004: Wayne Levine: Become the Man You Were Born to Be

Wayne M. Levine, M.A. is the director of BetterMen Coaching, where he coaches men to be the best men, fathers, husbands and leaders they can be. He also facilitates men’s groups, and created the BetterMen Retreats for men. Over the years, his practice has expanded to support couples, young men and families.

In addition, Wayne is the author of the best-selling “Hold On to Your N.U.T.s—The Relationship Manual for Men.” Through years of facilitating men’s events, speaking to groups of men and women, and regularly appearing on radio talk shows, Wayne has evolved into an articulate, opinionated, and humorous speaker on men issues and relationships.

Favorite Success Quote

“Don’t take any sh!t from anyone!”- Billy Joel

Key Points

1. Deep Connection with Other Men is Essential to True Growth 

As men, we are often faced with a nagging voice inside our heads that says to us “You’ve got this. Just be a man. You don’t need help. Be strong and quit bitching.”

We believe that we can go it alone.

We think that we are an island.

But as the old saying goes… NO man is an island.

If you want to be all you can be and achieve at the highest level in your health, your relationships, your finances, and your personal growth, then you need to be around other men who can call you forward and challenge you to live at your best.

Quit trying to do it all alone.

Get around men who can help you through your struggles, men who can teach you things about life and about yourself that you never realized, and men who you can help too.

Life is a team sport and we need to have other men in our lives to truly live up to our full potential.

2. You Need to Prioritize Your Relationships with Other Men (Not Just Women)

As you go on this journey of self discovery and mastery and seek to have other people in your life who can call you forward and help you live the life of your dreams, you need to be careful to avoid falling into the trap of spending too much time with women.

Now this is not to say that you should turn your life into one giant sausage fest, dump your girlfriend, or divorce your wife.

Quite the opposite actually.

You need to realize that as men we need other men in our lives.

It is all too easy to get stuck at a point in our lives where we spend all of our time with our significant others and forgo all of our masculine relationships.

But it is the very relationships that we forgo that feed our souls, challenge us as men, and make us better fathers, husbands, and leaders.

Your relationship with women and the feminine should always be a focus in your life, yes.

But to truly master it, you first need a brotherhood of men who can help you embrace your masculine identity.

3.  Eliminate the Little Boy

Most men today are simply little boys running around in a grown man’s body.

We procrastinate, we bitch, we moan, we allow others to dictate how we feel, and we allow our emotions to control our actions.

If you want to be a “real” man and live up to your true masculine potential, then you must first kill the little boy inside you that is holding you back.

Take control of yourself and of your life.

Do what a man does.

Do not allow your emotional whims or distressing circumstances to define you.

Instead take control of your own life and be the man that you were meant to be.

4. Trash the Porn and Change Your Life 

Porn has become the insidious killer of dreams that has pervaded nearly all men’s lives.

It sets us up with unrealistic expectations, an unhealthy view of sexuality, and a poisonous attitude towards women and intimacy.

While porn can be a useful tool to spice up a relationship and provide some sexual stimulation in a stagnant marriage, this is not how most men use it.

Most  men use porn as a crutch.

They hide in the shadows (literally) fulfilling their sexual fantasies through the pixelated trap of porn addiction.

They forgo healthy sexual relationships, the natural processes of seduction, infatuation, and even rejection because of the pain they feel inside.

They allow their smart phone or computer to numb the pain that they are feeling and provide them with an escape from their current realities.

If you want to live the life of your dreams and become a man of action and courage, then (outside of a healthy relationship) porn has no place in your life.

Cut it out at the roots and be willing to do what is hard now so that you can reap the rewards of a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship later. 

5. Hold onto Your N.U.T.S.

Hold onto your nuts.

Your non-negotiable, unalterable terms.

The core components of who you are as a man.

The things that make you come alive and make you feel like you are living a life of purpose and passion.

Never sacrifice them for any woman, no matter how amazing or beautiful she may seem.

Because at the end of the day, if you are out of integrity with yourself, your woman will not respect you, and the relationship will fail.

If you are adamantly against drug use and start dating a party girl who is constantly pressuring you to try cocaine or ecstasy and you give in you are not going to impress her.

In fact, she will lose respect for you because you valued her approval more than the integrity of your own standards.

Imagine that you are an entrepreneur, you are building a business and the bottom falls out.

You lose everything and your wife or girlfriend tells you that you need to quit living in a fairy land and go get a job.

What would you do?

If you go get the job, you will be miserable, you will despise your partner, and your relationship will wither away and die.

If you are willing to stand strong and hold you NUTS even in the midst of uncertainty, when you spring back and create success for yourself and your partner, she will respect you on a deeper level and hold you in such an esteem that you have never seen before.

Always hold onto your NUTs.

Because at the end of the day, they are the only thing you’ve got.

Influential Books

Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan

Connect with Wayne Levine

BetterMen Coaching

Hold On to Your N.U.T.s – The Relationship Manual for Men

Next Steps

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