of you, being a chronic over-analyzer will make your partner miserable.
The reason? Energy expenditure.
Whenever you have to comfort someone who’s overthinking, you have to expend energy. You have to care for them.
It’s terrible to say, but we all have breaking points. We all have limits for how much overanalysis we’re willing to take from our partner, and when we hit that limit, the relationship will constantly struggle to reach its true potential.
It might even die.
This creates a careful dichotomy for us to play with as people who struggle with overanalysis.
We need to tell our partners about what we’re struggling with, but if we tell them too much and rely on them too much, they might not be able to handle it.
The key here is to really know your partner and know how much support they’re willing to give to you. Know how much you can rely on them. If you need to be with someone who you can rely on more (or less), then you should find a different partner.
Don’t force relationships with people whom you are incompatible with.
8. Overanalyzing Indicates Mistrust
Actions have consequences, and one of the worst consequences of the action of constantly overthinking about your relationship is that your partner is going to start thinking that you don’t trust them.
Your honest anxiety will shift into paranoia, and your partner will stop viewing you as concerned and start viewing you as insane, for lack of a better term.
You don’t want to be “that boyfriend” who doesn’t trust his girlfriend, and you probably wouldn’t want a girlfriend like that either. You probably want to be someone who you trust, and someone who trusts you.
Sometimes, if you struggle with anxiety and overanalysis, you have to make a little extra effort to show that you trust your partner. They will see this effort, and it will go a long way.
You don’t want them to think that you think they’re “sketchy”. This will create resentment and distance in the relationship that will make it impossible for you to have a happy and healthy relationship.
And look, I’m not saying that you should ignore the signs. If something seems off, it might.
However, there comes a point when overanalysis becomes paranoia, and as a man in a relationship, you must learn to navigate that. You cannot become a paranoid boyfriend.
It will make you weak, anxious, and scared – all the time.
You will have no control over your life.
9. Overanalyzing Will Blow Small Things Out of Proportion
Small actions say a lot about someone.
Or do they?
How much do our small, unconscious, barely noticeable actions really say about us as people? Is the way your girlfriend checks her phone really worth fighting over? Is it really worth overanalyzing the small things your partner does because you’re anxious?
Sometimes, this overanalysis has its place, but it’s shortsighted to say that every small action someone takes is directly related to who they are as people.
We talked earlier about the vicious cycle that comes when you constantly overanalyze your relationship, but we haven’t yet touched on what causes those conflicts that arise.
The truth is, it’s pretty much always something small and avoidable that “triggers” someone who is an overthinker, and this creates a spiral that leads to constant conflict, unhappiness, and possibly even the end of a relationship.
It’s hard to keep your cool when you’re analyzing everything from the way your partner sounds while texting you to the way that they’re facing when they’re sleeping each night.
There is always going to be something to worry about. You need to figure out how you can keep internal peace when you are overthinking.
If you don’t, the house that is your relationship will always be in shambles.
Overanalysis is a huge problem for many men.
We don’t talk about it very much. Men aren’t always the best at working through complicated issues like anxiety, bad breakups, and relationship stress.
That’s usually because most men try to go through these difficult things alone. Most men try to build a great relationship without any help. They try, and most of them fail.
But you don’t have to. You have the opportunity now to work with a group of elite men on your journey to becoming an elite, Grounded Man yourself.
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