It’s great to tell someone that you love them, that you want to be with them, or that you care about them. But how do you actually show them that you love them with actions?
What would you do if your words meant nothing?
Especially for men, it can be hard to show our romantic feelings to our partners.
Misunderstandings of masculine culture trick us into thinking that love is weak and that showing our feelings is bad when in reality, it’s the opposite.
Plus, in strong relationships, it’s not just enough to say “I love you”. You also have to show it.
That’s why, in this article, we’re going to look at the different ways that you can show your partner that you love them, without just going up and saying it.
It’s not as hard as it looks, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
Why Do You Show Someone You Love Them?
No, this isn’t a philosophical question, it’s a personal one.
Why do you show someone that you love them?
Are you trying to prove something? Are you trying to make them feel a certain way? Are you trying to make yourself feel a certain way?
There are different reasons why people do things, but we don’t often pay much attention to them. This is a big mistake
Men will buy flowers for a woman, take her to dinner, and or even buy her a diamond ring without thinking about the “why”.
You may not know this, but the Taj Mahal in India was actually built to house the remains of a Mughal emperor’s deceased wife. It was done as a way to show his love.
Men will move heaven and earth for the women they love, but why? Why are these gestures so powerful?
Showing Someone You Love Them Comes Down to Choice
The reason that gestures of romance and love are so powerful is that these gestures are completely optional.
You do not have to show anyone that you love them.
You don’t have to hug your mom or take your girlfriend out to dinner, you do this because you love them. You do it because you want to.
Think about the power of that statement for a second.
As a human being, you have a limited amount of energy. Your body can only do so much stuff over the course of a day. You can’t hit the gym, read, write, work for 12 hours on building your emerging online business, and still make time to show people you love them.
We talk a lot about the importance of “loving yourself”, but it’s important to remember that you can become so engrossed in your own self-love that you will forget to nurture the love that is already in your life.
This is a slippery slope, and it is this truth that creates the delicate choice of how much love you should devote to other people in your life.
It Matters Who You’re Talking To
Is the idea of “love languages” legit?
Yes and no. This is a loaded question, but we’re going to take a dive toward answering it right now.
Love languages themselves are not inherently good or bad. Love languages just exist, regardless of how we feel about them.
One great thing about love languages is that they can give us a starting point when it comes to communicating with our partners. Love languages can help us communicate our wants and needs to our partners, and they can help our partners communicate them to us.
Love languages give us, well, a language to express ourselves romantically.
However, there’s a problem.
Sometimes, we don’t “fit it” to whatever love language it is that we’re supposed to, and this can make communication with our partners difficult.
It can even lead to conflict between partners, if this issue isn’t resolved sooner, rather than later.
The problem is not the concept of love languages, the problem is that people use love languages to determine how they behave, not as a guide to help them determine how to behave.
This is why the best way to express yourself in your romantic relationships isn’t just to do whatever the generic dating blog you’re reading tells you to do.
To show someone you love them without damaging your relationship, the most important thing you need to do is to understand how you communicate. Most people miss the point when it comes to demonstrating love.
Your communication starts with you, and until you are able to understand that, you will struggle to connect with your partner.
Know yourself first, and then know your partner.
Love Is Not Really About Gestures Anymore
Doing nice things for people is great, but it’s not all that there is to show someone how you feel.
The best way to show someone that you feel strongly about them is to tell them how you feel, but let’s take it a step further.
Beyond direct, honest communication, the best way that you can show someone that you love them is to be there for them through good times and bad times.
It’s really easy to show up to a wedding, but it’s a lot harder to show up at 3 am when they’re having a meltdown because their mom died because they lost their job.
The ladder is love. The former is a gesture.
This actually isn’t just about romantic relationships, either. You don’t show your friends that you love them by going to their birthday party, you show your friends you love them by showing up for them when it seems like all hope is lost.
This is a trope that is used repeatedly in novels, movies, and stories. If you love someone, be there for them in times of rain, shine, war, or peace.
Love Yourself to Love Others
This sounds like a cliche because it’s a common piece of advice, but you can’t truly love someone fully until you have learned to love yourself.
But apart from being a nice piece of advice to put on a postcard, loving yourself is tough. It’s not just pampering yourself or having a bubble bath or taking a day off of work.
Loving yourself is about staring at yourself in the mirror and becoming comfortable with the discomfort brought on by the reality of your imperfections. Loving yourself is mostly about accepting the things you don’t like about yourself than it is about cherishing the things you are great at.
