A couple of months ago, this man came to me, upset about his results. He’d been swimming in the blood-red waters of the manosphere, swearing by the teachings of guys like Tate, Cooper, and Tomasi.
To the untrained eye, it looked like it had done the job.
The Guy was in good shape, a six-pack you could grate cheese on, and bench-pressing like he was training for Mr. Olympia. His bank account was fatter than ever, his high-status career enjoyable, his weekends a blur of exclusive parties teeming with attractive women. He was a successful man, complete with fun hobbies like jiu jitsu, rock climbing and guitar.
But there was a gaping hole in his seemingly perfect life – the sweet, intimate companionship of a high-quality woman. He was racking up conquests hitting the town with his friends, sure, but the meaningful connections escaped him. He couldn’t find anyone “worthy” of himself and if he did, they often left him after a few months. His bed was cold most nights, his victories fleeting and unfulfilling he always thought maybe I just need to be better and then she will notice.
Why? The man had drowned himself in a sea of “Chasing excellence,” ‘success, status, and power’ but was starved of emotional depth, connection and awareness. His difficult journey to personal triumph had conditioned him to mute his emotions for the sake of overcoming adversity, his fears to achieve higher professional success, unintentionally blocking his ability to form a strong emotional connection with women beyond pleasure. This left him unprepared to hold the attention of a high-quality woman beyond a few dates, much less grow a relationship.
Sure, he was good-looking and got attention from women, but he was empty inside, and quality women would figure him out after a few weeks or months and abandon him. He was like a well-crafted sculpture with no soul – visually appealing, yet devoid of substance that quality women crave in the long term.
While he posted photos and stories of success and fun activities that garnered high like counts and followers, most nights he was surfing onlyfans, porn and was even on sugar dating sites to get his needs met… no not needs for pleasure, but connection and intimacy.
Shocker? Not in the least.
He’s far from the only high performing man in this boat. Many high performing and established men that i’ve worked with – all swallowed by this same misconception that professional success somehow translates into romantic success with the types of women they desire in the long term.
And with all that money, they end up spending it on vices to get their “needs” met behind closed doors which only masks their problems. Of course they don’t post that “vice driven content” on social media, only what you want to see, the social signals of success that we all like to see.
It’s like they think money and status will have women falling at their feet then when it doesn’t happen, they get pulled into the dark side of vices, instant gratification and pleasure.
It’s a damn delusion and a one-way ticket to a life of relationship and sexual frustration that can last for years and leave him vulnerable to settling just to get some level of needs met, but he’ll never be happy and may continue the vices in secrecy with this new partner that barely meets his needs.
The Fallacy of Transferable Skills
In my line of work, I’m faced daily with this flawed thinking, this utter blindness to the “Law of Specific Skill”. Just because you’re killing it in one area of life (career and fitness) doesn’t mean you’re going to be a rockstar in another.
Your kickass sales skills won’t help you be a 5 star good cook.
Your mastery of scuba diving won’t improve your salsa on the dance floor.
Yet, these men assume their careers, fitness and increasing income will morph them into a high value lover
They cling to this mistaken belief like a lifeline, thinking their bank account and fitness can offset their medicore or non-existent emotional intelligence skills with women and ability to form strong intimate connections and understand what women want at their core.
You see, being a lover is a skill and like any skill, it must be learned.
Seeking Excellence, Missing Love: Why Some Men Can’t Connect
And when that approach bombs? They blame women…and if you search online you’ll find a lot of “male influencers” who have also been hurt by women and will help you with this line of thinking.
They’ll argue that women are heartless gold diggers who just want to use men. They’ll whine and moan, painting themselves as victims of wild, low value women, all while radiating the same toxic energy they’re complaining about.
Instead of stepping up and honing their skills as lovers in relationships, they wallow in self-pity with a similar sinking feeling that they had when they first started their journey of chasing excellence.
It’s crucial for men to grasp a fundamental truth: having an F in relationship skills will lead to relationship failure, plain and simple. It doesn’t matter if you have an A+ in your career or fitness or social network; these are entirely separate skills that don’t automatically translate into successful romantic relationships with high quality women.
These men often complain on social media about their plight as if it’s something to be proud of. They’re quick to call out perceived injustices happening in society against men, yet offering no solution or path forward.
These men attract others who share their pain, forming a community that revels in negative discussions about women, feminism and relationships. Their social media feed and peer circle echo this narrative, reinforcing their belief in its truth. They place faith in the words of men they respect – those who are wealthier, fitter, and flaunt flashy cars – assuming they must be speaking the truth since they want and value those shiny materialistic objects too. Unfortunately, this cycle is nothing short of absurd, and they find themselves trapped in a vicious cycle that further keeps them isolated, lonely and unloved.
