The very word is loaded with controversy, confusion, and misconceptions.
We were never taught about it in schools (other than learning that sex before marriage would likely result in a life-ending STD).
Unless you came from an exceptionally liberal home, your parents probably never talked to you about sex.
At every turn, it has been vilified and hidden by Western culture and men all over the world have suffered greatly because of this.
When you consider that more than 52% of men struggle with erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation and the average couple having intercourse lasts 5 minutes and 30 seconds while 25% of men last less than 2 minutes, it’s pretty clear that we have a problem.
Sex is a hugely important part of life and studies have shown that men with fulfilling sex lives are less likely to develop depression, are more resilient to disease and cancer, live longer, and have higher levels of overall satisfaction in their careers and personal lives.
However, when men struggle to perform in the bedroom, they are unlikely to seek help or discuss it openly with their partners, leading them to feel like less of a man and settle for a mediocre sex life.
For those of you who are a part of the “Grounded Man” movement… You know that this is unacceptable.
So today, I’m going to set the record straight and give you the no b.s. “Talk” that your father should have given you years ago.
Don’t get me wrong…
I’m not a “Sexpert” (see what I did there hehe?) and I don’t have any professional experience on the subject.
In fact, I had so much anxiety around “sex” because it was such a taboo subject growing up that I struggled in my early adult years to even hold an erection with a woman. The pain of having an attractive woman want to have sex with me then to realize I was horrible at it then tell all of her friends humiliated me for years.
However, after going on a journey in my dating life and dating dozens of beautiful and honest women throughout the years, reading dozens of books on the topic and interviewing dozens more, I’ve spent enough time in the proverbial trenches to understand what great sex is and, more importantly, how you can achieve it – naturally.
I also decided to spend some time digging through the most up to date research on sexual performance and satisfaction to bring you THE definitive guide to improving your sex life, having stronger erections, lasting longer in bed, and truly satisfying your partner.
It’s time to strap in and get ready for your master class on becoming a masterful lover.
Pull out a piece of paper and a pen, bookmark this page for future reference, and get ready to take some notes.
Class is in session…
Health & Well Being Hacks for Mind-Blowing Sex
While there are plenty of “Tactical” ways that you can improve your performance in the bedroom, every aspect of your sex life starts with optimizing your health.
Without vibrant health and energy levels, no trick or hack will magically improve your performance.
Almost all cases of erectile dysfunction are caused by underlying health problems and are the symptom, not the cause. It’s kind of like driving a car for 40,000 miles without getting the oil changed or performing any maintenance. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with the engine (a.k.a. your penis). It’s just that you need to make sure you’re regularly tuning up your engine so that it can run smoothly when you need it.
By implementing the following recommendations, I promise that you will see an immediate and palpable increase in the strength of your sex drive and the quality of your performance in the sack which will indirectly give your partner a night to remember.
Let’s dive in.
1. Get Plenty of High-Quality Sleep
Did you know that only one week of sleep deprivation (less than 6 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period) can decrease your testosterone levels equivalent to aging 10-15 years?
Meaning if you are sleep deprived at age 35 then your testosterone levels are that of a 45-50 year old man. This is a pretty serious problem when you consider the fact that testosterone is the primary sex hormone responsible for boosting your libido and creating high-quality erections.
Several other studies have irrevocably concluded that chronic sleep deprivation leads to erectile dysfunction in men of all ages, and further research has found that sleep deprivation is strongly correlated with high levels of depression which, (surprise surprise) leads to a decrease in sexual desire and severe performance anxiety.
The science is pretty clear on this issue… Poor sleep hygiene wrecks your sex life.
It’s like trying to run a marathon on an empty stomach. You might make it the first few miles without any problem (e.g. get an erection), but you won’t be able to make it to the finish line.
Even average sex is a deal-breaker. It has to be great.” —Kira, 27
Luckily, this problem is relatively simple to remedy.
By ensuring that you get at least 7.5 hours of high-quality sleep (preferably 8 or 9) every night, you will give your body the time that it needs to repair and recover ensuring that your sex drive is firing on all cylinders.
However, it’s important to note that the quantity of your sleep is irrelevant if you are not achieving high-quality sleep (e.g. plenty of REM and deep cycle sleep).
To ensure that you are getting the most out of your sleep, I recommend that you do the following:
- Go to bed and wake up at a similar time every single day
- Sleep in a blacked out room (cover your windows so no sunlight seeps through at sunrise) and set the thermostat to 66-68 F
- Have a high fat, low carb snack 3 hours before bed and then stop consuming calories entirely
- Drink 1 cup of Chamomile tea with 1 TBSP of Apple Cider Vinegar and Raw Honey 30 minutes before bed
- Supplement if needed with 500 mg of Magnesium, 100 Mg of L-Theanine one hour before bed
- Turn off all screens 2 hours before bed or, at the very least, install a blue-light blocker like F.lux
- Practice “Brain Dumping” before bed to close off those pesky mental loops that keep your mind racing at night
- Meditate or practice mindfulness for 10-15 minutes after dinner to calm your mind and relax into the night
While this is far from a comprehensive guide to improving your sleep, these simple tips will help you improve the quality of your rest, and thus your sex life.