Learning to do this is an exhausting process, but your partner and loved ones will learn better how to love you when you have figured out how to love yourself. They will compliment the love you already give yourself in order to give you the optimal human experience.
This is where you are free from worry, scarcity, and judgment.
This sense of “flow” is found in both internal and external love, and it’s the root of what we humans think of as “happiness”.
Make Them Feel Seen
This is both the easiest and the hardest way to make someone feel loved is to validate their existence.
Listen to what they have to say. Listen to their hopes and goals and dreams, and help them achieve them.
You don’t have to be weird about it, but simply making people feel seen in relationships is something that most people do not manage to do.
Most people are in relationships with people, and they act as if these relationships are expendable. We don’t view romantic relationships the same in the 21st century because, well, we have options.
You don’t have to date anyone you don’t want to. You don’t have to buy people stuff.
You do all of these things because you choose to.
The problem is that a lot of people are just going through the motions of their romantic lives. They’re doing things because marketing and messaging companies have convinced them that that is what love looks like, and frankly, people are confused about it.
We’re telling people we love because the movies told us to. We’re writing love notes we don’t like because the movies told us to. We’re entrenched in relationships that drain us, hurt us, and exhaust us, all because we’ve been told to.
The result of this isn’t more love, it’s a bunch of people walking around feeling like they don’t exist.
Our culture is obsessed with love, but we can’t find any of it in our society.
This is the tragedy of modern society.
But maybe there is something we can do about it.
Listen To Your Partner And Be Emotionally Close
If you can listen, you’re already in the one percent of men.
The thing is, however, “listening” probably doesn’t mean what you think it does. Listening is not the same as hearing.
Listening is, always has been, and always will be one of the single most important human skills.
The funny thing is, it’s really hard to teach someone how to listen. Schools try to teach students how to listen, but they do an abominable job of it.
Listening well is about focusing, eliminating distractions, and becoming one with the words and actions of someone else. There isn’t a greater act of love that I can think of than truly being there for someone and listening to them when they try to share things with you.
It’s also one of the most important things that you can do in terms of love.
If you are emotionally distant from people or bad at listening to them, they will notice. They will grow cold around you.
Worse yet, they won’t want to open up to you anymore.
People can’t feel when they’re not being heard, and it doesn’t take a psychologist to notice the signs that someone isn’t paying attention when you’re speaking.
This is just how relationships work. You have to learn to accept this.
Spend Time With the Right People
Dating and love aren’t all dinner dates, fancy trips, and romantic walks on the beach.
The truth is that the day-to-day of our long-term relationships is actually a little bit boring.
The difference is, this is a “boring” that we like, so we choose to stick with it. “Boring” relationships are not a bad thing as long as you find them to be happy, fulfilling, and healthy.
One thing that you can do to show someone you love them is to not only spend time with them, but also spend time with their family members, their friends, and other beings (like pets) that are important to them. You must do this even if it’s not your idea of fun.
Sure, maybe you’d rather spend a Sunday afternoon in front of the TV, watching football with the boys, but that’s not love.
Unless of course, you love your bros.
But this article isn’t about brotherly love, this article is about romantic love, and romantic love sometimes involves a little bit of short-term sacrifice for long-term peace, health, and prosperity.
It’s tough, but I promise you can do it.
Showing people that you love them seems like it should be easy.
It should be in your human nature to show people you love them, tell them how you feel, and make them feel seen despite whatever it is that they’re experiencing.
However, the reality is a little bit different.
In real life, love is hard work. It’s uncomfortable. It’s awkward. You make mistakes. You feel stupid, silly, and out of place.
You feel like you’re “doing it wrong”.
Showing someone that you love them, however, doesn’t need to be this way. You can train your brain and your body to practice healthy love, healthy affection, and build healthy relationships.
You can literally rewire your brain to create positive habits and crave positive relationships, and it starts by doing a few of the things that I have listed above.
You don’t need to build them mausoleums or take them out for thousand-dollar dinners either – if that’s what your partner “needs” to feel loved, that isn’t love, that’s manipulation. Love is for the long term.
Do you want to become a lover who women dream of? Do you want to become the man of her dreams and the man you’ve always dreamt to be?
Lucky for you, that’s exactly what I help you do with my exclusive coaching program.
See, this program isn’t only going to help you break free from nice guy behaviors, build quality romantic relationships, and become a stronger Grounded Man. It’s also going to provide you with support from both myself and my elite community of men.
You’ll be tapped into your own “band of brothers” and you’ll also have access to the best training course for men that exist today, as well as weekly calls with my team of inspiring and determined coaches. There are no boys, no complainers or dabblers, this program is for serious men only.