Consider this perspective: Just like we see groups of men griping about the state of the world, blaming their failing businesses, debts, or economic conditions, would you trust your life savings with them?
Clearly not. So why follow the advice of these so-called “red pilled” communities when it comes to relationships, especially those who haven’t maintained a long-term connection with a high-quality woman?
If they don’t have the result, I usually don’t think they have it figured out.
These men seem oblivious to a critical question: Do they possess the necessary relationship skills and understand what women truly desire at their core?
If they were faced with this question, their faces would likely reveal bewilderment and surprise.
After all it would only make sense that their lack of success in intimate relationships might be due to their deficiency in relationship skills.
Instead of investing time in endless complaints online, they could channel their efforts into developing the right relationship skills and achieving the desired outcome instead of masking their lack of skills as a lover by making more money and getting more fit and posting cool things on social media.
Mistaking the Door for the Destination: The Fallacy of Surface-Level Attraction
A high-quality woman is not a prize you win for being rich or having sick pack abs. Yes, you’ll get her attention, but she’s not going to be emotionally connected to you because of your network of high-status buddies or your fast car if you lack the relationship skills to have a strong emotional connection to her.
What these “men’s influencers” are missing is that professional success is just a piece of the puzzle. Sure, it might get your foot in the door with a woman, but it’s not going to build connection, intimacy, let alone make a relationship thrive. Instead of investing in their love lives, improving their emotional intelligence, communication skills and becoming more seductive partners, they’re stuck on a hamster wheel of chasing excellence.
But here’s the kicker – attraction skills and relationship skills are two very different beasts. It’s like a flashy restaurant – the branding might draw you in, but if the food sucks, you’re not coming back. But serve up a mind-blowing meal in a corner joint and you’ll have them waiting in a line a block long.
That’s why you’ll often see just modestly successful guys with knockout women. They have relationship skills and make her feel safe, connected, seen, heard – and satisfy her in bed – and she’ll be the loyal, kind, supportive partner you’ve been hoping for. If you’re ever confused why a woman went for a guy that seems of lesser status, physical looks and success than you, well now you know.
You can’t see what she feels for that man.
But, God forbid she doesn’t get what she needs, she’ll raise hell until you step up as a man as a leader. The manosphere is blind to this truth – it’s not that women are wild dramatic monsters; it’s that you’re not showing up as the grounded man which makes her feel – UNSAFE.
Any person who feels unsafe makes a scene and acts irrational whether you’re a man or a woman.
Here’s the funny part – improving in your communication, lover and relationships skills doesn’t take a whole lot of effort and you don’t have to be perfect either, moreso aware and progressing as a lover is enough, you’ll see a huge improvement with minimal effort and time, which is far less exhausting than the endless grind for excellence hoping quality women will notice which inevitably does little to your love life after a few months.
If more of the self-proclaimed experts focused on teaching men to lead from a place of connection, intimacy, emotional intelligence to build more safety and trust, the struggle to find a high-quality woman would end and they would actually be offering a real solution to the problem men come to them for that they could work on.
But instead, they listen to those with more “success” than them and they’re caught in a vortex of chasing more “excellence”, when more money or a bigger social network won’t directly enhance your skills as a lover to maintain a high quality relationship. It’s like running a business with top-notch sales and marketing but a product that can’t deliver. Instead of fixing the product, they’re just throwing more money into marketing, which burns the business to the ground before soon no one wants the product.
It’s time they realized that their money and status serve to only spark an initial interest, like the packaging of a smartphone, but it’s what you offer beyond that, your emotional connection and depth, how you make her feel, that sustains a relationship – does the actual product work?
Chasing excellence is good for yourself, but know what it does and what it doesn’t do. For many men who’ve been on the “chasing excellence” train consistently for 5 or more years you can keep doing that as it’s your default by now but start focusing on upgrading your lover and relationship skills if you want to have a successful relationship.
Because without the substance to back up your achievements, all you’ll be left with is a damaged ego, loneliness and a life of regret = more pain and suffering.
If you’re just managing to scrape by, or if running 1 mile leaves you gasping for air, then yes, focusing on improving your financial situation and fitness.
But if you’re comfortably covering your lifestyle, possessing a good enough income and physique – you already embody the prerequisites to allure a high-quality woman if you improve in your abilities as a lover.
The Invisible Achilles’ Heel of High-Status Men
Consider this…
I’ve seen men strive for success for years, amassing fortunes, yet remaining single. Friends, whose monthly income surpasses a million dollars, own beachside mansions, houses scattered globally, and sport cars that cost fortunes. Despite their wealth eclipsing the highest echelons of the “red pill” community, they grapple to date women of their choice, often settling for less.