If you’ve been suffering from a low libido or lackluster sexual performance, then start here. By fixing your sleep and you will fix many of the underlying causes of your performance issues.
2. Optimize Your Diet to Improve Your Sexual Stamina, Erections, and Bloodflow
Your diet plays a huge role in determining the quality of your life, both inside and outside of the bedroom.
Here’s the deal…
The health of your heart plays a huge role in the health of your sex drive and erections. If your arteries are clogged from consuming a copious amount of processed foods and sugary drinks, your blood flow will be stalled and your heart will be unable to successfully pump blood to your penis. It’s kind of like a broken train track.
Furthermore, a low-quality diet that is high in unhealthy fats (namely transfats) and sugars can lead to obesity and lower levels of testosterone in men, further complicating your sex life and leading to a plethora of performance issues.
So what should you do?
The first, and the most important thing you can do to improve your sex life through diet is to cut out all of the following substances:
- Processed Sugars
- Trans fats and hydrogenated oils
- Processed carbohydrates (think white pasta and bread)
- Pesticides and antibiotics (e.g. non-organic meats and vegetables).
- Dairy (especially cheese as much as possible)
- Soy products of any kind
Once you have removed all of the testosterone inhibiting substances from your diet, the question still remains… What should you eat to improve your sex life?
The most basic answer?
Eat a sufficient number of macronutrients from whole food sources each day.
I recommend that you shoot for a diet that consists of 40% carbs (eaten later in the day) 25% fat and 35% protein.
Stick to meats, a lot of vegetables, nuts, fruits and you can’t go wrong.
If you want an added boost in the bedroom, you can add one or more of these 7 foods to your diet.
- Organic meats (especially lean red meats)
- Garlic and Onions (ironic right?)
- Dark Chocolate
- Red Grapes
By providing your body with the right amounts of each macronutrient type and introducing foods with well-recorded aphrodisiac properties you will ensure that your hormonal profile is optimized leading to a higher libido, improved blood flow, and overall better performance in the bedroom.
3. Shed the Extra Pounds and Boost Your T Levels
Obesity has been linked to a number of different sexual performance symptoms including:
- Lower testosterone
- Erectile Dysfunction
- Lowered confidence in the bedroom
- Decreased stamina
- And much more
It should come as no surprise that obesity destroys your sexual drive and performance.
Simply put, your body cannot function the way it was intended whenever you are carrying around pounds of unwanted body fat.
Obesity inhibits proper testosterone production, kills your libido, causes erectile dysfunction, and destroys your stamina in the bedroom. If you are currently obese or overweight, you need to take action to rectify this situation now.
Follow a diet like the one outlined above. Lift heavy weights on a regular basis (more on that in a minute). Get plenty of sleep to ensure that your hunger hormones are in check. Try a basic time restricted eating diet by eating only 12 hours per day so for instance from 9am-9pm.
You deserve to have a body that you are proud of. A body that allows you to fully enjoy life and not to mention look great naked for yourself and partner.
It won’t be an easy journey, but I promise you… It’s worth it. Oh yeah and you’ll live longer too.
4. Stay Hydrated to Keep Things Lubricated
One of the more silent killers of strong erections and high-quality sexual performance is dehydration.
According to Mecial Daily, more than 75% of the adult population in the United States is chronically dehydrated.
This is a big issue when you consider that dehydration has been linked to a wide range of physical problems from erectile dysfunction to migraines to nutrient malabsorption.
Luckily, the solution is simple and cost next to nothing.
Drink more water! And not only right before sex, but throughout the entire day.
Use this water calculator to discover exactly how much H2O to drink a day based on age, height, weather, exercise activity and it will dramatically improve nearly all aspects of physical performance in the gym, the boardroom, and, of course, the bedroom.
5. Increase Blood Flow Through Regular Exercise and Yoga
The quality of your blood flow directly correlates to the quality of your erections and sexual performance.
I’ve said it once, and I’m going to say it over and over and over again until this point is indelibly marked in your brain.
If your circulation is impeded for any reason, your erections will suffer and your stamina will plummet.
While getting sufficient amounts of sleep, following an intelligent diet, and staying hydrated will have a positive impact on your circulation, nothing is better for your heart and your cock than daily exercise. (It’s been appropriately dubbed “Nature’s Viagra”)
Research has shown that men who regularly exercise exhibit higher levels of arousal, increased erectile strength, and report higher levels of satisfaction with their sex lives overall.
And this shouldn’t surprise anyone.
Regular exercise helps stabilize hormone production, increase blood flow to extremities, and, of course, increase confidence and self-esteem.
But the question remains, “What type of exercise is ideal for optimal sexual satisfaction?”
The simple answer?
Lift heavy weights and sprint twice a week. If you have bad knees then swim or use a rowing machine.
