189: Dr Barton Goldsmith: Go From Self Conscious to Self Confident

Honored by several professional associations, Dr. Barton Goldsmith is a multi-award winning psychotherapist, a syndicated columnist and radio host, as well as a recognized keynote speaker. He has appeared on CNN, Good Morning America, Fox & Friends, CBS News, NBC News, Beauty and The Geek, The Ricki Lake Show and The Mancow Muller Show.

Favorite Success Quote

“I am to contribute to the well being of humanity  “~Dr. Barton’s Mission Statement

Key Points

1. Get Really Good at Asking Questions 

One of the keys to being good at relationships is being good at asking questions. People love to talk about themselves and when they find someone who is good at asking them about their life and appears genuinely interested, you become the most valuable person in the world.

The key here is that you are genuinely interested. If you are just asking questions to make conversation, it will show. Treat every person you meet like a great mystery you are trying to solve and discover one clue at a time.

2. Run Through the Best, Worst and Likely Case Scenarios in Your Head 

Whenever you get paralyzed by fear, run through the best case, worst case, and likely case scenario in your head.

If you are an exceptionally shy guy at a bar, and you want to go talk to that beautiful girl over in the corner, ask yourself; what the best, worst, and most likely thing to happen.

The best case is probably that she falls head over heels for you, you get her number, set up a date..maybe even sneak a makeout session in. The worst case is that she tells you to piss off, maybe she spills a drink and makes a scene, nothing you won’t recover from and likely a great story to share with your buddies later that week.

The likely case, however, is that you go over, have a pleasant conversation, get her number and part ways.

When you dissect a situation in this way, you make it seem much more doable and less frightening. The thing is, the best case is great, the worst case isn’t that bad, and the likely case makes the uncomfortable action worth it.

3. Don’t Be Afraid to Learn and Use Stupid Jokes 

One of the best social tactics for arguments, disagreements, and awkward pauses is to become great at comedy. Watch stand up comedy, start reading satire, just expose yourself to new content that you can use later on, you will be glad that you did.

4. Get a Vision for Your Life 

If you don’t know where you are going, you will end up somewhere else entirely. It is essential to your success in life and relationships that you have a vision for your life, that you know what you want as an end game and start moving towards it.

Maybe you don’t know exactly what career path you want, where you want to live or who (if) you want to marry, but I am assuming that you want to have as much health as possible, as much wealth and freedom as possible and as much love as possible?

Start moving towards those things and don’t stop.

5. Family is Everything  

At the end of the day, relationships are all that really matter. Don’t give up your family and the people who love you for money or fame. Always prioritize being a good husband, son, and father above everything else.


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