Emotional immaturity is a disease… It kills romantic relationships.
When you’re dating an emotionally immature woman, your romance will be a fast-burning adrenaline rush. Yes, she will run hot from the moment you meet her — desiring your time, energy, and physical attention. She will be like no woman you’ve ever met before now. Don’t fall into the trap because there’s a dark side to her passionate personality.
Dating an emotionally immature woman will feel like a roller coaster.
One minute you’re flying high in the sky, fueled by the spontaneity of it all… the next you’re down in the dumps feeling like a worthless waste of a man. You deserve better.
What is Emotional Immaturity?
‘People tend to become more emotionally intelligent as they age and mature.’ — Daniel Goleman
The American Psychological Society says that emotionally immature people tend to ‘express emotions without restraint or disproportionately to the situation.’ In short, you can expect an emotionally immature woman to overreact in almost every scenario.
Let’s take a look at some examples. That might mean screaming and crying at the slightest disturbance. She might start getting angry when she sees a text from your ex before you even have a chance to explain. She might decide that you going out with your friends is completely unacceptable and try to ban you from hanging out with them.
The point is that — since she has absolutely no idea what a ‘normal’ response is — she will always make things ten times more dramatic than they need to be.
Beware: Drama follows an emotionally immature woman — but she will always claim that she is the victim. It’s a non-stop Broadway show.
What Causes Women to Act Emotionally Immature?
When you’re dating women, you may be lucky enough to find a stable, secure, and loving partner.
However, that’s not always the case. Some women are emotionally immature… and you will start to notice the major red flags while you’re dating.
Scientific research suggests that emotional maturity may be linked to self-esteem and confidence. If she’s riddled with insecurity, chances are she will become emotionally immature in her actions.
There could be a whole host of reasons that the so-called woman of your dreams is insecure. She may have been cheated on in past relationships or — *ding, ding, ding* — her lack of self-confidence could be rooted in her childhood.
Yes, if she wasn’t loved and supported when she was a kid, chances are she’s grown into a woman who cannot trust the people around her. That’s hella bad news for you.
No matter how much affection you show her, she won’t trust you. To make matters worse, her emotionally immature behavior will make her challenging to love and respect.
What’s it Like to Date an Emotionally Immature Women: The Red Flags You Need to Watch Out For
‘When emotions dominate, maturity and wisdom deteriorate.’ — Dennis Prager
The dating game isn’t always smooth. Even when you’ve met the most perfect woman, she will have flaws. How do you know if you’re dating an emotionally immature woman? Noticing the big red flags early on is a life-saver.
Fact: Many guys ignore these issues at first because they want to get laid. They are blinded by the incredible sex they are having with this new, interesting woman. However, that’s a dangerous game to play.
Walking around with the blinkers on will lead to trouble further down the line. You deserve better than that. If you want to create high-quality romantic relationships that last, you need to be vigilant when you’re dating.
Never lower your standards for an easy score. In my exclusive coaching program, I teach a community of like-minded men how to harness their masculine power, start valuing themselves, and demanding more from their romantic relationships.
Whether you’re in a new relationship or have been long-term for years, noticing those all-important red flags is a must. That’s why I wanted to share my ultimate list here:
1. She never wants to talk about the future and avoids making long-term plans with you
Emotional immaturity can manifest in a whole host of ways, not least in a fear of commitment.
Here’s a typical scenario I hear about all of the time: A guy starts dating someone new and she is perfect. She’s smart, funny, and knows her own mind. He falls hard and fast… and so he wants to start thinking about the future. Where is this going?
There’s just one problem. She won’t talk about the future. Whenever he brings it up, she changes the subject, makes a poorly-timed joke, or initiates sex. No matter how often he tries to raise the topic, she bats him away and finds some excuse to ignore him.
The reason is obvious. She’s scared of committing to a future with him because she can’t picture it. Emotionally immature women want to live in the here and now… not the ‘then’.
2. She quickly gets viscous in arguments using bullying tactics and calling you cruel names
Does she fight dirty? There’s nothing wrong with arguing with your partner. The best couples bicker about the most insignificant things. It’s how you fight that matters. Sticking to the point, raising relevant evidence, and respecting each other is one thing.
However, if she constantly brings up the past, ties you up in knots, and starts calling you a name, that’s quite another.
Emotionally immature women will stop at nothing to win an argument. You can expect them to get cruel, nasty, and use bullying tactics from the start.
3. She won’t ever compromise on things and stamps her feet if she doesn’t get her own way
For lack of a better word, emotionally immature women are bratty. Sure, when things are going their way, these women will be as nice as pie.
They drop that act when something goes wrong. You can expect her to go from zero to mega-brat in 60 seconds or less.
I’ll share a quick example with you. Let’s say you’re eating out and you want Thai food but she wants pizza. What happens? Do you have an adult conversation and agree to compromise and go for chicken instead? Or, on the other hand, does she pout and moan for two and a half hours until you agree to go for pizza?
If the answer is that she throws a hissy fit, you know that she doesn’t have a high level of emotional maturity. Dealing with that level of conflict every time you disagree sucks.
4. She never owns up to her mistakes and will continue to insist that everything is your fault
We’re all human so we all make mistakes. Shocker. Of course, it’s how you react to the mistakes that you make that show your true colors.