Studies have shown that endurance athletes regularly suffer from heightened cortisol levels and slow sustained cardio (e.g. 45 minutes on the treadmill) can actually increase your body’s fat stores and decrease testosterone levels.
On the flip side, following a comprehensive weight lifting program that focuses on heavy compound lifts like the deadlift, bench press, and squat have been shown to increase testosterone synthesis, elicit greater HGH (human growth hormone) response, and provide a slew of other (sex positive) benefits.
The same is true of HIIT (high-intensity interval training) cardio like sprints and Tabata.
If you’re looking for the ideal sex boosting workout program, I recommend that you follow Micheal Matthew’s Bigger, Leaner, Stronger program.
I have personally used his program with great success and had numerous clients achieve phenomenal results following these protocols.
In addition to a comprehensive exercise regimen, I strongly recommend that you take up some sort of stretching practice such as yoga to help improve your circulation and eliminate any tightness in your hips, groin, and lower back (all of which spell BIG trouble for your sex life).
I recommend 6-8 poses for 30 seconds with two sets. Just go to YouTube and search these yoga poses below to get detailed instruction.
Upward facing dog
Kneeling hip flexor stretch
Left and right leg wind freeing pose
Right triangle pose
Wide legged forward bend
Seated twist both sides
I personally do the above to ease the pain chronic pelvic pain issues and as a secondary result to my surprise noticed an increase in the size of my erections. You don’t have to have pelvic pain for this to work, even if you just sit for more than 6 hours a day this can work for you.
You can easily knock these poses out while you’re watching tv or a movie in the evening. Just 15 minutes a day for at least 2 weeks is enough for you to notice a lasting improvement in how you feel and perform in the bedroom plus just feel great afterwards.
6. Get Off Your Butt for Longer and Stronger Erections
Do you remember the one thing that determines the quality of your erections and the strength of your sex drive more than anything else?
What’s that? “Blood flow,” you say?
Nothing will have a greater impact on your sexual health than the health of your heart and the condition of your cardiovascular system.
Unfortunately, there’s a problem.
As a society, our sedentary lifestyles have lead us to adopt many unhealthy habits.
Among the most pervasive is the habit of sitting all damn day.
Just think about it…
If you’re like most men, you probably wake up, sit down in your car, commute 30 minutes to work where you will sit for another 7-8 hours, commute another 30 minutes, then come home, sit on the couch and watch 3-5 hours of television or work on your computer until you’re ready to fall asleep and do it all over again.
Now, before you get too upset, I am not suggesting that you should never sit back in your ergonomic recliner or enjoy a relaxing morning on the couch.
However, the average American office worker sits for more than 10 hours a day.
When you consider that prolonged sitting has been linked to:
- Erectile Dysfunction
- Back pain
- Increased cancer risk
- Blood sugar spikes
- Decreased blood flow
- And plenty more
You will quickly realize that sitting is no laughing matter.
The worst part?
This is true even in individuals who exercise for an hour or more a day.
Clearly, this is a problem that needs to be addressed.
Depending on your current employment situation, you may or may not have access to a standing desk (like the one I use). However, every single person reading this can take some sort of action to reduce the amount of time you spend on your ass and thus improve your health and sex life.
If at all possible, talk to your supervisor about setting up a standing workstation in your office and share with them how it will only improve your performance at work.
While purchasing a standing desk is ideal. Even something as simple as walking around the office for a few minutes of every hour, taking your conference calls while walking around a local park or doing the above yoga exercises can have a dramatic effect on your health.
It’s been said that “Sitting is the new smoking” and, based on the research, I’m forced to agree.
So get off your butt and on your feet.
Your health and your sex life depend on it.
7. Use Natural “Sex Positive” Supplements to Increase Your Libido and Maintain Better Erections
Once you’ve taken action on the above recommendations, you can begin to incorporate a sex-positive supplement stack to further increase your libido, enhance your performance, and ensure stronger erections.
While I will spare you all of the technical jargon and dense research as to why these supplements work, rest assured that the science clearly shows that the following supplements have a dramatic impact on your sex life when taken on a regular basis.
Here are my 6 favorites that do not need to be all taken at once. 2 or 3 is plenty. (I’ve included links to the research for you science geeks like me).
- Vitamin D3 (source)
- L-Arginine (source)
- Panax Ginseng (source)
- Yohimbine (source)
- Ginko Biloba (source)
Remember, these substances are referred to as supplements for a reason. They are not intended to be your first line of defense against erectile dysfunction and other health-related sexual issues.
They simply compliment a comprehensive health regimen that includes staying off your butt, regular exercise and yoga, plenty of sleep, proper hydration, and a healthy diet.
When used in conjunction with the previous recommendations, these supplements will provide your sex life with a powerful (and natural) boost that will help you get harder, last longer, and enjoy deeper and more fulfilling sexual experiences.
