You’ve all heard the sayings.
“Love is hard work“.
“Relationships aren’t easy”
“It’s impossible to make a woman happy”
And the list goes on…
While there is certainly some truth to the above adages, the cold hard reality is that most people simply don’t understand how to find the right partner or know what to do once they’ve “got” them.
Although I’ve never been married, I have spent a significant amount of time and effort investing in different relationships, meeting all sorts of women, and having a wide variety of experiences with the fairer sex.
And this plethora of experience has helped me to understand exactly what it is that holds most men back in their dating lives.
If you have been struggling to find or keep the right woman, here are five simple tips to help you accelerate the quality of your relationships and find the woman of your dreams.
1. Date Women Who Are Committed to a Similar Lifestyle
We are all on our own journey throughout this life.
Some of us are just beginning to dip their toes into the world of dating and relationships, others are committed to a more “open” lifestyle, and others still are seeking long term commitment or marriage.
Wherever you are in life, the success of your relationships depends on committing 100% to a specific lifestyle, then looking for like minded women who fit into that same lifestyle and role.
Whether you are looking for a casual relationship, a wide variety of experimental “flings” or a monogamous committed relationship, finding like minded dating partners will strengthen and expedite the relationship bonds in whatever stage you’re at.
Flashback to the ripe young age of 17.
My first long term girlfriend was spunky, beautiful, funny and extremely caring.
Her brilliant smile and rapidly matured body were a bonus for any young man.
The only problem –within the year we were together, I had fallen victim to the uncertainty of the lifestyle I wanted to follow.
I was raised in a religious household where I was expected to marry young, multiply and replenish the earth with 2.0 versions of myself, then bring them into the fold where the legacy would continue.
The only problem was… I had no desire to follow this script.
So, I was living within two conflicting lifestyles, wasting my efforts trying to fulfill both sides.
I wanted to date around, experience other women sexually as well as emotionally. Unfortunately for me, my then-girlfriend was having wedding dreams bi-weekly.
I was in limbo torn between the lifestyle that I wanted and the lifestyle I was being told to follow.
When I turned 18, I turned my back on the dogmatic lifestyle I’d been living and broke up with my girlfriend.
Because she wanted a different lifestyle than I did.
After this breaking apart, I committed my time, thought process, and routine to my new lifestyle as an eligible and available bachelor, ready to experiment in the world of dating and relationships of every kind.
It was the best choice I could have made at that age.
One of the most detrimental things to do within your own dating and relationship scene is waste your time on someone in a different mindset and lifestyle.
Women have a superior intuition and can sense intentions and auras off of men.
They observe how a man carries himself intensely and cautiously. They know when you’re clueless about what you want, just looking to score, or searching for the one.
I realized a long time ago, when a strong commitment to follow a certain lifestyle is made, that commitment and mindset mirrored my actions in the world.
Because I was congruent in my thoughts, my words, and my actions, I gained attention of the right women looking for the same things as me.
If you want to achieve success in your relationships (both short and long term) then you must define your desired outcome with crystal clear clarity.
Are you looking to experience an abundance of different women to figure out what you truly love? Great!
Commit to that lifestyle and be open and honest with the women you meet.
Are you looking to casually date someone and see where things go? Fantastic!
Be honest and open from the second that you meet a new girl and clearly set the expectations.
Are you looking for “The One”? Awesome!
Commit to this search and refuse to be distracted by party girls and one night encounters.
Whatever your relationship goals are… Wonderful! Just commit to those goals and live a lifestyle that is congruent with what you truly want.
If you do this, you will attract the right kinds of women into your life who match your ideal lifestyle and plans at that specific time.
COMMIT to that lifestyle unapologeticly and without delay.
When your confidence inside that lifestyle is grounded, your relationships goals will strengthen speedily following your choice.
2. Cultivate the Same Traits that You Are Attracted To
An exceptionally wise friend once told me…
If you want a certain type of women, make a list of traits desired in that specific woman.
Then ask: “Do I possess any or all of these traits?”
If you hold a majority of those traits, then there’s a good chance you’ll score the girl.
If not, then you need to work on yourself before you even think about pursuing a relationship.
Men all too often fantasize about the perfect woman, who will have the perfect body, never complains or gets upset, and will make them a four course dinner before appeasing his every sexual whim and desire.
I say these are awesome dreams, but unless this man is also possesses the perfect body, emotional resilience, and the desire to please his woman… They will always be just that…
Relationships are give and take at times, but the most powerful relationships are those in which both partners are giving fully and unconditionally to one another.
I do not believe opposites attract.
There’s a reason that cat people and dog people don’t get along. It’s because the traits between these people or wildly different.
The more similar two people are within their thought process and desirable traits, the more likely it is that things will work out.
So here’s your exercise for this section…
- Make a list of the 10 traits you want your ideal partner to have and 10 traits that you require your ideal partner to have
- Take a look at that list and ask yourself “How many of these items do I posses?”
- If you don’t posses every trait on the “Required” list, then you need to take 6-12 months and commit to improving yourself before looking for a relationship
- If you do posses all of the “Required” traits (and plenty of the “Non Required” traits) then it’s time to begin the search.
- Type up your list, print it out, and get it laminated. Look at it every day and compare every interaction you have with a woman against that list. Does she meet all of the “Required” traits and a sufficient number of the “Non Required” traits? If so… It’s time to dive in.