Decent, well-adjusted, high-value men will have no problem putting their hands in the air and saying ‘You know what, I messed up here’.
If she never owns up to her mistakes or, worse, tries to blame you for them, that’s a serious red flag. You shouldn’t have to put up with that BS. When women lack maturity, they often struggle to admit that they are wrong and will blame anybody else in sight.
5. She never considers you when it comes to making decisions, regardless of whether they are big or small
Whether it’s moving house or taking a new job offer, does your partner consider you? When you’re in a relationship, it’s a two-way street.
You need to respect one another and factor each other in. You wouldn’t make a life-changing decision without thinking about how she fits into the picture. Now, ask yourself, does she offer you the same respect?
Imagine that you’re out for a walk and you get a random text from her: “Moving to Los Angeles… So excited!”
This is the first you’ve heard about the potential of her upping sticks, and yet she’s informing you of it as though you’re a mere acquaintance.
When a woman fails to think about how her moves impact you, you shouldn’t ignore that.
6. No matter what is happening, she will find a way to make the situation about her
Serious question: Is your partner all ‘me, me, me’? It’s okay, you can answer honestly.
When you’re in a relationship, you might be blind to this ridiculous red flag. However, women with low levels of emotional intelligence will do anything to hog the spotlight.
Think about it. When you’re chatting about something, how often does she bring the conversation back to her?
If you tell her you went skydiving, does she brag that she did it first? When someone else is pregnant, does she cry about wanting children?
Emotionally immature women will do whatever it takes to be the center of attention. Worse still, the more you feed into their ego, the more they will play this card again and again.
7. She has serious mood swings — one minute she’s happy and loving, the next she is arguing with you about nothing
Extreme mood swings can be hard to handle. You might be talking to your partner — having a pleasant conversation — and then, bam, her mood changes. She can go from happy to angry faster than you can say “Wait, what are you talking about?”
One of the biggest side effects of emotional immaturity is wild mood swings.
The fact of the matter is that she cannot control her emotions. They control her. So, no matter how you try to calm her down, she will get angry/sad/mean out of nowhere. Watch out.
8. She can be flighty and impulsive, so you don’t know what she will do one moment to the next
When you first met your partner, you loved her spontaneity. But now, a few months or years later, that old act is growing old.
Having a relationship with an emotionally immature woman is exhausting. She will cancel plans, show up late, and book a last-minute flight.
Since her mood changes often, so do her plans. What’s more, if you dare to question this erratic behavior, you’ll be labeled the ‘bad guy’ or even ‘toxic male’. Don’t even go there.
What to Do If You’re Dating an Emotionally Immature Woman
Now that you’ve got a baseline understanding of emotionally immature women, you can answer the core question: Is your partner one of them?
If she regularly shows signs of emotional immaturity, your relationship is certain to be a trainwreck.
Can you save the relationship? And, more importantly, should you bother? Guys ask me these questions all the time… and here’s what I tell them:
1. Think hard about whether you want to continue with the relationship despite her immature behavior
First things first, consider whether this woman is right for you.
People can change, sure, but you can’t guarantee that will happen. Before you start to work on things, think about whether you see a future that includes her.
Think long and hard here.
You might want to talk to a friend that you trust. Ask them what they think of her, and prepare yourself for an honest answer.
It’s tough but you’ve gotta do it. Having some frank conversations now could save you time, energy, and hassle.
2. Speak to her directly about the behavior that is unacceptable and be clear that it cannot continue any longer
Okay, so you want to stay with her… what next?
Speak to her. Now, this will be difficult, especially as she’s likely to get defensive. Before you have this all-important conversation, do the following:
- Find a public place to meet
- Write down examples of her behavior
- Be clear about your aims (what she should quit doing)
Being direct about how her behavior is impacting the relationship is the only way to go. You’re going to have to be truthful, without being cruel here.
Of course, if you think she will kick off, it’s worth getting professional help. Couples counseling is never off the table.
3. Set a boundary — when she starts acting in an immature way, walk away from the situation and avoid engaging
You’ve had the talk. The next step is setting some boundaries and sticking to them: ‘If you do X, I will do Y’ and so on.
For example, you might tell her that if she starts verbally attacking you in arguments, you will leave them room. That’s a bold statement so you’d better follow through.
Set out your terms and then act on them. The next time she starts name-calling, you know what to do.
4. Whenever she acts in a mature and more positive manner, show her that you appreciate her efforts
I have two words for you: positive reinforcement.
Keep in mind that we each teach people how to treat us. The way we respond to others lets them know whether their behavior is acceptable.
After you’ve had the talk, keep an eye on how your partner acts.
Whenever she is mature and positive, let her know that you’ve noticed. Think of it as training a small child or animal to behave in a certain way.
The more positive feedback you give them, the more likely they are to repeat the same behavior again. And again.
Staying with an emotionally immature woman can be tiring and frustrating. Despite your best efforts, she might never change.
The fact is, you don’t know what trauma and problems she has buried in her past. Those issues may be so deep-seated that it’s impossible for her to reach a real level of maturity.
If she’s worth the effort, prepare yourself for a long journey. It won’t be easy — not by a long shot. However, my exclusive coaching program will give you the insights, strategies, and community support to move forward and build successful relationships. I give men the opportunity to harness their masculine power again and gain true fulfillment.