8. Limit or Avoid Alcohol and Tobacco Consumption to Avoid Erectile Dysfunction
If a clean diet and exercise is like nature’s Viagra, tobacco and alcohol consumption are like nature’s “Anti-Viagra”. (hence the term ‘Whiskey Dick)
And if I were a gambling man, I’d bet that you’ve experienced this first hand.
Alcohol and tobacco decrease blood flow to your extremities and can make it difficult to have an erection, much less sustain one long enough for a pleasurable sexual experience.
So does this mean that you can never enjoy a few shots with friends or a casual smoke while you’re out on the town?
But it does mean that you need to be conscious about your consumption if you sex is taking place shortly after.
A drink or two can help take the edge off of the night and make it far easier to overcome performance anxiety. However, if you overdo it, there won’t be any performance to feel anxious about!
I recommend sticking to a 3 drink limit and avoiding tobacco entirely (the negatives outweigh the positives by 100:1).
It might not be the funnest prescription I get it, but if you’re serious about improving your sex life and enjoying more fulfilling sexual experiences (for you and your partner), then you’ll want to take it easy on the booze and tobacco.
Mindset Hacks to Kill Performance Anxiety and Enjoy the Moment
Once you have successfully addressed all of the underlying physical issues that have been impeding your sexual performance, it’s time to tackle the mental game required to become a beast in between the sheets.
If a guy is a bad boyfriend, you can’t turn him into a good one—and you shouldn’t even try. But you can totally improve a subpar performer in bed.” —Kristyn, 32
Whether you realize it or not, your mindset and emotional state play a huge role in your ability to put out an all-star performance in the sack.
If you’re stressed out, anxious, or struggling with depression it will take a massive toll on your sex life and your partner’s satisfaction.
So today, we are going to root out these issues once and for all so that you can enter into every sexual encounter with ease, less stress and anxiety.
10. Does Size Really Matter (The Answer May Surprise You)
“Oh… my… GOD!”
That’s the phrase every man wants to hear when he takes his pants off in front of a partner for the first time.
And if he doesn’t? Well… You must not be packing enough to satisfy her desires.
At least… That’s what the porn industry have led you to believe.
Luckily, for those of you who aren’t rocking a foot long King Cobra, the reality isn’t quite so dismal.
I’ve interviewed dozens of women on the topics of dating and sex and asked all of them the age-old question that guys have been dying to answer, “Does size matter?”
Roughly 85% of women claim that they are satisfied with the size of their partner’s penis.
According to most of the women that I’ve met and interviewed, size does indeed matter, but not the way that you think it does.
Most women that I’ve encountered have claimed that they prefer an “average” guy (which according to Medical Daily is only 5.1 inches) who knows what he’s doing (and you will by the end of this guide) than a guy with an eight inch penis who thinks that length is the only thing required to please a woman.
In fact, several women that I talked to said that they avoid sleeping with guys who are too well endowed simply because the extra inches are painful and can cause vaginal damage!
Furthermore, I found it interesting that many women claimed that the most satisfying sexual experiences they’d ever had were with men who had average penises.
“When a guy has a regular, you know… Dick, he learns to make up for it by being a conscious lover and finding other ways to make the experience pleasurable. I’ve actually had guys who were really small who made me orgasm more than any of the larger guys I’ve been with.”
So guys… Relax!
Too many men allow concerns about their size to cause performance anxiety and lackluster sexual performance (thus exacerbating the problem).
Chances are, you fall squarely into the “average” category and you have more than enough between your legs to satisfy the majority of your partners.
And if you don’t?
Then you still don’t have anything to worry about! By learning to build sexual tension, master foreplay, and bring a woman to orgasm before penetration you can still enjoy a wild and mutually satisfying sex life no matter how big (or small) the guy downstairs is.
11. Communicate with Your Partner to Eliminate the Guesswork and Know What She Wants
One of the single most underrated “tricks” for improving your sex life is to use your tounge more.
No, I’m not referring to that (although we’ll have a discussion about it in the next section), I’m talking about good ol’ communication.
Here’s the deal gentlemen.
Every woman is different. The same positions and motions that caused your last partner to scream in ecstasy and experience body shaking orgasms on a daily basis might be profoundly uncomfortable or even painful for your current partner.
And while you could try to figure things out on your own, make at home sex tapes and then do a frame by frame analysis of your performance like an NFL coach breaking down the last game… It’s much simpler to just ask.
If you are currently in a committed relationship, sit down with your partner and ask her what she likes. Ask her about her fantasies, her favorite positions, and how she climaxes the easiest.
If you talk about it, a session of bad sex can be the thing that sets you on a course for lifetime happiness,” Tina B. Tessina, P.hD
So what would make sex a level 10 for you?
What’s one thing you’d like me to stop doing?
Then share those things with your partner as well.
If she doesn’t know then explore together and have open communication while you are having sex. By having an honest pattern of communication around your sex lives you will be able to eliminate the guesswork and know beyond a shadow of a doubt what gets your partner off and what turns her off.