3. Take Chances & Play the Game Often
I’ve always found baseball to be an excellent analogy for life and relationships.
Just think about it.
Babe Ruth was one of the greatest players in the history of the sport.
But… He accumulated more than 1,330 strikeouts in his career and lead the American League for most strikeouts five times!
He also hit 714 home runs throughout his professional career, making him the third most successful player in the sport’s long history.
Ruth wasn’t great because he always hit home runs, Ruth was great because he wasn’t afraid to strike out.
His lack of fear, balls of brass, and a wickedly skillful all-or-nothing power swing made him a great.
And when it comes to improving your chances of success in your dating life, things are no different.
It’s a numbers game.
Yes, your strategy and skills matter, but at the end of the day, you will never find the woman (or women) of your dreams unless you are willing to play the numbers game and increase your odds.
Every woman that you meet won’t be a good match.
Chances are most of them will be a terrible fit for you.
In fact, most of the women that you date will end up being piss poor matches for your personality and lifestyle.
And it’s ok!
The more you play the game, the better your chances of hitting that home run are.
However…. There is a caveat.
Playing the numbers game doesn’t mean that you should whip out your Tinder app, start swiping right like like a maniac and send all these girls the same message.
That’s just desperate and plain lazy.
Two traits no woman looks for in a man.
Ruth had the balls to take the swing, but that didn’t mean that his approach wasn’t well calculated and practiced religiously.
While dating might not be as easy as swinging a bat the principle is just as applicable.
No matter what your goal is in your dating or relationships, you need to have a methodical approach to it.
If you want a long term relationship, then you should spend more time meeting women at coffee shops, libraries, personal growth seminars, or religious gatherings.
If you’re looking for a casual fling, then hitting the bar scene with your buddies is the way to go.
Play the numbers game, but do it the right way.
4. Set ground Rules, Be Honest, and Communicate in Person
We the millennial hookup generation have managed to reliably and repeatedly be unclear and aloof with our intentions in dating or relationships.
It’s some kind of sideways game we’ve learned to accept as the way dating is today.
We hide behind our technology, disappear, or are enabled to make someone disappear with the the touch of a button.
I remember being “that guy” who would act like the perfect date/boyfriend material to reach my end goal of hooking-up with the girl, only to become a ghost after I was satisfied.
This untruthfulness and deceit brought me much more drama and problems than I could have imagined (not to mention I just felt like an asshole)
The lack of straightforwardness is daunting, and quite frankly, a lack of straightforwardness and honest communication wastes time and energy on both sides of any relationship.
Which all comes back to my first point about “committing to a lifestyle” and finding someone with a similar lifestyle.
Communicating, setting ground rules and being honest can help move along the process and positive results in any relationship setting.
Face to face communication is key in building any type of true connection or bond.
There are facial expressions, energies and tones that cannot be adequately expressed or understood through a technological message center.
Say you are strictly looking for a consistent hookup, the communication of those thoughts at some point within the initial dating or hookup phase will make the women aware of your mindset.
With poise and strategy, alongside genuine honesty, chances are you could possible lock in that partner as a regular – granted her lifestyle is in line with yours.
When guidelines are established of what is expected at the time or possible in the future, there is less room for confusion and both sides will profit.
5. Maintain an Edge and Be Original
“Inspiration and growth only come from adversity and from challenge from stepping away from what’s comfortable and familiar and stepping out into the unknown.” ~Suman Rai
Women all too often find themselves dating or hooking up with the same generic male type.
Women are sick and tired of these guys.
The guy repeating all the same popular catchphrases at the time, using the same Netflix and chill line. It’s not to often a man with an edge or original style presents himself.
A man unexpected, who stands out from the rest.
The saying “all nice guys finish last” is untrue when the nice guy holds a startling and unique edge.
A nice guy with an edge is the best of both worlds. Women need excitement and surprise sometimes, a break from the generic male stereotype.
If you are consistently without spontaneity or edge, the girl loses interest.
Maintaining an edge does not mean you have to ride a Harley or blow thousands erratically on the BlackJack table – it does not mean you have to be an asshole.
The way to find your edge is to look for the traits that make you original and stand out from the crowd.
Expose those traits in the most confident and efficient way possible.This is where poise in strategy comes into play with your Babe Ruth all-or-nothing swing.
Constantly find yourself failing with your current mannerisms, phrases and actions within relationships, and failing?
Change it up.
Work on attaining a higher self for better results in new ways. How you do this is up to you.
There may be discomfort or surprise within the process, but it is necessary.
Routines are great for the professional world, but never in your romantic or personal life.
COMPLACENCY IS THE DEATH OF GROWTH!
Just like anything else in life, you must continuously grow and adapt to achieve better results within the dating and relationship realm. Sometimes that means a tweak in personality.
There will never be a pinnacle you, and there will always be room for improvement.
Continuously ignite the desire to improve and expand upon yourself, and leave behind the traits that bring you down or keep you stagnant.
Mastering the world of dating and relationships can feel like walking through a minefield.
Few of us were taught how to navigate the world of women when we were younger, and now, it feels like we are walking around without a map only a few steps away from getting blown sky high.
But it doesn’t (and shouldn’t) have to stay this way.
By using the above 5 tips, you can instantly improve the quality of your relationships and the authenticity of the interactions that you are having with the women in your life.
You will be able to find the right kind of women who are looking for the same things as you and you will be able to honestly and openly communicate your needs and desires.
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