High-status men from all walks of life – entrepreneurs, movie stars, musicians – despite having everything a man could dream of, they fail to sustain long-term relationships.
If material wealth and success held the secret to a fulfilling relationship, wouldn’t these individuals have deciphered it?
Their damaged ego blinds them to the fact that the key to a high-quality relationship lies not in wealth and status, but in fostering relationship skills.
Too often you’ll see these men’s influencers and gurus, resort to paying for sugar babies or flaunt a new girl every month, reflecting their inability to sustain a relationship beyond a few weeks or months.
Their ignorance about connection, intimacy, romance, trust, safety, seduction, and emotional depth is all too apparent – they lack these skills themselves and hence, can’t help men develop them, so the default is always “chase more excellence” because it looks cool and its hard to argue against doing so… until now.
Look at the richest men in the world men – whether it’s Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk or Bill Gates losing hundreds of millions in their divorces, or men who’ve won the Sexiest Man Alive vote by women – Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise who have all experienced divorces.
Was there a level of excellence not enough?
Would these men’s influencers suggest they should have chased more excellence in order to make those relationships work?
It’s intriguing to observe how their soaring levels of ego, success and fame might have fueled a sense of entitlement. This mindset seems to have led them to believe that they don’t need to improve their lover and relationship skills and that they should inherently deserve love, romance, and intimacy solely based on their professional achievements and societal respect.
More professional success = entitlement = lack of effort into improving as lover = relationship failure.
The pattern is undeniable – a man accumulating power, wealth, and status, without honing his relationship skills, is heading for an inevitable disaster. It’s ingrained in the very fabric of our male DNA to pursue women, procreate, and derive pleasure.
A man with a lack of relationship skills is destined to face an eventual downfall.
It’s only a matter of time before his DNA gets the best of him and he slips and makes mistakes that damage his reputation…
Rethinking the High-Value Man’s Path to Love and Fulfillment
This isn’t about ditching your pursuit of power and success. Hell no! You want to be a top-tier, high-performing man, a force to be reckoned with? Good. That’s not just admirable—it’s essential for every man, I get it.
But let’s cut through the bs here. Your pursuits aren’t a magic bullet to romantic success. Your professional and fitness growth won’t automatically bestow upon you the skills to hold down a high-quality relationship.
It’s not some mystical cure-all for your love life.
You’re out here thinking that by slaying the dragons of success, you’ll suddenly morph into this irresistible woman-charmer. That’s just fantasy, brother. In chasing your ambitions, it becomes necessary to turn off your emotions to deal with the chaos of success, to become this stoic, stone-faced, emotionally void man.
You think that’s going to help you connect with women on a deeper level? Hell no.
So, you’re a high-achieving, logical, success-driven workaholic? Great. But don’t think for a second that’s the golden ticket to deeper emotional connections with women. That’s a separate skill that you must develop.
Look, once you’ve got your life together, women want more than your wallet or your materialistic displays of status, more of that will do little for you especially if she’s disconnected from you. It’s about cultivating an atmosphere of passion, intimacy, and emotional security. That’s what builds the bedrock of a meaningful, long-term relationship.
You want to be the best version of yourself? Sharpen those emotional, intimate, sexual and relational skills. And don’t you dare lose sight of your personal journey toward your full potential. You can grow professionally, craft your body into a sculpture, and build an impressive network while nurturing your relationship skills. It’s all a part of the journey, and if you are truly a high level guy, then you’ll accept the challenge and not complain about having to do more.
This is about embracing the journey to balance your pursuit of success with grounded masculinity. No more chasing ghosts, no more settling for a life of regret.
You can’t be a high-value man if you can only sleep with low value women and you’re addicted to vices and adult content to satisfy needs until you find real love.
And here’s the kicker, these skills aren’t inherited at birth—they’re learned. That means it just requires you to invest energy, seek guidance from those who have the actual result, just like you would in any other skill.
It’s time to grab life by the horns and go after what truly matters and makes for an unreal life where you aren’t just looking good on social media, externally, but you feel alive, loved and worthy on the inside.
Let’s get your needs met.
An Invitation for Change
It’s time for a wake-up call. If this hits you where it hurts, if you’re sick and tired of settling for lower than you’re capable of or having a non-existent love life, I’ve got something for you.
If you want your romantic relationships to match your level of professional achievements and finally feel like you’re getting what you deserve.
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Remember this: being a high-performing man isn’t just about how many zeros you’ve got in your bank account. It’s not about chasing some elusive end goal, it’s about owning the journey. It’s about becoming the kind of man who says “F no” to a life of regret and “F yes” to reaching his full potential in the boardroom and the bedroom.
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