If you are single and currently enjoying the companionship of several casual partners, then find playful ways to bring up the topic of sex and ask her what she likes.
For example, if you’re watching Game of Thrones with one of your casual partners, you can pause the show during one of their (notoriously explicit) sex scenes and say something like, “Wow! That looks pretty crazy… Would you actually enjoy that?”
Once she answers, the floodgates have been opened and you can begin to ask deeper and deeper questions to figure out what she likes and equally important doesn’t like.
Having an open discussion about sex can change everything for your sex life.
It’s like the difference between trying to find your way to a new city relying on scribbled down written directions and simply plugging the city into your google maps.
Both approaches might get you to your final destination but having a clear roadmap will help you avoid any accidents and reach your destination faster.
12. Improve Your Finances to Reduce Stress and Anxiety in the Bedroom
Many studies have clearly illustrated that financial strain is one of the leading causes of divorce, causes hostility and even abuse within marriages, and can cause a decreased sense of connection and intimacy with your partners as well as a decreased sexual appetite.
If you’re an otherwise healthy man who’s been finding himself uninterested with sex or simply unable to destress and fully enjoy your sexual encounters, one of the subtle culprits of this dis-ease could be the state of your bank account.
Now, I’m not saying that you need to be the next Richard Branson to enjoy a fulfilling sex… You don’t.
But if you are drowning under the weight of severe debt, barely able to keep food on the table, and constantly worrying that your next paycheck won’t be enough to make ends meet then you have a serious problem on your hands.
By getting a hold of your financial life, getting out of debt, and saving up a small emergency fund, you can quickly eradicate this source of stress and sexual apathy and get back to enjoying your life the way you were meant to.
This is a HUGE topic and requires a full guide in and of itself just to scratch the tip of the iceberg and, as such, I don’t have time to cover all of the details of financial optimization, earning more income, and getting out of debt in this article.
However, if this is a point of concern for you, then you can check out my ultimate guide to eliminating your debt, increasing your income and joining the new rich.
13. Eliminate or Significantly Reduce Porn from Your Life to Increase Sexual Pleasure
Chronic porn use can ruin your sex life.
There’s no question about it.
While you might not like me for bringing this fact to light, it’s the truth, whether you want to admit it or not.
Study after study has concluded that porn isn’t just bad for your sexual health, it’s a toxic influence on your entire life.
Consider the following: (courtesy of yourbrainonporn.com)
- 25 studies link porn use/sex addiction to sexual problems and lower arousal to sexual stimuli. The first 5 studies in the list demonstrate causation, as participants eliminated porn use and healed chronic sexual dysfunctions.
- Almost 60 studies link porn use to less sexual and relationship satisfaction.
- Over 20 studies reporting findings consistent with escalation of porn use (tolerance), habituation to porn, and even withdrawal symptoms.
- 50 studies link porn use to poorer mental-emotional health & poorer cognitive outcomes.
Simply put, your brain did not evolve to handle the stimulus of modern pornography.
Scientists refer to porn as “supranormal” stimulus, meaning that it activates the brain’s pleasure centers at such a high level that we associate it with more pleasure than average stimuli. Causing real sexual encounters to feel much less rewarding and exciting let alone everyday life.
It’s kind of like the difference between cocaine and regular black coffee. Sure, they’re both stimulants, but it’s pretty clear that if you’re using cocaine on a daily basis, a shot of espresso that would otherwise be a powerful stimulant, will feel like little more than decaf.
If you’ve had any difficulty having or maintaining strong erections or have found yourself struggling to enjoy a fulfilling sex life, then porn is one of the first things to go.
For starters, I recommend that you eliminate porn for 30 days completely.
During this period, you can continue masturbating as you normally would but do NOT fantasize about porn while doing so instead fantasize about past real experiences.
Learn to reconnect with your body instead of getting off to another man’s pleasure. Remove porn from your life and you will begin to appreciate women’s natural beauty and find yourself drawn to much tamer and less intense sexual stimuli.
For more on the dangers of porn addiction and how recovery can improve your sex life and mental health, check out my guide on How to Trash Your Porn, Quit Masturbating, and Crush Life.
14. Get Present and Enjoy Yourself More!
Enter the simplest and most profound psychological hack of them all.
If you want to enjoy the most fulfilling and mind-blowing sex possible, then you must shift your focus from anything else except for what is right in front of you.
When you are having sex, you are privileged to enjoy one of the most amazing experiences on this entire planet.
You have a beautiful naked woman in front of you.
So stop thinking about your job, your bank account, or what you said to your coworker this afternoon and get present dammit.
Slow down and appreciate what’s happening. Smell her hair, feel her skin, notice her lips, eyes, butt, and breast. Savor the sounds of her voice and appreciate that you have a woman who is being so vulnerable with you. She’s literally opening her body up to you so that the two of you can experience deep pleasure together.
Realize this. Accept this. Appreciate this.
Remove everything else from your mind and focus on the present moment.
Your sex life depends on it.
Sexual Mastery: Practical Tips to Improve Your Sex Life that Cost Nothing
And now it’s time for my favorite part of this entire guide. Practical tips to be better in bed, last longer, and enjoy stronger erections.
With your physical and psychological issues addressed, you are now free to fully explore the range of methods to improve your sexual experience and enjoy heightened pleasure with your partner.
This is by no means an exhaustive list of all the ways you can be better in the sack, but it’s a damn good place to start. When used in conjunction with the previous tips, I promise that this information will lead to some of the most amazing, intimate, and mind-blowing sex of your entire life.
Let’s dive in.
15. Slow Down and Double Down on Foreplay to Ease Tension and Eradicate Performance Anxiety
One of the biggest concerns for men when it comes to their sexual performance is whether or not they make their partner orgasm.
To help you with this, I’m going to let you in on a little secret…
For a woman, achieving orgasm has FAR more to do with her state of mind and sense of comfort than the act of penetration.
As a man, you could probably finish whether you are really enjoying yourself and comfortable with your partner or not. Given enough time and friction, the male orgasm is all but guaranteed.
This is not how a woman’s body works. A woman is like a volume knob that slowly turns on whereas a man is like a light switch that quickly turns on.
For a woman to climax, she must feel safe, comfortable, and sensual.
Luckily for you, you can help her achieve this before you ever get inside of her.
One of the simplest and most effective ways to improve your performance in the bedroom is to take things slow and double down on the foreplay.
Take your time.
Kiss her passionately and bite down her neck before you remove her clothes. Take things slowly, breathe deeply and gently and give attention to every part of her body. Touch and kiss her all over, avoiding her genitals to build up sexual tension.
Kiss the insides of her thighs, almost touching her erotic zone and then pull away and kiss up her body. Tease her more never giving her what she wants right away.
She should be begging you to touch and lick her before you ever make contact with her genitals. (Note: I discuss how to use “Strategic Foreplay to have her cumming before penetration below).
It’s kind of like pre-heating the oven before you bake the pie. You can’t just turn it on and expect everything to be ready. It takes about 15-20 minutes to get that oven ready
By building up the sexual tension you will make it far easier for her to climax, easing your performance anxiety and allowing you to fully enjoy your sexual experience.
16. Set the Right Ambiance to Increase Sexual Intimacy
Most men grossly underestimate the importance that environment plays in ensuring an amazing sexual experience for you and your partner.
Simply put, women cannot completely relax and enjoy the moment if the ambiance isn’t right.
In the same way that it’s difficult to have a productive day if your work environment is littered with trash and clutter, it’s difficult (almost impossible) to have a truly fulfilling sexual experience if your environment isn’t optimized.
However, this is a relatively quick and easy fix that requires little more than $20 and a vacuum.
Once the clutter is gone, you can begin to add those small sensual touches that spice up a room and make for a vibrant sex life.
- Buy some scented candles (lavender, jasmine, vanilla, and cinnamon work great).
- Put a dimmer switch on the overhead lights or purchase Himalayan salt lamps to get the lighting right.
- Purchase a small Bluetooth speaker so that you can turn on some “Bedroom Jams” to set the mood right away. Sonos Play1 with Alexa is what I personally use.
- Last but certainly not least, invest in a high-quality mattress and set of linens.
These small changes will have a huge impact on her ability to relax and feel comfortable in your bedroom and will make it much easier for her to deepen into the sexual experience.
17. Enjoy a “Pre Game” Massage to Increase Blood flow, Connection and Intimacy
A great tactic to prevent erectile dysfunction, deepen intimacy and connection, and enjoy way better sex is to include a “Pre Game” massage in your foreplay routine.
If your partner is open to it, taking 15 minutes to swap mutual massages, (paying special attention to both of your thighs, hips, and lower backs) will help both of you release any anxiety you might be holding and ensure proper blood flow for the coming debauchery.
Throw a towel down on your mattress and use a sensual oil (I recommend grapeseed oil as it doesn’t cause vaginal irritation) to massage her body before having her do the same for you.
Spend a few minutes on each region of her body working your way down from her neck and shoulders all the way to her calves and feet. You don’t want to massage for too long because she might just fall asleep and so will you.
When she’s massaging you, request that she pays special attention to your thighs, hips and glutes to help restore proper blood flow and increase erectile strength.
18. Use “Strategic Foreplay” to Ensure Mutual Orgasms and Last Longer
According to many studies, the majority of men last only 5-7 minutes with more than 25% of men finishing in under 2 minutes.
While there are a whole host of physical and psychological reasons for this plight, one of the more obvious problems is in how most men sequence their sexual encounters.
It typically goes something like this:
Kissing/Touching —> Cunnilingus —> Fellatio —> Sex
“What’s wrong with this?”, you ask.
Quite simply, you are going from intense oral stimulation directly to sex which increases the likelihood that you will orgasm far before you (or your partner) wants.
Luckily, by making a few strategic shifts in how you approach foreplay, you can ensure greater pleasure for her and a longer sex time for yourself.
Instead of the aforementioned foreplay sequence, I recommend that you try the following:
Kissing/Touching –> Bring her to orgasm “manually” –> Fellatio —> Cunnilingus —> Sex
By changing up the sequence in this simple way you will accomplish two goals simultaneously.
1) You will bring her to climax before you go down on her or penetrate her making it much easier for her to achieve multiple orgasms throughout the rest of the night.
2) You will give your cock a break from the constant stimulation by putting ample time between receiving oral and penetration to “reset” the time before you orgasm.
It’s a win-win for everyone involved.
Conversely, if you have a relatively short refractory period (the time that it takes you to regain an erection between orgasms) you could orgasm while she’s going down on you and then bounce back for round two after returning the favor.
Unlike women, men have a more difficult time achieving a second orgasm so this tactic allows you to easily last 20 minutes or longer without any worries.
19. Understand the Female Orgasm (Hint: Penetration Isn’t the Best Way to Achieve It)
99% of the men I encounter are clueless about the female orgasm…
And it’s not their fault.
Society, porn, even our schools have completely failed us when it comes to the topic of sex education and as such, many of us are walking around believing the lie that, in order to make a woman orgasm, you need to have sex like a pornstar for hours on end.
This just isn’t true.
In his insightful book She Comes First, Ian Kerner shares the science and psychology behind the female orgasm, most notably, pointing out that more than 80% of orgasms are a result of clitoral, not vaginal stimulation.
The “Little Guy in the Boat” is your key to the proverbial kingdom and, once you understand this, your sex life will change forever.
The clitoris contains more than 8,000 nerve endings (more than double that of a man’s penis) meaning that the majority of her pleasure will be derived from this tiny little runt near the top of her vagina.
So what does this mean for you?
It means that, if you want your woman to experience as much pleasure as humanly possible, then you should seek to stimulate her first with your hands and mouth before penetration.
Yes, you can give a woman a body-shaking orgasm through penetration. However, these are rarely (if ever) achieved without first stimulating her clitoris.
20. Stay on Top to Deepen Penetration and Last Longer
If you want to last longer and penetrate your woman more deeply than ever before then stay on top and keep it “missionary”.
This position accomplishes several things all at once.
1) It allows you to penetrate her more deeply than conventional positions due to the angle of your body’s (which is GREAT if you consider yourself “Below Average”
2) It will stimulate her G-spot allowing her to experience more intense orgasms
3) It will give you the bonus of gravity making it easier to hump, requires less energy and the bloodflow of your penis is going down vs up.
For best results, I recommend that you warm up with a conventional missionary pose and then instruct her to put a pillow under the small of her back and put her feet over your shoulders or a little off to the side by your elbows.
So if you’re struggling to keep it up the “missionary” position is likely the best way to go.
21. Talk Dirty to Engage Her Mind and Deepen the Experience
As I’ve already mentioned throughout this article, the sexual experience for a woman is far more psychological than it is for a man.
And a HUGE part of this is how you talk to her while you’re having sex.
One of the quickest ways to engage her mind and deepen the sexual experience is to talk dirty to her.
For those of you who are new to dirty talk or are timid about doing so here’s a quick primer on the etiquette of talking dirty.
- Before Sex Tell Her What You Want: Telling her about all of the naughty things you want to do with her will be a huge turn on and will build the sexual tension for both of you.
- During Sex Tell Her What You Like: Describe what she’s doing and how amazing it’s making you feel. She needs positive feedback
- Be Descriptive: There’s a huge difference between “I love this” and “OMG! I love the way that your X does X while I’m Xing you!” Spice it up and describe the experience using all five senses
- Compliment Her in a Sexual Way: Despite what you may believe, women are just as insecure about sex as men are. Tell her how much you love her body (again be descriptive) or how beautiful she is or how much you love the way she does X with you.
- Use Dirty Language (Within Reason): Unless your partner despises profanity, using strong words (like pussy, cock, fu*k, etc.) can be a massive turn on especially if this is something she wouldn’t expect. Be sure that you’re aware of any sensitivities she might have before using strong language as certain phrases/words can turn women off and ruin the moment.
Open sexual communication is like using google maps to get to your destination instead of hastily scribbled directions on a notepad. And dirty talk? It’s like supercharging your engine with nitrous and driving 120 mph to your destination with no traffic.
In other words… it’s freaking gold.
22. Change Up Your “Solo Sex” Routine to Increase Your Stamina.
Here’s the deal gents…
When most men spank the monkey, they do so without much thought or effort. After about five minutes (or less) of vigorous rubbing, they move on with their lives and get back to the tasks at hand.
If you want to overcome premature ejaculation and master your sex life then this has to change.
The way that you masturbate has a huge impact on the way you have sex. If you’re used to quick and vigorous masturbation sessions, then this will be reflected in your bedroom performance.
For starters, anytime you masturbate, you are going to do so for a minimum of 10 minutes, ideally closer to 20. This will help you retrain your body to last longer and enjoy the act of sex more than just the climax of sex.
While masturbating, you are going to practice a technique known as “Edging” which goes something like this:
- Start masturbating until you reach a level 7 of 10 in terms of arousal
- Slow down or stop completely until you return to a level 4 or 5
- Begin again and work yourself up to a level 8 before simmering back down to a 6 or 7
- Then, work up to a level 9 until you are right on the edge (hence the term “Edging”) of cumming
- Slow back down to a 7 and then continue repeating the cycle of 9 to 7 back up to 9 for at least 10 minutes
- Finally, when you can’t handle it anymore, let yourself go and take a deep breath. You will likely notice that the intensity and length of your orgasm is much stronger than usual let alone a bigger mess.
Practice this technique every night for 10-20 minutes for best results. This same routine can be used when having sex with your partner but instead of just stopping entirely go down on her, kiss her and use this time to regroup then go again.
23. Breathe Into Your Diaphragm
As you likely know, your breath plays a huge role in your physiology. When you are in high-stress situations, you tend to take rapid shallow breaths into your lungs. When you are relaxed and content, you tend to take deep diaphragmatic breaths.
But here’s the cool thing…
You can actually manipulate your physiology and your orgasms through proper breathing.
In the same way that taking 6 deep breaths can lower your blood pressure and alleviate anxiety, taking deep diaphragmatic breaths during sex can help calm you down and increase the control of your ejaculation.
Next time you find yourself getting close to finishing (before you’re ready), slow down and take 6 deep breaths into your stomach.
This will slow your body down and help you regain control.
24. “Dominate” Her Physically
I’m going to let you in on a politically incorrect secret…
Women don’t want to sleep with a nice, timid, shy guy.
They don’t want to be with a man who’s going to politely ask her what she wants (inside the bedroom at least), is unable to take charge sexually, or is mired with insecurity. This is feminine energy which forces her into her masculine and kills sexual intimacy.
They want to be ravished by a strong masculine man.
They want a man who will sweep them off their feet, throw them onto the bed, and have sex with them like they’ve never experienced before.
In a word, women at times want to be dominated.
I want a guy who can really excite me and surprise me in the bedroom. If he can’t take charge and own it, then I’ll lose interest.” —Lauren, 31
And it might surprise you to know that this is especially true of career-driven women who spend their entire day “wearing the pants”. They want to be able to let go and relax into their feminine as a strong masculine man ravishes her like no other.
If you want to have the best sex of your life (and I’m assuming you do otherwise you wouldn’t have read this far) then leave all of the fairytale b.s. behind you and accept this fact.
I’m not suggesting that you become a belligerent ass hole who degrades women or acts unethically in any way.
What I am saying is that you should be a gentleman in the streets and a dominating beast in the sheets.
Let’s revisit the foreplay sequence and notice where the dominating takes place:
Kissing/Touching –> Bring her to orgasm “manually” –> Fellatio —> Cunnilingus —> Sex (Dominate here!)
You slowly build up to the dominating. It can’t come off too fast or out of nowhere. She needs to be in the right sexual mood for her to play along.
So the next time you have sex with your girlfriend/wife (or a woman that you recently met), cut the softness and step up.
Pick her up and carry her to the bedroom. Press her onto the bed and kiss all over her body. Tell her exactly what you want and how you like it. Talk dirty to her. Take charge of the sexual encounter and lead her through it.
Sure, there will be times where you should sit back and let her take the reigns… Variety is the spice of life, right?
But nine times out of ten, she will want you to ravish her. To dominate her. To have sex with her like it’s your last night on the planet.
At this point, you’re probably thinking one of two things.
1. Holy S&*t that was long. I mean really, that was just so much … (that’s what she said?)
2. Wow! All this talk about sex has got me ready to go… I think I’m going to go find my partner and test some new moves out
Either way, slow down cowboy!
You’ve made it through this behemoth of a guide and, if you feel the way that I felt after writing it, you’re probably a little bit overwhelmed with how much information you just consumed.
At the end of the day, improving your sex life isn’t all that complicated.
While there are a myriad of tips, tricks, and positions you can try to last longer and get better in bed, 90% of everything that you will learn boils down to restoring proper blood flow, improving your health, reducing stress, and being fully in the moment with your partner.
So for now, I want you to pick only 3-5 of the most relevant strategies that you saw in this guide and then go and take action on them.
Once you’ve mastered those few things, come back to this guide and test out 3-5 new techniques.
And remember, becoming a great lover doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process and a journey and it’s something that’s meant to be enjoyed.
It’s not easy, but I can tell you from experience… It’s worth it.
Life is too damn short to settle for mediocre sex. You are a strong grounded man so it’s time to stop settling and act like one!
Implement what I’ve shared with you today. Get in the best shape of your life. Eradicate your performance anxiety. Become the most present and conscious lover your partner has ever experienced.
You’ve got this stud.
Now stop reading and go take action!
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